A/N: Heyo there :) I bring something new and funny for you this time! It's a shortfic (Kinda like 10 chapters), but I think it's worth a shot, pun intended. I wanna clarify some things before you read, mkay?

1) This is going to envolve various ships but the main ones are: Breredith, Joime, and Crisspez.

2) The fanfiction is based on the movie Bachelorette. It kinda of follows a different storyline after, but it has it similarities.

3) The story develops in an AU. That means it contains people from Starkid, but the storyline is TOTALLY different.

4) Last but not least. it's not gonna have smut per se (At least not hardcore :P ), but it contains constant mentions of sex, also violence, use and selling of drugs, and lots lots lots of swears and crude jokes just because. Read under your own consent.

Disclaimer: I think I don't own theStarkids but I could be wrong.

All characters are portrayed in such way for the story's development. Everything is in my mind! I hope you enjoy this little adventure.

Bachelorette

Chapter 1: The perfect dress

August 3rd, 2012– Los Angeles, California– 9.35am

"One last question, miss Beatty, before we have to say goodbye to you." The reporter admired generously. "What inspired you to write such a touching, yet helpful, guide for single woman?"

"Well, the journey to self acceptance is a hard path to go through alone. I meant to share the lessons I've learned for myself. It's not a guide for single woman, it's a guide for all woman." And she added, with a stunningly perfect smile. "I just want to help people to love themselves."

The reporter smiled in devotion, as Jaime Lyn shook her hand, getting thanked for making it to the interview. She quickly signed a few copies of "Ten steps to be free", not only her last book but also her first bestseller. She glanced at the watch hanging from her wrist, and held the need of cursing. She practically ran from the building, as fast as that new short dress allowed her to.

"Asshole." She murmured at the taxi that didn't stop at her sign. Luckily, the next one did notice her and drove her to the place she was supposed to be half an hour ago. After taking some dollars from her purse to pay the taxi, she ran on those endless high heels to get into the store as soon as it was possible.

"I'm here, I'm here!" She announced, standing up straight and trying to smile, but the person she was expecting wasn't there. She only saw the seamstress and the wedding organizer, and both of them were pretty useless and stupid to manage their works accurately. "Where is she?"

The organizer (Jaime did her best to remember, her name was Lita or Linda or something like that) pointed at the dressing room; and she walked quickly and talked through the curtains.

"Sweetie, I'm here. Come out, we all want to see you!" She cheered excitingly. She was extremely worried though, a day before the wedding they had to fix the dress, what if it ended up like a sack of potatoes? She couldn't just keep smiling and lying to her.

The curtains opened and a beautiful bride walked out from the dressing room. She had rosy cheeks, and seemed to dismiss sparkles just from how gorgeous she looked. You could notice she was holding a smile really hard, but she lost it when Jaime clapped her hands and screamed.

"God, Jules, you look absolutely stunning!" She said as her mouth opened in surprise.

"I know, right? Gosh, I'm so happy." Julia bit her lip in excitement, as she walked to the mirror of the dress store and stared at herself, not being able to believe that was actually her.

"The dress is perfect." Jaime commented, "I thought fixing it now could fuck it up, but it made it perfect." She continued, approaching her and staring at the reflection on the mirror too. Suddenly, her new short expensive dress was the sack of potatoes. And a disgusting nausea invaded her stomach.

Thinking she was about to throw up, she quickly walked away from Julia. Covering her mouth with a hand, she took a seat next to the organizer Lita or Linda or something like that.

"Are you okay?" Julia asked, following her. She had to grab her dress and lift it up a little to walk. Jaime nodded, but probably her sick face gave her away. "Listen, thank you so much for making time for this. I know this must be hard for you, and you're busy and that, so thanks."

"Aw, whenever you want, honey. I didn't really have anything else to do." She lied, not knowing why. Right, because an interview for a magazine about my well underway career wasn't big deal, it could only like, change my life.

"And there's another thing I wanted to say." She started to whisper now. "I know there's been enough last minute changes, and that I said that I didn't want a bachelorette party, but I was just thinking that I'm going to be married for the rest of my life now, so..." Oh, no, Jaime thought. She couldn't say… "I was thinking maybe having a little bachelorette tonight?"

She did.

She remembered how she wrote pages and pages about having your mind and body in peace; but right then her Buddha was turning into a green ferocious Hulk.

"Oh, of course you can have a Bachelorette, sweetie! Anything for you." She replied, smiling, after a few seconds in which her mind collapsed in stress. "Did you hear that, Linda?" She turned to the organizer and barely killed her with her ferocious glance. That idiot better take care of something.

The girl frowned, confused, and she clarified pointing at herself. "My name's Angie."

"Whatever." Jaime kept smiling, but her tone of voice turned slightly threatening.

"Well,…" Angie looked at the notepad in her hands and shook her head. "We didn't have that in our schedule, I don't think a-"

"Oh, forget it, Linda." Jaime spit. "I'll prepare for you the bachelorette you deserve." She added to her friend. "Don't worry about it."

Julia covered her mouth with her hands, grateful. "Jaime you are the best. Thank you so much. Do you want to have lunch now?" Julia asked, still with the widest smile on her face. "Of course, after I change my clothes." She giggled. "I wouldn't mind to live wearing this, but I should probably save it for tomorrow."

Jaime got sicker at the only thought of it. "I'm sorry, I'm kind of in a rush right now. I have to run."

"But you just said you don't have anything else to do." Julia squinted her eyes, confused.

"Yeah, honey, but that was before I had the mission of putting up a whole party for tonight." Jaime added, laughing hysterically, and giving the bride a kiss on the cheek. "See you at the dinner, okay?"

"I'm Angie, by the way." The girl sitting with her notepad remarked once more.

"Shut up." Jaime snapped. She left Julia in her wedding dress, leaving the store. Being once minute more in there was going to make her sick. And she had now to organize a bachelorette in a matter of hours. Not to say that it was for the least expected wedding she thought she'd be helping with. Was that a fucking joke?

Jaime took her phone from her purse, quickly dialing a number as she walked as fast as a gazelle between the streets.

August 3rd, 2012 – Chicago, Illinois – 10.30am

It was pretty dark. She wouldn't have found her way if it wasn't because she was guided by a sparkles path. She distinguished she was walking through a red, long carpet. Her shoes were really tight, her feet hurt. But she kept walking. There was a bouquet of flowers in her hands. Then she noticed she was wearing a big, stuffy white dress. Was she a bride? Yeah, she was a bride and she was walking to the altar. In there, there was a mysterious man waiting for her. She couldn't see his face.

Please be George Clooney. Please be George Clooney, Meredith wished.

The guy turned back, and she couldn't help but to let out an Ew. It was Matthew, her (not unattractive, but incredibly douchy) ex boyfriend. He stared at her with what it meant to be a sexy smirk, and he took out what it seemed to be another bouquet of flowers, but it was actually a camera, before asking: Hey doll, take off your clothes, are you ready to shoot?

The pain in her feet got incredibly hard to stand, as she just repeated ew, ew, ew over and over, trying to get away from that disgusting men who tried to kiss her. Just in time, she felt a cold all over her face, and the images in front of her dissapeared.

"What the fuck-" Meredith cried, running a hand through her face to take the cold water someone just threw at her. "Was that really necessary?"

"I tried to wake you up by shaking your feet but it didn't work." David explained, helping her to stand up from the chair in which she fell asleep.

"I felt I haven't slept in a month." She complained, "I'm tired of these clothes. I'm tired of the blue color. And of the hospital."

She had been working about twelve hours a day, she could easily be eating via IV and sleeping in the morgue surrounded by corpses. In fact, she just did. Her work made her be used to the dead bodies environment, and she could take a nap in the place that would make anyone else shiver from creepiness.

"Well, you'll get to sleep in the plane, at least." David tried to comfort her, but Meredith's jaw dropped in shock.

"Shit, the flight! What time is it?"

"It's 10,45, what time does your plane arrive?"

"At 11." She answered quickly, taking off her doctor uniform, and staying in a tank top and jeans. There was no way she could get there on time. "Wish me good luck." She added, grabbing her bag.

"You need it. Listen, I'm sorry about Matthew, but don't… don't do anything you would do, okay?" David asked, confused but with a kind intention.

"I'll try to." Meredith replied, running downstairs. At the entrance of the hospital, she spotted Miss Hengway, an old lady who Meredith wasn't sure if she was hypochondriac or a little schizophrenic, tried to stop her by. She had been complaining about many different symptoms and accusing her of liar all the time after the test proved she was fine. "Not now, miss Hengway. I'm on vacation."

"But this morning I woke up and I swear my liver-"

"I don't mean to offend you, miss, but I don't give a fuck." She snapped, with a concerned face, as the lady looked highly offended. Finally, she was free. No more blue or hospitals for the rest of the day.

She caught a taxi in the minute, and arrived running into the airport. She kept checking the huge panel on the top of the place, and her plane was still on there. It was until she finished the last stairs, and she saw it disappearing.

"No, no, no…" she ran to her departure lounge, but the door was closed. Too late. "Fuck!" she cursed loudly, and a family with little kids that was passing by stared at her with a frown on their eyes, shocked.

She dragged her feet until the nearest reception, trying to ignore everyone. The next plane was arriving in an hour and there was a seat for her; so she bought the ticket without a doubt and sat with her bag on her lap, just waiting. That's when her phone started to ring.

"I hope you're in a plane coming to LA right now." Jaime's sweet but demanding voice ordered from her phone. She wasn't expecting her friend to begin with a hello neither.

"Sure. Let's say so." Meredith answered, shrugging.

She couldn't see Jaime, but she was sure she was rolling her eyes.

"Put Lauren on the line." Jaime said.

August 3rd, 2012 - New York, State of New York – 11am

"Okay, Lauren, now I want you to feel like if you are your character." The coach ordered, making a weird movement with his hands, as if he tried to shoo flies. "You are now a ghost from 1920s that's really mad because her lover's son is getting married with a whore."

Lauren frowned, confused, her eyes danced around, trying to capture the absurd essence of her character. "I really don't know how to do that. Should I… like…?" She waved her arms around, imitating a ghost, and made a pissed off squealed expression with her face.

The coach snorted, stressed. Any state of mind looked hilarious in the way he was dressed. Maybe if he didn't wear that stupid distracting hippie hat to every rehearsal it'd be easier for her to focus.

"Enough for today, Lauren, go… just go. We'll practice the rest of the play without you."

Lauren cheered, as she leaved the stage of that little theater. At least she got to be free earlier. She wasn't sure if her director just sucked or the play he chose was just shitty, but every day was worse.

When she was getting her stuff ready in the changing rooms (Her plane was going to arrive in an hour), she heard some girls in the cornerstone whispering and laughing around, but she didn't pay attention to them, until a guy walked to her.

"Lauren, did you finish early today?" The guy asked with a smirk, leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, Steph, I think they just don't want me around anymore…" She guessed with a wince, hanging her bag onto her shoulder.

"Remember what we talked about the other day?" Stephen raised an eyebrow. "I'm a good friend of the director, I can get you the star role!"

"Well, you didn't," Lauren replied, upset, "and I'm the ghost of a prostitute now!" She finished dramatically. She was about to leave, but he suddenly grabbed his arm.

"Yeah, I know, but before I can talk with him we should arrange our mutual favors, we talked about this, remember?" He explained, whispering, always with that smirk that pretended to be sensual. "When I explained you the tea metaphor. You bag my tea, and I help you to get the lead. You laughed because it rhymed, remember?"

"Oh! You mean you want a blowjob?" She finally understood, laughing, probably louder than what she should have. The girls on the corner glanced at them with disgust.

Stephen closed his eyes, sighing with embarrassment. "I explained you the metaphor for a reason, Lauren."

"Oh." She shrugged. "Okay, whatever, I BAGGED your TEA" she continued, putting emphasis in those words to make it clear "like three times before and I you never got me a lead. You're a liar. And that doesn't even rhyme." She spitted, offended. The guy wanted to add something else, but she was faster. "And you know what? You're old enough to bag your own tea." She finished, walking by the shocked group of girls at the corner before leaving the theater.

An hour after the arrival of her plane, when her phone rang, she couldn't help but smile of excitement as she saw who was calling.

"What's up, sluts?" Lauren yelled, this time attracting the attention of the guy next to her on the plane.

"Oh, nothing, actually." Jaime answered, and her tone seemed so honest that it was hard to believe the way she continued. "I just saw Julia in her dress, it was so perfect I think I'm going to kill myself."

"It was, actually?" Meredith asked askance.

"You wouldn't believe it. It's like, the dress I dreamt about all my childhood." Jaime explained. "Also, guess what. I have a bachelorette party to plan for tonight."

"Are you serious?" Lauren cheered, excited.

"Yes, it's right next to my aneurysm in my agenda."

"I thought she didn't want a bachelorette." Meredith said.

"We all did. Gosh, her organizer is a good for nothing, I have to do absolutely everything. Do any of you even know a stripper?" Jaime asked, frustrated.

"Girl, you don't even know." Meredith commented. Then she stopped herself, "Wait, you mean a male stripper, right?"

"Yes."

"Oh, then no." she corrected.

"I'm so screwed. I'll just look into the newspaper, I don't even care. If it's a 50 years old and weighs 400 pounds, it's not my fault." Jaime said.

"I really can't believe she put you in that position." Meredith commented, shocked. "You shouldn't be doing all of that, Jaime."

"I know!" Jaime finally agreed.

"It's so inappropriate. There's just too much history." Meredith continued. It was true. After what she and Julia's fiancé went through, she was the least one that should be helping to put that wedding on place. "Lauren should be doing that, I mean, they were best friends all high school, right?"

"I think it's because I'm the only one who also moved to LA." Jaime guessed.

"Besides, you know I can't be in charge of stuff." Lauren added. "But girls, aren't you excited? We're finally going to be together again!"

"Just like the old times." Meredith alleged gloomily. There's been a long time since high school ended and they all took different ways. Five years, to be precise.

"We're gonna get to throw a bachelorette party, we're gonna get to dress up and be cool, it's gonna be just like prom!" Lauren cheered.

"That was my point of this call." Jaime's serious tone warned something, they knew it. "Everyone's gonna be there. Everyone."

"Oh, shit." Meredith cried. That couldn't mean anything good.

"No, this is our chance. We need to prove everyone we're not a failure anymore." Jaime said.

"Excuse me?" Meredith messed. "When were you a failure, Miss Prom Queen?"

"I meant you two, idiots." She explained. That wasn't totally true, but during high school she was known for being flawless. Perfect grades, popular, supporting family, a great house, nice body, shiny hair, and a dreamy boyfriend. Meredith and Lauren, otherwise, while they shared the popular status, they were more known for… let's for now say other stuff.

"Oh, right."

"First," Jaime started her guide. "What are you going to wear for the dinner?"

The dinner was having place that night, before the surprising bachelorette (and they supposed also the bachelor), in one of the fancies rooms of the hotel in which most of the guests were hosting that night, due the majority lived far away from Los Angeles. All the guests of the wedding were invited, and they already knew that was the strainer for who was going to show up to the ceremony with integrity.

"I brought a black dress that I found in my locker." Meredith replied.

"Black? This isn't your dignity's funeral. I'll give you one of my dresses." Jaime planned.

"I'm gonna totally slut up tonight. I have a red dress that's so obscene it'll blow your minds." Lauren added.

"To make a change." Jaime commented, rolling her eyes.

"Well, it doesn't surprise me." Meredith's tone gave away she knew something. "I heard Darren's gonna go."

Darren had been Lauren's on again off again since they hooked up in prom night. He moved to New York after high school to study Laws, and every four months they decided to break up, and get together four months later. Lauren continuingly turned from loving him to hate him.

"That brings me to the next subject." Jaime continued with her plan, trying not to get distracted by matters that were irremediable. "Who is your date for the dinner?"

The date for the dinner was also a tacit test to check if their partners were the right ones for the actual wedding. That night, everything they did would be observed and judged. Exactly like prom night.

"Meredith, are you bringing Matthew?" Jaime asked.

"Um, it turns out that I… kind of… broke up with him last night?" She stuttered.

"What?" Lauren and Jaime shouted at the unison.

"You can't do that, Mere, you said he was going to give me a part in one of his movies!" Lauren complained.

"I don't think you want that." She snorted. "Remember I said he was a film director? It turns out he makes adult films."

"You mean like porn?" Lauren asked.

"No, I mean Hello Kitty movies. Of course I mean porn!" She replied, disgusted with the only thought of it.

"And why didn't he tell you before?" Jaime questioned.

"Because guys are jerks?"

"Honey, I'm sorry." Jaime sighed. It wasn't the first time something like that happened to Meredith. She seemed to have a radar for those kind of guys.

"However, I texted Brant and he didn't have a date neither so he's going with me." She shrugged.

"Isn't Brant gay?" Lauren said.

"No, he's not." Meredith contradicted.

"I think he is." Jaime whispered. "I'm pretty sure Sarah Ashley said he saw him making out with Brian in senior year."

"Brian Holden is gay?" Lauren was every time more surprised.

"No, of course not. Brian Rosenthal." Jaime alleged.

"Brian Rosenthal can't be gay." Lauren replied. "He totally hit on me in freshman year."

"Uh, duh, he definitely is gay." Jaime interrupted.

"Can you two stop gay-zing people?" Meredith cut off. "It doesn't fucking matter. It's just so I won't go alone." Not like prom night, at least.

"And who's your date, Lauren?"

"Joe Moses. Do you remember Joe Moses? He used to be a fucking nerd in high school. I saw him the other day, here in New York, and I can tell you he's not a nerd at all now." Lauren giggled. "We're just going as friends though."

"And as friends you mean…"

"I mean that I'm using him to make Darren jealous." She explained.

"Well," Meredith said. "I'm glad he's that kind of friend and not the type I have to hear you cry about later. What about you, Prom Queen?"

"I'm going alone." Jaime replied, as if it wasn't big deal.

"You're kidding."

"No, listen. I just wrote a book about how you need to respect yourself and think of you as an independent woman. I'm not going to lower my dignity and ask a douche to be my lame date." She explained. She thought that, contrary to Meredith and Lauren, she didn't need to get her reputation higher.

"Wow, I'm glad you overestimate us so much." Meredith said in an ironical touching tone of voice, but Jaime ignored her.

"I expect both of you to be sober and clean tonight, we meet in our room at 5pm."

"Sounds about right." Meredith agreed, smiling. Luckily, she was going to get there on time.

"I can't wait." Lauren exclaimed. "This is so gonna be our night. There's absolutely nothing that can ruin this."

A/N: I hope at least I made you laugh. Reviews make me happy. Thank you for reading :) xo