Fraser's Torment
Robin Deeter
The cold. It freezes more than the body.
It stops the mind, stops the heart, ceases the pain. Almost.
The freezing cold can soothe the wounds, making them numb
They are deep and abiding wounds, forever ingrained into my psyche
Too stubborn to be removed.
So I wait for the snow, for the sleet and the hail
Wait for the howling winds that sweep down from the mountain heights
Wait for the frigid temperature that is the only thing to cover these wounds
These needs that you evoked inside me in the cold night, while the snow swirled around us
While we waited for the storm to abate, listening to each other's voice
Finding our salvation in one another
Still, that was not enough for you, not enough that while the blizzard raged about us
That I held you and you held me and we lived. We lived.
My betrayal. Revenge is what you seek.
For the trust you placed in me in that cold, cold, passage through the mountains
The trust I broke, for the duty I had to uphold
For half a score of years, you were lost to me
All I had was the memory of our bodies so close, keeping out the snow and ice
Vivid memories that never faded
Then suddenly you were there, I thought you a mirage
Our second chance, or so I thought
I gave myself to you again, completely without hesitation
And the snow swirled around us again, transporting us back to that mountain passage
A game. A cruel cold game you played
Ice in your veins, stopping the love in your heart for me
All for money and revenge, for naught
I wanted to block out the cold, the bitterness, to keep you warm, safe
You couldn't change what you'd become
I couldn't change who I am
The snow swirled, twisting my dreams for us, lost in the wind
Turning them to ice, freezing them forever
You left me wounded. You left, the deepest hurt of all
The healing of my body was easy
The healing of my heart will never happen
And now, back to the cold, the only solace I have
The only weapon I have against the whirling tortures in my mind
The cold. It freezes more than the body.