Physco on the Shesshy
Summary: What happens when our favorite dog demon gets sucked into our world and into a room of two obsessed teens? Total hell......and A bit of humor too
"I'm going to be the future Queen of the West." A 15-year-old Anya declared seriously only to get a hateful glare from her best friend friend and adopted sibling,
"The only queen you'll be is of the shit under my shoes." 16-year-old Icis snapped back angrily. Anya glared annoyed, she WAS going to be queen! She just.....didn't Know him yet, or how she was going to bring him from his world into her own.
"You are SO rude! I AM going to be Queen you just wait!" She snapped in reply
"I am rude? YOU are rude just by inferring it, he wouldn't even know what you are!" Icis growled out though deep down she was really curious to how the dog demon would react to her friend drooling over him.
"Besides he's only a fictional character so good luck with your fantasy." She added
Anya rolled her eyes in annoyance before rolling over on her side, Shesshomaru may be a bit confused at first but of course in the end he would fall for her as she had for him. Of course he would, he would have too and she would bring him to life.
"You're just jealous he would like me BETTER." She replied amused
"If that is what helps you sleep at night be my guest, but if I may recommend a psychologist? There's a card right over there." Icis snaps grabbing her nail polish before giving a death glare to Anya's back and just how do you plan on 'marrying him anyway?" Icis inquired.
"He would maul you without a second thought." She pointed out haughtily as she focused on painting her nails in the dark coating but managed to look over to Anya a smirk on her lips,
"He would behead you after you started drooling."
Anya frowned, her curly locks bouncing as she twisted her head quickly to cast another glare at Icis,
"He is gonna ask me duh, you denier. When Shesshomaru comes he will simply show you, I am his Queen and future mate then you can wallow in self pity as you realize I'm right. And I do not drool.." She added with a quick toss of her hair.
"I'll let you wallow in your news flash when you realize you won't be able to have that dog demon character you dream about." Icis sighs a bit amused in her friends holding on to an imaginary fantasy of being a mate to the Lord of the West.
"You really won't give this up will you?" She asked tilting her head
Anya shook her head firmly, why the hell would she give up on her dream of marrying the sexiest thing with two legs? She would be mate to one of the most, if not the most powerful males to walk the planet
"No I will not." She retorted in a matter of fact tone, looking through her bag she took out the sleek black laptop. A short DING, let her know it had a connection, instantly a picture of her beloved future mate appeared making her sigh. They would be together soon...
"Put that thing away before you hyperventilate, you nearly ruined my picture of the poor demon. Now it has to sit out and dry from being drenched in your drool." Icis mocked smirking darkly
"If I didn't know how pathetic you were in thinking you were so serious I would indeed kill you to end your misery." She added done with her nails Icis placed the small bottle on her side table and laid on her side looking over the picture of the sexy dog demon.
"Can't really blame you for your obsession really but still...he Is a cartoon."
Anya frowned, yet again annoyed with her friends sarcasm, she WAS going to be Queen of the west damn it! She was gonna be a queen somehow, someway! Nobility was made for her and she for it! Without warning she tackled Icis
"Do not mock the Queen of the West......" She ordered in a polite tone before a random thought took over her
"Hey you think Shesshomaru has ever been laid?" She asked
Icis looked up at her friend who had somehow pinned her but the question she had asked diverted her anger to wonder...
"Well he does think he is better than everyone and he won't lay a human or any other being for that matter." Icis admitted a bit lost in the thought before returning to the fact her friend was still holding her down.
Throwing Anya off Icis sat up and stared at her friend before speaking,
"You and I would tear him apart before he had a chance to escape." She pointed out before tapping her chin thoughtfully, her freshly painted nail catching the light from her ceiling fan
"If he was a virgin...man He would suffer." She sighed finally. Anya landed with an omfp, the laptop was knocked over and she picked it up, brushing it off before she turned back to her friend
"True, but....he Might not mind seeing as he has the hots for Rin and can't exactly have his way with her yet." She pointed out bluntly, how that little girl managed to snag his heart so easily she never figured out, but she did know Shesshomaru would fuck someone up over her. To put it as bluntly and plainly as possible.
"You are always talking about how you would get rid of Ring." Icis said with a short shake of the head
"You would have to because if he has Rin why the fuck would he need you? Wait no he could use you as a throw rug for Rin's room." Realizing what she said Icis bit her lip thoughtfully before adding.
"We really need to get out more." With a sigh and slightly annoyed Icis jumped up from her bed plopping down next to Anya and smirked,
"Admit you are every bit insane and will give up this some what mad fantasy, though I don't blame you, and realize we live in 2009 and also live in America." Anya scoffed
"You can be a real bitch you know that?" She asked sitting up
"Besides, I do not swear I am gonna ship her off, or get rid of her. You are the one who fucking killed her in your fucking fanfiction, I mean what the hell?" She exclaimed, the laptop behind her took on a light blue glow
"If Shesshomaru is a virgin I wont lie, I would be willing..." She added giggling before a deep voice spoke sending chills up both girls spinal cords
"Willing to explain?" Anyas jaw dropped and she turned around slowly,
""Oh.....my.........hell." She whispered shocked as she realized just whom she was staring at,
Icis was simply put, frozen in both fear and shock.
"HOLY FUCK ANYA WHAT"D YOU DO?!" Icis shrieked nearly falling off her bed before jumping to Anya's side gripping her arm fearfully but nodding her head quickly.
"Explain it to him Anya." Icis watched as Shesshoumaru sniffs at her room briefly and gulped when he turned and to stare at the two girls coldly.
"This Shesshomaru will not repeat himself." He growled threateningly. Anya continued to gape amazed, he was here! Shesshomaru was here! How the FUCK did he get here!? Stuttering she tried to explain before she tripped and flipped over the air mattress landing with a thud face first on the floor groaning...
Icis looks down at Anya not knowing what to do, should she pick her up and get punished for moving out of line or just leave her there for Shesshomaru to think badly of.
"Anya, ummm, does your face hurt? You look kind or retarded laying like that." She said, Anya jerked her face upright an angry scowl on her face
"Fuck you, you pessimist!" She snapped, briefly ignoring the stoic lord, here she was in the same room as the man who was well known for beheading and doing god only knows what else to people who simply pissed him off and Icis was bitching at her!
"Silence worthless humans." Shesshomaru snapped causing both girls to send angry glares towards him but they faded instantly remembering who had caused them. Icis snorted when Anya went googly eyed over the sexy demon hunk.
"Be careful Anya didn't want your eyes to pop out if your skull." Icis mocked wickedly.
Anya gave Icis the "finger" before she turned to Shesshomaru again, he was so....sexy Despite the fact he looks ready to shove a hand through her neck. Anya gulped before she noticed the demon lords eyes on her head,
"Why is your head glowing? And why do you look.....like The earth?" He inquired, Anya blinked before frowning
"Why you, you BAS...." Icis covers Anyas mouth quickly, a little bit more strictly than necessary, stopping the girls tirade, the last thing she needed was blood all over the carpet. It was brand new after all....
"She's umm, its the color of her skin. Naturally, she bathes regularly. And her hair is just....colored." Anya struggled still muttering random insults behind Icis's hand but cringed thinking of what the lord could do to her for talking out of line then wondering why he hadn't threatened their life yet.
Amused Shesshomaru watched the strange skinned girl struggle behind the wimpish ones hold but got released when she calmed down.
"You had no right in calling me a pessimist and then flipping me the fucking bird! You'd think you'd act better when someone is around you dumbass!"
"Who the fuck are you calling dumbass? He is the one calling me DIRT!" She snapped pointing at Shesshomaru before she sat down on the bed, her lips curled outwards in a pout as she showed her displeasure for the western lords obvious lack of manners towards her
"He should be less insulting." She added
"You just pointed at a demon you shit filled sack! Do you want to die?!" Icis growled out her anger flaring at being told off and her life threatened all in the same mother fucking day!
"And I'm correct in calling you a dumbass when you threaten your existence by being a total dick weed. Then ignoring the fact that he will annihilate you." She added waving her arms around frantically. Icis was about to explode when she had to sit on her own bed and cool off before she went off on everyone in the room and that would include Shesshomaru. And quite frankly she doesn't want to die.
"You bitch! I didn't get a SEX change! Stop calling me guy names!!!" Anya shouted back, ignoring the fact Shesshomaru was clearly getting annoyed with their yelling at each other. The dog demon growled at her comment but remained silent as the two friends continued to duke it out.
"Maybe if you looked like a fucking female I wouldn't be comparing you to a shit faced guy! Now leave me the fuck alone before I kill you and leave you to rot under my house!" Icis snarled her rage peaking, she knew that there was no way in hell she was going to take it out on her friend but holy shit the way that dog was just watching them was pissing her off!
"What the fuck is your problem?! Stop staring you homo!" Anya growled before screaming and ripping her shirt off
"DOES THIS LOOK MALE TO YOU!?!?" She yelled angrily before she gaped at Icis, she just called Shesshomaru A HOMO!!!!! The dog demon stared at her disapprovingly before he frowned at the strange word
"Do you presume to insult this Shesshomaru ? What is this hoe of mo you speak of wench?" He asked, his tone annoyed. Icis just blinked, first Anya had fucking stripped her fucking top and showed Sesshoumaru all she's got. And now the fucking bastard thinks he can fucking call her a wench and then ask a stupid ass questions like hoe of mo what the fuck?!
"If I meant to insult you I can surely come up with worse! Trust me! "Turning to Anya Icis went wild with things to throw at her.
"GET YOUR FUCKING SHIRT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you trying to make a complete whore slut of yourself you dumbass? Need a reason to loose your cherry? Im sure he'd be willing!" She shouted
Anya blinked "FUCK YOU, I'm a virgin just like lord piss shit over there! I don't see you trying to cover up what your mommy gave you!" Shesshomaru frowned again, she would dare to insult him? Why would he want fruit? He didn't even like human food... these stupid mortals were wasting his time
"If you....less than incompetent mortals are through with your childish bickering, we would like to return to our world now." He ordered Icis turns to the lord, if her eyes could go red like his they would be.
"Why the hell you consulting us, we didn't bring you here. Hell we have no way of saving your dumbass from our world. Go get hit by a car or something like normal strays do." Shesshomaru blinked, did this dumb bitch just say what he thought she did? His eyes tinted red and the whip formed in his hands, his aura picked up and just as he prepared to strike her down it stopped. He frowned and tried again....nothing....nothing
""What the hell....what have you done mortal!" He demanded seizing Anya by the throat, she blinked before her lip began to quiver and she let out a high pitched scream.
"Get your fucking dirty ass paws off my Anya you pedophile!!!!" Icis screamed grabbing the nearest blunt object and whacking him over the head with it repeatedly until he dropped Anya on her butt.
"Run Anya RUN!!" Icis screams yanking Anya up and dashing from her room only to get tossed back in making a dent in the wall.
"What the hell! My parents are going to make me pay for that you mutt!" She snapped groggily as Anya ran around the room, panicked, she needed something...needed...a gun! Grabbing the nearest one she loaded it and ran back in. Without hesitation she fired screaming, as if in slow motion Shesshomaru turned around and was met with a face full of.....water? Anya reloaded it
"Eat this motha fucka!!!!" She screamed, this was like Rush hour! Only ten times worse. Shesshomaru blinked and stepped back as the water squirted him in the eye, he growled
"This Shesshomaru, does not fuck his mother..." He replied, his eye twitching
Icis stood a bit confused but recovered remembering that fucking over grown puppy caused her room damage and held her against the wall BY THE THROAT. Never NEVER has anyone ever even dared to even threaten to choke her and no mutt demon bastard was going to start it as a habit!
"You fucking bastard, you think you can prance around like you own America its called a democracy and you are as powerless as a dead battery flashlight in a cave!" Icis snaps too enraged to even register what she was spitting out at the pompous douche bag!
"No one said you f....never mind. Look I think we can all just...." Anya stopped to slip her shirt back on
"Just calm the hell down, now you top being a hell puppy douche and we will stop.....squirting you..." She offered, he stared at her blankly
"Fine wench..." He replied, Anya frowned, raising her gun she fired at him, hitting him in the nose, the water shot up it and he snorted slightly, shaking it out and chocking slightly.
"ANYA, read it, learn it EAT I........uh....just do the first two......sir." She replied finally. Icis didn't do much as she just decided to let Anya handle it. Her anger was so high she could barely control it then she had gone off AND SAID SOME HORRIBLE THINGS TO Shesshomaru of all people! She still wondered why he hadn't killed her but decided she preferred not to elaborate on it.
Sitting on her bed Icis sits crossed legged against the wall in a daze her head throbbing from the pressure building in it but closed her eyes drowning out everything else. She growled as she heard Anya sputtering and opened an eye to see her whimpering due to the fact Shesshomaru had stolen her gun after too many sprays continuing to squirt her at every insult popping her once on the head when she got too close. Anya squeaked as Shesshomaru fired at her, who the hell knew he could fire a gun? Reaching down she picked up a rubber bat and with one swing whacked Shesshomaru over the head,
"Stop, squirting. Me. You. Rude. Ass. Dog!" She growled, hitting him in between every single word. Shesshomaru had ducked the first two, however the rest of the hits were becoming an annoyance someone needed to deal with this human went....with Anya.
"Anya leave him alone already, he's probably losing his mind because of us, Kagome wasn't even this much of a hand full....stupid whore ass bitch. Anyway so if you are here without us doing anything who do suspect brought you here?" Icis asked not really looking at the dog due to her slumping into her bed.
Shesshomaru switched his stare to the girl annoyed by her familiarity to him enough not to address him as lord or sama. "This Shesshoumaru was summoned here due to you weak ningens." He replied
"I think you have found that we are not weak or do you want to be continued to get squirted repeatedly like an untrained pup?" Icis hissed coldly
"This Shesshomaru is no untrained pup. Worthless humans have no right in claiming such." The dog growled out not phasing Icis one bit she just settled in her bed laying on her side giving Anya an 'Are you serious?' stare before propping her head on her hand.
"You don't have to be such a bitch about it." Anya replied, Shesshomaru stared at her before his face relaxed
"I am not a bitch, you would be a bitch." He replied
"Son of a BITCH, how are you gonna stand there and say that?" She exclaimed,
"I have no doubt in mind I am the son of a bitch, just as I know you are the daughter of one." Anya slapped him, angrily, shocking the demon lord
"Don't talk about my mother you fucking piece of shit teme!" She screeched angrily Icis watched with wide eyes as Anya smacked Shesshoumaru but cringed when he gripped her neck tossing her onto the bed annoyed, receiving a insulted comeback from Anya before she crawled off the bed only to face him again.
"Anya, as a friend...i don't really want to be stuck cleaning up blood from my new carpet. But as Icis, I encourage you to slap him up like a fucking bitch from pimp mobile." She declared (obviously Icis isn't all there)Shesshomaru just looked confused before Anya ran at him and attempted to tackle him, she slammed into him and flew back. Her rear and head hitting the floor with a sharp thud before she groaned
"Bitch pimp......teme name calling....bastard..." She whined as he just blinked, she was either really brave....or really stupid. He was going with the second choice he decided
"You are foolish human..." He sighed.
"Can we just go to sleep now? Im tired from not sleeping all week and then being almost put through a fucking wall, my parents are going to be pissed when they get back from their vacation." Icis sighed sleepily
"You humans dare to rest while this Shesshomarus questions are unanswered?" He asked indigent
"I am young Mr.. Shit, so unless you want cranky teen whooping your ass back to Japan be silent and let me sleep!"
Sesshoumaru lunged at Icis getting a squeak from her as she dodged watching him almost trip over the bed and collide with her table. "You are screwed up." Icis said her eyes slightly wider than usual before she snickered,
"Damn drunk mother fucker."
Anya yawned and wandered over to the desk and pulled out, what appeared to Shesshomaru, a blue colored water filled bottle, walking over to Shesshomaru she frowned
"SLEEP!!!" She sang in the highest voice she could before she sprayed him in the face one, two...three times. The dog demon snarled or attempted to over his sneezing before she flopped on the bed and drifted off to sleep, Icis crawled into the bed and kept an eye open till the dog demons eyes went red from irritation.
"We'll get the electric collar tomorrow." She yawned before drifting off to sleep, Shesshomaru tripped over a few things still scratching his eyes from the perfume Anya had sprayed, laying down at the edge of the bed he swore. They were wrong, that earth looking child was the 8th level of hell incarnated.
"Damn that half-breed..." He grumbled, when he got back Inuyasha and his bitch miko were dead....
A/N Well that was chapter one, um....enjoy? XD