A Fluffy Surprise and an Unconventional Man
Mulder had been acting very strange recently. Not strange in the sense that he tried to convince high up members of government aliens walked the earth and compulsively threw pencils in the ceiling, (which in fact was a marker of normality Scully had come to expect,) but strange as none the less.
It had been going on for a few weeks now, this strange behaviour of his. He'd sneak out of the house during the afternoon without telling her where he was going, and return with bulging garbage bags, the contents of which somewhat resembled the effigy of a deceased body and smelt ever so faintly of mothballs. Having been forbidden to see the contents, and allowing herself to believe that Mulder, despite his faults, was unlikely to be a murderer of the geriatric, Scully was left wondering of his strange pursuits by herself.
She would probe him for answers every few days, as the astute investigator she was, trying to deduce his motives, his plans, but every time she launched an enquiry he just smiled with a glint in his eye and she was told she must wait.
It was the eve of their wedding anniversary when he arrived with the canon.
He had needed to hire a small moving truck to transport the monstrosity to their abode. Scully just stood frozen in a combination of shocked awe and paralysing blinding rage, her eyes bulging out of her head and mouth hung ajar as he grunted and groaned pulling the contraption on wheels.
After a few moments of watching the parade before her, Scully cracked.
"That's it Mulder!" she burst out with a flailing of her arms. "I can't take it anymore! That thing is not going in the house," she marched over and stood in front of it, arms crossed defiantly as he took two steps back in apprehension.
"And you're going to tell me what is going on right this second or else your anniversary is going to be spent sleeping outside, and this canon is the only type of bang your going to get, if you catch my drift!" She ranted breathlessly.
Yet Mulder just smiled, kissing her on the cheek. "Patience love," he whispered almost seductively. "This is all part of my surprise present to you for our anniversary."
Scully raised an eyebrow unconvinced. "You know in most conventional relationships, the husband gives their wife jewellery or flowers… or the day off." She huffed.
"Aren't you glad you married a very unconventional man then?" he smiled evenly, manoeuvring the contraption very slowly around her, to the backyard.
"Mulder," she sighed again staring at the sky. "Its almost dark" she gestured, as the sky started to transform into a brilliant shade of pink and amber. "You're not going to be able to use it in the dark for whatever you've got planned, can we just go inside, and you can surprise me with your idiocy tomorrow."
"That hurts Scully" he frowned. "You go inside, I've got some setting up to do, won't be long. But under no circumstances are you allowed to peak." He instructed, hands on hips.
Scully huffed, threw up her hands and went inside.
She smiled despite herself. Yes, she was happy she married a wonderfully unconventional man, but she hoped to dear god this unconventional man had not gotten his hands on any gun powder, as she'd had enough trips to the hospital due to him to last a lifetime.
The curtains were drawn, and she could vaguely hear some kind of rustling coming from beyond the timber borders. They'd eaten earlier, so she absently put the dishes in the sink to get her mind off whatever was going on outside, scraping off lumps of mashed potato and rinsing out wine glasses.
Finally the door creaked open ever so slightly, and Mulder's cheeky head popped out.
"I'm ready." He grinned.
"I don't know if I am," she said apprehensively stilling herself as Mulder reached out and grabbed her hand.
He smiled. "Its something I always wanted to do, but never quite had the occasion."
"Oh.." was all Scully managed to reply, as she stepped into her yard, puzzled, as it seemed unchanged.
"Remember when we were driving to that teamwork seminar in '97?"
"The one we never got to because you picked up a case in the middle of nowhere on a desolate road and ditched me?"
"Yup that's the one." He nodded. "And I would never ditch you" he frowned displaying his puppy dog eyes and grasping her hand. "Do you remember what we talked about out there in the forest, I was injured, it was freezing and you were trying to stay awake?"
"Oh dear god Mulder," she let out. "If there's a gospel choir back there wrapped in garbage bags singing 'Jeremiah was a Bullfrog' whist confetti erupts from that canon I'm filing for divorce."
Mulder laughed and shook his head. "Even better Scully. On this cold cold night," he whispered in her ear wrapping his arms around her, and she spotted the canon in the corner of the yard with something colourful stuffed inside, the barrel pointing to the heavens.
"Mulder…" said Scully in a warning tone.
He walked over to it, retrieved a box of matches from his pocket, struck it and lit the fuse.
He ran over to her and gently placed his hands over her ears.
"Mulder!" she yelled. "The neighbours!"
"Oh shh Scully," he laughed excitedly bouncing up and down. "I told them to expect a little noise."
"A little?" she yelled, and quickly flicked her head back as the canon erupted in and almighty *BOOM* sending its now flaming contents flying high into the sky.
Scully watched in awe as the coloured objects floated majestically in the atmosphere. Some had ripped and disintegrated, the smaller pieces catching fire as they shone brightly like delicate fireworks before being extinguished. They danced gracefully on the wind displaying their rainbow of colours in twirls before landing. The intact objects however flew to the ground more quickly with inelegant thuds. As they scattered onto their yard, (and to everyone else's in a fifty metre radius it seemed), Scully finally got a clear picture of what he had been doing.
"Oh Mulder," she looked up at him in some kind of humorous awe as he beamed from ear to ear. "You actually made it rain sleeping bags."
He laughed and nodded as he wound his arms tightly around her from behind and kissed her head tenderly. They watched the remainder of the fabric glide, intertwine and dance slowly and gracefully towards earth.
"Remember... the easiest way to regenerate body heat is to climb into a sleeping bag with someone who is already naked."
Scully couldn't help but laugh.
"And you thought the only way you'd get lucky is if you created this?" she gazed up at him.
He kissed her and shook his head. "No, but the image of you naked in an army green sleeping bag has just been plaguing my mind for weeks." He laughed. "And Jeremiah the bullfrog did want to spread joy to the world after all." He squeezed her gently. "When I informed the neighbours of my big bang plans I also photocopied the body heart article."
Scully chuckled.
"Everyone's going to have a festive night tonight" he smiled as Scully turned around and kissed him, passionately.
"Well ten points for effort Mr Mulder" she smiled at him, picking up a sleeping bag that had fallen nearby and absently sniffed it. "But can we get naked in one that isn't covered in gun power residue?"
"Thought you'd never ask" Mulder laughed and she shrieked as he swept her off her feet and carried her inside and up the stairs into their bedroom. She stopped him abruptly in the doorway.
"Mulder…" She paused. "Is that a non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicle sitting on that sleeping bag? Scully asked incredulously as they entered their bedroom.
"Indeed it is," smiled Mulder, placing her on the bed, on top of a fluffy army green sleeping bag narrowly missing the chilled bowl. "But I'd invite you to test whether the air in my mouth tastes better. Or if it tastes better when its on your.."
"Oh get in the damn sleeping bag Mulder," she laughed as she tackled him to the ground.
"You're just lucky I didn't get the Norwegian Elkhound." He teased.
Scully pushed back on him with a look of incredulity.
"What? A man can't hunt moose around here?" He asked casually.
Scully burst into giggles grabbing him and pulling his face down to her on the floor. "Shut up Mulder."
"How do you feel about naming our firstborn Henrich?" he murmured one last time before a spoonful of dreamsicle was hurled at him and Scully smothered his mouth with her own.
She was very glad she married an unconventional man.