Fandom: Trainspotting
Pairing: Renton/Begbie
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. Broke.
Tommy was dead. He had tried to glue together the broken, splintered pieces of his shattered life. She had rejected him, the cunt. And now he was dead. It wasn't that I didn't feel sorry for him, I did. He had gotten into Scag because I had said that it was better than sex. More than once I had thought that if anyone deserved to have THE VIRUS it was me. Not Tommy. He was always so much healthier than the rest of us. That was until I introduced him to the Wonderful World of Mainlining Hard Core Heroin. He was dead and I wished that I could trade places with him.
In a sadistic way God got me back. I was negative but that didn't mean that I was saved from Hell. No. He had built a special hell for Mark Renton. I was stuck with Francis Begbie. When the gang had been together I hadn't minded him all that much. But when we were living in close quarters I realized just how bad he was. It stemmed from the first time that he told me to get him a cigarette.
~~~
"Hey Rents get me a fucking cigarette."
I got off the couch and reached into my pocket and got out my pack of cigarettes. I handed him one. He stared at it for a few seconds as if he didn't know what it was. He threw it on the floor. He stepped towards me and grabbed my chin so that I was looking directly at him. This reminded me of the last time that that had happened, he had threatened to slice me up.
"When I ask for a cigarette, you light it, take a drag and then hand it to me. Don't make me tell you again. Got it?"
"Aye." He let go of my chin. I scooped the cigarette up, put it in between my trembling lips. Lit it, took a drag and then handed it to him.
As he smoked the cigarette, I sat on the couch. I was pretending to read my book but what I really was doing was trying to not to panic. It had dawned on me that he was dangerous and I needed to find a way out. I was determined not to be his next victim.
~~~
Now as I hand him the lit cigarette
I think of all the things that has happened since that declaration
that I made. When I walk silently back to the bed where I was sitting
he swatted my ass. I tried not to cringe when he touched me. I knew
what he was capable of and what kind of mood he was in. Especially if
he was pished.
~~~
I don't know how much time has passed.
All I know is that I can feel his eyes boring into me. It's a
wretched feeling. I open my eyes, I had been asleep. I spend a lot of
time pretending to sleep, I learned pretty fast that if I was asleep
he usually didn't bother me. Now was not one of those times.
I open my eyes to see him leering at me. He sits on the bed and runs a hand up my back, as I was laying on my stomach.
"It's about time you woke up RentBoy."
As I slide out of my pants and I reflect on how much I hate the nickname that he has given me and how much it fits the role that he has given me.
I stay on my stomach, even though I'm naked. It's easier to hide what I'm feeling if I don't have to be face to face with him. If I have to be facing him then I have to keep myself in check, if not then as long as I'm silent about crying and screaming then he doesn't care. Thankfully tonight he doesn't want to see my face.
He spreads my legs and slides into my body. I feel repulsed. Apparently since he can't go out and get laid I have to be the prostitute that he doesn't even pay. My body rocks forcefully with his and I'm biting my lip bloody. At the same time I'm fighting the urge to get sick.
He finished with a grunt and lays on top of me. It's not fair. I feel disgusted. I usually do after he's used me like something that you can just get rid of. I lay there knowing that if I say anything there are several ways that he could react.
He'll either laugh as if it's the funniest thing that he's ever heard. He'll slap my ass and tell me that he knows how much I enjoy his cock inside me. He'll take the small handgun that he owns and put it to my head. When he does this he'll also say that if I have any smartass comments maybe I need to be taught to keep them to myself. Lastly he'll fuck me again, although the second time it'll be rough enough to make me bleed.
No I keep silent. I need out. I just don't know how to get myself out. So for now I stay where I am.
I know my role and what's expected of me. I'm Begbie's whore. I wish that I could be dead like Tommy. No, I deserve to be stuck in this Hell. I take my punishments and leave it at that.
The End