I DO NOT OWN THE INFERNAL DEVICES OR THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS! ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO CASSANDRA CLARE!
SPOILERS FOR CLOCKWORK PRINCESS!
To my lovely Tessa,
I have thought about you again today – not like that's different from any other day – but I thought about you in a different way. I know I can't send this to you, the Brothers wouldn't allow it. But I am writing it anyways because perhaps one day you'll be able to read it, or even better I'll be able to tell you this story. A benefit of being a Silent Brother is that I get to help people. These past two weeks I have helped the descendants of Gabriel and Cicely, find their adoptive son Jonathan Herondale – yes Herondale – he is like Will I am told, I know but what I've seen in him, although I have never met him. He is strong like Will, and like you. But he is home safe now because we helped him. Magnus helped too, I did not speak to Magnus, I was helping the Lightwoods look for him at the New York Institute. Jonathan Herondale is parabatai's with a decedent of Gabriel Lightwood. Years ago, when we were young I would have believed it in possible for a Lightwood and Herondale to get alone, until Cicely came to the institute, but you know how Will and Gabriel changed for Cicely. I know you never really said it, but you must have missed New York. It's a beautiful city, even through everything terrible that's happening in the Shadowhunter world. Oh Tessa, I miss you. I miss the way you could recite quotes from books, the way you did everything so beautiful. One day we will be together again Tessa, and I cannot wait for that day. I will wait for you because you made me feel alive. Before I met you Tessa, I wouldn't have considered being a Silent Brother but I had to do it for you. I wanted to see you happy, even if for you to be happy was not to be with me. But when Will was alive with you, I also felt alive. I was able to see the two people I loved most in the world to be happy – and to be happy together – that was even better. Young Alexander Lightwood, the parabatai of Jonathan Herondale, he looks like Will. With his dark black hair and his bright blue eyes. I remember those eyes, you and I were the only ones to fill those eyes with joy. I miss Will and I miss you. When it had been the three of us, I never thought that I would be the one to be alone. But I am happy that it was me instead of you or Will. I am happy that Will got to live a happy life, because he lived years that he never thought he could. For you to be happy makes me happy, I don't know where you are now, but you were happy to be with Will, James and Lucie and I was happy to see happy. It got me through a lot of things to know that the people I loved were happy. I want to see you happy again Tessa, and I hope one day I will. Whether it is with or without me there, I want my Tessa – my beautiful, smart, wonderful Tessa – to be happy again.
Always loving you, James Carstairs
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