It can either be Don or Raph saying this :D to Leo! HAHA D

Hold Me Up

All I ever felt was that I had you to hold me up, love me when I was so broken down, and as I took in that first shaky breath to watch you walk away was enough that I no longer felt my heart. I had found that after my life of pushing my heart away it had resurfaced because of how much my love for you grew within it thawing out the pain that I had suffered in my life. If I could cry out your name I would have but I couldn't, not even now as I continued to stare out at the spot where I had last saw the back of your head as you walked away from me… from what I had found to love with us.

All I ever can do now is stand looking around trying to figure out what my place in the world is now… what am I if I have nothing but regret? Was if my fault that you decided to leave me? Do you hate me? I'm so scared of going through this life without the reason for me to keep living. Did you know… I doubt it…

I stare again around my enclosed room and I feel the first tear coming to my eyes but it doesn't fall because it can't… I can't allow it to fall because it will mean that my heart actually is breaking and then everyone around me will know that something is wrong. I can't allow my emotions to bother everyone around me. Can't allow my fear to grow large enough to swallow me up.

I had loved you but now I just feel numb, maybe this is what love truly is: A slow claiming death that first kills off emotions that you once again regain.

I guess I was a fool, huh, still looking down that path you took with only one hope that I'd ever see you walking back down it to return to me. To return our love that I had thought you knew about. I just can't understand, still, why if you truly loved me that you'd just go away!

Was I truly nothing to you? What I just a phase to you? Was I just something you could toss aside because I wasn't… just something to fix? What am I if I can't have you? I had given up on all my anger, my fear, my lost just because I had you. I have nothing now. Not even the return of what I have lost before can make this growing pain go away. . I can't even think of anything because my thoughts go to you. I can't think. Pain doesn't register right anymore. I can't feel the pain of wounds I should. I can't fear for my life. And now as I think of everything… everything I had gained because I loved you I think of how much I hate myself. How much I just want to die because I have to be the reason to have made you leave me. I loved you, trusted you. Gave you freedom that many others in our type of relationship wouldn't have given to the ones they would always love. What do I do now?

What am I if I no longer have you to hold me up? Support me in my darkest hour? What am I if I have nothing but the dark swelling in my heart from the hole of knowing that I have nothing to truly love again.

Now I stare at what I had, pictures of the past, and I give a weak smile as I again take another pill… another… I keep losing count as I nearly continue to choke, another day again, on how many I continue to shove in my mouth.

I guess you got your wish, even if you never truly thought of it, but when you leave someone who has lost all touches of love then… I guess all they truly have when love is taken away again is just death… a slow… painful… death.

Please just walk back down that road… smile holding out your arms saying 'sorry I've been gone for so long… took me a while to figure out what road I took.' Just return with the love I hope you still have for me.

Just don't leave.

Don't let me wallow in my own self fear that this… was my fault.

Come back to me, please, come back to what I still have for you.

All I am now is numb, all the hurt I've received, wounds I've inflicted onto me, and they don't hurt as much as my heart does.