My hands were firmly clenched on the steering wheel as I drove. I wasn't really concentrating on the road in front of me; my thoughts were elsewhere. Bella sat in the seat next to me, unmoving and silent. I longed to know what she was thinking, the reason for her animosity towards me.

No, I was wrong. In actual fact, the reason behind her anger was known to both of us, and had been for quite some time now. The mutual decision to not speak of this reason was never uttered, and trying on both of our sanities. I hated having Bella be so angry with me, and I knew she did not like the feeling either.

I had to say something. I glanced to my right, noting her pursed lips and crossed arms. I sighed wearily, though it was physically impossible.

"Why are you making that face?" I asked quietly. I'd said the first thing to come to my mind, and yet it was the worst thing. My hopeless attempt to make conversation had crossed the boundaries that should not be crossed; we both acknowledged this without utterance also. I'd spoken the unspeakable, and now I was going to pay for it.

"You know why," Bella replied coldly, turning her head to look at me. Her deep, chocolate eyes were now filled with irritation and frustration, and I felt my stomach churn as I remembered that I was the reason for it.

But, as long as the taboo was no longer in place, I decided to continue; regardless of Bella's mood, the subject was long overdue for conference.

"Bella, we've been over this," I said through a sigh. It was true; the conversation had been spoken so many times I could recite it from memory. "I'm not going to change you unless we're married and you know what you're getting into."

Bella was further irritated, as expected. I clenched my teeth and waited.

She held up her left hand.

"What is this, then, Edward?" She flexed her fingers, drawing attention the sparkling diamonds embedded in the gold wedding band.

I sighed. I'd let her have that.

"Yes, I know we're already engaged, Bella, but that doesn't mean we can just dismiss everything else. Like the fact that you'd be giving up your mortality for me, which is something I can't bear."

"I can dismiss it. Just because you can't stand the thought of me being a vampire, together with you forever, doesn't mean that–"

She stopped short and folded her arms, staring out the windshield of the now immobile car. We'd arrived at Bella's house, but neither was inclined to say our goodbyes. Bella's lips had pursed again, and even though she was clearly trying to remain expressionless and stoic, I could see the emotion quivering beneath the surface.

I reached out silently to touch her face with one hand, stroking her cheek in circles with my thumb. Bella's eyes closed at my touch.

"You really believe that's what I think?" I asked softly. Bella didn't answer. I sighed and took her face in mine, making her look at me. She was close to tears.

"I know I promised you, Bella. I'm not going to go back on that. You will become a vampire, one way or another; I just don't think that now is the right time to–"

"Now is a perfect time," Bella interjected. She was evidently trying to hold back tears. "I want this, Edward. It's all I want. To be with you, forever – that's all I want."

I let her take my hands away from her face and hold them in both of hers. Slowly, she bent her head and laid a single, gentle kiss on both of them. I reveled in the warmth of her touch, which I could already feel resonating in my cold, marble skin. I kept my eyes on her bent head, considering her words. There was no escaping it, I realized. I did promise her, and if I didn't do it then I knew Carlisle would. And she had agreed to marry me, abided by my terms. It was inevitable.

"Okay," I whispered, so softly I thought she might not have heard me. But her head rose immediately, and a radiant smile spread across her face as she stared at me.

"You mean it?" she breathed.

I couldn't believe I was saying it. "Yes."

Bella exhaled sharply, her grin spreading wider. In spite of myself, I smiled too.

"Thankyou," she gasped happily. I didn't respond.

After a few more minutes Bella got out of the car into the drizzle, and I promised to meet her again after Charlie had fallen asleep. She bounced her way to the front door, evidently happier now that I'd agreed to changer her into a vampire. I sighed and felt the full weight of what was going to happen in two day's time press down on me. I almost considered going after Bella and changing my mind, telling her that the deal was off; but I couldn't do that. It was going to happen one way or another – even Alice had seen it. And it wasn't as if we could delay it further, as the Volturi wouldn't hesitate to kill her if they found out she was still human.

I sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that night, and backed out of the driveway fluidly, pressing my foot further on the accelerator as I sped home. As I drove I felt the reality that I was so desperately trying to break away from, force its way back into my mind with crushing assuredness. I couldn't escape the inevitable.

_____________________________**************____________________________

2 DAYS LATER

The tension was palpable inside the living room of my house. All my family and Bella were preparing, in their own way, for the change, and we were not handling it well. Rosalie had already broken a vase and left a dent in Emmett's Jeep due to her evident anger at Bella becoming a vampire. Emmett had pursued her after she'd run off, his patience tested as he tried to calm his irate wife. Esme was busy making sure that Bella was comfortable on one of the couches where the change was to take place, making sure she was wearing loose clothing and all the rest of it; her frantic movements about the house didn't soothe anyone else. Jasper was in the kitchen, his head in his hands as he tried to prepare himself for the wave of emotions that would no doubt crash over him during the three, agonising days. Alice was helping him, desperately trying to get a vision to see if he would be okay.

And I had to deal with all of their thoughts.

But perhaps the worst of them all was Bella. She was completely silent, sitting completely still on the couch and staring into space. I longed to read her thoughts, know what was troubling her – although I could probably guess from the look on her face. The only one who wasn't losing control, I noticed, was Carlisle. He'd finished going over the change with Bella, and made sure she knew what she was getting into. His calmness and rationality was practically radiating off him in waves. I couldn't understand how he could be so serene about this. Unfortunately, however, it seemed as though none of Carlisle's tranquillity had rubbed off on Bella. She was still stoic as ever. I made my way over, sitting next to her and scrutinizing her emotionless face. She didn't respond to my presence.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked softly, brushing the hair back over her shoulder. I couldn't be certain, but I would swear her face turned an even whiter pale.

I took another chance.

"Bella," I tried again, placing a hand on her shoulder, "is everything okay?"

"Why wouldn't everything be okay? Of course it is."

Bella shocked me with her sudden outburst. It was abrupt, almost cold; and I couldn't think of a reason for it. Perhaps it was nerves.

"You're going to be fine, Bella. There's nothing to worry about," I said, lying through my teeth. How was I to know whether she'd be alright? I didn't, and it scared me.

Bella finally looked at me, her eyes narrowed and fearful.

"How do you know that?" she whispered, her lip trembling. "You have no idea if I'll survive, if there won't be implications in the future. Even Alice doesn't know!"

I couldn't respond. What she was saying was right, of course, but I couldn't encourage her with this negative thinking. Even if it meant I had to lie to her, I couldn't let her go on thinking she was doomed.

"Bella, everything is going to be fine. You still want this, don't you?" I took one of her hands with my free one.

"Of course I still want this. But...Carlisle said himself there could be implications." Her eyes tightened and she stared hard at my face, her expression unreadable. I stared right back, wondering what she was doing – and then I understood.

"Bella," I sighed, closing my eyes, "you're not going to lose your memory." It was almost painful to say. I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen to her, and yet I was still giving her empty promises.

"You don't know that."

I couldn't lie to her anymore.

"You're right, Bella; I don't. But I–"

"Edward."

I turned at the sound of my name, frustrated. My one chance to give Bella some sort of hope that she wasn't completely doomed, taken away! I faced the irritant with narrow eyes.

Rosalie didn't flinch at my expression. "Edward, it's time. It can't wait any longer."

She turned without even acknowledging Bella at all and stalked off, returning to Emmett. I looked back to Bella and opened my mouth to speak, but her fingers were already slipping out of my grasp as she stood up to leave. I called after her, determined to convince her that she would be fine – but she didn't look back. Defeated, I got to my feet and followed her.

Carlisle was talking to Bella, going over everything once more before the fateful moment, but from where I was standing it didn't look like Bella was listening. Her thoughts were no doubt elsewhere. I could only imagine what was running through her mind right now. I wanted to go over and comfort her, but it seemed the conversation had finished; Carlisle was coming towards me now, his marble features unreadable.

"Are you sure you still want to do this, Edward?" he asked, concern in his eyes. "You know I can always take your place if it becomes too much for you."

I shook my head.

"No, I promised Bella I would change her. I have to do it." My own words condemned me.

Carlisle patted me on the shoulder and said, "You'll be fine, Edward."

I didn't quite believe him.

He walked back to Bella and laid a hand on her back, motioning for her to follow him. She only slightly responded, allowing herself to be led to the place where she would be changed. It was now that I noticed the room was empty; everyone else was already there, waiting. Sighing, I followed.

When I entered the room I found all of my family – excluding Carlisle – standing around the edges of the room, all with grave expressions. And, if I wasn't mistaken; fearful expressions. I couldn't believe I'd found anyone more scared than Bella at this moment, but it seemed my entire family was. They all seemed to be under strict instructions to stay as far away as possible from Bella. Jasper, in particular, couldn't even look at her. Already I could see his face contorting into looks of anguish, his muscles tightening and relaxing as he took wave after wave of every emotion in the room – and the change hadn't even started yet. I could sense he was trying to spread calm throughout the room, but his efforts weren't felt anywhere past Alice, who was standing with him and clutching his arm. Feeling my sense of dread threaten to overwhelm me, I looked away from his face and focused on Bella, who was lying on the centred couch, trembling.

I made my way over to her, kneeling on the floor so that we were at eye level. She stared at me, her brown eyes wide and fearful as she waited for the inevitable. Carlisle, I noticed, was fixing things up behind me, and now stood up and joined Esme at the edge of the room, patting my shoulder as he passed me. The gesture didn't feel comforting. I looked away from Bella's eyes and at my family. They were all staring at me, silently anticipating their own fears. I returned to Bella and saw that her expression had changed slightly; her eyes now held trust.

Trust in me, I now realised, was short lived. Bella was soon going to find out that all the faith she had in me was utterly useless, because we both knew, without ever saying it aloud, that I wasn't going to be able to stop once I tasted her blood. I could envision it now: my teeth, sinking easily into her neck and the warm fluid gushing into my mouth. I would drink. And drink, and drink and drink, until I realised the time to push my venom back into her bloodstream had come and gone. And Bella would lay there, an empty shell, the ghost of trust still flickering in her eyes.

Thinking of this, I almost pulled out. I came so very close to telling Bella that I just couldn't change her, that I would kill her. I wondered why Bella herself hadn't protested – after all, we both knew full well the risks if she let me bite her. But Bella made no objection. She still lay there, unmoving as she waited for me to change her. I groaned mentally, remembering just how inescapable the inevitable was. All that remained now was anticipation.

I anticipated her blood and the way it would taste, the way it would feel flowing into my mouth, rushing down my throat as I swallowed mouthful after mouthful. I imagined a sweet wine, delectable ambrosia that would play upon my tongue and arouse my senses. Just as the anticipation became unbearable, the fierce objection to damn my love intruded. The desire to taste her blood, and the will to not raged on inside me, until it became so insufferable that I had to say something. I had to stall.

"Are you still sure you want this, Bella? Last chance to back out," I whispered, my voice strained. Bella's eyes widened further, and I could see the strength of her resolve.

"Yes," she whispered back.

I nodded and held my breath. The waiting was over. I raised myself up and held her hand in one of mine, bracing her neck with my other. Bella's breath hitched as my hand touched the vulnerable skin of her neck; I wanted to apologise, but found I couldn't speak. My lips dropped to her throat, brushing delicately against her supple flesh, and the anticipation rose.

Softly, I whispered I loved her – and then bit down.