dedicated to: Ana (AnnaRavenheart) because she is awesome, and we're name twins. :3 I hope you enjoy this!
written for: If You Dare, Pairing Diversity Bootcamp, All Canon Bootcamp, Dueling Tournament – Round 2, Hugs and Happiness – Ana.
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They begin with spying eyes and muttered words, with sparks and devotion and promises; promises of magic, of happiness, of forever.
They end several times.
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i.
Lily has always liked flowers.
Turquoise ones, pink ones, honeydew-colored ones, even. A fondness for flowers is normal for a little girl, but what Lily enjoys doing with them is… not. She likes to make them grow, make them soar. Her sister doesn't like this – Petunia calls it distorted, calls it freaky; but Severus understands. He always does, it seems, except about Lily's relationship with her non-magical sister.
"She's a Muggle! Why do you care what she thinks?" His words are harsh, but eyes are full of longing to know the answer.
"She's also my sister, Sev, my only sister," she answers dismissively.
He sighs. "She doesn't act like your sister," he says darkly. "You're better than this, Lils!"
"Better than what? Better than my own sister, because she's not magical?" Her face is turning red, and she spits out the words as if they taste bitter in her mouth. "Mind you, I thought I was a Muggle for eleven years, and I still am one, in all but blood!"
Severus looks shocked. "You, a Muggle? Lily, you're a witch, you're different!"
"Oh, really? What makes me so different from the rest of them? Other than my being a witch."
"Well, you're you," he fumbles for words, "you're perfect." He turns brick red. A tinge of pink hits her cheeks.
"I'm me? Whatever, Sev – me being me doesn't make me any better than my family." Ignoring the "perfect" bit, Lily stomps away.
"Wait!" He runs after her, but she twirls around and puts a hand out.
"Just go away, Severus."
He watches her walk away, sorrow seeping through him slowly. She only calls him Severus when she's angry.
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ii.
The two eleven-year-olds stumble into a compartment, panting. They've been searching for an empty one for what seems like hours; this one isn't empty, exactly, what with the two boys on the other side, but it'll have to do.
He tries to comfort the sniffling Lily, reassuring her, making her smile with promises of having a time in Slytherin – and oh, why did he bring up houses?
He should have known that one was a Gryffindor. It's clear in his mischievous expression, in his eyes, in the way he holds himself, like he's some hero. Severus has grown up beaten and bruised and he can sense heroes; this arrogant little rich kid is not heroic. Not in the least.
Thankfully, Lily dislikes the boy immediately, too, and they leave the two behind, crafting their swords, but he sees the way the untidy hair boy looks at Lily – and, oh, this is not good.
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iii.
Once again, he should've known. Lily is secret smiles and fierce gazes and a sort of benevolence that blows him away. She's elegant, yet she's not afraid to get her hands dirty, and she's too nice to be Slytherin, he should've known, and she's too fiery to be anything but Gryffindor.
The boy beside him drinks tea, absolutely uncaring, as Lily's face lights up with ecstasy when the lions holler their satisfaction. Severus feels the hope draining out of him while Lily leaps down from the stool and heads toward the table on the other side of the Great Hall, sending him a small smile, but it's not enough.
Soon, she's lost in a sea of golden cloaks and scarlet scarves, contrasting with green tapestry above him so very painfully.
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iv.
He meets Avery and Mulciber in his third year. They fascinate him; they're firm about their beliefs, willing to fight for their beliefs, and that sort of devotion has always astounded him. He watches them silently for months before they notice that the Snape boy is always watching them – spying is second nature for him. He can slip in and out as silkily as his cloak. One autumn day in the dungeons of Hogwarts, the two corner him.
"Hey, Snape!" Mulciber shouts, making Severus stop in his tracks immediately. He slowly turns back around.
"Yes?"
"Do you wanna be in? Or, do you wanna be out?" Avery's voice is loud and strong and threatening.
The taller boy's words are vague, but Severus knows what he means. This is a pivotal moment, an important one – does he agree with their firm beliefs? Is this a good idea? And maybe it's fear, or cowardice, or a longing to fit in, but something tells him that this is a good idea.
Just as he's about to answer, Derek Williams, a tiny boy with glasses bigger than his fists, dashes into the dungeon, exclaiming, "I left my book, I left my book! Please don't kill me!"
"Stupefy," Mulciber whispers, and with a nonchalant flick of his wand, Derek is on the ground. His eyes not leaving Severus's, the large thirteen-year-old continues, "There's one thing you gotta know before you decide: when I say someone's dead, they're dead."
He's made his decision. He just hopes he doesn't regret it.
"I'm in," Severus says, his voice quivering.
The next day, walking across the Entrance Hall, he sees Lily. She doesn't speak; her eyes roam over him, Avery, and Mulciber walking together, and the disapproval is written across her face.
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v.
They have many other trials after this – from an accusation (Mudblood) to an unlikely couple (You're dating him?) to a marriage (Please don't do this Lily, please don't). He has gone from her best friend to a nuisance in less than a day. Begging, pleading; none of it fixes anything.
She'd always been stubborn, but this – they were meant to be together! They were supposed to live happily after ever after, but instead, his only love is riding into the sunset with James Potter. Severus despises the name.
By far, though, throughout all of this, their greatest trial comes on one October 31st, 1981.
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vi.
Walking into the destroyed house, he wonders if he wants to go in. There's sure to be a disaster waiting for him; the Dark Lord had made sure of that. But even though it's hopeless, even though he knows the sight he's about to see is not desirable, he also knows that he has to go in. After all these long years of loyalty, he can't back down now – he can't, and he won't.
With a shuddering breath and a growing sense of dread, he opens the door and walks into his own nightmare.
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vii.
There are three bodies in the cottage; James, Lily, and Harry. Of course, the baby is alive, but that is not relevant. He has eyes only for her. Severus barely spares James and Harry a glance, which he might've felt a tinge of guilt for, despite the utter hatred he has for the man, but he needn't be guilty. Other visitors will come for the two with black hair – a supposed murderer for James, and a half-giant for Harry.
Severus, though; Severus is here for the red hair, only the red hair, that still shines, splayed out like blood on the ground.
Her eyes are glassy and green and they remind him of a lake, frozen over during the winter. But he knows that she won't thaw out come spring.
He weeps as he holds her body – but more important to the baby, that is also weeping, he makes a promise. To himself, to the baby, to the world, but mostly to her, for all the promises he'd broken as of late. It is this promise that, ultimately, saves the world, coming for a broken man holding a shell of a woman in his arms.
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And she's dead, but this is not the end.
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"After all this time?"
"Always."
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