Disclaimer: We don't own anybody. Never did, never will. That's not how we roll.
And let's just explain a little about Chuck. Chuck is..well, Chuck is fucked up. I'll enclose his bio on the bottom. But Chuck is our "whipping boy". Everything that goes wrong, we blame Chuck. We're sure that someone like the poor bastard really exists, but for the moment, he's just a figment of our imaginations. Don't feel too badly about Chuck, though. He's steadily employed and gets a decent paycheck. :)
You know what? I'm gonna go ahead and put Chuck's bio on top. That way, you'll understand a little better. Maybe even say "Oh, the hell with this" and hit back on your browser, before you start humming Sarah MacLachlan songs and want to hold a fundraiser or something for Chuck. Christ, that's all we need. (-RKO's writer.)
Okay, here's Chuck. Registration: Chuck Corliss
by Chuck Corliss on Thu Jul 04, 2013 9:06 pm
Name: Charles "Chuck" Corliss
Age: 27
Single and looking. Well, his mother is looking for a nice girl for him. Chuck is more or less asexual. Like an amoeba, he doesn't need anybody.
Chuck is, more or less, a jobber. Well, frankly, he is a jobber. Not just in the ring, but apparently, in life. It's not just the Superstars who pick on him, but even the most lowly assistant seems to find something about Chuck to mock or bully.
Even the top brass won't let him work on the Be a Star campaign because they fear he'd tank it.
Chuck is, if you hear the kids backstage tell it, bilingual: "He speaks English, and Whinese." This is an indication of his tone of voice; he does tend to speak in a natural whine. Well, natural if you're a little girl under the age of 10. No, it's not an effeminate voice, which really makes it worse. It's a deep voice, whining, like an overgrown kid who isn't getting his way.
Worse, Chuck can be outspoken. WWE gives him about as much time on the stick as they do the Iron Sheik, these days. He's been booed out of house shows for his mic work. Akin to the Movie Office Space, many on the roster wonder if Chuck is their version of Melvin, who was really fired awhile ago, but still continues to come to work. Nobody knows how this guy hasn't been Future Endeavored.
Well, here's why. Surprisingly, he is technically good. He's not prone to serious injury (although he has, embarrasingly enough, yelled "OWWWWW" when taking bumps. Those are all over YouTube) and unless he's dead, he won't call in sick. He's never missed a show. He doesn't complain about not being used properly, he doesn't complain about losing, and he can make others look good.
He's also never tested dirty on a Wellness Test and if rumors are true, he's been asked to pee for other people, who would otherwise be out of a job. Chuck will not confirm or deny this rumor.
He's much like a White male Rosa Mendes, in how he's still employed...he's just..there.
He does have his quirks, if you haven't figured that out. He tends to think that people have spit in his food, be it in Catering or even a fine restaurant. When Chuck sleeps, it must be in pajamas, with matching tops and bottoms. His mother lives with him for six months out of each year, summering in the Northeast and living in Florida with him the rest of the year.
Chuck's hobbies are stamp and coin collecting (no, really), as well as watching the Investigation Discovery channel. You have to figure one day, this guy will snap. (No, he's not related to the murderer, Charles Corliss..feel free to Google that name..but Chuck takes on enough abuse that nobody could ever say, "Well we never saw THIS coming.")
Oh, and by the way, that is his mother who has walked into the locker room with the Superstars in various states of undress, with the lint roller to go over Chuck's tights, and lick her palm and pat down his hair to make sure he looks "just-so" before heading to the ring. Mrs. Corliss has unintentionally caused much of Chuck being the butt of every joke. It's said that Creative took inspiration for Brodus Clay's "Momma" from Chuck's real-life mother.
What?! You're still here?! Masochist, I'm tellin' ya. Okay. Here's the story now since you read that and survived to tell the tale.
Before the Show.
by Amy Stewart on Thu Jul 04, 2013 2:41 am
It'd been a long Monday, and it's not even over yet. Amy spent most of it running back and forth between pretentious Divas that needed items run to and from wardrobe, and sitting in Creative meetings that had nothing to do with her but required her attendance. So she made her way to catering to catch her breath. Working as a personal assistant to -everyone- and a very, very, very minor league "suit" had her exhausted.
She sat at one of the tables towards the back of the room in hopes of not being seen by a Superstar, Diva or writer, and just people watched. She needed to rest her brain (and her feet) before the show started and she was thrown head first into script rewrites during the show. Hopefully no one needed anything ridiculous, like a bottle of baby oil or a bad cup of coffee. (You're already in catering. Get the damn coffee yourself.)
Re: Before the Show.
by Randy Orton on Thu Jul 04, 2013 1:29 pm
It's when you don't want to be noticed, that you get noticed. Like a twist on the "a watched pot of boiled water doesn't boil" or "a watched phone never rings", or whatever the hell that means. You actively trying to not be seen gets you seen.
He took a seat across from her. Yes, he was in ring gear and his latest WWEShop T-shirt, unlike many who hadn't changed yet. Yes, he had his arms folded across his chest, and no, he wasn't looking very happy right now.
He was clearly out of sorts, and the stare shot over to the Catering table before it went back to her. "You see what they did?" he asked, jutting a thumb over his shoulder before securing his arms into their folded position again.
"Ain't even regular bad coffee, like we're supposed to have. Nope. They had to go on and fuck it up. It's that fancy shit. Not as bad as that shit Cody orders..that skinny grande mocha whatever-the-fuck-accino with nonfat shit, but it's like...hazelnut. It's fuckin' hazelnut coffee in there. Who even -drinks- that."
He looked over at Catering again, where the guilty party who made the coffee ducked his head. It was decaf or hazelnut today, and he's not drinking that shit. Why even bother drinking decaf? Coffee's reason for being was caffeine, was it not? So of course, this put him in something of a not-very-good-mood.
But he said, "What. Ain't like I expect -you- to do somethin' about it. Just needed to bitch about it and you have ears."
He smirked at her, shook his head, and peoplewatched from this vantagepoint.
Re: Before the Show.
by Amy Stewart on Thu Jul 04, 2013 4:23 pm
You see what they did?
No, but she was sure she'd have to fix it. When Randy Orton sat in front of her with -that- kind of look on his face, she couldn't help but straighten up a little to pay attention. It might've looked like she bristled a little, but honestly, she just didn't want to look like she was ignoring him. The last thing she needed was to be on his bad side.
And then he started ranting about... the coffee. Irony. Decided that now probably wasn't the time to say that she liked hazelnut coffee -and- creamer. Oh, well. Even so, she listened to him rant about coffee and whatever-the-fuck-acinos. She was still reeling over the fact that of all of the people that were in catering, he'd decided to come and talk to her.
They sat in a comfortable (?) silence while people watching, before she finally spoke up. "Well, um, if you want, I can make a run for you." What else was she supposed to say?
Re: Before the Show.
by Randy Orton on Thu Jul 04, 2013 7:28 pm
He looked at her like she just sprouted a second head. " Didn't I just say it ain't your problem? Relax, goddamnit," he said, with a shake of his head. While the look on his face and choice of words might suggest otherwise, his tone was surprisingly friendly. Well, friendlyish. Well, not totally monotone, and well, not annoyed at her.
"You've done enough runnin' around, the last thing you need is to go get me somethin' I can get by myself if I want it badly enough. My legs ain't broken." No, he hadn't said she ran around enough because he'd watched or anything ...he knows it because everybody has more than enough to do pre-show. Well, most do. Well, some do. Well, those who get used properly by Creative do.
"The fuck is that on her head?" Randy asked Amy, not all that discreetly, when one of the Divas came in, parading a not-particularly-flattering wig on. "Looks like roadkill on her head. Damn."
Re: Before the Show.
by Chuck Corliss on Thu Jul 04, 2013 9:17 pm
"OWWWWWWWWWW!"
The yelp could be heard. It was a piercing, biting yelp. For that noise to come out of any man, that man had to be Chuck Corliss. Otherwise, it would've been a yell, and it would've had a profanity attached somewhere in there.
"I juth burned my tongue on the hathelnuth!" he yelped, holding his mouth. Normally, Chuck doesn't lisp, but the coffee was like molten lava in a cup, and he hadn't expected the assault. "It wath like eating a pitha thraight from the thtove! Thut up, it'h not funny! Oh, you think my pain ith hilariouth," he decreed, now going to see the trainers, to see if they had anything for mouthburn.
He accidentally knocked into the wig-wearing diva, and it fell off her head, into the puddle of Chuck's coffee.
"Thorry!" he said, off to seek medical attention. Now he's convinced that there's no more skin on the roof of his mouth. Chuck, ever the hypochondriac, is now beginning to fear that it wasn't coffee in there at all. That, perhaps, it was cyanide. Cyanide is said, as per the Investigation Discovery channel shows, to have a taste like almonds. Bitter almonds. Well, coffee is bitter and perhaps almonds and hazelnuts are related.
He was situated in the trainer's room, and there, under a mask, was Sin Cara. "Hi, Thin," Chuck said gloomily. Neither Chuck nor Sin Cara paid attention to the trainers, who were now exiting the room to share a muffled laugh at both Chuck and Sin's expense. They were both famous in the trainers' eyes, for Most Time Spent With The Medics. While Chuck isn't injury-prone like Sin Cara, Chuck does have his share of mishaps. This is the seventh RAW this year where he's burned his mouth alone.
Re: Before the Show.
by Creative Department on Thu Jul 04, 2013 9:23 pm
Creative, as a whole, were collectively facepalming. Some were kind enough not to laugh.
Some weren't.
Seeing the scowl on Orton's face turn into full-blown hysterical laughter didn't help the few in Creative who weren't laughing, because laughter can be contagious.
One more tightly-wound member of Creative had the presence of mind to call for the custodian and stand as a human Wet Floor sign at the location of the spilled coffee. Another went to pick up the wig out of the coffee, but then stared over in Amy Stewart's direction.
"This needs to be taken care of. It's a $400 hairpiece."
Sure, it was said in a somewhat highhanded tone. What wasn't expected was for Orton's eyebrow to raise as if being challenged. Orton was clearly sitting with the subordinate, and the narrowed eyes now on this member of Creative has him rethinking having the subordinate take care of this at all...
"...and I'll bring it to makeup myself," the member of Creative said, backing away, holding it as far away as he could with his thumb and forefinger.
Those who remained, who hadn't seen the exchange of how quickly Randy Orton's laughter died out, still chuckled over Chuck. "He puts the Chuck in Chuckle," one said, not very originally, since that joke's gone on since 2006 or so, when Chuck first came to the company, but it was worth a few grins as the laughter finally died down and the custodian came with a mop.
Creative took what they needed from Catering and off they went. Left behind were Amy Stewart and Randy Orton. The diva who had the hairpiece knocked off her head was now being yelled at in the office, for failure to take better care of the equipment. When she said it was Chuck's fault, they understood and apologized.
Just about everything can be blamed on Chuck, and most of the time, Creative will buy that as a valid excuse.
Re: Before the Show.
by Randy Orton Yesterday at 12:32 am
His eyes followed the suit, and the wig, until they were off into obsolescence and out of Randy's sight completely, before he returned his look to Amy.
"That's fucked up," he said quietly. "Nobody wants to touch that shit, and he looked at you like it's your job. Shit. Had Corliss's spit and God knows what else on it. You're entitled to a goddamn break. That's just..fucked."
Yes, the Company requires some fucked-up shit. It comes with the job, no matter what position you find yourself working in. Take it from a guy who had a back full of thumbtacks; fucked-up shit happens. But really? Amy works there, and isn't employed as a custodian. It took more effort for the guy to get snotty and just about tell her to deal with it instead of taking the initiative of dealing with it himself, until Randy intervened with merely a look. THEN the suit took care of it. Dick. And people think Randy's a douche. Okay.
And Randy knows all about dealing with spit..you think he forgot Christian spit in his mouth? So yeah, spit happens. But that was just fucked, and anybody with eyes can see that the agitation was there. Minor, but there, but it passed more or less once the suits dispersed.
"Corliss is the most fuckin' awkward guy on Earth," Randy said, changing subjects and shaking his head. "Stay here a sec. Grabbin' somethin' to drink. You want somethin', say it now, 'cause I ain't makin' two trips."
Re: Before the Show.
by Amy Stewart Yesterday at 12:44 am
Too much happened at one time. First she was looking at a bad "$400 hairpiece", and then Chuck was lisping hard enough to rival the queens in RuPaul's Drag Race. Diva's wig is knocked off and lands gracefully in to a puddle of hathelnuth coffee, and Amy laughed so hard that her stomach hurt. She tried to hold it back, but when Orton laughed, she lost it.
She wasn't expecting Randy to intervene, so when one of her superiors told her to handle the wig, she was getting ready to stand up, and well, handle it. They'd reimburse her for it. But then she saw the look that Randy cut the guy, and she'd swear that she'd never seen anyone straighten up so quickly. He shuffled out of his way, and Orton looked.. annoyed. He was adamant on her taking a break and she appreciated it, but she couldn't exactly understand why. She'd never had any direct contact with him, other than her running a couple errands for him.
"No, I don't want anything. Thanks, though." For the offer, and having her back, she guessed.
Re: Before the Show.
by Randy Orton Yesterday at 1:01 am
"Alright. Save my seat. Don't need to come back and find Corliss sittin' in it with a fuckin' block of ice taped to his mouth," he said, finding something resembling a grin that he shot her, as he went up to pick through the offerings.
He just didn't like when suits shit on people for no good reason, was all. And face it, he might not say a whole lot but he does take note of how he's treated, and sometimes, he'll treat people accordingly. The one he shot the look at was one that Randy had butted heads with before. It's not like Randy's not known for his temper.
But Amy, even though this is the first time Randy's parked himself at her table, she's always treated him decently in their limited contact. She's shown him respect, which might be 'expected', but here's the thing, and -this- is the true why he stuck up for her:
She shows -herself- respect. No, not in the way that she was gonna reach into the spit and coffee mix..not that that's disrespecting herself, because as stated, their jobs do hold some ugliness sometimes..but because of another way she does it. She's been with the company long enough for him to have taken notice, that she's the one who's wearing the WWE issue polo shirt and khakis. Not plunging necklines where he can see her damned belly button or skirts cut so high that he could see if the carpet and drapes match.
She's the one who speaks to him from a respectable distance, in a feminine yet clear tone. Not leaning in on him and using a breathy, sexual voice, trying to use her gender, her feminine wiles, to her advantage, instead of just working honestly.
She's a rarity.
She's being paid by the company to do a job. She's not appearing to try and whore herself out while doing so. A lot of the women who work here are half-naked. Not even talking about the divas, who are more or less supposed to be half-naked. We're talking the ones who wear the sheerest of tops under their suit jackets, or lacy bras with blouses buttoned dangerously low. Playing up their assets, makeup applied with heavy hands, all in the name of landing a jackpot, as in if not a guy on the roster, then maybe one of the bigger names in the company, be it a well-paid road agent or higher in Corporate.
No, not all the women were gold diggers in the company. But more than a few -were-, and that makes all of the women suspect, in the minds of not just Randy, but some of the other Superstars.
He'd never heard Amy's name in a bad (or, depending how you look at it, good, lol) way in the locker room. She wasn't noticed by some because of her low-key approach. Efficiency and doing her job without expecting anything but her paycheck was key. She wasn't trying to shimmy on anybody's lap during breaks like this.
And he appreciated her for it.
He grabbed her a soda anyway. 2 20-oz. bottles of Diet Coke were in one hand, and a turkey club sandwich cut in half were on the way over.
"I ain't eatin' the whole thing, so we're splittin' this," he said. There was no room for argument in his tone either, as he sat back down. He'd also brought a fork for himself, but not for her, since she probably doesn't eat like he does. "Not breakin' diet today." Methodically, he was disassembling his half of the sandwich, removing the bread, leaving the mayo, picking out the stuff he could and couldn't eat. The meat, cheese and the condiments were okay for him. The rest, not so much.
Re: Before the Show.
by Amy Stewart Yesterday at 1:37 am
That much was true, and she'd been working here long enough to know that she didn't want to catch the attention of most of the guys around here. She didn't feel like losing sleep over ring rats and hidden wives and whatever else these wrestlers had going on.
He came over with the two sodas and two halves of a sandwich. Watching him dissect his sandwich was... different, to say the least. He was being so careful with his diet, and now she felt like a rhinoceros for just taking a giant bite out of her half of the sandwich, lol. She couldn't say she wasn't hungry, but she was now wishing that he'd have opted for a salad. lol. She finished her bite before asking with a bit of a chuckle, "Do you always do this to your sandwiches? I'd hate to be the person to bring you back a Big Mac."
Re: Before the Show.
by Randy Orton Yesterday at 2:17 am
"Not always. I break diet when it's worth it. Catering, to me, ain't worth it, to be honest. If this was a good restaurant? Fuck, yeah. But don't get weird and think you shouldn't eat like a normal person. I think you know by what you see around here, that nothin's really normal," he chuckled, decent humor returning.
"Cowboy..my father..says when I do this to my food, he wonders if I should've been a surgeon instead of a 'rassler," he said, relaying an observation of the old man. Randy was very precise when he dissects this stuff. It's almost an art.
"I could do a Big Mac, but that's too messy, the sauce is mostly carbs, so I'd be wipin' it down with napkins and shit. It's the ketchup. If they just did mayo, it's fine, but no, they've gotta fuck it up," he lamented, the food scientist showing up again in what he's telling her. "And the fries? I might snag one or two but it's a rare McDonald's that even bothers to serve 'em fresh enough to make them worth the carbs. Last one I ate tasted like a cold rubber band. They don't give a shit anymore."
Are you seriously still here?!
Oh, no. You must want more Chuck.
Okay. Here's a bonus. Chuck left the trainer's room and he's going to visit Hunter's Office.
You asked for it. Nobody told you to read this, but that morbid curiosity (please say it's morbid curiosity! If you have a CRUSH or something on him, I will never get pussy again!-RKO's writer) had to be satisfied, didn't it? Fine. Here.
Vithiting Hunter'th Offith (yes, with the ice pack on his mouth)
by Chuck Corliss Yesterday at 10:51 pm
"I want to thee Hunter," Chuck said, icepack held firmly on his lip and ignoring the chuckling from the people he had to go through to gain admittance. He ignored his own lisping from the mouth burn, because he knew that others lisped (I'm looking at you, Cody Rhodes, and your father!) and were understood quite well. A minor speech impediment due to injury shouldn't cause him to be turned away from seeing Hunter.
And it's not like Chuck makes it a habit to show up in here. Chuck isn't one to complain. He's reliable, not seriously injury prone (mishaps are different) and can make others look good. But he also knows that while his in-ring skills are respected, that Management looks on him like a bit of a goof. Well, maybe as not as goofy as Albert, who has to have fake tattoos put on his face, and now has to dance with Brodus. Chuck knows he could always have it worse.
He was rehearsing his speech in his head and it ended up coming out all in one breath. That's not how Chuck intended to pitch this rare idea, either, but that's how it happened. His hand quivered faintly as it held the ice pack to his mouth and he spoke around it. He didn't dare meet Hunter's eyes, either, or he'd have lost his nerve. (He'd also see if he was being laughed at or not.) So he took Mom's advice and stared at an invisible spot on the wall, just over Hunter's shoulder, and talked to *that*.
"Hi. I think you might want to conthider putting me on retherve for Money in the Bank. I know my way around ladderth and if anybody geth hurt between now and then, I jutht wanted to let you know I'll do anything the company conthiderth me for, thinth I could fill a thpot. I know I'm not title hunt material but I could make for a good thwerve.."
To be continued...?