Sango's Requiem 1
Requiem. Any musical hymn, composition or service for the dead. And that's just what I am. Dead. Utterly empty. A shell of a former existence I don't even think I can grasp. Light hurts. Sound hurts. Taste and touch and smell hurts. So, I keep my eyes closed. I bury my head beneath pillows. I don't eat. I don't sleep. I exist as a child of the darkness – a child without the light of love.
Kagome was at her wits end. Sango was curled up in much the same position she had been for the past month. The white walls of the hospital crowded her. The antiseptic scents stifled her. But Inuyasha's hand on her shoulder helped.
"I don't know what else to do for her." She shuddered to think that she had almost lost her best friend.
"You need to rest, Kagome. You're pregnant. This worrying and lack of sleep is dangerous."
"I can't leave her. She needs me." She sighed. "But I guess your right. A few hours won't hurt." Inuyasha kissed her temple.
"Kohaku is outside now. He'll make sure she's okay." He helped Kagome stand then the room was silent.
You might be wandering what the big to do is all about. I'm on suicide watch and though I try to pull myself out of these pits of despair, I know, truly, I want to be dead. As dead as he is.
Sango breathed deeply when the Kagome and Inuyasha left. The silent emptiness of the room was welcomed by her cold soul. She viewed the darkness provided by her eyelids and supplied the tears that it required.
"Please let me die." She whispered.
"Don't say that, Sango." It was her brother. She remembered having affections for him. She supposed it had to be love. But she couldn't summon any emotion except pain. She couldn't live for him. She couldn't live for herself. "He wouldn't want you like this. You know that."
"It doesn't matter what I know and what he wants. He's dead. All I ask is the same peace." She whispered. Kohaku didn't respond. And she slipped into the sleep of the dead.
"How can we help her?" Kagome asked the psychologist.
"The mind is tricky. But I suspect the lack of closure – the chance to say goodbye – has trapped her in a desire to follow after him."
"She loves him so much."
"That much is obvious. We can only hope that she is strong enough to pull herself out. Until then, your love and support is her only lifeline."
"And the baby?"
"The doctors tell me it's stable. But her state of mind keeps it in constant danger. If she doesn't start eating, I'm afraid she might lose it. And that would be too much for her." Kagome couldn't help the tears. The doctor nodded and left her to her misery. Inuyasha wrapped his arms around her and let her cry.
Six months was a long time and she was weary of the emptiness that greeted her with each awakening. She was so used to keeping her eyes closed that light never dared penetrate her gloomy cocoon. She felt Kagome's hand in her hair and it pained her – the contact. But she didn't speak. She didn't know how long Kagome remained but soon she was replaced by Rin. Soon she gave up paying attention. She wanted one second to be completely alone. Where no one could stop her from ending it all.
It took four more days but relief came when the nurse stepped out. She pulled the needle from her arm. She pulled the scalpel from the beneath the pillow and pressed it to her arm. She felt the prick on her flesh. But it wasn't deep enough yet. Her heart beat against her chest. It shook her weakened frame.
"I'm coming, Miroku." She whispered. Then the world seemed to pause. Her hand froze in its actions as she waited. Her heart seemed to shudder to a halt then kicked into high gear. And then it happened again. A curious fluttering. The subtle shifting of the muscles in her abdomen. And still she waited with her hand poised. What was that? Then a painful jab in her belly. Her breath hitched. The memories that had eluded her rushed back.
She's pregnant…A few weeks…
Fluids and bed rest will help for now…needs to eat.
Pregnant. She opened her eyes and light scalded her. Her vision was blurred by painful tears. The scalpel fell from her trembling fingers. The thin trail of blood stained her hospital gown as it covered her stomach. Curiously small. Her baby. His baby. She sobbed.
That's all it took for me to want to live. I was so lost in sorrow I didn't even try to hear that he hadn't left me completely alone. He'd left a tangible part of himself with me. A little boy. Or little girl…
Kagome was happy to see her friend up the next day. And surprised. "Sango?"
"Hi." She said sheepishly. Kagome took in her gaunt features but it was almost instantly overshadowed by the fervour of her brown eyes. Though pain-stricken, the Sango she loved and needed was back.
"Oh, Sango." Kagome couldn't help herself. She squeezed the girl in joy and relief. "I've missed you so much."
"I'm sorry."
"No!" Kagome said angrily. "Never apologize. You are here and ready to live again. And I'll be with you every step of the way."
"I don't deserve it but I'm selfish enough to accept it. Thank you."
"Kohaku will be so happy to see you. He's been so lonely without you. We all have." Sango sighed.
"I need to sleep so more. I'm so tired." She said.
"I understand. How's the baby?"
"Strong, considering." She yawned. "I better sleep now. They'll be here with my food soon."
"Okay. Go on. When you wake up, I'll be here." Sango nodded then she was out.
It was a month before Sango was allowed to leave the hospital. For her mental health, she was moved into Kagome's house.
"I don't see why I couldn't go home." She complained.
"The doctor doesn't think you're ready to face all those memories yet." Kagome said as she settled Sango into the sofa.
"I have to go home eventually."
"When I'm sure you can handle it without endangering yourself or the baby, I'll take you myself."
"Worry wart."
"After the last few months, I wear the title proudly." Kagome smiled and rubbed her own swollen abdomen. "Plus, I want us to enjoy our pregnancies together." Sango smiled at that.
"Where are my little nieces?"
"Out with daddy. They were excited about you coming to stay with us. We needed to work of some of that energy."
"You didn't need to do that."
"Trust me, you'll be thankful I did. Now rest and no arguing." Sango didn't even protest. She settled into the sofa and closed her eyes.
When she woke up, she was nose to nose with two expectant little girls. She blinked to clear her sleepy vision. She pushed herself up and they followed her.
"Well, you two sure are tiny. I thought you'd be much bigger by now." She teased. She counted three second before they pounced.
"Auntie Sango!" they chorused before kissing with exuberance. Kagome stood back happy to witness the scene.
"We brought you some candy." Angelica said. "Well, the candy is for the baby." She said.
"But we brought you some ice-cream." Melina said. "We brought your favourite. Chocolate chip. Oreo chocolate chips." She said.
"You girls are so sweet and I've missed you."
"Good. You have months to make up for. You missed our birthday." Melina said. She was the most like her mother though she looked more like her father. Angel, taking after her mother, spoke like her father.
"We're gonna take good care of you until our cousin is born. And we're gonna tell him or her stories about Uncle Miroku. Just so she never forgets him." Sango smiled tearfully. It still hurt to hear his name but out of the mouth of this sweet angel, it was a soothing balm.
"That sounds wonderful." She hugged them. "Now where are those treats you promised me?"