Originally Cynara hadn't been too receptive to the idea of breastfeeding. It had always seemed like a messy and embarrassing way to feed a baby, but Josie had talked her into trying it, rightly pointing out that since the baby had already gotten all her prior nutrition from her mother, it might be the safest way to insure everything stayed healthy. "We have various formulas on stand-by, but seriously, breast milk is at the top of the list." Josie had pointed out, and Cynara agreed to at least try breastfeeding.
She hadn't counted on 1) comfort from Nira, and 2) an audience.
The baby was excited, wriggling a little in her blanket covered with little penguins, her shock of frizzy black hair standing up in a sweet tuft on top of her head. Cynara cradled her close, almost laughing at her daughter's eagerness. "Okay sweetie, okay . . . have to give me a moment here . . ." she took a breath and shot a look towards the figures flanking her bed, adding, "you two are making me nervous-"
"Not our intent," Josie assured her.
Loki reached a finger out to his daughter's cheek; she turned her face and tried to suck on the tip of it, making him smirk. "You will find no meal there," he told her, and Nira promptly stopped, waving a fist at him in irritation.
"That was mean," Cynara muttered, and shifted Nira closer while pulling down the strap of her nightgown. Instantly Loki's gaze shifted, and Cynara shot him a dry, side-long glance. "They're not for you."
"I am willing to wait my turn," came his cheeky reply. She ignored him and carefully guided Nira's face closer to her nipple, trying to stay calm.
Nira began rooting, excitedly straining, little mouth open, and she latched on with alacrity, startling her parents and making Josie laugh.
"Good girl!" Josie crowed gently as Cynara giggled. Loki's dimples flashed out as he watched the nursing baby with genuine amusement.
"Well done, little mischief! I didn't get anywhere near that quick to the mark until I was much older."
"TMI, Husband," Cynara chided him.
"For the moment," he countered, and continued to watch, his expression a study in fascination mixed with fleeting melancholy. Josie gave Cynara a squeeze on the shoulder and left the three of them alone. After a while Loki spoke up.
"Does it hurt? She seems so . . . aggressive."
"N-n-no," Cynara sighed in embarrassment. "It feels pretty nice. Hormones, Josie says. At least she's getting fed."
"Abundantly," Loki replied, reaching over to wipe a trickle from the corner of Nira's mouth with his thumb. "A very sweet sight, the two of you."
Cynara smiled at him. "Sentiment? From you? That's pretty amazing."
"I have my hidden sides," Loki protested. "I was simply remembering my day nursing Sleipnir, and how close a bond we formed at that time. I envy it, and want to be a part of what you two are sharing."
She took a moment to shift Nira closer and then shot Loki a compassionate glance. "You ARE a part of it. You saved us, and you were there for her birth, Husband. She knows who you are."
It seemed the right thing to say; Loki took a breath and leaned to kiss her, their smiles making it silly and wonderful at the same time. He bent to kiss Nira's tuft before reseating himself on the side of the bed and for a while all three of them were content.
Then Nira fussed, and Cynara realized it was time to shift the baby to the other breast. This was a little tricky, and matters were not helped by Loki copping a feel under the guise of being helpful. She forgave him though; it seemed such a light-hearted gesture made all the nicer by his little whisper. "You are lush, Wife, and beautiful."
"It's going to be a while," she told him reluctantly, but Loki gave an understanding nod, and let Nira grip his forefinger with her tiny ones.
"Yes, you must rest and heal; still, I desire you and this new shape of yours," he murmured, still looking at his daughter. "You are like a filly who has now become a brood mare."
"Again with the horses," Cynara rolled her eyes, "sweet as it is."
"I mean it as a true compliment," Loki told her in his best seductive tone. "Your long legs, sweetly enticing rump and—" Cynara put her free hand to his lips, giving him a warning look.
"Rein it in, sweetheart; we've got a few weeks to go before Josie gives us the full go-ahead."
He nodded, kissing her fingers before pulling her hand away. "I understand. I simply wanted you know my passion for you has not died."
She nodded, feeling a prickle of tears in her eyes. It felt good to hear, to see that in Loki's expression. He winked at her and then looked down at Nira, who was nursing contentedly. "And you, Child. You seem to have matters well in hand."
Nira gave a grunt that Cynara could have sworn was an honest response. Loki seemed to take it as such, nodding thoughtfully. When she was done he took the baby from Cynara, giving her time to wipe her chest and pull her nightgown up. It was odd to see Loki with a baby at his shoulder, his long hands stroking her back.
"Tush, tush," he murmured, patting her gently. "Give it a moment . . ."
On cue Nira belched, leaving a long trickle of baby urp down the back of his shoulder. Loki winced, trying to shift his hair away from the mess. "Daughter, that was unkind."
"She's a baby," Cynara pointed out defensively. "It wasn't on purpose."
Loki didn't look entirely convinced, and gave his child a mock-suspicious look as he shifted her away to hand her back to Cynara. He accepted a cloth in return and wiped the spit-up off of himself. "Probably not, but I shall be watching."
A knock on the bedroom door made Cynara look up. "Yes?"
"May I enter?" Thor asked in a loud whisper. Ever since the birth he'd been trying to keep his voice low to comical effect since he still sounded like cheerful thunder wherever he was.
"Come, Brother," Loki replied, still trying to get his shoulder clean. Thor lumbered in as gently as he could and looked down at Nira resting on Cynara's forearm. The baby shifted her face towards him, hands aimlessly waving, and Thor took that as permission to come closer.
"Nira Lokisdóttir, little princess," he rumbled softly, smiling.
Nira blew a milky spit bubble in reply, which seemed to charm her uncle. Carefully Cynara shifted the baby and wiped her face. "That wasn't nice."
"I have seen worse," Thor responded, and Loki gave a short laugh.
"You've done worse."
"True," Thor agreed, and reached to touch the baby's tiny nose. "How can so small a creature rule so many so fast?"
"Charm and cuteness," Cynara sighed. "Do you want to hold her?"
It was a dumb question because Thor always wanted to hold the baby whenever he was around her. He eagerly held out his hands and Cynara transferred Nira, warning, "She's just eaten, so be careful."
"I do not fear her essences." Thor cradled Nira in his two huge palms, smiling down at her. Nira managed to find her own thumb and begin sucking it as Loki shot his brother a glance.
"Careful," he warned.
Thor took the rebuke with a nod and brought the baby up to his shoulder, smiling. "Our mother wants to know when she may see the princess."
Cynara anticipated this and sighed. "In three days. My mother gets to see her first. I hate to pull rank, but she's only got a human lifespan and I'll never hear the end of it if she doesn't get first dibs. I hope that doesn't cause trouble."
Thor shook his head. "She understands. When is your mother arriving?"
"Today, according to Phil. S.H.I.E.L.D. is bringing her up with a few hours." Cynara had a good idea of how the visit would go, and hoped the rest of the agents still at the outpost were ready for non-stop baby talk. She'd already briefed Loki, making him promise not to make fun of his mother-in-law.
"It would not be possible in any event," he reminded her. "Your mother wields her seeming naiveté like in impenetrable shield, and provokes guilt in anyone even considering a pointed remark in reply."
"It's a gift," Cynara had agreed. "I'm surprised she's never gone into politics myself."
Back in the moment, Thor gazed down at his niece. "She is still tinted the shade of myrtle flowers, Brother."
"Yes. She may well stay that way," Loki noted, coming around the bed to look at his daughter, who remained interested in her thumb. "It becomes her, I think."
"It does," Thor agreed as Cynara got out of bed, wincing a little.
"It's probably normal," she grumbled, "but we'll see what the grandmothers say. Why don't you two take her to the living room while I shower, all right?"
She waved off Loki's concerned look and waited until both gods were gone before making her way to the bathroom and checking at her reflection in the mirror. A bit haggard; that was to be expected of course, but Cynara leaned forward and stared into her eyes.
There. Around each brown iris was a thin ruby band. She'd seen it before once or twice, but it had always faded. Now it was there for good, and Cynara wasn't sure what it meant, although she suspected it was the tiny percent of Ice Giant within her now making itself permanent.
She shook her head and took her shower, making the water as hot has possible, and considered the next few days. Her mother would be fun but a bit tiring, and then there would be Loki's mother, who would be slightly intimidating and a bit tiring. After that, Cynara sighed, she'd probably have that over-due discussion with Fury about final arrangements for the family.
Outpost Nord had been convenient, but it was after all a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility and not child-proof. There had been some fuss about a baby born on Canadian territory in an American facility, but Fury had managed to cut through the paperwork and have Nira given dual citizenship as well as her own S.H.I.E.L.D. ID badge. Loki wasn't pleased at that, and Cynara wasn't sure how she herself felt on the matter, but it meant at least Nira was considered a legal alien.
That thought had her giggling until the water began to cool.
-oo00oo-
Tilly Wolfe arrived at Outpost Nord at three ten PM. Baby Nira was in her arms by three ten and twenty one seconds PM, to the complete non-surprise of her daughter. Cynara watched as her hyperactive mother proceeded to coo, cuddle, caress and cry all at that same time. Baby Nira took it all in stride, even yawning while her father looked slightly alarmed at this impressive display, but Cynara slipped an arm around his waist to hold him back.
"Normal," she assured him quietly. "We'll get our daughter back in a little while, but for now it's one hundred percent Nana Tilly bonding, okay?"
Loki nodded, but settled himself nearby, a book in hand and only half his attention on it as Cynara joined her mother on the sofa, trying to answer the questions that were coming thick and fast.
"Yes I'm breastfeeding, no, she's always that color, no, it's not constipation, yes, we went with the patronymic in honor of er, Loki's family, no we haven't taken any photos yet because I don't think there's a Sears portrait studio within seven hundred miles, mom!"
"All the more reason for you two to come back to the tri-state area anyway," Tilly pointed out. She pressed her nose to Nira's and gurgled a string of baby talk "You tell them Nana's righty-right Sweetie-Kissy-Boo-Boo number two!"
"Number two?" Loki interjected, and Tilly didn't even bother to look up.
"Yes, Nara was Sweetie-Kissy-Boo-Boo number one of course."
"Call me that," Cynara stage-whispered to him fiercely, "and you die."
"Ah," Loki replied, ignoring his wife, "Was this her name before or after her public bath in the fountain of the marketplace?"
"Oh after THAT she was Nudie Cutie Kissy Boo-boo Butt," Tilly helpfully supplied.
To her horror, Cynara felt herself tear up. She rose off the sofa, murmuring an excuse and hurrying out, fighting hard not to cry. Once in the bedroom she snatched up a pillow and sobbed into it, hurt and horrified at her own reaction. Josie had warned her that mood swings were common post-partum and that it would take a while to feel normal, but this . . . this felt huge and raw and painful.
She heard the door open; knew by the footsteps that it was Loki. Cynara tried to stop, but her body, caught up in the release wouldn't do it, and she clung more tightly to the pillow.
"Wife," she heard, and then felt him slide his arms around her. For a second Cynara struggled, and then when Loki's grip tightened she shivered and slipped into his hug, the pillow falling away as she pressed her face into the crook of his neck.
Cynara wasn't sure how long they stood together that way but it took a while for her sobs to slow and fade into sniffles. To his credit Loki held her quietly, his long hands stroking her back in soothing passes.
"S-stupid," she sighed finally. "I don't know why I lost it—"
"Wife, I am sorry," Loki told her in a whisper. "Your mother and I did not mean to hurt you, especially not after your long trial of birth. Truly, I apologize, my love."
"No it's just a dumb n-nickname," Cynara countered, looking up at him and trying to smile. "I guess I'm just feeling so tired, Husband. Nothing feels like home even though you and Nira are here. Nothing feels . . . safe." She bit her lip at the admission, and he nodded.
"And I promised to make you safe," Loki replied. "This I will do. In the meantime we must go back. Your mother is worried and Nira will be hungry."
"Yes," Cynara agreed, clinging to him a moment longer.
He kissed the top of her head and added, "In fairness, when my mother comes, you must ask her about she used to call me and my brother. I promise you those names are no better than yours."
She brightened. "Really?"
Loki's expression was answer enough, and Cynara began to smile as she followed him out of the bedroom and back into the living room.