A/N: Hullo peeblez! I return with more craziness from the thing called my brain. Shinji's deciding to pull an Aki and not cooperate (even though I finally finished my first playthrough of P3P, hurrah!) Shinji, y u no cooperation? ono
To my readers who gave suggestions, thank you for them! :) For now, you'll have to put up with another slew of oneshots before Shinji's chapter for Addressed to You pops out.
The song I based this one on is called "Daiji na Mono wa Mabuta no Ura" (The Most Important Thing Lies Behind Your Eyelids) by KOKIA. As usual, enjoy!
Disclaimers, as per usual: Persona 3/Portable, its characters and terms (c) Atlus
I'm Here
"Shinji!"
Shouts sounded from a distance, drawing ever closer with the slam of many feet on the pavement. Takaya snarled something, and like a shadow he was gone. But I couldn't see anything, just a world of multicoloured blurs. Every time I blinked, memories surfaced in my mind, glimpses of the past. All of those moments and things that had somehow become important to me flared up behind my eyelids. I wanted to scoff, to laugh bitterly. So this is what they mean by your life flashing before your eyes, huh?
Lights were flashing before my eyes. The moon? Some trick of my oxygen-deprived brain? I couldn't tell. But amidst the voices yelling and the people moving and the colours blurring, only one thing remained in focus: her distraught, tear-stained face.
The most important things lie behind your eyelids. They're your memories. Remember that.
What came out was a raspy, bloody, "Don't cry . . ."
"I'm here. I'm here." Even with tears spilling down my cheeks like they'd never stop. Even with sobs butchering the voice I was fighting to keep even.
His breath, like tiny warm clouds, were coming closer together, growing gradually shallower. The sight of blood - his blood - freely flowing, quickly expanding the pool beneath him, tore at my heart. Don't sleep . . . don't sleep! But shock and tears sealed my voice. His eyes, his beautiful eyes, were glazing over, twinkling in the eerie light. No . . . it's still too early to dream . . .
"We will arrive at your destination shortly."
It had come. The moment of truth. The final showdown. Everything I believed, that my friends believed in - that Shinji believed in. The time to put everything on the line for our beliefs was drawing closer.
The Velvet Room ground to a halt, and in a clatter of metal and gears the wrought-iron gateway behind Igor opened, pouring blinding white light into the dim room.
"You were truly . . . a remarkable guest."
I stepped forward, towards the light. My gaze lingered momentarily on Theo, trying so hard to keep a professional and unfazed manner even as I passed close enough to touch. I smiled, mouthed a thank you, disappeared into the light.
My body felt like a helium balloon, light as a feather. The others were yelling; calling my name, telling me to come back, to not go alone. But I could see what was holding me - us, everyone - back from achieving what wanted. And so I didn't turn back, just willed myself forward to a place only I would know of.
"Alright, let's do this."
I lifted my finger to the inky sky. Closed my eyes. Images invaded my mind's eye: signing the contract with Pharos watching, my first Arcana Shadow, Tartarus sprouting from the ground to spear the green heavens, Yukari-chan's never-give-up temper, Junpei-kun's confident grin, Mitsuru-senpai's concentrated determination, Aki-senpai's fighter spirit, Fuuka-chan's gentle laugh, Aigis's straight-forward curiosity, Koro-chan's wagging tail, Ken's hidden naivety, Shinji's breath-taking smile. All of my memories, both good and bad, both happy and sorrowful, of the whole year. Places I'd grown familiar with, faces I'd come to care about and love . . . all the things that were important to me lay just behind my eyelids.
So many things had happened in this single year, it felt like a lifetime, a dream. No, it's not a dream. Like the memory of being in that special someone's arms. I've found my most important and precious place.
"Orpheus Telos! Great Seal!"
I'm here. I'm here too. They were all here.
"We're here! Let us hear your voice!"
They'd seen me go, arcing across the sky like a lone glowing bird. They'd poured their trust and confidence and power to me, cheered me on. And now, they called to me. Don't be quiet. Don't be quiet!
"We know you can hear us! Answer me, please!"
It was over. It was finally over. They'd probably forget everything: the Dark Hour, the Shadows, Tartarus, even the smiles and victories we shared. But that was fine. After everything we'd been through, living like a normal person sounded like a dream come true.
Well, let that dream go on and on.
"Mr. Aragaki, where are you going?"
Where was I going? I knew I was in the hospital, but I was utterly lost and confused. How'd I wind up in the hospital? When did I get here? How had I gotten my wounds? Why did I feel like I was forgetting something incredibly important . . . ?
Actually, I should probably find the damn exit first. These nurses and doctors were starting to become a pain.
Out into the sun. How long had it been since my admittance into the hospital? The way the medical staff reacted and the stiffness of my body told me it had to have been a while. Days? Weeks? Months? I was barely paying attention to my surroundings, recklessly walking forward, wherever my legs propelled me.
My heart was pounding, my blood roaring in my ears as if trying to tell me to pay attention to my overflow of emotions that was clambouring in my aching, now-scarred chest. Demanding to be noticed, to be voiced, to be attended to. But nothing made sense to me.
Why was I in such a hurry?
I'm here. I'm here. There she was. The one girl who, after years of wallowing in self-misery, had made me feel like it was worth being alive. Aigis sat beside her, both turning at the sound of my approach. Warm spring time clouds drifted lazily overhead, as the robot moved to give us space. She looked so tired . . . Don't sleep. Somehow I know, probably from the way her eyes were going vacant, the way they were twinkling as a far-off, peaceful expression settled onto her face. Don't sleep. It's still too early to dream.
"I'm here, I'm here," I wanted to say, like she'd told me all those months back as I lay in my own blood. But before I could speak . . .
"Heeeeeeyyy!"
Junpei's voice, the loudest amongst many, drifted to me. I'm here, I'm here. But I was too exhausted, with no energy to even move my head. Birdsong above; our eyes lifted to see a single bird arc across the sky. The sun was so warm and bright . . . I gave in to the gentle rumble of Shinji's voice and to sleep, the memory of that fateful day bubbling sluggishly into my mind.
Don't die. Don't die! Still, I could find no voice. I could only sit there, crying my eyes out, and watch as my personal paradise disappeared as his dusky-brown orbs fluttered closed for the last time. His words in September came back to haunt me.
"You don't have to forgive me . . . but forgive everything else."
At that time, I hadn't understood. Now I did.
Please forgive me . . . and be happy.
No . . . Don't die. Don't die! It was too late. I could only sit there, straining a smile, holding her close, and watch as my personal paradise disappeared as her ruby red orbs fluttered closed for the last time. She'd fixed me with a look that spoke volumes, prickling my eyes with tears that would not stop.
Please forgive me . . . and be happy.
~Owari~