NOTE: This was originally uploaded on a different account of mine, but I wanted to have all my fanfics on the same account- this one- so it's here now. I didn't steal this, unless you count stealing from my own stores of words. Other than that, Kishimoto Masashi is the all-powerful god of Naruto, not I. Enjoy! ;)
Hatake Kakashi was well aware of the consequences to reading novels while sitting on a bench- like most average ninjas did, if reading at all- but, as he was injured from a recent spat with his co-ninja, Guy, Kakashi had found himself unable to leap onto his usual roof to read. It was for this reason that Kakashi now sat on a bench, reading Make-Out Paradise, appearing for all the world like an average guy.
Unfortunately, average guys got interrupted a lot more than guys reading novels on roofs did. This Kakashi soon found out. The first interruption came in the form of muffled crying and hiccups. Kakashi could really not care less about whoever it was, but, four pages later, the interrupter stumbled around the corner: Hyuga Hinata.
Hinata shuffled forward a few steps, her reddened eyes roving the ground floor, before she realized that she was being watched. Abruptly, she froze up where she stood, her arms and mouth looking as if they wanted to move but couldn't. Feeling a small bit of sympathy in his heart for the shy girl, Kakashi stood up halfway and led her by the shoulder to the bench. She sat down.
For a few minutes they sat there together, her tears quietly dripping down onto her sweatshirt and his own revealed eye scanning the pages. It was something close to contentness. And a dozen pages after that, Hinata stopped sniffling. She peered cautiously over at the book, which Kakashi suddenly snapped shut. Hinata reeled back to where she had been previously. Kakashi looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and saw the questions in hers. He motioned for her to speak.
Hinata's mouth opened and shut, goldfish-like, several times before sound even came out. "Wha... What's your book about?" she managed to say, obviously struggling, both to stem her tearful hiccups and to force the words out. And now there they were, floating hesitantly between them. Kakashi reached out and received them. He figured that, since he had already wasted several minutes of reading time, he might as well give away a few more.
Except that he couldn't exactly explain the plot of the story to such a young, innocent young woman and not feel at least a small bit guilty about it. So Kakashi improvised. He gave Hinata a small smile, then realized that she wouldn't be able to see it. So he spoke, instead. "Well... There's a very shy woman who's been in love with a man completely her opposite... Only, now he's going off to battle against a very strong, very bad ninja, and she's afraid that he won't come back. She tries to confess her love to him but ends up running away because she sees him frown and panics. But, in the end- of this chapter, anyway, I've only just begun this one again- she finds out that he was only frowning because he had realized that he had forgotten to... um, pack extra letter bombs for the battle. The man had loved her all along, but hadn't wanted to rush her by confessing his own love for her. He had hoped to prove himself to such a wonderful young woman by fighting the battle and coming back a winner. Then they kiss and they- Er, hug."
Kakashi wasn't even sure where that had all come from; not one bit of it had come from the pages in his hand. But Hinata's expression was changed, and a hint of determination now showed itself on her delicate face. She stood up fiercely, her arms tight, then sat down just as quickly. Hinata looked over at Kakashi, sitting there, the book still in his hand. "How does she do it?" she asked him, hardly stumbling at all over the brief question.
Kakashi could figure out what she meant easily- it was the continuous impromptu story that was messing with his head. After thinking for a moment, he answered, "She tells herself to be strong."
Hinata nodded gravely, and Kakashi saw her eyes finally clear up, her face turn from red to its usual rosy blush. "I am," she said simply, smoothly standing yet again. And with that, she walked off, a different pace than any other he'd ever seen her use. Kakashi stared at the corner for a while, wondering if she'd turn back, but no one came. So he continued reading, glancing up every few pages.
On the eighteenth glance, a figure came out from around the corner- not Hinata. Kakashi turned his head back to his novel, not bothering to look again to see whom it was. One interruption was enough for an hour- but that simply wasn't meant to happen. The second interrupter plopped down next to him, nosily staring over his shoulder. There was breath there, the sound of it and the unpleasant heat. Kakashi turned just enough to identify the culprit.
"Choji?" The plump- to put it nicely, frankly- young ninja boy smiled at the sound of his name. He reminded Kakashi of a dog. And not a particularly intelligent one.
"Yo," Choji greeted him, adopting Kakashi's own preferred word. Kakashi winced at the use of it. "Hey, so I was wondering..." But Kakashi had already turned back to his book, which was quite anti-social of him, but he figured that all Choji would discuss was food, anyway, and Kakashi really didn't care. He felt no affection of any kind towards Choji, so why even bother to be polite? Besides, he was jounin, which pretty much meant that he could treat his lessers however he felt like. Only, this lesser wasn't fazed by Kakashi's rudeness.
"What's that old thing about, anyway? The binding's practically broken, you've read it so many times. Is it even any good?" Choji questioned him, and the one visible eye on Kakashi's face narrowed.
"It's great," Kakashi said shortly, not even looking up. "Shouldn't you be with Asuma or someone?" Then, they boy did the unthinkable: he snatched the volume right out of Kakashi's shocked hands and began flipping through it, careless to the pages being bent by his arm. Kakashi could only stare, and, the moment he was able to do otherwise, Kakashi was suddenly holding the book again. Choji's thick stomach was underneath Kakashi's left sandal.
"Leave me alone," Kakashi growled, at last looking at him. "Yes?" Choji shook his head fervently, and Kakashi sighed, removing his foot and allowing the boy to stand. "Then what is it? Is the village on fire?" He was being sarcastic, he would have indeed cared if it was- but he knew for a fact that it wasn't. So he glared. The boy ignored his angry gaze, and then repeated his last question.
"What's it about?"
If it would get the grubby kid's hands off of his beloved novel, Kakashi would do anything. He again faced the problem of censorship, but this version of the book was a lot less innocent than Hinata's. "There's a really annoying fat ninja who falls in love, against his own wishes, with a very beautiful and very vain girl." This sounded rather familiar to both of them, so they both sat down without words of it as Kakashi continued his made-up story summary. "He tries to change himself so that she'll love him back, but he can't. So he admits his love to her in public, and she freaks out and runs off. But when he finds her, she admits that he's pretty okay and that she wouldn't mind having sex with him. So they do. End of story."
"Oh-gosh," Choji managed to say, rather speechless. He reached into his shruiken holster for- sour cream and onion chips? Kakashi only stared, wondering if the whole world had gone crazy today. Choji munched on his chips and, after seeing Kakashi's astounded expression, offered one. Kakashi, of course, declined the chip. Choji shrugged and inhaled it, then stood up from the protesting bench.
"Well, I'm off to find my own girl, Kakashi, so I'll see you later." Choji lumbered off, and, before he'd turned the corner, Kakashi was back to his book. He wasn't exactly reading, more like trying to cover up his own racing, confused thoughts with the novel's words- and failing. Figuring that he might as well head back to the hospital- he could barricade the door or something- Kakashi tucked Make-Out Paradise under his arm and stood up. So much for getting some fresh air while he read...
Naturally, what with the way his luck was heading, Kakashi walked right into yet another chunin ninja: Nara Shikamaru. Rather fed up with the younger ninjas in general, Kakashi burst out, "And I suppose you want to know what it's about, too, huh?" Shikamaru stepped back, his expression reduced to a mere question, but Kakashi wasn't having it. The older ninja threw the book onto the bench and said, "Then why don't you get your own copy? Even better, have mine! You people won't let me read it, regardless!" Kakashi stalked off, then went back to retrieve his book. He still cared for it, obviously.
"Can I sit with you for a moment?" the boy asked politely, fingering an earring with one hand and holding out the book with the other as a sign of peace. Feeling rather ashamed of his immature actions in contrast to Shikamaru's, Kakashi sat down next to the younger boy on the bench. Shikamaru spoke first. "I've been thinking... My dad's no help, and anyone else would laugh at me... But I trust you. Sort of. Well, Naruto does, and he says that I should, so I wanted to ask you... I mean..."
Hinata would have gotten to the point faster than him. Kakashi gestured this to Shikamaru, who nodded and finally explained, "All my life, I thought clouds were better to watch than, well, girls... And I still do. Except for-"
"Temari, yes, of course." Kakashi nodded along, not noticing Shikamaru's surprised expression, which disappeared in a moment. "Are you asking her to marry you or something?"
"What? No! I'm just trying to figure this out, and it's hard to understand. I think about it from a logical point of view, and it makes no sense. Why isn't any other girl as noticeable as her? I hear other guys talk of Ino and Sakura and them, but I don't see it. Why is this? And, somehow, I already know that if I met a girl who looked exactly like Temari, or had the same thinking capacity, I wouldn't... love... her. It's strange!" Shikamaru's conflicted expression turned up to Kakashi, who was fingering the pages of his novel thoughtfully.
"What have you done about this?" Kakashi asked Shikamaru, looking at him with new eyes- well, eye. Sort of.
"I haven't done crap," Shikamru moaned into his hand. "I hate women!"
What was he, a love therapist? Weary, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible- he recalled that he was having dinner with Iruka to discuss Naruto- Kakashi tried to say as much as possible in as little words as he was capable of spouting off. "You know, the main character of this book was supposed to hate women, too," Kakashi outright lied. "But he fell in love with a girl, and do you know what he did?"
"He killed her?" Kakashi shook his head, rather shocked. "He killed himself?" Kakashi replied with a negative yet again. "He killed-"
Kakashi decided to cut in before the chunin ninja picked up a torch and got a mob together. "He told himself that he would hate all women except her. Then, if she died, he could be just the same as he had been previously- miserly, angry, all of that-"
"That's not me."
Kakashi shrugged the boy off and finished up. "But, since he had been granted a great love, he decided to act on it. And then-"
"He killed her?"
"He asked her out, you idiot! Just ask the girl out!" Kakashi nearly shouted. At that very moment, Asuma ducked his head around the infamous corner, curiosity alight in his eyes. "Asuma, take this boy to Temari so that he can ask her out and stop asking such unintelligent questions," Kakashi ordered the man. He said to the boy, "Just go. And keep going. And going... Goodbye."
And then, finally, Kakashi was alone. He glanced up at the darkening sky and frowned- he was late for his meeting with Iruka. By the time he got to the restaurant, it was dark outside the windows of the restaurant. Kakashi sat across from Iruka, exhaustion on every visible bit of his face. Iruka looked at him questioningly, and Kakashi held up a hand.
"Do not, I beg you, ask. Just talk," Kakashi ordered. But, as was his luck today, the pair were interrupted by another two ninjas.
"Kakashi, Kakashi!" Uzumaki Naruto exclaimed, right into Kakashi's ear. He winced. "Guess what?" The boy was practically jumping up and down, and he probably would be if his hand weren't being held fast by Hinata, whose cheeks were even rosier than usual. She was smiling, and barely an inch of fear touched her features. Kakashi was surprised to find himself curious at this, but that was easily explained- the kids had grown on him. Huh, he thought, nodding to himself. Playing along with Naruto, Kakashi asked the younger ninja what it was that he was so excited about. Kakashi had begun to make guesses in his mind...
"We're engaged, Kakashi! Me and Hinata! No, er, Hinata and I- that's it!" Naruto actually jumped a few inches in the air as he spoke; he couldn't seem to control it. Kakashi was happy for the boy, but, in addition to that, quite bewildered.
"You're what?" Iruka voiced for him, echoing Kakashi's own thoughts. Kakashi's one uncovered eye was shocked enough for two, wide as the circle of a kunai knife. Naruto was, after all, a mere teenager- and not even a chunin yet.
Kakashi's vision narrowed in on Hinata's ring finger, and, sure enough, it sparkled in the fluorescent lighting of the place. Seeing this, Naruto grinned even more. "We're doing it tomorrow, before I leave for my mission! She's going to be my official girlfriend! Isn't that awesome, Kakashi? We're gonna go on missions together and fight the Akatsuki and train together- isn't that awesome? Iruka, you're gonna come, right? We're gonna go out to to the field and Tsunade's gonna make it official because she's hokage and it's gonna be-"
"Awesome?" Iruka offered, smiling in faint relief. Kakashi could only sit there, rubbing his eyes and wondering what exactly had just happened. Hinata herself seemed rather speechless, but still quite content. Naruto nodded and smiled in assent with Iruka's words- well, word- and looked at Kakashi with mild concern. Hinata, unexpectedly, voiced this to the older ninja.
"Are you okay? Master Kakashi?" she asked worridly, concern splitting her features in half. She let go of Naruto's hand and reached for Kakashi, then abruptly decided against this and stepped back again, frowning slightly. Naruto patted her hand and whispered a few words in her ear, and she nodded quickly. Fearfully. A few more words later, however, she looked relatively calm again.
"I'm fine," Kakashi sighed. "I just need to take a break from young children." Stifled laughter bubbled up in Iruka's throat.
"That's cool!" Naruto said brightly. "Hinata's gonna taste her first bowl of ramen now! Isn't that-" he cut himself off, noting Kakashi's weariness, and gave him a cheerful farewell. Hinata waved slightly, and Kakashi tried to be polite by waving back. He failed, though, and stuffed his hand in his pocket- finding a small slip of paper there.
Thanks. -S.
Short and to the point, Shikamaru's note was, but Kakashi smiled a bit. Maybe, after this, he could have his own bowl of ramen. He could retire to his hospital bed and open a window, read with the fresh breeze wafting in... Unfortunately, this wasn't meant to be. Not today, anyway.
"Yes, there is love in the air of this ramen restaurant!" exclaimed Rock Lee; he burst through the doors of the place with an unhappy Sakura in tow. "Naruto and Hinata, what a brilliant pair! Congratulations, my friends!" Sakura stood off to the side with a small smile on her face, she seemed as pleasantly surprised to find this out as Iruka had been. Her smile dropped into a frown, however, when Lee took her by the waist and led her in. She gently removed herself from his embrace and greeted Kakashi.
"Help me!" she whispered in greeting, eyeing the bushy-eye browed boy behind her in panic. "He's taken it on to himself to go out with me ever since he heard about those two!" Kakashi followed Sakura's gaze to the two teenage ninjas sitting at the ramen bar. "He didn't even run off when I slugged him! Do something!"
"Like what-" Kakashi started to ask, but then Lee was there, and he couldn't exactly offend the boy, though he had done enough of the like in the last hour. Racking his brain for a solution- Sakura was in his own cell, of course- Kakashi ignored Lee's pleasant greetings. He wished that the younger ninjas could all be like Shikamaru, or even Sasuke, cool and calm. And, most importantly, quiet. But, naturally, they weren't.
"Lee..." Kakashi began, still thinking. What could he say to dissuade the boy? "Iruka has just informed me that, er, Ino has admitted her great love for you. Congratulations?" Iruka gave Kakashi the oddest look imaginable, as did Sakura, and everyone who heard. Lee himself looked shellshocked.
"Ino? Ino loves me? How strange... I must go tell her that I am not interested, to be polite! I am going now, see you all tomorrow!" Lee called, already gone.
"Congratulations?" Iruka repeated, smiling. Kakashi growled and stood up. Why couldn't he just be left alone? Why couldn't he just read? Why did he have to keep getting interrupted? Why?
"That's it," Kakashi informed whoever was still there. "I'm going to go out and read, and if anyone tries to disturb me, they'll find themselves at the end of my knife. Goodbye." With that, he left Iruka sitting there and Sakura standing next to him, both curious as to why Kakashi had such a temper today.
"It's too dark to read outside now!" Iruka called after him. Kakashi ignored him rudely, clenching his book with tight fingers. He was basically at his limit- but that wasn't to be decided by Kakashi himself, but, rather, fate. Or whatever it is that makes things happen.
Looking on the bright side of the last horribly random hour of his life, Kakashi figured that it could have worse, at least. He hadn't heard anything from Choji-
Choji, whom he had basically encourage to go have sex with Ino. Ino, who was currently being seeked out by Rock Lee. Lee, whom nobody could hide from for long...
Kakashi considered forgetting about all of it and retiring to his bed, and then decided against it. Sure, none of the three were on his team, but Konaha definitely did not need any more drama, especially among the younger generation... So Kakashi ran. Where, he really had no idea. But, after twenty minutes of wandering, he ended up at the bench again.
The moonlight was bright enough to read by, and he didn't exactly have an urge to go and stop whatever might be happening, so Kakashi pulled out Make-Out Paradise and flipped it open. He'd read exactly four and a half pages when a dark figure emerged from the darkness in front of him. On a reflex, he threw the book down and jumped the mysterious ninja, his kunai knife at their throat. He hadn't been lying, apparently, when he'd threatened his friends at the restaurant.
"What the hell are you doing?" the figure shouted, and her face was suddenly recognizable.
"Ino...?" Kakashi named her, his voice dry. Swear words echoed throughout his mind, but he voiced none of them. He didn't think to get off the girl until she shoved him in the chest and brushed herself off, her eyes narrowed.
"Look, I'm here for advice, not sex, so don't even think about it," Ino informed him, still glaring, a hand on her hip. She looked oddly similar to Sakura in this pose. The girl cut off his mumbled protests and apologies and sat down on the bench, where he had fallen in shock. "That book of yours, I hear that it's special. Or maybe you are, or whatever. I hear you give out good advice. I need some of that."
"Well...?" Kakashi spoke, holding back a thousand derogatory thoughts from evolving into words. This was one girl that he would prefer not to talk to. He reminded himself of Shikamaru, in this sense, actually... Except that Shikamaru was too impatient to ever read anything that wasn't necessary to completing a mission.
One word. "Choji," Ino explained, while not really explaining at all. "He's so chubby, right?"
"I suppose so."
"Well, I'd like him a whole lot more if he wasn't always eating and fattening himself up. How do I change that?" Ino questioned Kakashi rather impolitely, leaning in much too close for his taste.
"Close your eyes," the jounin tried. "Ignore it."
"What am I supposed to do, walk around with my eyes closed all the time?"
"Would you?"
Ino shrugged, her eyes frowning more than her mouth. In a flash of psychotic inspiration, Kakashi shifted the Konaha forehead protecter the girl now wore as a headband down over her eyes. "There," he said. "Now you don't have to." She still couldn't see, so this made no sense at all, but it went on.
"But what about touching? Then I'll still know that he's fat!"
Kakashi used a string of thread to tie her hands together behind her back. "Is that good, now?"
"Actually, I could do this! Lead me to him!" the girl ordered, and Kakashi led out a frustrated sigh. At least Lee hadn't found her, or Choji, maybe. And now he could simply ditch the girl with Choji and get back to reading. It would be simple. Suspiciously simple, as a matter of fact.
As Kakashi helped Ino up, she made an attempt to balance herself and ended up falling back in what looked like a dead faint. Kakashi reached down to help her up, but the thread tied around her hands got tangled up in his own, and down he went, just as Rock Lee happened to round the corner. It so figured.
"Oh, now I see," Lee realized. "In an attempt to make Sakura jealous and help me out, you insinuated to her that Ino was in love with me, when, in reality-"
"He's a freaking rapist!" Ino cut in, making a false attempt to stand and failing, of course. Bewildered by this turn of events, Kakashi leaped up to his feet, a safe distance from the two. They both stared, Lee with recognition and satisfaction, Ino with dark cheeks and more eyes that shouted out mental kunai knives at him. What was up with this girl? She found him, asked him for help, then made him look like a child molester? Was she insane?
Perhaps Shikamaru was right, and girls were something to be hated. Or maybe it was just teenagers in general.
"Okay, look. I'm not a rapist, or a murderer-"
"You did hold a knife to my throat," Ino cut in with laughter hinted at in her small smile. Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, quite visibly distressed.
"Can't you all just lock yourselves in a room and work it out?" Kakashi asked the two. "Whatever it is, just leave me out of it... You know, in this book here, at the end, all the characters do that, and eventually all their issues get worked out. Only one dies... And the adult whom they've been pissing off- er, asking advice from is left by himself to read. Alone. It's a wonderful ending!"
"That's lame," Ino decided.
"Make-Out Paradise? I read that one once. I thought it was about the-" Lee began, his eyebrows knit together hugely. Kakashi hastily interrupted him.
"Please just go. Please...?"
Finally, they nodded and left, each going in a different direction. Kakashi himself leaned back on the bench and fell fast asleep, the book still open next to him...
The next thing he knew, Jiraiya was standing above him, booming laughter erupting from his throat. He moved the book to Kakashi's lap and kept chuckling. "Kakashi," he said between spurts of laughter, "I think I have the inspiration I need to write my next book... and I didn't even need to research the women! You're much more interesting, my friend...
"I think that'll start with an injured ninja, reading peacefully on a bench...
"But not for long."
Kakashi didn't even wake up, only held the book fast to his chest and breathed.
A/N: Well, there goes my first Naruto fanfic. I admit that I did portray some of the characters- heck, maybe all of them- a bit off, but, hopefully, the more of Naruto that I read and watch, the more in tune I'll get with the series. I'm only on vol. 34, actually... Also, I mean no offense to Choji in writing this, but, writing from the POV of Kakashi, it seems like that's how Choji could be viewed, in the extreme. This whole fic was sort of random, but I do like it, and I hope you did, too... That was really cheesy, I do believe. The last sentence before that one. Just sayin'.
If I got anything wrong, what with the spellings or the setting or anything, please do tell me, so that I won't make an idiot out of myself in future fics...
Well, hope you enjoyed, and see you later! Sort of. :)