Disclaimer: Don't own, don't make any money from my borrowing of these beloved characters.
Disclaimer II: This was inspired by some of my favorite quotes from the series. I've patched quotes from many different episodes (in a few instances altered a word or the person speaking) to create a hopefully fun little fic. I'd guess about 70% of the dialogue is a direct quote from an episode and all credits would be due to the writers of those episodes. If the idea of that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read it. This was just for fun and the last thing I want is to upset anyone. If you could care less read on and enjoy!
"Elizabeth." John's voice drawled out each syllable for emphasis. "'Lizabeth."
"Don't turn those puppy dog eyes on me. I told you to go play with McKay for a while. I have to finish this report for the next transmission."
Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder and eyed John cautiously. He certainly didn't seem very interested in leaving. Currently, he was draped across her bed on his side toying with some scarves he'd discovered while prowling through her nightstand. His eyes were heavy and his pleading voice had been laced with tones of husky desire that sent chills racing down her spine.
"I've got an idea."
John's voice was truly a sinful thing and Elizabeth found herself entirely too distracted from her work. She grudgingly pushed her chair back from the desk and her breath caught when she saw him. He'd rolled onto his back with his hands stretched high above his head as he played with the scarves. His eyebrows raised suggestively and a rush of heat flooded her body when she realized what he intended.
His eyes locked onto hers and, like a tractor beam, he drew her to his side. She perched on the bed beside him and he fluttered the scarves before her. Dust flew away from the long neglected fabric. Elizabeth sneezed and some common sense finally cracked through her lusty haze.
John smirked. "I knew you'd say yes."
"I haven't said yes." Elizabeth felt the sudden urge to teach him an unforgettable lesson.
He tapped her arm. "Well you were about to."
Elizabeth cocked her head, her eyes slanted towards him. "Yes." Snatching a scarf from him, she pulled his wrist back and firmly secured it to the bedpost.
"That wasn't exactly had in mind, but I like this idea even better." John whispered.
Elizabeth tucked her head as though to kiss him, veering away at the last moment before snagging the other scarf. John's chest puffed with pride when she tied the last knot. He looked entirely too smug for a man in his position. Elizabeth bit her lip to keep from giggling when she drew near his lips again. She bypassed his lips for his ear this time.
"That was a great idea. Now I can finish my work." She jumped off the bed and tried her hardest not to skip in glee when she returned to her desk.
"Hey, you can't leave me like this."
"John, there are more scarves. Don't make me gag you."
"You wouldn't." Elizabeth would have paid good money for a camera to capture the adorably shocked expression plastered across John's face. "My radio."
"Nice try." She pulled her own radio from her ear and slipped in some earbuds. The soothing sound of her favorite jazz musician soon drowned John's protests. She felt a tiny bit guilty, but truly, she didn't even need five minutes. Just two minutes without him clouding her thoughts. She was only vaguely aware she'd begun humming.
A few minutes later, John started yelling in earnest. Just as she yanked out the earbuds, the door to her quarters flew open and Carson, Rodney and Ronon barged in. Elizabeth jumped up and darted in front of John as if she could shield him from their eyes. A moment later the amused, horrified and shocked faces of their friends thawed the fear from her veins. In its place bubbled an odd sensation that almost escaped from her throat in the form of laughter. She glanced over at John, the colorful scarves tied so gloriously about his wrists. They were bound to be discovered sooner or later, but she'd never imagined it being quite like this.
"What is going on here?" McKay clutched his chest before moving his hands to shield his eyes.
"It's not what it looks like." John casually drawled as he nodded in the direction of a thoroughly amused Ronon.
McKay half turned so he wouldn't have to look at John. "Yeah, right. I know exactly what you're doing. I've seen that look before. Kirk."
"Ok, so it is what it looks like." John dared to glance at Elizabeth and she simply shrugged. John continued, "Elizabeth's with me or I'm with her."
"Either way or either way." Elizabeth offered.
Carson still hadn't managed to find his voice and for some reason Elizabeth didn't feel the panic she'd kept expecting to kick in. Looking at John, it was difficult to feel anything but amusement.
McKay glanced back at John and flinched. "You two need some very serious marriage counseling."
Elizabeth tried not to laugh. "He's not my husband."
"Well lass, he's obviously more than just a friend." Carson looked at McKay. "How come I never make friends like that?
McKay mulled it over a second. "You need to get out more."
Carson eyed Rodney oddly. "We're in another galaxy, how much more out can you get?"
"Hey I got an idea, someone want to help me out here?" John nodded back towards the restraints.
"Sure, love to help you out, but now it's time for the how screwed are we report." McKay scowled so fiercely Elizabeth felt her own cheeks begin to burn. "I'll start. Besides the obvious emotional scarring, I truly believe my eyes are going to be permanently scarred as well. Thanks guys, aren't you supposed to hang a sock on the door or something?"
"Can someone just get me out of these?" John's voice was more insistent.
Ronon raised a brow. "Is that an order?"
John rolled his eyes. "Ronon, I'm beat up, tied up and couldn't order a pizza now if I wanted to."
"Beat up?" Ronon looked skeptical.
"Nah, it just sounded good. Elizabeth's not really into that kind of thing." John chuckled.
"John!" Elizabeth hated the way her voice squeaked. It didn't sound nearly as menacing as the situation required.
"Well, in her defense, it was my idea." John admitted sheepishly.
Elizabeth felt her irritation slip immediately away. "John Sheppard, are you defending my honor?"
"Well, really it's all McKay's fault." John said. "If he wasn't so wrapped up in repairing the external sensors, we should have been racing the radio controlled cars on the lower levels."
McKay bristled. "You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could turn back time. I foolishly left mine on Earth. Did you bring yours?"
Carson's head was bobbing back and forth, thoroughly engaged in the exchange. Ronon appeared to be poised for action, except John had never made it an order to help him. Elizabeth felt the start of a headache hammering just behind her temples and took a very slow and deep breath.
McKay was just getting fired up though and he'd tapped right into his endless supply of sarcasm. "Besides that, John, it was all your fault I was working in the first place. That stupid water gun. He shot me, Elizabeth, and then he got trigger happy and fired the water into a control panel. "
"Yeah. He shot me too." Ronon frowned.
"Yes, Rodney, I'm sorry for shooting everybody." John looked to the ceiling seeming giving up on the idea of ever being freed.
"Well that brings me back to exactly why we started this lovely little field trip. I can't get the sensors back on line. I think the water has been dripping down and other systems are shorting out faster than I can fix them. That's not even the worst of it. The transmitter is tripping intermittently. We are broadcasting a signal that anyone in the Pegasus galaxy with an aluminum can could probably pick up."
And there it was. Elizabeth pinched the bridge of her nose, the throbbing in her head roaring towards migraine force. "That sounds uncomfortably familiar. So, recommendations?"
"Other than panic?" Carson wrung his hands nervously.
Elizabeth cocked her head in surprise. "Other than panic, yes."
"McKay will come up with something." John muttered.
McKay seemed to almost stomp his foot in frustration. "I will try, but despite what you all may think, I am not Superman."
Carson walked forward. "Can we submerge the city again?"
"It's a city, not a yo-yo!" McKay starting pacing, throwing them all glowering looks. "What am I MacGyver?"
"McKay, you can check the attitude." John wasn't looking too happy and he'd started fidgeting with the ties again.
"Sheppard, you want some of this? Huh? Huh?" McKay was waving his hands up and down his body.
John jerked harshly against his restraints wincing slightly. "McKay, I'm going to-"
"You know what? Go ahead and try." McKay pulled a security shield from his pocket and slapped it in the middle of his chest. It began glowing immediately. "I'm invulnerable. In…vul…ner..able!"
Elizabeth gasped. "Rodney you didn't! Where did you even find another one of those?"
"Rodney don't you remember the last time? I thought you were going to faint from hunger." Carson scolded him.
McKay stuck his pointer finger in the air. "Carson, I believe you mean pass out. Elizabeth, have I mentioned that I know almost everything about almost everything?"
Elizabeth fought to quell the rising fury that was starting to make her hands shake. "So then, if you know everything what are our options?"
McKay considered for a minute. "Let me see, we've got quick death, slow death, painful death, cold, lonely death, though I prefer lethal injection, although I do have a certain fondness for the electric chair. Call me romantic."
A low growl rumbled through John's chest. "Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death."
That sounded familiar Elizabeth mused and she walked towards John. "Oscar Wilde?" She gingerly went to work untying the scarves.
He flashed that toe tingling grin at her. "The Princess Bride. Good movie."
Elizabeth bit down on her lip as she concentrated on the ties. John had managed to yank them so tightly she wasn't sure she could undo the knot.
"You know McKay, we really should put a protective covering on some of those sensitive systems or post some warnings. Who'd have thought the systems of Atlantis are ironically so easily damaged by water. Now, can you just not restart that system? You know reboot it like my laptop? "
"Hmm, John, that's not a bad idea." McKay's foot tapped impatiently.
"Of course if we're taking a page from the John Sheppard book of computer repair, we're really desperate." John's lips pursed tightly together and his forehead furrowed with concentration.
"Got any other bright ideas hotshot? I'm supposed to have a date with Katie tonight so I'd like to get the whole worrying about lifesucking aliens thing done with. Instead of going to dinner, I'm going to be dinner if I don't get the transmitter turned off."
John looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. "Well, now I'm thinking about a nice turkey sandwich."
Carson turned to McKay in surprise. "You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?"
"It is simply two adults sharing some friendly-yes, with a woman! Oh ha, ha. Let's all make fun of the dying man, soon to be wraith food man." McKay pulled a power bar from his pocket and the personal security shield fell to the floor.
"You keep eating like that, it'll be more like Fatman." Ronon's eyes sparked with amusement.
"Carson, is Rodney feeling all right? He seems extremely anxious about this date." Elizabeth gave up on John's ties and went and placed her hand on Rodney's head. It seemed a little clammy to her, but he had gotten himself awful worked up. She had a feeling if he wasn't so nervous about the date, the transmitter would already be fixed.
Carson took McKay's wrist and checked his pulse. "Yes, we'll monitor him, you know the symptoms."
Ronon had taken a knife to the scarf on John's wrist starting cutting through the restraint.
Carson continued. "Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run on a small wheel."
Ronon's hands started shaking with quiet laughter and John jerked. "Easy, Chewie, you're gonna cut your hands off or, even worse, cut my hand off."
Elizabeth sighed. "Rodney, does Dr. Zelenka have any ideas."
A mild flare of panic raced through McKay's eyes. "Ahh yes, Dr. Fumbles McStupid is still there and is in way over his head. I've got to go." He muttered softly as he left the room, Carson shook his head as he followed.
"I'm starting to develop some serious abandonment issues here." John waggled his fingers trying to point at his restraints.
Ronon neatly sliced off the scarves and took a step back examining his work. "I'd of done it sooner, but you didn't make it an order."
John gave glowering an earnest effort, but the corners of his mouth were edging upwards. "Well thanks, Ronon. So glad you found it in you to help when it wasn't an order."
Ronon headed out of the room, pausing briefly in the doorway. "Better take care of those wrists, you're going to be sore."
Elizabeth sighed with relief when the door shut and they were all alone. John suddenly reached up and tapped his radio and Elizabeth remembered she'd abandoned hers on the desk long ago. No wonder they'd had to barge in earlier. John couldn't answer his radio and Elizabeth had no idea she was even being called.
"So Zelenka already fixed the problems, did he? Nothing on the long range scanners. Tell Zelenka nice work." John winked at Elizabeth. "Ok then. Oh, and have fun on your date McKay. We'll try to not to interrupt you."
Elizabeth gently rubbed John's wrists. "Are you all right?"
John stretched his arms out wide and scooped her into his arms before falling back on the bed. "Two arms, ten fingers. I'll check the rest later."
Elizabeth tucked her head down, her lips brushing across his tenderly. He tugged her closer pushing deeper into their kiss.
Somehow Elizabeth managed to pry herself away, but her lips hovered just above his own. "Mind if I check out the rest now?"
John reached out and brushed strands of curls away from her eyes. The sultry stare he directed towards her caused her body to practically melt into.
"You do realize that could get us into all sorts of trouble, right?" John's voice dusted against her ear.
Elizabeth brushed her nose across his and squealed when he suddenly shifted their bodies. If he only knew, she thought as her back sunk into the mattress. That sinful gravelly voice of his was all it took to land her in serious trouble.