Disclaimer: I am not J.K.

The Beginning

Lily was feeling depressed and lonely again as she lay on the couch in her living room, watching a stupid show on the television.

It had been a month since Lord Voldemort had murdered her husband, James, and one year old son, Harry. It happened on October 31, Halloween.

She thought about the events of that night constantly and what she could have done differently to help her son and husband survive. What perplexed her the most was Voldemort's behavior; he had spared her life.

Lily and James had been sitting in the kitchen, talking and laughing, and Harry was upstairs, asleep in his crib. They heard the front door being blasted open and jumped up from their chairs; they knew it was Voldemort. James had told her to go upstairs and protect Harry while he held him off.

James knew that he wouldn't be seeing her again, so he hugged her tightly and gave her a kiss goodbye before he ran to the living room. Lily rushed upstairs and was about to take Harry from his crib when the tall dark figure appeared in the doorway.

Voldemort snarled, "Stand aside, girl," and blasted Lily into the wall, where she fell to the floor. She couldn't move; she was paralyzed.

Voldemort stood over her, ran his long fingers down her pale face and whispered, "It's a good thing he favors you, that he requested that I let you live, or you would be as dead as your husband. I reward my faithful followers, although I do not know what he sees in you, you dirty mudblood. And now you will watch as your little brat dies."

Voldemort walked over to the crib where little Harry slept and pointed the long yew wand at him. Lily tried to scream, but she couldn't, her mouth wouldn't work. She was screaming inside, though, her heart was pounding so hard she thought she was going to have a heart attack; she had to stop him from killing her son!

Voldemort shrieked "Avada kedavra!", and Lily was blinded by a bright green light. When she could see again, Voldemort was levitating Harry's limp body from the crib, and landed it right in front of her, right in her line of vision. Then he apparated with a loud crack, giving an evil cackle before he disappeared.

Lily was still paralyzed; she couldn't turn her head, and she was forced to stare at Harry's little body, her insides tearing apart. Why couldn't he have killed her, too? What was there to live for now? Her family was gone.

Lily was in the same spot when the aurors and Order members arrived thirty minutes later to sort out the mess. They found her in the room and performed the counter curse so she could move again.

"NO!" Lily could finally scream. "Harry, Harry." She began sobbing as she cradled her baby in her arms. How could someone just kill an innocent child?

Suddenly Sirius was there besides her, and Remus too.

"Lily, I'm sorry," Sirius said, tears gleaming in his eyes as he hugged her tightly.

"Kill me," Lily wailed. "Just kill me!"

"Lily, it's okay." Remus said, wincing at the pain in her voice.

"He made me watch. I didn't want to, but he made me!" Lily cried and broke away from Sirius. She dashed down the stairs, still holding Harry.

James' rigid body was lying next to the couch; Lily grabbed him, and tried to drag his body out the front door.

"Lily, what are you doing? Calm down." Remus said, reaching out to grab her arm; Sirius and Remus had followed her downstairs.

"We're leaving, it's not safe here."

Remus grabbed Lily around the waist, and Sirius pulled James out of her arms. Then he pried Harry away from her and laid him gently on the couch.

"NO! I have to save them!" Lily cried. "What are you doing? He's coming, he's coming!"

Her two friends carried the flailing, fighting Lily outside and disapparated to Sirius' apartment. And Lily never stopped screaming the whole time about trying to save her family.

An hour later, Lily was lying on Sirius bed, sleeping, while Remus and Sirius sat beside her, talking quietly.

They had given her a sleeping drought so she would have a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

"Why didn't he kill her, though? I don't understand it. Why not finish the job?" Sirius said.

"I don't know, Sirius." Remus said quietly, staring at Lily's face.

"None of this would've happened if Peter didn't disclose the location of the house to Voldemort. He truly is a little rat. Why did I change Secret-Keeper to him? It should be me dead, not James and Harry. It was all my FAULT!" Sirius screamed and pounded the bed side table so hard that it cracked.

"Sirius, shut up, you're going to wake her up." Remus said as Lily turned over. "And, no it wasn't your fault. We trusted Peter; he was our friend. Who could've known that Peter would have betrayed Lily and James to Voldemort? Nobody could predict that. It's over, we can't do anything about it. People die everyday in this god forsaken war. It was only a matter of time before it was somebody we cared about."

Lily awoke to darkness. She rubbed her head. Where was she? She could hear people in the other room. Sirius? Was that Sirius?

Lily got out of the bed she was lying in, and carefully made her way through the darkness to a slit of light that came through under the door. She opened the door and peeked out.

It was Sirius' apartment. Sirius was sitting on the couch, sobbing while Remus stood next to him, a comforting hand lying on his shoulder. Lily blinked. She had never seen Sirius break down before. What on earth could've happened? And then, it all rushed back to her, hitting her like a brick. She fell to the floor with a thump.

"Oh my god." she whispered. "They're gone, they're really gone."

And she sat there, listening to Sirius crying in the other room, and matching his sobs with her own.

Lily had gone back to her own house, after staying with Sirius for a few days. She thought about what Voldemort said, day and night.

Who was this Death Eater that 'favored' her? And since when has Voldemort ever cared about somebody else's feelings?

A shiver ran down her spine every time she thought of a mysterious masked Death Eater knocking on the front door, trying to woo her.

The gifts were bad enough; she didn't want to see the face that had left them.

The first one was a bunch of beautiful white lilies tied up with red lace with a card that read, 'My deepest consolations for your loss' that was left on her doorstep.

Lily had thought they were from Sirius, but when she asked him about it, he said, no that he didn't leave them.

Every few days, there was something else; a sweet blueberry pie, a diamond necklace, a pretty green dress that matched her eyes, a book on charms, and they all had cards signed, 'To Lily', nothing else.

It was starting to creep Lily out, and when Sirius visited, she told him about the gifts and what Voldemort had said. She hadn't told anyone else, but she trusted Sirius so much; he was like a brother to her.

"Whoever it is, they must know me well; I mean a book on my favorite subject, my favorite desert, and a dress that matches my eyes?" Lily said, fidgeting where she was sitting on the couch.

"Lily, I don't know what to tell you, but if you want, we could get some aurors to come and stand guard over the house until whoever it is is caught."

"No, don't waste the aurors on me. They're needed in the war."

"Why can't this damn war be over?" Lily cried suddenly. She couldn't take it anymore.

"I just feel like giving up sometimes, Sirius. I need to fight Voldemort again. I can't stay here. I want my revenge."

"Okay, calm down." Sirius looked alarmed. Lily rarely lost her temper.

"I'll talk to Dumbledore, maybe he has an assignment we could do together with Remus."

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