"WHAT!?" exclaimed Tony, staring in stunned amazement at the tall, eye-patched man before him.
"Share a bed for the night!" Nick Fury repeated with a massive grin, extremely proud of his latest team building activity plan. "All of you. It's a great way to cross boundaries and really get used to living with each other."
Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Tony, Sam and Clint were all assembled before him and reacting with mixed emotions to the idea. Thor was attending a science conference with Jane to adapt to her private world, whilst Bruce was relaxing on a sunny beach in Hawaii on a much needed holiday.
"In case you haven't noticed, Sir," Clint began, "Steve and Bucky are built like tanks, and Sam's not exactly slight. Neither am I, for that matter. How the hell do we all fit?!"
Fury rubbed his palms together in satisfaction. "You will all be sleeping in Stark's bed, which will be sufficient as long as you snuggle up nice and tight!"
Tony groaned. "Its only King Size, and who says I want them in there? Those silk pillows are expensive, you know!"
"Sir, Bucky really isn't up to this level of contact with other people." Steve said, his voice full of worry. Bucky nodded along desperately, his eyes widening into deep, puppy-dog pools.
"Rubbish!" snorted Sam exasperatedly, causing Bucky's pleading look to narrow into his special ice-cold deathstare.
"What the hell do you mean by that, Wilson?" he snarled.
He and Sam had never quite got along, and everyone thought they new why.
"Oh come on!" laughed Sam. "Your practically a member of the family by now, albeit a very moody one… you and Stevie always snuggle up on the sofa together and join in movie and board game nights. You also played a very significant role in the Avengers prank-wars! You laugh, eat and talk with us all the time. Stevie just mothers you ."
"Don't call him Stevie." Snapped Bucky.
"I do not mother him." Snapped Steve.
"Getting of topic here guys." Interjected Nat for the first time. "Sharing a bed with you idiots will certainly be hardest for me, but if I'm prepared to do it then you should be too. Quit fighting over Steve and make a decision."
Steve, Bucky and Sam all flared red at that last comment, stared at the floor, shuffled from foot to foot, then grudgingly agreed.
Tony gave a theatrical sigh. "Well, I'd better agree or else you'll all be squeezing into a single bed. It would probably collapse. Just no drooling on those pillows!"
Clint, still a little dubious, thrust his hands into his pockets and gave a short nod. "I guess it might be fun…" Nat gave his arm an encouraging squeeze.
Nick rubbed his hands together in delight. "All settled then! Sleep tight!"
13 hours later, they were reluctantly preparing for bed.
Nat and Clint were in the bathroom, brushing their teeth whilst having a mini toilet-paper fight.
Steve, already in his pyjamas, was settling between the sheets when he made an interesting discovery.
"Tony?" he queried as he pulled a pair of bright pink panties from beneath his pillow and dangled them in front of him. "Do you wanna explain these?"
"Not really, no." replied Tony, who had been applying some scented lotion to his pampered facial hair. He snatched the pants off Steve and lobbed them out the window before returning to his mustache.
"Not Pepper's, me thinks." Whispered Sam in Steve's ear, who inclined his head in agreement.
Bucky sat on the edge of the bed watching them suspiciously.
"Come 'ere, Buck," said Steve softly, pulling him down next to him and carefully tucking the sheets around him.
When Bucky gave a contented sigh, Sam mimed throwing up.
"You too ." said Steve softly, gesturing to his other side. Bucky's eyes shot open as Sam nestled in on Steve's right side.
Tony snorted in amusement. "You guys are just adorable." He said as he joined them next to Sam.
Nat and Clint eventually came out of the bathroom trailing toilet paper and climbed in on the other side of Tony. It was definitely a tight squeeze. They could all feel an elbow or knee digging into an uncomfortable part of their body someplace.
The light was turned off, and the group settled down to sleep. The sound of traffic was a soft, comforting murmur far below, and the air was still and warm.
Steve's mouth fell open a little as he approached sleep, Clint wrapped his arms protectively about Nat, and Tony began to snore.
Through the encompassing darkness, Bucky saw Sam's head come to snuggle into Steve's neck beneath his chiseled jaw.
Hell no. Bucky aimed a sharp kick at Sam through Steve's legs.
With a howl of pain, Sam sat up in bed and rubbed at shin. Everyone else was awake in an instant, searching around for the source of trouble. He glared at Bucky through pain-filled, baleful eyes.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" he demanded furiously.
"Accident." Muttered Bucky moodily as he pulled Steve closer against , before adding very quietly under his breath, "My Stevie."
"Shut up and go to sleep." Ordered Nat in a voice like acid. Tony and Clint sleepily murmured their agreement.
Still muttering, Sam sank back down to the sheets. All was silent, until a sharp thud once again disturbed the peace.
"OWWW! YOU COMPLETE AS-"
"What the hell is going on?" moaned Tony, sitting up and blinking sleepily at a furious Bucky and a sniggering Sam. Sam had evidently retaliated.
A full scale kicking-war broke out between the pair, accompanied by snarls and shouts of pain. By the time Steve could break them apart, they both had substantial bruises covering their shins.
"ENOUGH!" roared Steve, cowering them into submission. "Sam, go and sleep on the other side of Clint at the edge. Bucky, stay here. You can both sleep as far apart as possible!"
"That's not fair!" whined Sam. "Bucky started it – how come he gets to stay next to Ste-"
"Wilson. Here. Now." Came the voice of Clint from the other side of the bed.
Deciding he didn't like Clint's tone, Sam thought it best to do as he was told. The others all rolled over to make room for him as he tucked in next to Clint.
Bucky gave a secret victory smile and nestled tighter into Steve's warm shoulder, Tony started snoring again, and Nat let out a sleepy sigh.
But Sam was still fuming. When he felt Clint's body go slack with sleep, he dropped silently to the floor and rolled beneath the bed. He crawled cautiously to the other side until he was certain he was beneath Bucky. Then he aimed a savage poke upwards between the planks.
For a second, nothing happened. Then a metal arm plunged straight through the mattress and pinned Sam to the floor by his throat. Everyone was awake again and shouting.
"Bucky, what the hell are you doing!?" screeched Nat.
"YOU'VE DESTROYED MY MATTRESS, YOU DAMN MANIAC!" roared Tony.
"Where's Sam?" asked Clint in confusion. He was answered by a sporadic choking noise coming from beneath the bed.
"Get off him Bucky, that's uncalled for!" cried Steve angrily, yanking on Bucky's shoulder and neck until he let go.
"What were you doing under there?" asked Nat accusingly when Sam reappeared, massaging his throat and covered in dust.
"Jeez, do you ever clean under there Tony?" he squeaked hoarsely, brushing himself off. "I knocked my alarm clock off the table and it skidded under the bed. I went down there to retrieve it and Bucky tried to kill me!"
"Why would you do that, Buck?" Steve's big blue eyes and soft voice were full of disappointment.
Bucky glared balefully at Sam. "He poked me."
"Even if he did, that's still no reason to destroy someone's favourite, very expensive, very comfortable mattress!" grumbled Tony.
Bucky looked to Steve for support, but Steve simply said "I know you've been through a difficult time Buck, but I really thought we'd progressed further than this unreasonable aggressive behaviour."
Bucky stared at Steve in such a wounded and hurt manner that even Sam began to regret causing all this trouble.
"But-" Bucky tried to explain.
"Just go to sleep, Buck." Steve cut in, and rolled over.
"That goes for everybody." Clint added, and they all settled back down again.
"I swear, one more disturbance…" murmured Nat as she snuggled back into her pillow.
Sam, suddenly feeling guilt-ridden despite achieving his aim, swore to himself that he would be nicer to Bucky in the future. It was wrong to play on people's weaknesses to get them into trouble.
Bucky, meanwhile, lay on his back and stared at the ceiling feeling anger bubbling up inside him. How could Steve take Sam's side like that? Maybe he had overreacted, but he was still adjusting to life without people trying to kill him 24/7. He felt an uncontrollable fury towards Sam for taking advantage of that.
Silent as the assassin he had once been, Bucky crept out of the bed and began to scale the wall. He was going to give Wilson the fright of his life. Using the edge of the light and a few tips he had received from Peter Parker, Bucky managed to creep across the ceiling to hang directly above Sam. With a wicked grin, he let go.
Sam screamed in terror as a large body dropped on him from above, knocking all the wind out of him. He screamed again when the bed broke with a loud crack, causing them all to tumble onto the floor.
"Argghhh!" screamed Natasha in frustration from the floor. "That's it! I've had enough!"
She and Clint forcibly picked up Bucky and Sam from their respective positions on the floor and threw them out the door. Tony got Jarvis to lock it, then sat and stared sadly at his ruined bed. Steve removed all the planks and arranged the mattress neatly on the floor.
They all climbed in and drew the covers up to their chins.
"That's much better." Sighed Clint. "There's actually room now. We should have kicked out those two idiots much sooner!"
"I've locked them out of their bedrooms. They can sleep on the floor or the couch for ruining my beautiful bed. Any objections Steve?"
"None at all." Muttered Steve sleepily.
The sun was streaming through the windows when Steve, Nat, Clint and Tony woke up the next morning from their disturbed nights sleep.
They dressed and went downstairs for breakfast and some much needed coffee.
They found Sam and Bucky curled up on the couch together. Bucky's head was nestled into Sam's chest, and Sam's hand had crept into Bucky's hair whilst they slept.
"I did not see that coming." Muttered Clint. Nat and Tony simply stared in surprise, whilst Steve stared down at them adoringly and said softly "I new they would become friends one day."
Nick Fury appeared from the kitchen. "What did I tell you? A great team-bonding exercise!""