A/N: Puck's thoughts about Beth (years after giving her up) and Quinn, because for Puck you can't have Beth without Quinn. Thoughts set around Season 1.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did, Puck and Quinn would be together… possibly raising Beth.
Does she ever think of me? I ask myself this question everyday. This same stupid, annoying fucking question echoing through my head since the day Quinn said, "no." It's been, like, four years since that day and I still catch myself thinking about her. I'm not sixteen anymore, I shouldn't still be wondering if she's going to grow up to look anything like me. Honestly I wouldn't care, sure she'd benefit from my good looks, chiselled jaw and rock hard abs, but… if she stayed to look anything like Quinn, then I know she's perfect.
I miss her, not that I'll ever voice it out loud. I don't think I'm allowed. No one would understand anyway. Except for maybe one. Quinn. I haven't seen Quinn since High School. Even then, after… everything, we kind of avoided each other. Which sucked ass to be honest, but I couldn't look at Quinn without seeing the pair of eyes that she had passed down. I just figured she felt the same and I didn't want her hurting anymore – I've hurt her enough – so I didn't bother her.
I didn't want to disappoint Quinn. She was everything that was innocent and good in this world. But I was an idiot then. I never felt that way toward anyone before, and it scared me. I didn't want to ruin her life more than I already had. But when I told Quinn I loved her, I meant it. I knew the moment I saw, Beth, that I will never love anyone as much as I loved Quinn. She gave me Beth. Well, she gave the world Beth. And that's more than I could ask for, from anyone.
I didn't fight her when she finally made her decision, even if I wanted to. But when she asked me what I wanted, I couldn't say anything. I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't do that to Beth. No matter what I said or what I thought, I know we made the right decision. To give Beth the life she deserves. We weren't ready, despite wanting to be. God, I really wanted to be.
I think about her everyday. Every time I see a four-year-old girl I can't help but wonder if she still has Quinn's blonde hair or my "goofy" smile. I think about what she's doing and if she's happy. I think about if she's ever asked about me, or Quinn. Then I get this weird feeling when I think of what she's been told about us. Then I get pissed off at the thought of when she cries, and the lucky fucking bastard who gets to wipe away her tears and cheer her up. That should've been me. I want so badly for that to be me.
No, she's happier without me and better off. Wanting her in my life is selfish and I know that. I've been telling myself that for four years. I just don't want her to hate me, as much as I hate myself. I hope she knows that I only wanted the best for her, and that I've never stopped loving her.
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