Disclaimer: I don't own YYH

Misunderstanding Part One: Blame It On Me

X -x-x-x-x- X

Botan was walking home when her thoughts began to drift to a certain someone. She couldn't believe it had been six months since then. Their relationship wasn't what you would call normal or loving, but Botan had learned to accept it.

One night while she was asleep, she got the shock of her life. There he was, at her window, staring at her. She yelped and fell out of the bed. "Hiei?"

"Open the window." His voice was strained, like he was in pain. Naturally, thinking this was the case, she let him in.

"Hiei, what's wrong?" He stood there for a few seconds not moving. When he finally looked at her, Botan couldn't help but shiver.

His eyes were bright red and his fangs were showing.

"Do you know what time it is?" He asked in a sharp tone.

Botan looked at her clock. "Um, eleven pm?" He chuckled. Botan didn't like that. His chuckle sounded almost...evil again.

"No..." He began walking towards her. Botan gulped. She remembered what time it was. "...It's mating season."

"I don't understand." She said shakily.

"Oh, I think you do."

"What about Mukuro?" Her back hit the wall.

"She rejected me." She could hear the sadness in his voice.

"Oh. But why me? Can't you find somebody else?"

"Yeah. I'll just go out a rape a random female." Botan gasped as he got closer. "My instincts can't be controlled. If I approached anybody else they would refuse, and I would have to force myself on them."

"You think I'll sleep with you?" He was a few inches away from her now.

"If you don't, I'll either force myself on you, or somebody else."

"You wouldn't. you would never do something so dishonorable. You can control it, Hiei." Just then he pinned her to the wall.

"You think so?" His voice had that sadness again, but it was a different tone, like his full form. That's when Botan noticed in the split second he pinned her, he had also transformed. He was nipping at her neck while straining to pull away. Botan felt what was inside him. His instincts had taken over, but not completely. He was trying to stop himself. His right hand moved up her waist to her left breast. She gasped and he pulled back slightly and made a growl that was pained. Botan brought her hands up to his hair and gently stroked his head.

"It's all right, Hiei. I'm yours." After that she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. Her eyes went murky and the rest of the night was a total blur.

When she woke up the next mooring she sat up off the floor and noticed teeth marks on her shoulder. She screamed and fell backward onto Hiei, who was also sleeping on the floor.

"Woman!" He shouted.

"Oh! I'm sorry! OH, MY GOD!" She shrieked. "I'M NAKED!" She ran to the bed and grabbed a blanket off it and wrapped around her. Then she looked down.

On the floor was a cloak, black fighting pants, a nightgown, a white pair of panties, and a butt naked Hiei.

"AHHHH! YOU'RE NAKED!" She covered her face with her hands as she cried. Then she heard something she never thought she would here in all eternity; Laughing.

Hiei Jaganshi was...laughing.

She peeked out of her fingers, narrowly hiding his privates, and saw him laughing heartily. It wasn't an evil laugh or the kind he gets when he kills someone, but a real true laugh.

"Woman, you saw me naked all night long. How is this different?" He asked, his laughter dying down

"I don't remember last night.." She said shyly. His face changed from an amused smile to something Botan couldn't quite pinpoint.

"I see." He stood up and Botan meeped as she covered her face again. "You can look now, woman." In a split second he had put his pants back on.

Botan sighed and sat back down on the bed. "So...we..?" She asked nervously.

"No, we played chess nude."

She huffed and crossed her arms. "Well, sorry! I was just making sure. Good thing I'm on the pill..." Hiei rolled his eyes and put on his cloak.

"Um, Hiei?" A pause. "Is this mark what I think it is?"

"Yes."

"You mean...?"

"Yes. We're mates."

"So, what? I belong to you now?" She asked from the bathroom. When she came out she found Hiei sitting on her window sill. He glanced at her and turned back. "Hello?"

He sighed. "Yes."

"Well, that's just peachy! So, what does that mean? I can't marry anybody now? I'm stuck with you?"

"You can kill yourself if you want. That is the only way to break it." He said in his usual cocky tone.

"Ugh! You jerk! That's all you have to say?"

He jumped off the window and tore off his cloak. "If it makes you feel any better I'm stuck with you too."

Botan blinked and walked over to him. There on his shoulder was teeth marks. "I did that?"

"No, I'm mated with the tooth fairy."

"But that means..."

"Yes I know. We're connected forever."

Six months. It had been only six months. Botan sometimes was a little unsure of this relationship. Because they were are mated Hiei now had ways to...express himself in a way he couldn't before. Almost every other night he would come through her window. She would purposely leave it unlocked just for him. She would give herself to him and most of the time she didn't mind. In fact in the beginning she loved it. She hadn't had a man in so long she would find herself craving Hiei's visits. But after a while, she realized that the only reason he came was to have sex and nothing more. He was always gone in the morning and never came to visit for any other reason.

She sighed and unlocked the front door. She walked into the living room and sat her keys on the table next to the door. She took off her coat and sighed again.

Here she was, alone in her small apartment like always. No one to greet her. No one to talk to. No one that cares.

She was in the kitchen cooking spaghetti when she heard her bedroom window open. She looked at the clock. 8:00pm. 'He's early,' she thought. She sighed and went back to her cooking. After a few minutes he walked into the kitchen.

"I haven't eaten yet so you'll have to wait." She said with her back turned away from him. It was the first thing either one of them had said in a week.

He said nothing and began to walk back out. "Do you want some?" She asked. He stopped. 'Why did you ask that? You know he doesn't,' she cursed herself.

"Alright." She turned around and looked at him. His tone was slightly gentle. One might say polite.

"Alright." She repeated. "Go and sit and I'll bring it out to you." Since she didn't have a table he walked over to the couch and sat down.

After about three minutes she came out with two plates.

"Um, here." She said shyly. Why was she so shy? They had sex more times than she could count. He had touched her and done things to her in ways that she thought she would never let anyone do - so, why was she so shy? Maybe because in reality they had no relationship. It was just sex.

He sniffed the spaghetti and she giggled. "Don't worry, it's really good." He looked up at her and quickly looked back at the plate.

She handed him some chopsticks and they both began to eat their food.

About halfway through she spoke. "Hiei, what are we?"

He stopped and shifted in his seat. "We're mates."

"And what is that?" He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. She put down her plate on the coffee table and he did the same.

"Hiei, we're mates, but what does that mean? That we're just supposed to have sex a couple times a week?"

He stood up off the couch and moved toward the window. His arms were crossed and she couldn't see his face. She sighed. "If I don't get more from this relationship then I think we should end it."

"We can't." His voice was calm. "Only death will break it."

"I know. But just because that it's there, doesn't mean that we just have meaningless sex forever. There are other ways to end it."

"Like what?"

She stood up and walked behind him. "Like you never coming over again."

There was a few moments of silence before he spoke. "So you never want to see me again?" His voice was emotionless. Did he care at all?

"Is that what you want?" She asked and walked closer to him. He just stood there looking out the window instead of her.

"What would you do if I said yes?"

He turned and looked at her and she smiled sadly. "You really don't want to be here, do you? You're here because you feel obligated. Because you marked me, you feel obligated to stay with me." No response. "Well, Hiei, I have good news for you; I don't need your obligation and I don't need you."

His eyes looked down. "I see." He uncrossed his arms and started walking for the door.

"That's all you have to say?" Her voice cracked.

"You said it yourself. I'm only here because I feel obligated. I see nothing else to say." His voice was calm and emotionless. She was right.

"Okay, then." She piked up one of the plates and threw it at him. He gasped and jumped back. "THEN GET OUT OF HERE!" She threw the other plate at him and he was gone. He really didn't care. The spaghetti slipped down the walls as she collapsed on the floor sobbing.

Here she was again. All alone. And it was all her fault. If she hadn't said anything he would still be here. They would be making love right about now.

Feeling him inside her with his breath on her neck. She sobbed harder.

Out on your own
cold and alone again
can this be what you really wanted, baby?
Blame it on me
set your guilt free
nothing can hold you back now, love

It had been about a week since he left. She still left her window unlocked thinking he would come back. But she knew he wouldn't. This is what he wanted. He wanted to leave. She was just a chore. An excuse for his needs. She was a fool to think he loved her or even cared about her. But even though it hurt to know that, she still understood. She understood why he didn't love her. In a way, this whole thing kinda made sense to her. It was like she always knew why it had happened.

Now that you're gone
I feel like myself again
grieving the things I can't repair and willing
To let you blame it on me
and set your guilt free
I don't want to hold you back now, love

There were still some nights that she would lay awake and miss him. She knew on those nights that it was for the best, but she couldn't help it. Sometimes a twig tapping on her window would make her think it was him, but every time she jumped up she chided herself. He wasn't coming back. But she still missed how he felt, how he would touch her, how he would sometimes caress her like she was the only woman in the world. Sometimes she even thought that what he was showing her was not passion, but maybe...just maybe it was love. What if he really did love her? What if he was just afraid to show it any other way? Even if that was true, both of them had very different lives. She knew Hiei would never change his ways even if he did love her. And that hurt more than him leaving.

I can't change who I am
not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me
and in this short life
there's no time to waste on giving up
my love wasn't enough

And you can blame it on me
just set your guilt free, honey
I don't want to hold you back now, love

No one had seen or heard from him. Everyone went about their normal lives happily, as if nothing was missing. But Botan knew. She knew that there was a piece missing that could never be replaced. And even though it had been years since she'd seen him, she still kept her window unlocked in the small hope that one day he would return again. The thought of that brought up the tears she often suppressed. Hiding them with laughs and smiles. No one even knew that they were lovers.

She closed her eyes and let the tears slide down her cheeks. Maybe it would be better in the morning.

~End