"Right. Well ... yeah: right. I suppose this is rather odd, talking to plants, I mean. Actually, I suppose it's really odd, but, yeah. I'm still going to give a try.

I came across an article on muggle gardening in the HerbologyMonthly. It was mainly about their plants and tools but there was a section about muggle gardening theories and one of them was that some herbolo-, I mean gardeners, believe that talking to plants makes them grow better. At first I wasn't sure but then I figured that I might as well give it a try - I haven't got anything to lose, really, have I?

So, here I am: talking to plants.

Right, what else should I talk about? Oh, I suppose I could start with the basics.

My name is Neville Longbottom and I am the new Herbology teacher at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. It's about three days before the start of the new school year, my first as a teacher and I'm absolutely terrified. Who would have imagined it? Me: a teacher!

I hadn't ever really thought about teaching before but Professor Sprout decided to retire and the new Headteacher (Professor Adlar), wrote to me to ask if I wanted the post - apparently Professor Sprout recommended me.

Let me just take off these dead leaves ...

So here I am. The teaching staff isn't the same as when I was here - Professor Sprout wasn't the only one to retire. Professor McGonagall also left about a year after the Battle for Hogwarts, her old bones had finally given out, she said, and she wanted to spend the next few years with her sister's family. She was shortly followed by Professor Slughorn who wanted to return to his comfortable retirement. Dr Henley now takes potions and Professor Fenton Transfiguration. The rest of the staff are pretty much the same although Professor Flitwick said that this would be his last year of teaching - we'll all miss him when he's gone.

You definitely need some more Dragon Dung, don't you?

I'm worried about my first few lessons - they're all planned but I don't know whether they'll be interesting enough. I've got the third years first and I thought that I might have them re-pot the miniature Whomping Willows in Greenhouse Four - hopefully there won't be any broken fingers.

There doesn't seem to be any Dragon Dung left. How odd - I was sure ... oh, I remember: I used the last of it on Tuesday with the Flutterby Bushes because they were looking under the weather. I wonder whether there is enough time to go and get some more today? Hang on, let me look at my watch...

No. There isn't.

Drat, how on earth can it have got to half-past four already? I only popped out for a moment around three to check you were all okay before the staff meeting at four.

Whoops.

Staff meeting.

At four.

I'd better run!

None of you seem to have grown yet - maybe it's one of those things that take a long time. I'll come back tomorrow, I think and try again.

I'd definitely better run."