This is a fic I based on a picture that I once wrote a Drabble for on my IG. Therefore this, is an extended, revised rendition on that first version.
I am proud to say that I have once more begun writing for "Not First, Not Second" I'm excited to see where I take myself with that.
I also apologize if this formatting is off. I do all my fics from my IPod, and use the copy and paste function. It messes up the layout, leaving me to fix it up. It's a bit of a difficulty, and I do apologize for any inconvenience.
Trigger Warnings: No real ones, but Yaoi (boyXboy) and mentions of cheating.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia in anyway. All rights go to the original owner.
Kiku scooted closer into Arthur's warm embrace as they sat comfortably beneath the heat of the Asian's kotatsu. He felt the Brit's slow breath against his neck. Their breathing was in sync, calm and even. But their hearts raced at the genuinely loving moment. However, none dared to make a move. The raven haired male knew his time with Arthur was limited, as it always was. That left himself to savor and cherish rare, affectionate moments like these. Therefore, he attempted no escape, even if he was beginning to feel a slight discomfort. His tries were in vain as Arthur finally released him from the tight hold, much to his disappointment.
The blond whispered, "I have to go now, love. Alfred will be home quite soon," Kiku averted his eyes and gritted his teeth. He felt his heart's strings of emotion being tugged and played with. The Japanese man yearned so much to stay with him, but ultimately gave in and nodded. He very reluctantly backed away from the other, who stood soon after. Arthur knelt down in front of Kiku, then lifted his chin and pecked him lightly on the lips. He then rose from the ground once again, stretching a bit as he did.
"Farewell, Kiku," Arthur spoke softly, looking into the said male's now dull eyes. Kiku tensed up with emotional pain welling up inside him as he turned his distant gaze elsewhere. Not once did he make a sound, for he feared all the anguish spilling out and unintentionally revealing his feelings with a cracking voice. He simply ignored all personal thoughts and opinions as Arthur spun on his heels and stalked toward the door. Kiku observed the man with teary eyes, watching his beloved leave his grasp once again to the arms of another. Deciding hurriedly, he scrambled to his feet and ran to the British male. Kiku desperately clutched Arthur's shirt, not wanting him to go. "
Kiku?", he said as he worriedly turned his head to look at the smaller. The said man whimpered while tears streamed down his pale cheeks. He buried his shame in the folds of fabric. 'It's now or never,' he mentally told himself.
"Please don't leave me. Please, never again. It hurts every time. Please," he sobbed brokenly, noise muffled by the shirt. The other just looked away regretfully.
"I'm sorry, I must go," he explained guiltily. He scurried to his car, quick as he was able. Kiku was left alone in his vast house, tears still falling into puddles on the wood floor. He wept for what could've been hours in that one spot. He did so because he knew he'd never be the one Arthur came back to. Or the one he truly loved.
Those jobs were already occupied by Alfred. The childish American was much stronger, taller, and richer than Kiku was. The only thing he surpassed Alfred with was his outstanding intelligence and logical reasoning, but that barely counted towards anything. He felt anger and jealousy toward him for that, but never resentment. What bad had he done to earn that loathing response? After all, Kiku and Alfred had been the ones to go behind their friend's back and be together. In fact, Kiku detested himself for that. He didn't hate Arthur, nor did he regret anything. He simply despised himself for all that he'd done.
"I got Arthur into this habit. How cruel of me," Kiku cried softly. "Neither Alfred or Arthur deserve this. But they've got it, because of me and my selfish, greedy actions," he continued painfully.
The Asian male spent the majority of daylight depressedly lying in bed, remembering all the memories he'd made with Arthur. Thoughts ran around in his mind. 'Should I stop this? I would be relieving Arthur from the burden of hiding from Alfred. And Alfred would never have to question Arthur if he found out about us. But that'd be painful for me,' he stopped thinking for a few minutes, then began again. 'There'd be pain either way for me. Might as well take that away from the others,'
Kiku got out of bed and went for a walk in his well-kept garden. He knew the fresh air and slight heat soothed him. When he finally reached his destination, Kiku took a seat. This was his ideal spot, his hideout. It looked out onto the small lake and only one person knew of it. That person was none other than Arthur himself. So many times he told the other how beautiful and gargantuan his property was. To which Kiku would always respond with an embarrassed blush, accompanied with a shy smile.
He leaned backward, his back landing on the plushness of the greenery surrounding him. The wisps of grass eased him into comfort as they seemed to cradle his tense body. The light, breezy winds flew overhead. His ears heard what his brain registered to be the chirping of summer cicadas. To that he let himself fall into a complete state of relaxation, with a hint of lingering heartache. Eventually, he got so tired, exhausted from the day's events and fell asleep in the care of nature, eyes dry. He'd ran out of tears to cry. But that'd been fine for him, because he would surely begin again when he ended it with Arthur the next day.