Lethe
Shade
Pain. So much pain... everywhere. Her arms. They felt so heavy. But she could move them, yes... oh, but her head. She felt like it had been split open. She thought... openyoureyes. It took some time, and some effort, but she fought the heavy waves pressing down on her. The light was blinding, it burned, forcing her eyes shut. She tried to turn her head, but that hurt, too- it was stiff and uncomfortable. Slowly... she opened her eyes again, peaking through her lashes, letting the light leak in.
The light was yellow and sickly. And the room was... drab... utilitarian. She was in the hospital. The thought sat in her head. Given the pain, that should not have been a surprise. But why did she feel so odd. Like something was missing. There was a hole; a fuzzy spot that she could not make clear, but she knew it was there. She lifted her arm- it was work, and pressed her hand to her head. What was going on?
"Blair!" A strange thick accent shot through the air.
She furrowed her brow, trying to comb through her mind for something. Anything. The man rushing into her room was fine enough looking, though his colored check shirt, with its open collar, grated on her nerves a little. But...
"Thank god!" he took her hand and kissed her full on the mouth. What the...
He smiled at her and stroked her hand. Which is when she saw the large yellow diamond on her ring finger. Yellow... and it was rather distasteful looking... and Chuck. Where was Chuck? What was this?
"I'm... I'm sorry, but who are you?" Speaking made her realize her mouth was dry, like it was full of cotton.
The man's face went from relief to concern, "You don't know who I am?"
He dropped her hand, "Do you know who you are?"
"Of course I do. I'm Blair Waldorf!" She was indignant in spite of everything, "But you- how dare you kiss someone else's girlfriend like that. Chuck will not stand for it. Where is he, why is he not here?"
"Chuck..." She watched him stand as he spoke, "I think I should find a nurse, they will want to know you are awake."
"If you're leaving, some water would be nice," she clipped.
Alone again, she stared at the ring on her left hand. Where had it come from? It was not from Chuck... Chuck would never gift her such a diamond, he knew her better than... this.
After some annoying questions from a nurse, she was suddenly not allowed visitors until she met with a doctor. She lay there, trying to fix her hair, disgusted with the sheets... the bed... the decor... the hospital gown, ew, and once done with that, she passed the time trying to work the yellow ring free from her finger. It took some perseverance, but eventually she managed it.
Perseverance... the importance of perseverance...
Finally, a doctor arrived. After examining her a few moments, he asked her a few stupid questions. But when he asked her what day it was, she hardly needed someone to tell her he did not like her answer, and she realized how fuzzy it felt, "It's summer, 2009."
He asked her some more questions, about her friends and her family, what she did yesterday. He also would not tell her where Chuck was, and she had no response to the name Louis. A few minutes after he left, he returned with all of her parents.
She had never seen her mother so... emotional before, but she blamed that on Cyrus. "Will someone please... tell me what is going on? Why am I here? Where is Chuck?"
Her mother sat on the bed next to her, holding her hand and stroking her hair, "Honey, you have amnesia... It's November 6th... 2011."
Blair took a moment to let this settle. That... was a lot of missing information. But... "But what happened, and Chuck, please, someone tell me where Chuck is!"
Eleanor was still stroking her hair, "You and Chuck were in a car accident."
Blair tensed up.
No.
No.
No.
"Blair sweetie, he's... lost a lot of blood. The doctors don't know..."
"No!" She closed her eyes and screamed at the top of her lungs. Turning on her side, she curled up, clinging to her pillow, as sobs tore at her throat while she screamed for him, "Chuck!"
Everyone quietly left her alone. She cried until she passed out. When she woke, her father was sitting in a chair next to the bed. He smiled at her, "Blair-Bear."
"Daddy..."
"Oh, my sweet Blair-Bear." He gave her a little smile.
"Tell me... who am I now?"
"Well... you go to Columbia?" He thought it an easy place to start.
"What a relief. NYU, ugh... I knew that could not go well."
Harold chuckled at this, "But... Blair... you..." he paused, trying to find a way to phrase it, "you're not with Chuck."
He picked up the yellow diamond from the nightstand, "You're... marrying someone else in nearly three weeks."
Blair just lay there for a few moments, "But... I love Chuck."
"It's been over two years... a lot happened between the two of you."
"But... it's Chuck..." she felt so lost to think she was not with him anymore. Why would she not be with him? Then she thought of the man from earlier, "When I woke up... that other man... who was that?"
"Louis, your fiancé." He placed the ring in Blair's palm.
"My... fiancé... Louis," Blair rolled the words around in her mouth as she spoke them, trying to feel them.
"You're such a lucky girl, he's a good man." Harold reached up to stroke back his daughter's hair.
"Who is he? How did I meet him?" Blair fidgeted with the ring.
"In front of you favorite Manet, at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris. He's... he's the Crown Prince of Monaco. You're going to be a Princess."
"A... princess..." she repeated, murmuring.
"I've... probably said too much. You need to rest, you've been put though so much." Harold stood to leave.
"Chuck... tell me how Chuck is doing?" Blair looked up at her father her wide brown eyes pleading.
"The doctors are still not saying anything. With... everything... they just don't know."
Alone again, Blair once more curled up into a ball. Two years... Chuck... a prince. She felt so incredible lost as exhaustion slowly pulled her back into the blackness of sleep.
After explaining to Blair's parents that it would take some more tests to know the extent of her amnesia, the doctor asked if anyone knew why she might have regressed to that particular point in time. The quartet all looked at each other, concern mixed with sadness. They all knew why Blair would return to that moment of her life.
Cyrus shook his head and said to no one in particular, "I love you, too."
Eleanor put her arm around her husband and replied to the doctor's question, "It was because that was a time she was very happy."
"What will we do about the wedding?" Roman asked. No one in the room knew why Blair had been in a car with Chuck.
The doctor was not brazen enough to suggest canceling a royal wedding. So they would be careful with Blair and try to help her keep moving forward with a life she could not remember choosing.
In the lobby, their friends waited.
Her parents had an awkward time telling them of Blair's amnesia- what she could remember, and what had been forgotten. Everyone but Louis was quick to see why Blair had returned to that point in her past. Serena had a sad frowned, her blue eyes full of unshed tears, Dan stared at his shoes, and Nate looked stoic and put his arm around Serena.
Louis just wanted his fiancée back. The fact that she had forgotten him was enough, what point in time she was at had no bearing because it was a point in time without him in it. He needed to be near her- with her, here, in the present, so he went to sit by her bedside while she slept.
"She was going to leave him," Dan said, sitting with Serena and Nate in a corner, as he watched Louis walk off towards Blair's room.
"But Chuck..." Serena whispered.
"Is not dead." Nate replied with a solid certainty.
"But Blair..." Serena swallowed hard, "What can we do? I can't even..."
"The doctors said we have to be supportive- maybe it will come back to her?" Nate offered.
They took turns visiting her when she woke again. It was odd, filling in how they were different from two years ago. Louis was always lingering, playing the doting fiancé. After a time, they all left to let her rest. But she was feeling better, and her mind was restless. Though her body was battered, she knew she could walk. No one would tell her about Chuck- they did not even want to mention him. So she went to the nurse's station and became Queen B.
"Ms. Waldorf you should be resting!" the nurse berated her.
"Resting? I cannot rest with everyone withholding information from me! I am the future princess of Monaco, and I demand you tell me where Charles Bass is!" She stood tall, her voice strong, as she towered over the woman seated at the desk, wrapped in a pretty blue robe.
It worked. The woman directed her to the other side of the floor. Blair's heart pounded harder with each step she took towards his room. The nurse said he was stable, but had not woken up yet. She pushed the door open, scared of what she would find on the other side. So many machines... and his face... he was so pale. She clasped her hand over her mouth a moment, trying to gather herself before stepping into the room. She pulled a chair up next to his bed, and wrapping her hands around one of his, she laid her head down.
"Chuck..." Tears flowed freely down her face, dripping onto their entwined hands.
She whispered to him, "They told me... we're not together anymore. Why don't you love me anymore? Why am I a marrying another man? How can this be my world now? How can this be my world if you're not in it?"
Those words jostled something. In her mind, she saw his face... it was sad, she saw red, and heard... trains. She nuzzled her face closer to him, she knew it was something, but it was so foggy, was it a dream- a memory? She sobbed a little, "Chuck, please... you can't leave me, you can't!"
She squeezed his hand and... he squeezed back. She lifted her head, tears still streaming, shocked to see him staring back at her, "Chuck!"
His eyes were warm and there was a tiny smile on his lips. She had never felt such relief, it washed over her in giant waves, and she smiled through her tears. He reached up and touched her face, stroked her hair.
"Blair..." His voice was harsh, but, like his first thought, she was his first word since coming back to reality.
She could not contain her happiness and she leaned up, bending over him, and kissed him. It was long and gentle. She never wanted to stop...
"Blair! What are you doing?" Louis' thick accent shot through the air shattering her bliss. She had forgotten about him... about... all of that.
"I'm sorry..." Blair sputtered, "I... I forgot. Just... he's okay and... I forgot I'm marrying you."
Louis walked to her, pulling her into a hug, "It's okay- I... I understand. Give it time, you'll remember. We'll have fun and you'll see how in love we are."
Louis was giving Chuck a hard stare over Blair's shoulder as he spoke. Chuck's heart crumbled in his chest. What was Louis talking about? "Blair, no! Please, don't-"
"Chuck, don't upset her!" Louis cut him off, "She's in a fragile condition, she can't remember the past few years."
"She doesn't remember..." Chuck was in shock.
Louis wrapped his arm around Blair's waist and pulled her from the room. Unable to understand any of what was happening, she let him pull her, but looked back at Chuck, scared and confused.
"Blair, no..." Chuck cried out as she slipped through the door. He cursed his body, all the machines monitoring him, keeping him from going after her- letting Louis take her from him. She could not remember... the past few years? She could not remember the accident? What else... could she not remember? A few years? Yet, she had come to him, she was pleading him not to leave her- and... she had kissed him. Oh, that kiss.
Walking back to her room, Louis gently berated her, "What were you thinking, getting out of bed like that. You need to rest."
"I couldn't rest not knowing..." Blair whispered.
"Blair... that's not the Chuck you remember. There are reasons you're not with him, and... reasons you are with me. I love you, Blair. You have to trust me on this. We'll talk more when you're stronger." They had returned to her room and he helped her back into bed. Tucking her in, he kissed her forehead, "Please, rest. I am going to return to the Consulate to change, and greet my sister, Beatrice. She has come from Monaco because she is worried about you, too."
All these thoughts were starting to weigh on her. Chuck. Chuck was okay. And now... now she had to understand her life, all these missing pieces. It was as simple as closing her eyes, and she was asleep once more.