Whoo, another Teen Wolf fanfic. I really liked/hated Matt's character and I've wanted to explore what would have happened if he had had a friend all those years instead of being alone and angry. So I hope you like it. I don't own Teen Wolf.
Matt remembered the shift in Isaac's behavior rather well. From smiles and laughter and that stupid twinkle of happiness in bright blue eyes to flinches, and scowls and bitter smirking. He remembered it, but at the time he didn't know what had triggered the change.
The claustrophobia he discovered on accident. They were nine years old on the playground, and Isaac's neighbor Jackson had gotten his big bully friends together to shove them into the sketchy shed where all the play equipment was kept. There was a sliding deadbolt and Matt could hear them shove it home, could hear them laugh and walk away. For a while, he pounded on the door and shouted but it wasn't like the supervisors ever paid him any mind when they actually could see him, so he gave up pretty quickly.
A ragged sob split the dead air and Matt whirled around, arms in front of him as he shuffled towards the sound.
"Isaac?"
A clammy hand grabbed his wrist and yanked him down, and the next moment he had a lapful of shaking and crying Isaac. Matt relaxed. This he could deal with.
"Hey, we'll be fine you big baby," Matt said, hugging his best friend tight. "We'll get out eventually. Our teachers will come looking for us in a bit."
Isaac clung to him and continued to shake, but it didn't seem to get any worse. The crisis had been temporarily averted.
-.-
In sixth grade, Isaac finally told him the truth. It was a little after his mom died near the beginning of the school year, and somehow the squirrely kid had managed to climb onto his roof and knock on his window. Matt had opened his window and turned his lamp on and locked his door; standard procedure when he didn't want his parents to notice anything, not that they ever did.
Isaac's eyes were swollen and puffy, one turning purple from a bruise, the other red from tears. Twelve-year-old Matt didn't know what to do, so he did the first thing that came to mind and grabbed one of his comics and sat down on his bed. Isaac snuggled into his side like a magnet, and Matt began to read out loud. It was Spider-man, latest issue. About halfway through, Isaac stopped shaking. By the end, Isaac was staring up at him.
"Feeling better?" Matt asked.
"My dad beat me up and stuck me in the freezer. Spider-man is amazing and all but I still wish I was dead."
"Why don't you tell someone?" Matt asked. "I...I can't do anything."
"Just don't hate me. That's enough."
Isaac spent the night curled into Matt's side, leaving Matt alone to stare at the ceiling and wonder what he was supposed to do.
For the next few months, he and Isaac grew even closer. They fought off one another's bullies and were practically attached at the hip. Isaac's abuse got worse. Matt learned to keep his window open, and got used to falling asleep alone and waking up with Isaac curled into his side.
-.-
Then had come the spring of sixth grade. The swim team had won their state championship, but he and Isaac didn't give a rat's ass because both Batman and Spider-man had new issues out and they were going to trade comics. And then in had come Camden and one of his drunken friends, Matt thought maybe his name was Josh.
"Look at the little nerdy fags," Camden said, voice slurred. He ripped the Batman comic out of Matt's hands and tossed it away. "Isaac never shuts up about you. It's always Matt's so great, Matt's my hero, Matt, Matt, save me Matt, all the time!"
He grabbed the front of Matt's shirt and began to drag him out of the room. Isaac tried to follow but Josh shoved him back and shut the door in his face. A chair under the handle assured Isaac wouldn't be getting out any time soon. Camden slammed him up against the wall, so high up Matt's feet weren't even close to the ground.
"So me and Josh get thinking out there," Camden said, gesturing towards the backyard. His breath stunk of alcohol.
"Maybe you aren't in the best state to be thinking," Matt said, regretting it immediately when Cam threw him on the ground and stepped on his chest.
"Shut the fuck up! You've turned my brother into a friggen fairy fag, so if we get rid of you, maybe he'll be sorta normal again."
Josh grabbed his wrists and Camden his feet, and no matter how much he kicked and screamed, no one did anything, no one cared, but everyone laughed as he was thrown into the pool and began to drown. He couldn't swim, had never learned to, and as he flailed, his mouth opened up to scream and he swallowed water. All he could hear though was dull laughter through layers of choking water. The panic gave way to sweet darkness as the water filled his lungs. But the darkness was robbed from him, and then Mr. Lahey was yelling at him, swearing him to secrecy and then he was running home.
His parents didn't spare him a second glance when he got home, dripping wet, bruised and crying. He was used to them not caring, and he knew if he told them, all he'd get in response was accusations that he was a liar. It hurt that they didn't care, but he was more concerned by the pain in his chest from inhaling too much water.
Matt didn't see Isaac the whole summer. He stayed in his room, but he always left the window open. After six weeks of nothing, he started shutting and locking the window at night.
-.-
When seventh grade started, he shared one class with Isaac; English. They didn't speak, and Matt sat alone. Isaac, of all people, had abandoned him when he needed it most, so why bother trying to make any other friends? It wasn't worth it. People were annoying at best and cruel at worst.
Then Camden died. It was in the news, all about how he died a hero overseas. It made Matt sick and filled him with anger, but that night, Isaac was knocking at his window. For a while Matt had just stared at him. A part of him wanted to scream that it was Isaac's fault Camden had tried to drown him, that after all the times he had been there for Isaac, Isaac had never been there for him.
But Isaac's slumped shoulders, his expression, it was too much, even with as hard and cold Matt's heart had gotten. He opened his window and Isaac crawled through. They slept in the same bed, but Matt kept a solid distance between them. As he started to fall asleep, Isaac spoke.
"I'm glad he's dead."
-.-
Their only interactions for the next two years were the nights Isaac crawled through the window and into his bed. They rarely spoke. Once Isaac hit puberty, they gave up on staying on opposite sides of the bed. Isaac's limbs were gawky and almost awkwardly long and ended up sprawled over Matt no matter what.
One night, Matt couldn't help but ask the question that had been burning at the tip of his tongue since his head had fallen beneath the water.
"Camden said you asked for me to save you. Was it true?"
Isaac went still and then rolled further away from him, stealing the sheets with him. "I..."
Matt stared at the ceiling, then reached a hand out to squeeze his shoulder. "Isaac."
"Yeah. Yeah I did. Back when I was still...when I still fought my dad when he put me in the freezer," Isaac said. "Don't fight him anymore. I deserve it now so..."
"Sorry. That I never saved you." Matt dropped his hand back on top of the sheets. "But I'm still mad at you."
"I know. That's why I...I don't mind the freezer so much. I was never there for you so it's like a good punishment you know?"
Matt's eyes closed, the sharp ache in his chest at Isaac's words making it feel like he couldn't breath. "Isaac, no. I'm mad at you but that doesn't mean I want you to...think like that."
"I could've been a better friend. You're always here for me and I just wasn't."
"It's okay, really," Matt said. It wasn't but he didn't want to tell the truth and risk making Isaac feel even worse. In all honesty, some part of him, some dark part, wanted to beat the shit out of the kid for abandoning him, but he didn't because he was finally getting Isaac back and he wasn't sure what he'd do if he lost him again.
Isaac turned back towards him and after a moment, he was cuddling back into Matt's side, head resting on his chest. Matt swallowed thickly and wrapped an arm around Isaac's shoulders. Perhaps it was weird to keep cuddling after everything, and now that they were getting older, but it was nice. It was nice to have control over someone else, over anything really.
-.-
After awhile, they finally started talking again, and Isaac finally started coming over on his own to hang out. It took awhile, but Matt started to smile more, just a bit. It was nice to have someone to sit with at lunch too. It was easier to pretend he didn't wake up most nights choking on water and wondering how the hell Isaac didn't wake up when he felt like he was going to die.
Isaac never asked if he wanted to go over to the Lahey house. Neither of them wanted to be there after all.
It was them against the world mostly. There were other outcasts, sure, but Matt didn't like letting anyone in, and Isaac seemed more than content just having Matt around. What bugged Matt though was that Isaac was so meek. What had once been a comfort became a burden. He didn't like seeing Isaac going along with everything he wanted without a single complaint even when he could see that it made Isaac unhappy.
"You know, you can tell me to fuck off if you want," Matt said one night during the summer of their 8th grade year.
"I don't...I can't. I'm not supposed to have opinions," Isaac said.
They were in the woods behind Jackson's house, after successfully covering every tree and bush in their yard with toilet paper, and it was somewhere around three in the morning. Isaac clearly had not wanted to join in on Matt's genius idea, but he hadn't voiced a single objection.
"Isaac, don't be an idiot. You're allowed to have opinions around me," Matt said, kicking the other's shin as he walked passed him.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Hey I've got a question," Matt said, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"That never ends well," Isaac said, and when Matt shot a half hearted glower at him, there was a smile on his face. Matt liked seeing it.
"Camden. He said you liked me in a totally gay way," Matt said. "Is that true?"
Isaac rubbed at the back of his neck, kicking at a rotting log before hopping over it. "I guess back then yeah. I don't know about now."
Matt stopped and turned to look at him. "Want to find out?"
Even in the moonlight, Matt could see Isaac flush. "What brought this on?"
"I don't know, is it important?"
Isaac stared down at the ground and shook his head. Then he looked up and then he was pressing his lips to Matt's and Matt was pushing him up against a tree, making up for the height difference by standing up on his tiptoes. Isaac tasted bitter, like sadness, but the longer they kissed, the more it was like Matt was chasing away the sadness and replacing it with something else, something better.
When they broke apart, they were both panting, fists twisted in one another's shirts.
"I guess I still do," Isaac said with a cheeky smile.
Matt nipped at his lower lip. "Yeah."
-.-
Matt wasn't sure when his attraction to Isaac started. It just seemed natural. There was no one else in his life, and they were actually disgustingly co-dependent on each other. For a while, when he had been alone, his thoughts had started to scare him, but now, now it was finally starting to turn around. He indulged his darker, more violent thoughts, a lot less often, though they always simmered beneath the surface, anger directed at everything.
Isaac helped. They hadn't really declared themselves in a relationship, and they didn't flaunt it at school. Neither of them needed more bullies now that they were finally slipping under the radar, and there was no sense in risking Isaac's dad finding out. Matt was pretty sure he could fuck Isaac over the kitchen table during dinner and his parents wouldn't notice though.
Not that they had fucked. Matt didn't want to, and Isaac didn't seem too interested either. More times than not, when Isaac was in Matt's bed, they only tangled their bodies together and exchanged a few kisses here and there. They were taking their time, letting it grow naturally like everything else about their relationship.
The bruises and the cuts that would show up on Isaac's skin, what Matt could see of it, made him angry, but Matt always buried that anger, didn't let Isaac see it and instead just focused it into a box of hatred for Mr. Lahey. It was a big box; it had to be.
It was a bit of a catch 22. The stronger his feelings for Isaac, the stronger his hatred for his father. Matt wasn't sure there was anything he could do about it.
-.-
The spring of sophomore year, Isaac got bit by a werewolf. Which made no god damn fucking sense but Matt wasn't going to question it, especially after the first time Isaac wolfed out in front of him. It was terrifying as hell, but it was also Isaac and he wasn't going to leave Isaac for anything. Besides, if it made Isaac feel safer, he was behind it.
Perhaps it was just proof of how incredibly insane they both were. A normal person would have freaked out when someone offered to turn them into a goddamned werewolf. A normal person would have freaked out when a half human half something else crawled into their window and curled under their bed whimpering. But they both handled it well, took it all in stride.
And then had come Jackson's painfully suspicious behavior.
"He wants to borrow my camera," Matt said. "He's expecting some changes tonight or something."
Isaac poked at his cafeteria food with a spork. "Tonight's the full moon."
"That's what I'm thinking. You think this creepy Derek guy bit him too?" Matt asked.
"Maybe," Isaac said.
"What are you going to do tonight?" Matt asked.
Isaac shrugged. "Stay with you I guess. You brought me back that first time. Figure we're safer if I just stay with you."
"So you wanna watch the live feed of whatever the hell Jackson is filming with me?" Matt asked.
"That is quite the diabolical grin you have going on there my friend. I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that I join you," Isaac said.
-.-
Except that didn't turn out nearly as well as either of them as hoped because suddenly Jackson was a fucking lizard and trashing his room and then he and Isaac were clinging to each other as the freak of fucking nature crawled up beside Matt's car door. Sure, Isaac was a big bad werewolf now but he wasn't shifting which didn't really help the fact that there was a lizard outside his window, palm out with its fingers spread pressed up against the glass.
Matt didn't know what possessed him to do it; maybe it was the lost look in the creatures eyes, the anger, the need for something, but he reached out and pressed his hand to the creature's through the window. It was as if in that moment, the creature, Jackson, understood what he wanted most desperately, deep down in the darkest parts of his heart, the box that held all his anger and hate and rage and fury all focused on one person.
The next day, Mr. Lahey was dead.
-.-
"Why him?"
Isaac was stretched out on Matt's floor, staring up at the ceiling a week after his dad died. Derek had broken him out of prison, but Matt didn't really care about that, he was just glad to have his best and only friend back. It was easy enough to hide him in his house. Technically Isaac was a wanted fugitive now, but that was okay, his parents would never notice that Isaac was living with them now.
"Why what?" Matt asked, not looking up from his English homework. Greek plays were fascinating, especially Eumenides, and a great distraction from the fact that he was pretty sure it was his fault Mr. Lahey was dead but he still wasn't quite sure how.
"Why would it go after my dad?" Isaac's voice cracked and when Matt looked towards him, he saw that there were tears in his eyes, not quite ready to fall, but still enough to make his chest ache.
He wanted to lie. Say he didn't know. Keep his suspicions to himself so that maybe then he could pretend he didn't dream of the man's corpse back in the days right after he had been drowned.
"Because that thing...whatever Jackson became, it bonded with me for some reason," Matt said.
Isaac turned to stare at him, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "What?"
Matt slammed his book closed and rolled his chair away from his desk so he could face Isaac. "Because that night I was just thinking about how much I hate your dad, for everything, and then we did that stupid hand thing and now he's dead. It's my fault, Isaac. I don't know how but it's my fault and I wish I could say I'm sorry but I'm not. He deserved to die."
Isaac swallowed, tears finally falling down from his eyes. "I...I should go tell Derek."
"Yeah, you do that." Matt rolled back to his desk. "That's all you're going to do now anyways. Derek, Derek, Derek."
"Matt, I'm sorry, I just...you can't expect me to just hear that and not freak out," Isaac said, voice trembling.
"He deserved to die," Matt said. "I did you a favor."
"Killing my only family is not doing me a favor!" Isaac shouted, getting to his feet. His eyes were flashing gold, his fists clenching and unclenching as he approached Matt.
Matt got to his feet, wishing Isaac's height didn't make him feel like cowering. "I'm sorry. But maybe we should actually figure out what happened before you decide to rip my throat out."
Isaac's eyes widened and he stumbled back, staring down at his hands and seeing the claws slowly begin to shrink back down. "Matt...oh God, I'm sorry..."
"Hey, hey, hey," Matt said, stepping forward quickly and grabbing both of Isaac's hands in his. "It's okay. Calm down, you're not gonna hurt me."
"I could've!"
"But you won't," Matt said. "Because you're not your dad."
"I think I am," Isaac said. "I'm so angry, you know? I pretend that I'm not but I spend so much of my time thinking about how much I...hated what my father did, and what Jackson did to me growing up, and how he knew about my father and just didn't care and I..."
"It makes you mad. And you want revenge," Matt said. "I know, Isaac, I know because I feel that all the time."
"But you can't, Matt. I don't know what you did to send Jackson as that thing after my father, but you can't do it again. No matter how angry you are at anyone, no matter how angry I am at anyone...we can't. We have to fix whatever went wrong with him."
Matt nodded slowly. Part of him didn't care, part of him wanted to master whatever he had done with Jackson, hone it, use Jackson as his weapon of revenge, but when he looked at Isaac, saw the same rage and anger and desperation burning within him and yet resisting it because he wanted to be a good person...how could he possibly go against that?
"Okay. Let's talk to Derek."
-.-
Naturally, with Derek being the shady ass guy he was, his plan of action was to kill Jackson, but not before biting two other kids, Erica and Boyd, and turning them into pack. Matt didn't get why he wasn't offered the bite, but he didn't protest. As long as he didn't lose Isaac, he didn't care what else happened.
Turns out, Scott was also a werewolf, and apparently Allison was from a family of werewolf hunters which was creepy as hell, and actually made him a little grateful that he wasn't a werewolf. Allison was able to find more information on just what Jackson was.
Apparently, he was a Kanima, a creature meant to get revenge on those who had done harm to their masters. And given that everyone knew the Kanima had killed Mr. Lahey, the attention focused to the people who were harmed by him.
Which was why Matt and Isaac were sitting in the abandoned subway station surrounded by werewolves, Stiles, and Allison.
"So which one of you bonded with the Kanima?" Derek asked, gaze flicking between them.
Matt wanted to say it was Isaac just to get the attention off of him. He was pretty sure Derek would just kill him to fix the problem if he knew the truth, and at least Isaac would be able to stand a fighting chance. But he couldn't do that, not really. Ever since the first time they had kissed, all he wanted to do was make Isaac happy, and keep him smiling no matter how bad it got, so he wasn't going to throw him under the bus.
"It was me," he said, looking up at Derek. "Sorry. I didn't know what I was doing."
Derek pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay. Right. So please tell me you don't want to kill anyone else."
"Well I do but I try not think about it," Matt said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "It also helps that they're already dead."
"My God, you're a psycho," Stiles said.
Matt looked at him, eyes narrowing. "What's wrong with wanting to hurt people who have hurt me?"
"He was your best friend's dad!" Stiles said. "I hate Scott's dad but that doesn't mean I'd want him dead. Scott doesn't even want him dead!"
"Stiles," Scott cut in. "Stop."
Matt bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at the ground. "Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm not going to send Jackson after anyone else. Will that fix the problem?"
"Temporarily," Derek said. "We have to find a way to cure him."
"Also there's the bit where anyone who wants to control the Kanima has to kill its previous master," Allison said.
"Who would want to control it?" Isaac asked.
"I don't know, just thought it would be important to bring up," Allison said with a shrug.
"Great, so my life is in danger, potentially, and I have no means to defends myself," Matt said.
"I'll protect you," Isaac said. "I mean I spend all my time with you anyways."
"How adorable," Erica said, arms folding across her chest.
Isaac kicked at her leg and she grinned.
"Or you could give me the bite," Matt said as he got to his feet.
"I'm not giving the bite to anyone who's as angry as you are," Derek said. "It's dangerous."
Matt waved a hand dismissively. "Figured. So if that's it, can I go now?"
"Yeah. Isaac, stay with him. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid," Derek ordered.
"Yeah, whatever," Isaac said. He grabbed Matt's hand in his as they headed out, and the warm grip calmed Matt down more than he cared to admit.
-.-
"Matt?"
Isaac was nestled into Matt's side as usual, fingers running up and down Matt's chest with his face buried in his neck. Matt squeezed his shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"You...you're starting to scare me," Isaac said. "I mean you've always had this anger in you but I didn't...realize how badly you wanted to hurt people."
"Only people that deserve it," Matt said. He tugged Isaac closer, burying his nose in Isaac's mop of curls. "And you keep my sane I guess. " His throat felt tight. He had never really shared with Isaac how deep of a pit he had fallen into right after the pool incident. He was bad at talking about his feelings, especially since his role had always been take care of Isaac and keep his own problems out of it.
"But the fact that you...you were okay with killing my dad..."
"That's what I mean though," Matt said. "I'm scared of it too, you know? You think I like feeling that angry? That hateful? It scares the hell out of me, and the last thing I want to do is cause you any pain but I did and I hate that." He tugged Isaac even closer, not liking the tight feeling in his chest, the scared feeling that Isaac was going to shove him away.
"It's okay, Matt. To be afraid of what you did, what you're capable of doing," Isaac said. "I'm scared of what I can do now too. So how about you keep me sane and I do the same? We can fight off each other's darkness."
Matt nodded. "Okay. Yeah, okay." He was shaking, trembling, because he couldn't remember the last time he had been this open with anyone, this vulnerable, and Isaac must have been able to tell because the next moment, Isaac was rolling on top of him and taking his lips in a kiss.
It was different from their past kisses, not tentative, or nervous, but demanding and comforting and just what he needed. It was a kiss that said Isaac was there, that he wasn't going to let anything bad happen to either of them, that it was okay to be angry and out of control, because Isaac was always going to be there to rein him back.
He clung to Isaac, kissed him until he was calm, and then didn't let him go the rest of the night.
-.-
Of course, things couldn't be that simple. They hadn't known who else would want control of the Kanima, until on his way home from school, Matt was accosted by an older man, a man he had seen at the funeral of Kate Argent, Allison's grandfather.
"Matt Daelher isn't it?" the man asked, falling into step beside him.
"Yeah, sorry, who are you?" Matt asked, stopping to look at him head on.
"Gerard Argent, your principle," he said. He held a hand out to shake.
Matt looked down at it but kept his hands by his side. "Sorry, don't pay much attention to that sort of thing. Can I help you?"
"I'm sure you can," Gerard said. "You know, it wasn't that hard to figure out it was you."
Matt tensed and began to walk away. They were still in a relatively populated part of town, it wasn't like the man was going to try anything, but better safe than sorry. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"So you don't know about the Kanima then? There's only two people I can find who would want to kill Mr. Lahey. One of them is missing. And the other is you, the best friend of the only person who would have a motive," Gerard said, easily catching up with him.
"Man, you walk fast for an old guy," Matt said, shooting a glare at the man.
A steel hand clenched around his wrist and the next moment he was being dragged down an alleyway with a knife pressed to his throat. Fear pounded through his veins.
"What the hell!" he shouted.
Gerard jammed his arm into Matt's chest, driving the breath out of his lungs. "Quiet now. It'll all be over soon. I need that Kanima, son, so you just keep quiet."
"Let him go."
Matt went limp with relief against the wall at Isaac's voice, turning his head as best he could to see the other. Isaac's eyes were flashing gold again, his claws apparent. Gerard moved fast, drawing a gun from his pocket and firing off a shot. Isaac went down, clutching at his shoulder that was bleeding out purple smoke from between his fingers.
Gerard lifted the gun once more, and for a moment, Matt was paralyzed. Isaac's eyes were blown wide from pain and fear, and then the fierce desire to shelter, protect, and save the only one who had ever given a damn about him was chasing the fear away and he was knocking the old man to the ground and wresting the gun from his grip, tossing it away before jamming his foot in the man's throat.
"Not so strong now, are you?" he hissed, pressing down as Gerard began to cough and choke.
"Matt!" Isaac shouted.
"He tried to kill us both!"
"It doesn't matter, Matt, let him go. You can't do this. You can't kill someone again, no matter how much they deserve it, okay?"
"I'm not going to let anyone try and hurt us again, Isaac," Matt said.
"Matt, please."
The begging note in Isaac's voice, colored by fear, fear of Matt, made Matt freeze, easing up his weight and then stepping back completely, letting Gerard roll over and cough, rubbing at his throat. He couldn't have Isaac afraid of him, he couldn't, it would be worse than death.
"Isaac..." He looked back at the werewolf, who was slumped against the wall still clutching at his arm. "Isaac..."
"It's okay, we're okay," Isaac said, holding his gaze. "Derek's on the way, they all are. It's going to be okay. You don't have to protect me."
Matt swallowed thickly, stepping towards Isaac and then falling to his knees, letting go of the fear of himself as he collapsed against Isaac's chest. He was still crying when Derek arrived, but it was okay, because he hadn't killed again, Isaac wasn't going to reject him, and it was all okay. All of it.
-.-
Gerard ended up being arrested, and Allison ended up hating them both, and Matt was pretty sure he was always going to have to be careful any time he was around any of the Argents because even if he was the one who had almost died, he had still put one of their family members in jail. They managed to figure out how to cure Jackson a little while later though, and with that crisis averted, life sort of went back to normal.
Minus the fact that Matt was still dreaming about drowning, about Mr. Lahey's face, and Camden and Josh. He woke up most nights feeling like he couldn't breath and Isaac would have to calm him down with kisses and calming strokes up and down his back.
But it helped, knowing that he was capable of shoving his anger down and away. He was so close to killing Gerard, but he hadn't, Isaac had pulled him back. Now though, now he knew that he'd have to start facing what happened to him, face his anger and his hate instead of shoving it down into its little box.
So over time, he began to talk. It was easier after the first time. He would tell Isaac all the things he had needed to tell someone all those years ago when Isaac hadn't been around. He told him what it felt like to sink into the water, unable to move, hearing muffled laughter as he died. To feel so alone, and scared, and know that no one cared about him. To come home and not be spared a second glance, to not have anyone around to comfort him all those months and years when he woke up feeling like he was drowning all over again.
"No one cared, Isaac, do you get that?" He's crying again and Isaac's above him, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. The lamplight was on, because it's always been easier to talk when it was on.
"I cared," Isaac said. "Matt, I know I wasn't there to help you but I cared, I just didn't know what to do."
"That's why though," Matt said, reaching up to clutch at Isaac's shoulders. "That's why I got so angry, why I'm still angry sometimes. I felt so alone and when no one cares you have to steel yourself up because that's the only way to make the pain easier."
"You don't have to hold it in anymore," Isaac said, pressing his forehead to Matt's.
"I know," Matt said, eyes sliding closed. "I know. It's just hard to...open up. It's getting easier though, really. Because I get how much you care now. And I wish I had that earlier. I just...I don't know if you can fix me, Isaac."
"Of course I can fix you," Isaac said. "You're not really broken. You've just needed someone to listen. I'm listening now. And I'm not ever going to stop."
Matt tugged him down, clinging to him. "Please...please never leave me."
"Never gonna leave," Isaac said. "You never left me."
Matt buried himself in Isaac's grip. He wasn't okay, not yet, but Isaac wasn't going to leave. He was going to get better, they both were. It was easier to fight the darkness inside when he had someone beside him. He wasn't going to turn into a monster like Jackson, or a killer like Gerard. He had Isaac now, and every day, every night, he was releasing a bit more of his anger and a bit more of his hate. One day, one day he'd be better. One day he'd wake up to find that all the darkness had been chased away.
He was just going to have to wait a little longer.