Back Home
A Sora/Kairi fic, just because the world could use a little more fluff and a lot less violent Yaoi.
As per request. Enjoy.
Don't know
What I was looking for when I went home.
I found me alone.
A shower of stars. Hard, solid ground breaking in two. Hands and hearts, a confused impression of friends and faces, and then nothing. Superimposed over all the images that flashed through her mind, however, was the face of a boy. The boy had brown, spiked hair and a scrawny body, but none of that was what stood out.
His eyes stood out, in her mind. They reached for her, holding out for her, capivating her to stay looking at him even as the ground shook and their bodies moved, pitching back and away from each other. "We'll see each other again!" She heard in her mind, still looking into those super-imposed blue eyes. She almost felt she were seeing this tragic event in front of her instead of actually being involved in it.
"I know we will!" Her own voice sounded so stupid, so frail, and it floated away from her. Earth cracked, stars fell, and all at once she was alone on a beach, sitting on the island, watching the stars fall from the sky, feeling the tears pumping from her eyes as she said his name, tasting it like a command, wishing she could call him back to her.
"Sora..."
Kairi abruptly awoke from the dream and stared off into space in both directions, glancing first up at the ceiling and then down at her own covered legs. They were longer. She felt the strands of her hair, realized how long they were, and sighed. That moment in time was lost to her, still a painful memory in a broken dream, and nothing she could say or do would allow her to actually grasp something other than illusion.
She would never see those eyes again, the way she was feeling now. Not now, not tomorrow, seemingly not ever. She tried to recall him, the exact definition of his face, the way his laugh sounded, but nothing really came to her mind. She was without him- Alone again.
If only I'd known, she said to herself, that it'd be like this here, I would have tried even harder to hold on. I... I could have done it. I know I could have. Still, the wind blew gently at her window and she found herself looking out into beautiful sun, the palm trees waving on the Destiny Islands that were in plain view of the house.
She sighed as she got up to start going through the paces that were life.
I need someone to say "You'll be all right."
"What's on your mind?"
But the water's shallow here.
And I am full of fear
And empty-handed after two long years...
School came and went. Ever since she'd truly remembered Sora as best she could, as close to remembering him as she probably ever would be without being reunited with him, she'd spent more and more time on the Destiny Islands. Today was no exception. She'd been home only long enough to throw her bag to the floor and, grabbing a notebook on the way out, make her way out to the Destiny Islands.
Kairi was silent once she was on the islands, kicking her shoes off in a heap and looking up at the houses where they'd all lived. By all, she met herself, Sora, Riku, and the few other familes that had dwelled here for so long. To her, it was a wonder that when the island had been truly reconnected, land had been so close. With a pang, she wondered if the three of them would have been satisifed had they actually been able to set out on their raft journey to find another part of the same world so very close by, or if Riku would have kept them adventuring, laughing and smiling and teasing Sora.
She could practically picture them. They would stand at close quarter, knocking against each other and laughing and constantly fighting, trying to win her, all her affection and attention. She wondered if either of them still felt that way, but in reality, Riku didn't matter to her much in that regard. Sora's name kept moving it's way over 'the boys', forcing the phrase to become, 'Does Sora still like me?' as it rushed over and over through her head.
She shook it hard. She knew that her face must appear tired, drawn, and somewhat spacy. She wished someone was nearby to ask her if she was all right, but next to no one ever came out to the island anymore. The boatman who had taken her had seemed suspicious, leery, that she'd even wanted to go at all. Even the gently spoken words 'I used to live there' had not convinced him, and he had insisted he not collect fee from Kairi; in fact, he'd left as soon as her feet touched sand, throwing the notebook out after her and leaving her there very much by herself.
Slowly, still clutching that notebook, she sat down by herself, her back against one of the rocks, out on the old dock where the three had hung out so many times, had raced each other to from childhood. The water was calm here, batting the age-old dock silently, as though it cared not to disturb the island now that no one lived on it.
Kairi sighed. The sound was empty, hollow- And full of missing people. She looked out across the water, wishing she could connect with Sora as she had when she'd remembered him, but there was nothing but that faint blur of him she saw from before, when he had held out his hand to her across the growing gap...
She knew again that she would appear tired, but again it dawned on her that no one was near her to care, and so she settled back, unable to write or think or do much more than feel, and again the water lapped up over the dock, brushing her shoes, as though trying to sooth her. She set down her notebook and held her hands; alone. Alone and empty-handed in a place that had once held so much laughter...
She looked out over the water and fought back the demon urge within her to start to cry.
Another sunny day in California
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it.
But they don't know what you love is ripped away
Before you ever get a chance to feel it.
Back home, I always thought I wanted
So much more.
But now I'm not too sure...
"Why's it always so nice here, Leon?" Sora asked his tall comorade, who stood looking out over Hollow Bastion in all it's 'glory' at the half-completed restoration projects. The mystery of the cloaked man who had looked at him and spoken of another 'he' was still impressed in his mind, but Leon had wanted rather to show him around the city, and he and his companions had been too curious to refuse.
"Always has been," Leon said. "Of course, you probably missed that last time you were here, with the Heartless cloud and all the things that took place on these grounds..." He indicated the castle in a clumsy gesture, as though he wished he had no need to calling attention to it, yet there it stood. "Still, it really is a good place to live. It was, once... Of course, life was different back then."
"I bet Kairi would love to see a place like this." The words slipped out of his mouth unbidden, and Sora blushed a bit, causing both Donald and Goofy to laugh. "I mean, just for the sun and everything," he added in a hurry, his words tumbling over one another to exit his mouth.
"Maybe you can bring her back sometime," said Donald.
"That'd be really great," Sora agreed quietly, walking away from the ledge with Leon. They had to get going anyway. The sooner I complete all of this, he reminded himself, the sooner I can see Kairi.
The day changed and with it, the world, until they were standing in the obscure place known as the Timeless River. The cartoon sun shone over Sora's body, warming him, and he smiled absently to himself, sad that they would only be spending a few more minutes here before disappearing back into reality and questing. His mind was still blown from the rather surreal battle between past and present, and so he was dazed as he looked up at the sky, shockingly not longing for any color to it."It's great here," he said quietly to Donald, who nodded.
"Shucks, Sora, what's on your mind?" Goofy asked him suddenly as Sora sank down into the grass. "We've gotta get goin'. You know that as well as I do." He tried to take Sora's hand, but the boy simply stuck it in his pocket and stared up at the sky.
"We always wanted to see other worlds when we were at home," he said softly, more to himself than his companions. "Me, Kairi, and Riku... We were going to build that silly little raft and sail far, far away. We were going to get so many answers... Like what other worlds were there, and why'd we end up on this one?"
"Well, you can tell them all about them," Donald said, trying to sound comforting as he sat down next to Sora, wondering why the boy was wasting so much precious time when his home and his girlfriend were in danger but knowing Sora wouldn't easily be moved.
"I... I'm not even sure I want to be doing this anymore." The words rang loud and true, but an unexpected wind in the cartoon world that never was whipped across his face and carried away his words.
"Huh?" Goofy said quietly, brushing his hand against Sora's shoulder to try to make him repeat himself.
"I... I always wanted something else. Now... I don't. I really dont' want other worlds, or... I don't even want another adventure. I want... Home." The last word was so quiet. "And... Kairi."
"Sora, it'll all be over soon enough," Donald said quietly, trying to again get Sora to calm down. "In fact, it'll all be over soon. Now come on, let's just go before something happens here again and we really have to fight..."
Sora stood up and shook his head out to clear it, gave his friends a smile, and opened the door. It was time to go now, but where he was unsure. Still, part of him wished he could curl up on the sand of the destiny islands between his two best friends and do nothing again in a world that was small and safe, where home was home.
Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me
And feeling free
Free to stand beside the ocean in moonlight
And light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky...
"Sora?" Asked Goofy quietly, waking their friend with a jerk on his shoulder. When he'd walked in, Sora had been tossing and turning, his arms cupped around someone that must only exist in his dreams. He had only meant to wish Sora good night, but the boy must have been too tired to carry on, as he was instantly asleep.
"Don't..." Sora muttered.
"Sora, you're havin' a dream," Goofy told him quietly, shaking his shoulder harder. Sora's eyes snapped open and he jumped. Goofy pulled his arm back as Sora summoned his keyblade in a bleary-eyed sleep.
"I"ll save you, Kairi!" He yelled before realizing that it was one of his friends who stood in the room. "Goofy... Is it time to leave already?"
"No," Goofy said quietly. "I just wanted to say good night."
"Good night, then," said Sora hurridly, pushing Goofy almost completely out of the room before falling back on the bed under the window, staring out into the darkened night over Disney castle. He practically saw Kairi's reflection eclipse his own before it fell over, disappearing back into the night and leaving him feeling utterly alone.
Alone. It was a feeling he hadn't been used to. Even during his first journey, he had been convinced his friends awaited at the other end of the road, around every bend, and so he'd been comfortable moving on in life. Now, though, he almost felt as though no one was there to ask him if he were okay.
Riku. Kairi. Kairi. Riku. Kairi... They were names that beat in his head constantly. More and more often now, he wondered what life would be like if he'd never been chosen, if destiny didn't exist and he was still back at home racing Riku across the beach, never having had his memory destroyed and rebuilt, fighting for Kairi against his enemy and best friend...
He fell asleep wondering what it would be like if just once they could talk on the beach late into the night, lighting a small fire to talk and seeing each other's faces cast into shadow and light. He wished, just once, that staying there under the deep dark sky and watching the stars, talking about the future and other worlds...
Without actually having to see them.
Another sunny day in California
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it.
But they don't know what you love is ripped away
Before you ever get a chance to feel it.
Kairi found herself staring at the island again. The day was cloudless; she was on her way home from school and very tired, and yet the urge to make her way back out to the island and drop another message into the ocean was overwhelming. Without another word, she ran for the docks and boarded a boat, the one of the same fisherman she'd borrowed it from forever ago... Or had that been only yesterday?
"Why ye so interested in that little place, girlie?"
"I used to live there."
"But there's something else, too. Attraction, maybe? Or memory?"
"Just like being where I grew up." With that, Kairi cut off the conversation. Still, she knew that if she was that obvious now, Sora would have been able to see directly through her. 'You like me', she could practically hear his sing-song voice call out.
'How could she ever like you?' She could practically hear Riku's smile. At this point, she would have said something to break them up. "Why don't we go to the beach and work on the raft?" She said, thinking the words had come out only in her mind.
"Why did you say that?" Asked the fisherman suddenly, looking at her leerily as they neared the beach. "Raft? You aren't planning to run away out here, are ye, lassie? Because that'd be a terrible plan."
We were, once, she remembered, and more than ever, she longed to live here with no land in sight and their world perfectly isolated with her friends, back when no one knew of darkness or light, only happy or sad, beauty or love. She could remember the world back then; everything had seemed black and white, land hadn't been anywhere in sight of them, and they'd dreamed wonderful dreams of living somewhere else, somewhere happy, with people the likes of whom they'd never meet back home.
She jumped from the small boat and walked along the shore further than she had yesterday, ready to relive more memories should they come up from the sand to greet her or whisper to her from among the palms, but nothing did. The old houses stared at her, blank and empty, from their home on the hillside, and still she felt nothing. The lack of memory was depressing, and for a moment she looked around, desperate to find something that might continue the chain of memories that had begun floating into her mind.
Unable to think of a thing, she settled back down on the dock to wait for the time when the old boatman might come to get her, thinking of things already remembered; rafts and childish laughter, friendship, and faces that the sky brushed, lighting them up to the point where everyone's eyes had seemed to see more than was there...
Still, the emptiness of her surroundings and her mind weighed on her, and as she watched the sun set she had only one thought cross her mind; I wish they could be here to see this with me. Maybe it would remind me of something else...
Everybody here is living life in fear
Of fallin' out of line.
Tearin' lives apart and stealing lots of hearts
Just to pass the time.
And the eyes get red in the back of your head
This place will make you blind.
Put it all behind me and I'll be just fine.
Sora sighed. Somehow, something didn't feel right to him. Who knows? He thought to himself. Somehow, for some reason, he was beginning to feel tired, and by tired he meant tired- Tired of being here, tired of fighting, tired of lifting a Keyblade. What he wanted more than anything in the world was to be somewhere else, and by somewhere else, he meant not here.
He knew that in his heart, he meant the Destiny Islands. There with Riku, there with Kairi... Kairi. Gentle, safe, although sometimes angry, Kairi. He wanted to see her, but each world, each new place, seemed sunny and promising as his old life had, and still he was getting nowhere.
Hollow Bastion still especially bothered him. The place was a business, rebuilding itself and yielding a home for Leon and Aerith and everyone else who'd ever been there in the first place. For him, though, it was a place to come back to before he set off searching the world for the friends who might not remember him. Friends who might not care about him any longer. The thought was almost too much for him to bear, and so he ignored as best he could, smiling and working harder towards what he considered his ultimate goal.
Seeing them. That was the goal.
"Sora? SORA!" Someone called, and he was forced to lift his head off the table in Merlin's house to look at the person calling him. It was Yuffie; who else, he thought to himself, would interupt someone pretending to be asleep? "Sora, come on, there's something Leon wants to talk to you about! Meet him at the Bailey, now!"
The streets of Hollow Bastion were as familiar as the sands of Destiny Islands by now, and he made it to the Bailey without incident. In fact, it was nice to be alone; he could slink up along the sides of buildings to avoid fighting. He was tired of fighting. In fact, every swing of the Keyblade, he could only bear because the thought occured to him that it might be for something and someone more, like Kairi. Every time he swung the blade, he liked to think he was getting closer to those who might not know him, but who might remember him and might love him more than those here...
Arriving at the Bailey snapped him out of his tiny obsessive world in his head as he was confronted with Heartless. The place seemed to be swarming with the grey, unfeeling little Shadows, as well as several more-developed varietes of who's likes he had never seen. They were, however, still just Heartless, and within strokes of his own sword and Leon's abilities, they had managed to take out everything that was somewhere around them, and they sat down on the wall facing the half-restored castle.
"The sooner we get rid of them," said Leon, "The sooner we can restore this place to the kind of home it was before the FIRST Heartless invasion."
"The sooner I can go home," Sora said, then quickly, shortly, bit his lip.
"You're really that ready to go home? I thought you had a sense of adventure, of life outside what you always wanted, Sora."
"I did. I mean, I do. Leon, it's just... Everyone here is so different from everyone I've ever known. There's this constant fear that they'll do something wrong and hurt someone else, or that I can't handle the Heartless, or that one of these days I'll somehow... accidentally replace someone in my heart."
"I dont' know who you're thinking of," Leon said quietly, "But isn't breaking hearts just a part of life?"
"Maybe here!" Sora snapped angrily, then he remembered him. "Listen, Leon, it's just... The more I'm forced to destroy things, the more I"m forced to fight, the more I'm realizing I almost dont' want to. I just want... I either want them here or my old life back. It's... Every sunny day blends into nothing here, whereas back home... Promises were promises. There was no looking around, no wondering about tomorrow or worrying about where they were, if they were all right. They were always beside me, ya know?"
Leon stood. "Listen, Sora, get some sleep. And I don't know if your friends are coming up in the near future, or a thousand miles away, but I promise you'll see them again. The way you think, it's impossible not to."
Sora stood up and followed Leon. It's nothing like following Riku, he found himself thinking. Riku was always so sure of himself, and he was always running. Leon's just too... He shook his head and followed Leon, trying not to think anymore. Still, as though he had eyes in the back of his head, he could still see the castle.
Despite his best attempts to keep it out, he couldn't help thinking that Kairi would have loved it in the setting sunlight, and he palmed his own forehead and sighed in frustration before following Leon fully.
If I never see this again, he found himself thinking, I'll be just fine.
If I see Kairi again, I'll be just fine.
Another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky
Sometimes I wish that it would rain here
And wash away the West coast dreaming from my eyes
There's nothing real for them to see here.
It has been so clear and cloudless on the beach the day she'd met Axel, and she'd been sitting there just stewing, alone with her thoughts until he came along. Then she'd found herself running away, and now she was captured and kidnapped and... Alone.
Ordinarily, she might have taken advantage of it being a new world, a new place to be at and an experience, but all she could think about was how she'd been ripped away from the only place she could wait for Sora. "I'll never see him," she said to the dog with her, which stared at her as if it really didn't care much for chatty humans before really falling asleep, leaving her to be. She stared out over the nothingness around her and listened, but there was no noise.
Not even rain.
Kairi suddenly realized how much she missed rain. The last time she'd seen it, or that she could remember, had been ages ago, with Sora at her side and his smile on his face as he'd watched it coming down. "The rain," he'd said to his friends, "Seems to take away all the problems in the world, if we'd let it."
I wish, she thought, the rain would take away my problems. But I also wish... I wish the rain would bring me something. In fact, the only think the rain could do to wash away my problems would be to bring me Sora. I need... I need him...
Tears are nothing like rain, she thought in disgust when she began to cry. They're hard, sticky, wet, and rather than taking your pain away they're the expression of it exisiting. She wanted to wipe them away with her hand, but they covered it as a raindrop might, and she sighed.
"Sora will come for you soon enough," said a disgustingly deep voice outside her cell. "You are the key to bringing him here, and to getting him to help us."
Disgusted though she was, angry as she was, frantic to escape as she was, Kairi felt her heart leap; Sora. Sora was coming here to be with her. Sora would help her escape. Or maybe she would finally help Sora.
Finally, the thought drifted into her mind, Something real for me to see here.
Another starry night in California
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance,
Before you get a chance to feel it.
"Sora?" Kairi whispered to him finally, now that they were together outside the turmoil, ready for the final battle, braced together against one another, Riku standing behind them as he always had with that half-smile on his face, that feeling of suddenly being Riku again. "Sora, I just wanted to say I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, Kairi."
"That's touching," Riku remarked, but moved away from the lovebirds. "Call me when you're done snogging," he added under his breath, but it was in the friendly way. Sora grinned- He'd talk to his best buddy about that remark later, but for now, it was he and Kairi.
"I thought about you a lot, while I was gone. There were so many beautiful places I would've loved to see with you, so many sunsets and so much... I don't know, other worlds are as amazing as we always thought."
"More amazing than the Destiny Islands?" She'd drawn close to him and was resting against him, and he smiled but did not put his arms around her- He was trying not to make anything more awkward than it already was.
"Nothing is more amazing than there. I can't wait to go home."
"I can't wait to finally go home with you two either." She paused. "If there's ever another adventure, will you take me with you? I mean, all of us. The thing we finally wanted the most... Can we make it come true?"
"I'll really be able to feel everything this time if you guys are with me."
"Huh?" Kairi said, not understanding. What she got in return was a kiss, then another, and then Sora pulled away.
"You're forgetting the destruction of the world," Riku commented vaugely. "Can we just go now?" And so they did, hand in hand, with everyone next to one another, ready to face the unknown.
But mostly ready to have a chance to experience everything new together. Kairi leaned her head into Sora's shoulder, Sora drew his weapon, and Riku just sighed and shook his head.
"Can't a gay guy get any love around here?"
A/n: the last line was totally called for. SORRY RIKU.