"Eddy this has to be the craziest idea you've ever had!" said Double D, screaming at his friend as they waltzed down the hallway to the cafeteria.
"You mean BEST idea," countered Eddy smugly.
"I hope theirs tater tots today!" said their dimwitted friend, sandwiched between the two. Eddy and Ed both look bemusedly at their friend. Despite years of non sequiters, misunderstandings, and plain stupidity, neither of the 2 had gotten used to Ed's outbursts. He had managed to wisen up a little bit, ( after he nearly had to repeat the 8th grade) but still was a simpleton. But they were friends nonetheless and let Ed do what he did best, act stupid. They had all grown. Eddy wasn't the shortest kid anymore. Even though he was only a sophmore, he still tried his get rich quick schemes on everyone, including the seniors which had led the boys to be chased down and mangled on several occasions over the summer.
"Eddy you really amaze me, explain exactly how this is going to work." Double D had his hand pinching his nose as the trio walked into the cafeteria and settled at their usual table, 4 down, 2 over. They had sat their every day last year, despite attempts to try and sit somewhere else. On occasion a few kids they had some sort of standing with had sat, but most often it was just the 3. Double D settled into his seat and opened his lunch while continuing to talk to Eddy.
"I just don't get it Eddy, last year all you said was that those, and I quote,"Who wants to wear tight pants and get tackled and sacked by other dudes" end quote." Eddy and Ed both took their places opposite. The table had six chairs, but for some reason Eddy and Ed sat right next to each other. Ed always tried to steal Eddy's food, while Eddy harassed Ed and outlined his weekend plans. Last year had been full of scams. Erasers with a pencil tip, Cheatsheets, bogus pep rally tickets, the list was a mile long.
Business as usual.
"Yeah but that was last year Double D," said Eddy, while staving off Ed's attempts to steal his chips. "I had a vision last night, an epiphany!" As he said this his arms swung out and several chips skidded next to Ed, who sucked them up like a vacuum.
"Number 1, its epiphany, not whatever nonsense came out from your mouth." Edd was in his element. His eyes were closed and his fingers out as he counted down his argument. "Number 2, what makes you think this will work?"
"The perrrrkkkssss, baby the perks! This is no ordinary scam Double D, we do this we might not have to scam over anyone ever again!" Double D paused his mind whirring. The thought of no more scams had never really been a thought. He figured that eventually they would run their course, but only Sophomores year in high school? It seemed a fantasy. At this, even Ed stopped his munching and stared at Eddy with his head cocked, unsure if what he had heard was true.
"Ngho Mhoere Smmms? Ed asked, his mouth full.
"That's right lumpy, we do this and we are so in!"
"You're serious" Double D said carefully. "No more?"
"Well," Eddy began "No big ones, a couple of hustles here and their but that's all. We won't even have time for scams with all the parties and girls." Ed listened, eyes wide and unstaring as he leaned in, parties last year had been lame affairs where the Eds hung around with equal kids on their social ladder. The most they had manage to drink was a 6 pack of some rancid swill named "Old Red Ale," and that left even Ed in tears. Eddy turned to Double D, all smiles and eyes twinkling. Double D leaned back in his chair, arms folded, the sign he was listening.
"Go on," he said. Eddy sat forward still grinning like a madmen, he was in his element now.
"We make the team, and we FLY up the charts boys. Everyone loves the guys on the football team. Look at Kev, he's livin the good life. He's got girls dying to smooch him, he gets a sweet letter jacket, his name in the paper and goes to cool parties. AND doesn't get ripped on in school. And he doesn't even start half the time!" Eddy eased back and picked is teeth, he knew he had his friends hook line and sinker.
"Sounds fantastic, but there are a few issues with your theory." Double D said, his arms still crossed as he stared at Eddy.
"Lay them on me," Eddy said casually,"I got an answer for all of your questions." Double D paused, Eddy was usually never this laidback unless he was 100% confident. Time to test that.
"Where will I have time for schoolwork and the Science Club?"
"Easy, practice is only 3 days a week, Thursdays off, and you get an extra 2 study hall periods to meet with your Geek Squad or study or do math or whatever. All the athletes do."
"Friday Night Games that'll screw up out Maces and Magic ? Right Ed"
"Hey Yah!" said Ed indignantly. "Every Friday at 5:00 we always play!"
"Games usually aren't till 8:00 monobrow," Eddy said twanging Ed's unibrow and pushing him back "You can slay all the dragons you want? What else you guys got, this is too easy?"
"You of all people are going to get up Saturday mornings for games?" Double D said. Now he was grinning. Surely he had no answer for that. He glanced over at Ed who regarded Eddy with the same suspicion. Both new damn well that an early day for Eddy wasn't till noon. If Eddy showed any hesitation or doubt, he hid it like a pro. His look never changed.
"No sweat, I'll be ready to go, I have you two to get me outta bed." Double D huffed and realized that Eddy had done his homework, for once. Ed shrugged and seemed content. He went back to devouring the rest of his lunch. Double D sighed realizing that Ed was totally on board now. However he still had one card to play.
"For once you actually put thought and effort into something that doesn't con kids out of money Eddy, and for that I congratulate you." Double D said sincerely. Ed gave a small clap and looked up from his now clean plate, while Eddy took an elaborate bow.
"Thanks sockhead, don't hear that too often."
"But, you forgot just one major thing, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE TEAM!" screamed Double D. Ed tumbled back out of his chair and Eddy clasped both hands to his ears, before looking around to see if anyone was staring. Unbelievably, he was still smiling.
"Relaaxx Double D, Ed for one is a total shoe in. He's big and can take a hit we know that. We put on some muscle over the summer." At this, Eddy rolled up his sleeve and flexed in Edd's face. Double D, still deadpan lowered the bicep and continued to talk.
"That may be Eddy, but we don't have any shred of athleticism whatsoever. You can't seriously expect us to run plays and catch and tackle.
"Two words," Eddy said enunciating each syllable, "Special Teams." "Any parentless hack can kick and return a ball! "Look sockhead," Eddy said, bringing Double D close.
"We do this and we become popular. You can still do your science and homework. You get another locker for your spare reading, and you could be the first All Academic player in recent history! Ed gets to run around, blow off steam and pig out all he wants, and all we gotta do is show up after school for an hour and a half. We won't even be starters!"
Eddy leaned back s and crossed his arms. This was in the bag., Next to him, Ed grinned and nodded enthusiastically.
"I'm in Eddy, as long as I can keep my toast in my locker."
"Errr sure thing chief," said Eddy. Both he and Ed looked expectantly at Double D.
"Oh boy," he said sighing and lowering his head. "I know I don't have a choice but I also know I'm going to regret this, if not now than later. When are tryouts?"