So I'm stuck here on a Friday night while Becca and Jake enjoy the new warmth and extra daylight almost-summer brings. I sit in my room and scritch-scratch a pen against this paper to finish this fucking English Lit. essay that's due on Monday while Billy stands guard at my door 'cause I'm this family's only hope. And right now, it's okay. It's okay that I'll have to spend tomorrow typing this up at the local library since we can't afford a computer on Billy's disability checks or my shitty babysitting gig, because a couple of months from now, when I'm finally done with this high school shit, I'll be off to college clear across the country. I'll be the first Black to leave this town alive and when I do – when I pack my stuff and high-tail it out of here – I sure as hell won't be coming back. No matter what anyone says, it's just not possible there's anything out there in the 'real world' that's worse than this.

But as I try to focus on this essay, all I can think about is getting out of my room and bumming around the beach for a while with Beccs and Bells and escaping the sound of 'Dad's stupid wheels!' squeaking against the hallway floor. So when my cellphone buzzes against my desk, it's like divine intervention from some god. Bella's name flashes across the screen and I'm more than happy for the distraction I know is headed my way.

And of course, Bella's laughing. She's giggling in this nearly irritating soprano, and I know that laugh, it's strictly reserved for James. With him being around so often, usurping all her free time, I've come to know it too well. And even though I desperately want out of my house and away from Billy, I'm not sure I want it bad enough to put up with James and the weird version of herself Bella becomes when she's around him. But then I hear the sound of Dad's chair again and then I'm thinking that I should at least hear her out.

They're down at First Beach, she says, just hanging out on the broadwalk for a while and Becca's promised to meet them soon. She says my brother's out there chasing after chicks with his silly little friends and some older guys too. She says it looks like the older guys might be heading in for some trouble and that maybe I should come out and make sure they don't pull him in. I know it's mostly a ruse, that I'll go out there and Jake'll be doing his flirting with freshmen thing and Becca'll be bumming a cigarette off one of Jake's friends, but Bella's always known how to push my buttons and she's just managed to punch every single one of them. With Becca and Jake out at the pier, and Jake with his new older crowd, and Becca with her usual not-so-good crowd, and Bella with James and his just-below-the-skin sleeze, I'm just not gonna get any work done anyway with all the worry that'll replace the focus. So I just save myself the trouble and save Bella the breath and tell her I'll see her in a few. And when I get there, I see that I was mostly right. Becca's just flinging around a frisbee with Bella while James watches from a nearly safe distance, and Jake's huddle around a makeshift bonfire with the usual crew but I can also see a few other guys I know are probably too old to be hanging around high school sophomores.

So I call out to them, saying Embry's name instead of Jake's so he doesn't feel too much like his sister's checking up on him, and Embry, of course, turns his head lightening-fast and before I know it, he's jogging across the sand and hoisting me up with my waist against his shoulders. And of course, I'm laughing like a little kid, because that's just how Embry has always made me feel, and letting him carry me over to their little circle. 'Hey,Quil.Jake,' I say, and Jake just mumbles a greeting but Quil's like Embry, likes to show off, so he slings his arm over my shoulder and then locks my head between his elbow and armpit before mussing up my hair and letting me free. By the time I've set myself straight and finger-brushed my hair back into place, most of the excitement's died down and they're mostly back to doing whatever it was they were doing before I came along. I take a seat on a battered piece of driftwood nearest the fire and lean in a little to warm my freezing fingertips, and while I'm doing that, I try to get a feel for the other guys that are hanging around.

When I do, I see that Leah Clearwater's there. She smiles in recognition when she sees me, quirking an eyebrow since it's not my usual scene; not hers either. I just shrug and tilt my head in Jake's direction, and she does the same, using her eyes to point to her little brother Seth whose attention is wrapped around some football glory story Jake's telling. She's sitting up against one of the older guys, and I raise an eyebrow at her when his hand trails across her knee, and soon she's excusing herself and shuffling across the sand to meet me.

'Jared,' she says by way of introduction, 'Hegraduatedacoupleofyearsago.Youremember?' I just shake my head, my face burning a little 'cause I had bigger worries than senior boys at the time, and of course, she presses. 'Y'know,hewasonthefootballteamwithPaulandSam...'

And that's a name we both recognize.

Leah and I aren't really close, but I know her well enough to know she doesn't get embarrassed for anyone else, she lacks the empathy, so the red in her cheeks is all her own and has little to do with mine except that it's centered on the same guy. The one who changed my life in a big way but barely brushed hers, so it's a little irritating that she's even affected by the mention of his name at all.

But we try to get past it, past the small awkwardness that's crept in and trying to burrow deeper. So I ask her what he's doing 'round here, and she takes it. She says he's back home for summer vacation, that he goes to some school up north on scholarship. And I say, 'Football?' 'cause he's bigger than a Buick, and she nods, grinning like a cat, and says, 'Lineback.'

While we're sitting and talking, and she's telling me about how huge her end of the year party is going to be this year, now that we're seniors, a guy just as tall as Jared but maybe only half as wide, sidles beside her. He only nudges her shoulder but she sways like she's been hit and then he's mumbling something about 'want' and out of the corner of my eye, I can see he's holding a box of cigarettes out to her. She takes one and then he's shifting his arm so the pack's pointing at me and I find that I can barely speak. The only thing coming out of my mouth is a low drawling 'uuuuhh...' and thankGodhe can't hear me with all the noise around us. So I look up into his face, ready to say 'no' 'cause I don't smoke, that's Becca's thing, and I'm met by these dark intense eyes and brows so deep his father must be Cro-Magnon. And I'm not sure I'll ever be able to talk right again.

But Bella saves me, her voice breathy and uneven when she says 'Racheldoesn'tsmoke,' and when I turn to look at her, she's on James' back as he gallops around in the sand and bounces her up and down a little. And when I turn to look at that guy again, he's already gone, catching fire on the end of a twig and using it to light the long white stick resting between his lips.

'Paul,' Leah says by way of introduction, smiling like she knows some big secret.