Eyyy

2/3 fic for the Summer Fest! I took a hold of this one about three days, I think, before the fest was to end, having finished writing it the day before. I think it came out pretty good even though it was so last-minute. Again! Thanks to the mods, readers and prompter for all their help!

Enjoy

Not So Fast, Please

by Thermophile57

"It's not my fault, okay?"

"Are you sure?"

Iruka frowned.

"I'm sure it's not." The younger one glanced over and saw Kakashi getting slightly irritated, the other's brows furrowing.

Iruka looked away, face flushing as he said, "it's not your fault either, though."

"And you're sure about that?" Kakashi gave Iruka a skeptical look and Iruka rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I am very sure."

Kakashi nodded and then it went quiet.

A sniff rang out and Kakashi raised a wing to wipe at his nose. Iruka quietly watched out of the corner of his eye, studying the odd creature's movements.

It was weird.

Or he for that matter…

He was weird; this Kakashi. He'd never seen someone or something like him or the rest of the creatures like him either. They were like a funny mix between a lizard, human and a bird. The man part of this guy was only his shape and face above his nose while the rest of him was decorated in either flashing silver scales or matching grey feathers. It seemed as though his whole body was covered in scales until his wrists and just passed his jawline where they tapered off. But that wasn't the only weird thing either.

This guy had wings; actual wings. They weren't noticeable under his overcoat but they were definitely visible now without it. As a cross between a dragon's and an eagle's, they stretched between his arms and rib-cage; the feathered part ending in down at the tips.

It would've been hard to explain to someone what this...man actually was; if he had the ability to do that, that is. Because, at that moment, he was currently stuck in an office of a building he didn't even know existed until then. And he was also told he was going to possibly spend the rest of his lifetime in a cell or he would be spending his time in the after-life.

All because he'd grabbed a distracted reader's collar to pull him out of the path of an on-coming bus and accidentally pulling down the man's mask in the process. That's about when he'd seen the scales for the first time and about when he'd suddenly been grabbed by two goons in black suits.

He was fond of neither of those given proposals for two reasons. One being that he didn't exactly feel like dying today and the second was that he didn't want to be thrown in prison to die. But those were his choices.

Apparently, that was what he was getting for looking at a guy's face for a few seconds.

"Umino Iruka?" A tidy secretary with cream-colored scales came over from one of the offices and motioned him to follow her, "Right this way, please."

Trudging down the hall, Iruka could feel Kakashi right behind him the whole way to the office and cringed internally. This guy was kind of creepy if Iruka thought about it right. He was so quiet and was really good at invading your personal space. But Kakashi wasn't giving off that predator vibe even though he might be an odd creature. If anything, he was sort of soothing and Iruka had to remind himself that he would soon be forced to decide between dying slowly or quickly.

Right, death.

The secretary shooed Iruka into a room, leaving Iruka alone with a big, man behind a great mahogany desk who gave Iruka a big smile, "welcome, Mr. Umino. I hope you didn't wait too long."

"No, it was…okay." The small talk went on; Iruka sitting opposite this man-Jiraiya-who was apparently in charge of relations between humans.

"Let me get straight to the point, here," Jiraiya said as he leaned in over his desk, "You're going to die, okay. And it's not going to be too pretty either way but we are going to give you the choice, okay?"

Iruka nodded. "Sure, but I just have one question."

"Shoot," Jiraiya smiled.

"Why?" The old man's smile sobered and he sighed as he said pityingly, "that's because, little human, you accidentally found us out. If it would've been on purpose, we would've just thrown you in our cells downstairs to rot but we've managed to pull a few strings and give you a second option, considering the circumstances."

"O…Okay," Iruka pondered. It didn't really seem like the second option was any better.

"Don't take this personally, kid," Jiraiya smiled as Iruka was suddenly lifted by his arms into the air by two bird-zilla-mans who carried him out, Jiraiya calling out after him, "see ya tomorrow!"

Iruka suddenly found himself in a cell. It was actually nicer than what he'd preconceived earlier. The floors were clean and the walls were free of moss, there was even a nice single bed in the corner opposite his 'bathroom'.

"Huh…" Iruka dropped down onto his bed and tried to take everything in.

But it wasn't quite going through.

~X~

Iruka woke up suddenly, jolted awake by his cell door opening. He scratched his head as a guard came in, thinking that he'd probably fell asleep. The guard grabbed him by his elbow and guided him through more halls, Iruka blearily blinking his eyes. Oh, man; he hadn't even had much time to decide what he wanted to do yet…

At the moment, he was thinking that prison would be a good idea. That seemed like a good option. There weren't many options with just dying… Maybe he'd even find a way out. He'd be a refuge then but at least-

"Aruka!" Jiraiya gave him a bright smile as Iruka entered what looked like a conference room with more bird-zilla-people inside.

"It's actually Iruka," the young man tried to correct.

"Same difference," the old man waved it off and brought Iruka over to the main table, standing him at the end while a few other bird-zillas studied him. Ignoring the eyes of three old men, two middle-aged women and a very bulky man, Iruka huffed and tried not to flush out of confusion and fright. He had made a decision in his head and was going to stick to it.

He listened as one of them women read out what sounded like charges and she was just about to address Iruka when someone touched her shoulder. She and everyone else looked up, startled, and Iruka's eyes widened when he saw Kakashi there. What was he doing there?

"Hi, there," Kakashi's eyes fell closed into a smile when his eyes met Iruka's, a mask covering the scales on his face just like the day they'd met. Frowning, Iruka watched the man carefully, wondering what he was going to say. Hopefully, he wouldn't slick-talk the other bird-zillas into just killing Iruka off.

That would totally be a real rain on Iruka's parade.

"I had a quick peruse of the library last night," Kakashi started, looking to the elders in the room. "And I just happened to come across the fourteenth paragraph in clause two."

All the room went quiet.

"What?"

"Oh, you know," Kakashi casually conversed. "The law that says I could actually-"

"We know the laws, Kakashi," another old man cut in.

"Yes, and I don't think your father would approve," a woman with a suave voice proclaimed.

"And I don't exactly care," Kakashi informed them as he strode back over to the door, throwing a wave over his shoulder. "You know what to do, Jiraiya."

About to call out to Kakashi, Iruka's mouth fell open but the man was gone with a last wink in Iruka's direction. This guy was unreal.

"I guess we go with that…" The brawny man said as he flexed his arms, folding them over his chest and saying, "let's just get this over with. We can deal with Sakumo later. For now, we have more people to deal with."

Pride slightly burned, Iruka continued with his frown. These people were so strange and he had barely a clue as to what was going on and it irritated him a little. But he kept his calm and asked politely, "so, what's up next?"

"Well, that's up to you," the suave woman purred to him, her burgundy feathers ruffling. "You now have a third option it seems."

"A third option?" Another woman nodded from behind her laced fingers, saying, "You now have the options of either euthanasia, prison for life or marrying the brat."

"Yes and no option being a good choice either." Someone muttered from the back but Iruka didn't notice as he was trying to understand the last part.

"Wait, marriage?" The whole room went quiet for a bit.

And then someone said, "Well, yes."

~X~

Iruka had refused to sign the papers. He did not want to get married just yet. He wasn't ready. That and he barely even knew this guy in the first place.

He was wishing really hard that he hadn't even seen that stupid face. Even if that face had been extremely handsome… With that straight jaw… And charming smile… Wished he'd just let him get run over by that 18-wheeler.

Anyway, Iruka wasn't just going to marry some guy he didn't know. He refused to do it.

So, when Kakashi suddenly appeared at his cell door, Iruka told him with great ease, "I'm not going to agree to this."

"Why not?" Kakashi asked curiously. Feeling eyes studying him, Iruka raised a brow.

"I barely even know you." Iruka stated firmly.

"Well, I don't know you either and yet I'm still willing to save you from certain death."

Iruka threw him a skeptical look but said nothing which only prompted Kakashi to smile softly at the brunet and ask, "Why don't we just try?"

Iruka glanced over at the man, taking in his tall stature and ready stance. He still held firm. "I don't love you and I don't know you."

"We can get to know each other with time." That was a good point. "And maybe you can learn to love me..."

An unintentional raspberry was blown and a moment of silence passed between them.

"Fine," Iruka stood from his bed in the corner and went to stand right in front of the other man, saying darkly, "but if you dare to cheat on me, hurt me or even the people I care about, I will kill myself and expose you and all your little friends."

A blink later and Kakashi was giving a nod, saying, "Yeah, I can abide by those rules."

"Good," Iruka crossed his arms and looked the man over once more before returning to his bed as Kakashi left as well.

The older man had barely gone a few feet when a shout rang out and he stopped. Iruka called to him, "And another thing. If I don't feel any love for you, I'm offing myself!"

Kakashi grinned, "Then you better fall for me soon."

Back on his bed, Iruka sighed in frustration with himself and muttered about how weak he was. The bright side to all of this was that he wasn't going to die so soon, hopefully.

~X~

"Wake up!"

Kakashi groaned into his pillow and tried to ignore both his clock and the shouts from the kitchen.

But his pillow was violently ripped out from under his head and he moaned, "Iruka…"

"Get out of bed; you'll be late." Ignoring the firm voice, Kakashi stole back the pillow from the floor as Iruka's steps faded away and he took a last moment of rest.

Getting up was hard but he did it and was ready by the door in minutes. His hair was fluffed just the right way, fancy suit covering his wings and his mask and gloves covered the rest of the scales.

Iruka was standing in the hall, watching the older man's progress of putting on his shoes and noted how Kakashi was wearing the same suit he had the day they'd first met. Even more, Kakashi liked to call it his lucky suit, making Iruka flush brilliantly.

"What time do you have to go in today?" Kakashi asked, slipping on his overcoat.

With a shrug, Iruka said, "I don't know, I think about maybe twelve or something for their break."

"You're replacing the monitors too?" Iruka shook his head.

"Nah, it was just the absent art teacher but she took that recess off too so… I guess I am now, then."

Humming in understanding, the older man let out a sigh before turning to Iruka who had stepped closer.

"Are you going to be home tonight?" Kakashi asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet in anticipation.

Iruka nodded and said, "Probably. Why? Were you going to cook me a fancy dinner?"

Seeing Kakashi's face freeze, Iruka huffed and broke out into a smile, knowing that his husband was going to celebrate their fifth year anniversary in such a hopelessly romantic way, "You're a big, sappy bird-zilla; you know that?"

"Bird-zilla?" Kakashi quirked a brow. Iruka smirked and Kakashi shook his head, deciding to ignore the name and step closer.

"You're just too easy to love," Kakashi said as he pecked Iruka on the cheek, scales tickling Iruka's lips. He pulled back and slipped his mask up as he headed out the door.

Iruka grinned, "That's not my fault."

Not So Fast, Please