He's terrified, absolutely terrified. Literally all he is doing is hanging by a thread. His head is buzzing and he can't seem to keep his hold on this railing. It's slipping and he is going to plummet towards his death in a warehouse. All his ideas will be extinguished, his future creations never to exist, he'll never get to kiss Emily again, he won't get to touch another keyboard, his mom will lose another son, he won't be here anymore. He won't accomplish anything, he'll have no future, and whether it pleases or desecrates the women in the warehouse it won't matter.
He can hear Kiera screaming, ordering for him just to hold on. For a second, he wonders what it will feel like not to be pressured every second of every day, if he'll create the wrong future or screw up the right one. Just as he thinks he is about to die, her strong arms lift him up and he's on solid ground again. He's on solid steel and it's cold and he's still alive.
He can feel himself shaking and breathing heavily. He looks up into Kiera's eyes and he can see how afraid she is.
"Alec, you're okay, I promise, I'm sorry."
"I can't die right? Your future depends on me." He replies tonelessly, before she is reeling back and staring into his eyes again.
"It's not like that."
"I don't know you want me to help you on cases all the time, I need to invent new tech, I need to make good decisions, and I almost died because of something I may or may not do. You don't care about me, you only care about getting back to the future, I'm at your beck and call, and you protect me out of selfishness." He's almost hysterical at the end of this, trying to get her to understand how much of the pressure he feels. Trying to cope with almost dying.
"You're right."
"What?"
"You're right. I am selfish. I take advantage of your time and your technology. I want my future back, I want my son back, and it hurts. I take you for granted every day. I call you and you always answer, you're always there for me."
It feels like a bag of ice is being poured across his back. It hurts and although he pointed it out in the first place, it hurts for her to acknowledge that this is all they are to each other.
"But, Alec, I care about you, I don't want you to die, and not just because you invent super computers and not because you created this system in my brain. I care because you're 18 years old and you answered my distress call the first night. I care because you want to help a future and I care because you're afraid of the power you hold over that same future. I don't always understand your references, and I wasn't all that tolerant of your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean I don't know you. I know how you get when you're bored, how you sound when you're excited about the technology you're designing, or when you're sharing a time travel theory. I want to laugh every time you are smug and I want to tell you not to worry when you are afraid. I know what it is like to be scared to act because you'll screw up your future, but you are a genius."
He's caught in the fierce look in her eyes and wonders how he never saw it before.
"I supposedly know what you do in the future, but that doesn't matter because I know you now, I know you are my friend, and I would do anything to protect you."
He's pulling her into a hug before he even realizes it.
"I just want to go home," he says into her hair.
"I know."