The Fun-Suckers of Stalag 13
A story by Midget and Toerkel
Edited, Revised Commentated By Pan and Re-edited by Soup
INTRODUCTION: Authors' Note :
This story is full of references and allusions not directly related to Hogan's Heroes, although we could probably come up with a connection. Also, there are a lot of inside jokes. If you don't get it, we forgive you. It really isn't your fault, but we know you're sorry anyway.
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bold denotes Editor Editor's comments
Editor's Note
I edit and fixy the thingys. So if anything appears odd, refer to me. Or I may just mess with Midget and Toerkel's heads and screw with the story… You never know… Bwahaha. Ha. Ha. I also give legal advice.
Editor Editor's Note
Midget told me to read this cool story. I could not get all the way through it because of the atrocious number of errors. I love you Pan, but your editing skills are a little lacking. Hope you enjoy this now error-free and polished epic.
:Disclaimer:
We, Midget and Toerkel, do not own Hogan's Heroes, as much as we would like to. If you read the story, you will probably recognize allusions to other literature, movies and music, such as quotes and lines from the movie "Father Goose" and the Beatles' song "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window". We don't own those either. However, we want to, and probably will someday…when Toerkel's plans work out. All material, with the exception of the above, is property of Midget Toerkel Inc. Do not copy or reproduce in any way without the authors' permission. Violators will be prosecuted. See copyright on last page
And now…Midget and Toerkel present, with the assistance of Pan and Soup:
The Fun-Suckers of Stalag 13Chapter 1: This Sucks!
Once upon a time, there was a Papa Bear by the name of Colonel Robert Hogan. Col. Hogan had four cubs: Sergeants James 'Kinch' Kinchloe and Andrew Carter, as well as Corporals Peter Newkirk and Louis LeBeau. They lived happily in Luft-Stalag 13 in Hammelburg, a P.O.W. camp right in the heart of Germany.
Life in Stalag 13 was uneventful. Col. Hogan ran a sabotage unit and did everything that the Allied Headquarters wanted.
We take you now to Barracks 2, where our heroes are sleeping off a hangover from Newkirk's birthday celebration.
"Raus! Raus! Everybody out for roll-call!" called their obese guard, Sergeant Hans Shultz.
"Oh come on, Shultzy! Give us 10 more minutes. I got a bleedin' 'eadache!"
"Englishman, why do you have a headache? Are you sick?"
Hogan came out of his office. "We all have headaches. Do you really want to know why?"
"No, I do not. I want to know nothing! NNNOTHING!"
"Mission accomplished Shultz. Come on, fellas; let's go wish our Kommandant a 'Guten Morgen'."
The prisoners rolled out of their bunks, clutching their heads (or in Carter's case, his stomach). Blinking, they stepped into the sun.
"+One, two, three, four….+" Shultz counted our heroes repeatedly for insurance that they were there. Kommandant Klink came to the porch.
"Rise and report!"
"All the prisoners are present and accounted for."
"Excellent. Allied P.O.W.s, I am happy to inform you that der Fuhrer is coming here to Stalag 13."
All the prisoners looked at each other in shocked silence. They soon began yelling at their beloved Kommandant.
"You're joking!
"That #013? Here?"
"Diiiis-missed!" shouted Klink over the din.
Our heroes walked in shock and horror back to their barracks.
A/N and Disclaimer: We don't own "The Lion King", "The Princess Bride", or Hitler. It would be nice though….Indeed What would you do with them? Not let others use them, sell them at a million times their value, but the Beatles's songs back from the idiot, Michael Jackson and give them back to Paul and Ringo.
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