Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Squaresoft characters, although I am to blame for what will happen to them.
(Fizz, Crack, Fizzzzzzzz, BEEEEPPP!)
FF III Justice: Hollywood Style!
Cast: Bailiff- LockeJudge- Gestal
Defense-EdgarProsecution- Kefka
Defendant-EdgeWitness-Celes
The courtroom is settling in for the first case at the Vector Central Circuit. Judge Gestal enters the room."Hear Ye, Hear Ye, the court is now in sesss…." Locke fades off at the end. Gestal looks at him sharply. Edgar stands up suddenly. "Objection, Your Honor."
Geshtal looks at him."To what?"
Edgar grins."Nothing, Your Honor. We're just warming up."
Kefka stands up and looks to Gestal. "Your Honor, the people would just like to state that we also have no objections at this time." He sits back down. Edgar snorts and crosses his arms across his chest. "Objection, Your Honor. Every time the defense says something, the prosecution feels they have to say something."
Kefka glares at him. "The people do not."
"Do too."
"Do not."
"Do too!"
Edge stands up and throws his hands up in defeat. "Ok, stop! I confess! I'm Guilty!" Gestal turns to Locke and mutters. "(Who is this guy, anyway?) Ahem! Order in the court!" He then turns to prosecution. "Proceed."
Kefka looks down at his papers."Uh… where were we?"
Gestal checks his notes. "You were on, 'Do not'."
Kefka snaps his fingers at the realization."Oh, right. Do not!" He sits down.
Edgar stands up again."Your Honor, the prosecution is clearly jealous of the defense because we have a lot of marquee legal talents such as F. Lee Bailey and the late Raymond Burr."
"Objection, Your Honor. The people have reason to believe that that is not really F. Lee Bailey." Kefka points over to the defense team.
(a murmur runs through the court.)
Gestal bangs his gavel."Darn it, Bailiff! I ordered the murmurs be removed from this courtroom!"
Locke draws his gun. "I'll take care of it, sir." He slinks off to find the murmur.
Kefka continues. "Your Honor, if that IS F. Lee Bailey, how come he hardly SAYS anything? He just sits there day after day, not moving. The people request permission to stick him with a pin."
Gestal nods in approval."I'll allow it."
Kefka removes the feather from his hair and walks over to 'F. Lee Bailey'. Edgar looks at him with a pout and stands back from the 'defense attourney'.
F. Lee Bailey: POP! SSSSSsssssss………….
Gestal sighs with irritation."Let the record show that "F. Lee Bailey" is actually an inflatable doll wearing a 1,000 GP suit."
Edgar grins."Objection, Your Honor. That suit cost 1,500 GP."
Suddenly Cyan pops out of nowhere."Do you have a receipt?"
Edgar looks at him in alarm. "Objection! Thisman is from an entirely differentTV show!
"I'll sustain the objection."
Edgar looks at him puzzled."…….Which one"!
Geshtalrealizes his doesn't know and snaps."I have no idea! Let's proceed with the expert witness." Celes walks upto the stand and takes the oath. Kefka walks up to her slowly and leans over."Please state your name and the size of your book advance."
Celes leans back and gives him a look of caution. "My name is Celes A. Chere and my advance is 350,000 GP."
"And who will be playing you in the movie?"
"We were thinking of Brad Pitt."
Edgar stands up with an arm raised. "Objection! We were considering Brad Pitt playing us."
Kefka's eyes widen at the King. He turns his head in disgust. "Brad Pitt? YOU! Your Honor, the people request permission to laugh until little snot bubbles form in the people's nostrils."
Edge drops his head onto the desk. "I'll sign a full confession. ( I don't even know why I'm on trial!)"
Edgar rolls his eyes. "And we suppose the prosecution wishes to be played by Demi Moore?" he says sarcastically.
"No, Sharon Stone." Kefka replies sarcastically.
Gestal is getting tired of this."I'll allow it. Proceed."
Kefka continues."General Celes, you are a biological and genetic expert, are you not?"
"I am." Celes nods.
"And do you thing the people's hairstyles look better this way, or the way the people were before?" He flashes her two pictures of the extra characters' hairstyles from FFVI and FFIV.
"This way." Celes points to the FFVI pictures.
Gestal rubs his beard."What about my beard?"
Celes looks at him unimpressed. "With all due respect, Your Honor, I have seen more impressive facial hair on a coconut."
(laughter)
Gestal turns red in the face. "Bailiff! Where is that laughter coming from?"
Locke points above theprevious line. "From inside a set of parentheses, sir."
Gestal shakes his head sighing. "I'll allow it. Continue."
"General Celes, I am handing you exhibit No. 2038-B. Can you identify this item for the court?"
Celes squintz then nods."Yes, it is a DNA molecule from the defendant."
"Objection! We can't see the exhibit!" Edgar gives a snicker.
Kefka twirls around as fast as a top and points at Edgar. "Of course you can't you Hinky! It A MOLECULE!"
"Or a poppy seed, you know. It's a 73 chance either way." Celes interjects.
Kefka istrying to regain a straight face as he speaks."Now, Gen. Celes, can you tell the court, in your own expert words, what 'DNA' stands for?"
Celes glares at him. "What are you, a WACKO? Of course." She finishes calmly.
Kefka steps back from her. "I…see. Now Gen. Celes, could you please tell the jury…as an expert, whether the defendant could have this DNA molecule-or poppy seed at the scene of the-"
"Tell WHAT jury!" Celes blurts out exasperated.
Gestal looks around the room and realizes she is right. He slaps his hand down on the desk. "Darnit, bailiff! The jury escaped again!"
(another murmur runs through the court)
Locke gets out his gun and shoots with no real target. POP!"I got the murmur, Your Honor!"
Edgar stands up and points to the side of the room "Objection The bailiff shot a reporter from the National Enquirer!"
Gestal smiles with approval. "I'll allow it!"
Kefka takes no notice of the event. "Your Honor, while we're waiting for the authorities to track down the jury, the people request Your Honor's permission to ask the witness approximately 850 unbelievably redundant questions."
"Of course."
"Objection! As councel for the defendant, we cannot-"
Gestal looks to their side and cuts in."Hey, where is the defendant?"
Edge is seen running out of the courtroom. "AAAAAHHHHH!"
Case Closed.
Notes- Don't ask me what Edge was on trial for nor what he was doing there. Obviously it was an error or a glitch in the game and that was probably why he was on trial.
Ok, I'll send out another chapter just for you to get the feel for the stories. Peachy!