It was time for the party. Nina's gran had turned up to visit. But when Amber looked about, she couldn't find her returned housemother.
She'd remembered everything in time, had confronted Victor and Vera about it all, left Jasper out of her interrogations as she liked him a lot and now she was better.
Amber searched the house. Then she heard soft splashes in Trudy's bedroom.
She walked in and heard gentle sobs in the very dark room. She clicked on a lamp and saw the kind, gentle, maternal woman she loved.
Her arm was bleeding, she held a knife in her hand, stained with blood.
"Oh, Trudy, what happened to you?" Amber asked, grabbing a towel. She wrapped it around Trudy's arm.
"Don't do that, love. Just let it stop by itself." Trudy murmured.
"No, you'll bleed to death. Trudes, what happened to you?" Amber said, curious and upset while she wrapped the cut arm.
"Not much, Amber. It's been worse. Much worse." Trudy said, her voice toneless. She was spaced out, Amber saw that.
"Trudy, you did this to yourself, didn't you?" Amber said, knowing the answer would be yes, even if she hadn't done that to herself.
"Yes, Amber. But it's honestly not what you think it is, I promise you." Trudy said, snapping back to reality.
"Yeah, sure. You weren't hurting yourself? You weren't trying to kill yourself? You were just trying to see how your blood looks inside your skin?"
Trudy said "OK, so your first two assumptions were right then. You caught me out. But you don't tell anyone, alive or dead or dying or anything like it. Promise? You can't write it down, you have to keep it in your mind. Forever, understand me?"
Amber said "Well, we'll have to solve your little problem together. Firstly, as you've admitted you have a problem, you have to tell me the cause."
Trudy shook her head. "You know enough. Just accept that I do this for my own reasons and if it kills me, then so what?" She was so steely voiced, Amber shut up.
Meanwhile, Alfie was wondering where Trudy was and why Amber had vanished soon after.
When he found them, he found Amber holding a blood covered towel around Trudy's wrist. He secretly text Jasper and told him there was something wrong in Trudy's room.
Jasper found her room, flicked on the light and everyone saw the blood puddle and the towel around Trudy's wrist.
He looked at the kids. "Out, both of you. Amber, let me take over, go enjoy the party."
Trudy said "No, I want her to stay with me. You go enjoy the party."
Amber looked at Trudy, the pieces clicking together.
Injuring, not wanting her to tell anyone, trying to make Jasper leave... It was because of him that Trudy was hurting emotionally, so she hurt herself physically to stop the emotional pain.
Amber said "Jasper, wait outside for a second. I need to talk to this poor little thing."
Jasper looked at the blonde, but waited outside.
"It's over him, isn't it? You decided to hurt yourself over Jasper?" Amber whispered to Trudy.
"Well, not just him. I mean, I do love him, but that'll never be reciprocated. And partially it was jealousy of Vera for being able to please Victor and make Jasper happy in ways I just can't. That and the fact that..." Trudy tailed off, not wanting to continue.
"Tell me. Now." Amber whispered sternly.
"I don't deserve to be alive. I never did. I was bad before I was made, so that's affected me permanently." Trudy said, looking down. "There's a reason I was here. But that reason was to be tortured for eternity, my punishment for being alive."
"Who told you that? Because whoever it was needs a good kicking, you're a beautiful, kind, amazing woman and someone has given you a very bad image of that."
Trudy was trying not to cry. "Amber, my love, you know I'm nowhere near that. Beauty is something I don't have, kindness is an ability I can't develop and I've never been amazing. This is what I am, Amber. This is why people hate me. Because I'm not a good thing."
"Yes, you are. You always have been. Now, I'm gonna get Jasper in here. You need to tell him you like him. OK?" Amber said, soothingly, rubbing Trudy's upper arm gently.
Amber sent Jasper in, and he sat on the bed with Trudy, who wouldn't look up.
"Trudy, Amber just told me that you hurt yourself. And why you do it. Listen to me. You are a beautiful person, unique and wonderful. You're perfect because you're you. You can't be bad, you weren't bad. You aren't supposed to be tortured for eternity, you were given life because people like you deserve it."
Jasper gently tilted her chin so that he was looking at her face.
"You will always be the most beautiful creature to walk this earth in my eyes. And don't keep hurting yourself." He told her, wrapping his arms around her.
"Why shouldn't I? I mean, you can keep trying to convince me that I'm anything near worth liking, but I'm not." She told him.
"You're worth more than this entire world, Trudy. You remember that. No matter how many things you say against yourself, you will always be a beautiful, sweet, gentle woman. Nobody can take that away from you."
She tried her hardest not to cry and rolled up her right sleeve.
"Look at my arm." She said, showing him what had happened.
Scars. Lots of scars, decorating her arm, crossing over themselves. Jasper lightly traced them, horrified.
"Trudy, why would you do this? How far do these go?" He asked, wondering.
"You don't want the answer to that. What you want the answer to is why. And that why is because of love, envy and hate." She said.
Jasper looked at her. "Who is you love, envy and hate?"
"Well, I envy Vera because she made everyone happy by simply walking in. I hate myself for everything, like showing up here and giving myself permission to be with people in society. And you... you're the one I love. I know I'm awful and stupid, but that doesn't stop my undeserved feelings from showing. You probably are already with a woman and I won't get in your way. But I can't help loving you."
A loud song 'When I Get Where I'm Going' by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton came on downstairs and they heard it together.
"Trudy, I love you, too. With you, I love and I have no fear." He said, kissing her on her forehead.
"I always felt so safe when I was with you. You make me feel like I'm actually worth something." She replied, bending her head under his chin.
The song playing in the background made it feel like a movie to Amber, who was watching them.
She took a photo and cooed softly. Another sweet song played. Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes 'Up Where We Belong.'
Trudy cried at that. Jasper felt her sob and kissed her head.
"My beautiful Trudy." He whispered. "You're a beautiful woman, so innocent."
She sobbed again. "That's not it. I'm... happy." She said, through her tears.
Jasper said "That's wonderful, Trudy. Your happiness is everything." He told her, snuggling her close.
Amber was still watching, she thought them cute.
"I only ever want to be able to make you smile." Trudy whispered.
"You do that by existing. You were the only reason for my smiling for my whole life. When you were born, April eighteenth nineteen seventy seven, I remember my mother telling me that it was the day I smiled for the first time."
Trudy tensed. She hadn't expected that. The song 'A Thousand Years' by Christina Perri came on for them.
Amber swore to herself that they were choosing songs for couples.
Trudy got scared of being hurt again and tensed up.
"Darling, don't be afraid. You'll always be safe, here in my arms. No matter the miles, I love you. Time has brought you to me and I won't let go."
It was fear of him hating her and breaking her heart that scared her so badly.
"Tell me, beautiful, please. I hate to see you scared. Come on, my lovely Trudy." He said, sounding desperate to reassure her.
"I'm just scared that this will break and we'll fail and this will be a thousand times worse because you won't be here to soothe." She said, tears flooding from her eyes.
"Well, your fear is irrational. No matter how hurt you feel, I will always be here for you. I'll never leave you to suffer alone." He said, kissing her messy curly hair.
She snuggled up to him, scared of how he'd react to her. When he responded with a hug and kiss, she relaxed a little.
Two days later, Jasper was out at the store. Trudy had a bad encounter with Vera, arguing over who Jasper would be better off living with.
Trudy gave up just to protect Jasper against Vera.
"Fine, I'll end it later! I promise that!" She sobbed, heartbroken that she had to give up the love she'd only had for two days. Two days too much, in Vera's opinion.
When Jasper did get home, Trudy said "Jazz, we have to talk."
He knew those words. He said "OK, fine. I already know. If you're unhappy and there's only one way to solve it, by breaking up, then that's fine. I told you, your happiness means the world to me."
With that, he left Anubis house, much to Vera's delight. She was so pleased that Jasper had worked out that she was dumping him, she got it dumped on her and she was shattered.
She went to her room, insane with sadness. She grabbed her knife and slashed her arms, crying the whole while. She was caught out by Vera, Jasper and Victor. Jasper was horrified.
He read what she'd cut into her skin.
"I was bullied into losing what love I had."
Jasper looked at Vera. "Did you have something to do with this?" He asked his friend.
"No, why would I bully sweet, innocent, gorgeous little Trudy?" She asked, the sarcasm in her voice evident to Jasper.
"Trudy?" He asked softly, looking at the terrified woman.
"No. It was that nasty voice again." She said, protecting Vera even though she hated her. Trudy didn't want to strain a friendship and she'd go to a mental hospital for it.
"What nasty voice, Trudy?" Jasper asked her gently.
"Don't you hear it? He's telling me that I'm silly for thinking I could be here." She replied, careful to sound totally dazed.
Victor was staring at Trudy in shock, Vera was looking at her in surprise and Jasper was worried sick. His Trudy had gone mad.
"My beautiful Trudy, there is no voice telling you that. You're hearing things." He said, soothing her as gently as possible. He took a step forward on an instinct.
Vera grabbed him. "No, she's not mentally stable. She's holding a knife. Don't do it." She said.
"I trust her. She's fine, I promise." Jasper said, taking another step closer. Trudy knew she was sane, that Vera had bullied her and that she wouldn't hurt him for her wrongs.
"Trudy, tell me who bullied you." He said.
"Her." Trudy said innocently, pointing at Vera. "She said that she would hurt you if I didn't tell you I wanted us to finish." Her tone was still childlike and innocent.
Jasper whipped around and growled "I knew you had something to do with this. You've scared her senseless and you threatened her happiness. If she'd made that choice on her own, she would never have resolved to hurting herself."
Trudy dropped the knife silently and jumped onto Jasper's back.
"Mine." She said protectively.
Vera said "What?!"
Trudy smiled innocently. "Mine." She said, her voice full of innocence.
Jasper laughed. "OK, beautiful, you're right."
Vera snickered. "That?! Beautiful?!"
"Yes, she is. This beautiful woman has a point." Jasper said, swinging her gently to his arms.
"Mine!" She squeaked, hugging him.
"Yes, gorgeous Trudy, yours." He laughed.
Trudy gave Vera a satisfied smirk, snuggling up to Jasper. Vera glowered at Trudy.
"You're going to let that thing hug you?! Wow, Jasper, you have no standards, do you?" Vera asked.
"Well, of course. And Trudy here meets them all." Jasper told her.
Trudy was beaming now, curled in Jasper's arms. Vera hated to see Trudy so happy.
"Trust me, one day, she won't be such a perky little toad. She'll be hurting herself right in front of you."
With that, Vera dragged Victor out.
"Mine?" Trudy asked again.
"How many more times? Yes, all yours. Now, was it really Vera's idea that you told me that you didn't want to be in a relationship?"
"Yes." Trudy stated, like a two year old.
"So do you like being in a relationship?" Jasper asked, bracing himself for her toddler reaction.
"Yes." She said, sounding like the adult she was.
With that, Jasper snuggled her and lay her in the bed.
"Gotcha." Jasper said, before kissing her.
"Yes you do." Trudy replied.
That led on to a kissing session and they were happy about that.
Random idea I was working on. Hope you enjoyed. Tell me what you think and whether you want me to continue. Until next time, Random Dizzy. :)