Just a short fic I decided to write so I could feel as though I've done something over the long weekend. It's really stupid and pointless, but just an idea that popped into my head. You have been warned though, it is incredibly stupid. Rated T for triggers. Cartman's emotions are my emotions based on how I feel about being gay and some of my challenges that I have faced. I apologize if he's a bit OOC, but I've recently watched a lot of episodes lately where Cartman seemed to be misunderstood. Really, why am I posting this retarded fic?
It was a warm, sticky summer night in August. The recent high school graduates sat by the fire to discuss all the mischief and mayhem they have caused the previous years. Stan and Kyle were going to University together in Denver. Kyle was on his way to becoming a lawyer, and Stan had a bright very near future ahead of him as the Quarterback of the football team. A perfect couple everyone could admire. Butters sat on Kenny's lap, roasting a hot dog together. The wo of them were staying behind in South Park, renting an apartment together not too far from the friends they've grown up to love. Kenny made some very offensive jokes involving the mini – sausage, while Butter's couldn't pretend to be mad and laughed so hard milk came out of his nose. Stan and Kyle joined in, laughing at Butter's slight discomfort. Cartman, however, appeared to care less. This pissed Kyle off.
He did not once laugh at or make fun of anyone for the entire weekend. In fact, he just sat there like a fat assed log, moping around and looking pathetic as hell for whatever reason. Stan wiped a tear from his eye. "What's the matter, fat boy? You usually fall off your chair for this shit!" Everyone was expecting to laugh even harder at his famous "Shut your hippy mouth! I'm not fat, just big boned!" That didn't come. Except, the four of his friends got something entirely unexpected. He did raise his voice, all right. "Would you fucking stop calling me fat?! There are a few things to be said about yourself, Marsh!" Kyle raised an eyebrow. "Jesus, Cartman. What the hell? We're all just having a good laugh." "Yeah, well it's pretty fucking immature to laugh at someone as defenseless as Butters, and mocking someone's weight is as low as fuck. I've had it with this entire trip and I just want to go home."
Kyle sighed, everyone looking in his direction after Cartman's hard to go unnoticed tantrum. "Oh come on, why is everyone looking at me?" Kenny shook his head. "Dude, believe it or not you're the only one here he seems to listen to. Just get him to agree to stay and he probably will. Sure, he is a fat ass but who knows how often we'll get to see each other once summer is over." Kyle knew he had been defeated. "Fine, I'll go after him." Cartman was opening the door to his SUV when he could feel a presence near him. Making sure it was not a wild animal, he briefly checked his surroundings. "I guess Jews could be classified as a wild animal." He said out loud after he had noticed Kyle. Kyle wasn't even going to acknowledge that remark. Instead, he just wanted to get to the point.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked. "You're really just going to up and leave because of a joke Stan made?" "I didn't see it as just a joke, Kyle." Eric only said Kyle's name properly when he was extremely serious, and this was one of those moments. "You know, I'm glad you and Stan are moving out of South Park. I'm going to move also so I can free myself from pop-tart boy and his chicken haired ass of a boyfriend." "Cartman, this is ridiculous. Just say what's on your mind so we can get back to the fire." Cartman sighed. "You just don't get it, do you?" He couldn't tell Kyle he was gay. He wasn't even sure if he had a crush on him, or even Kenny or Stan. He just didn't want to feel lonely. Whenever he felt like he had a shot with someone, they'd find happiness elsewhere. He was doomed to be the one to always fall for those who would find happiness elsewhere. Maybe, it was time for him to go elsewhere. "Since we were children you'd always complain about me being around right in front of your face. As we got older, you all still treated me as the fat sack of shit even though I was only trying to better myself at everything. I am now finally able to see how cruel and selfish the four of you really are. I've also been a burden on my mother. Now that I am of age, it's time for me to go."
Eric felt as though he was talking to no one in particular, but Kyle always listened to what he had to say. In fact, they all did. They knew that Cartman suffered from psychological and emotional problems since day one, and they came to the conclusion how much of a dick they really had been to him and how they were going to try to include him more as a friend." Where are you going?" The boy who still wore the bizarre green hat asked. "I'm not sure myself, but I will find out soon enough. I won't be here tomorrow, Kyle, so just carry on and please try not to worry." He made the last comment rather sarcastically. Kyle scoffed. "Oh, please. You know that we'll all drive over to your place tomorrow and find yourself stuffing your face on your mom's couch. You won't even make it past your front door you fucking liar!" Eric had listened to enough already. He turned the ignition and headlights on, driving off home.
When Kyle returned, the others were shocked not to see Cartman slowly following behind him as he always did. "He's just going home. He said he's leaving South Park, but I made a bet with him that he won't even leave his front door so I want to check tomorrow to see what he actually did." They went to sleep shortly after 1am.
The following morning, the boys drove to the Cartman residence. Kenny knocked on the door and the four of them were greeted by Mrs. Cartman. "You boys are back from your camping trip?" She asked cheerfully. "And I'll make some chocolate pot pie for you poopsy- Wait, where's Eric?" Kyle felt a pit against his stomach. "So, he didn't come home last night?" Liane shook her head. "No. I- just expected him to be with you when you all came back." Kyle looked out into nothingness. 'So, you were telling the truth, then? A permanent solution to a temporary problem. I hope you're happy, now.'