A.N: Hello everyone! I hope you enjoy this "story". I got the idea from reading a "How to Survive a Horror Movie" list.

*Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor will I ever own Harry Potter. I can only wish and dream.*

1. Never sit near Ron and Hermione during mealtimes, unless your Harry Potter.

2. Never sit in front of Ron at meal times. Unless you actually like to wear partially chewed food.

3. Stay as far away from Peeves as possible. Unless you wish to enlist his help with any pranks or other similar stuff.

4. Don't do anything to catch Snape's attention. The less he notices you, the better.

5. Never become the Defense Against The Dark Arts (DADA) professor. Most professors meet horrendous fates.

6. Never give Fred and/or George Weasley a "Do Not Do" List. They will do each and every item on that list.

7. No matter how much he asks, never ever, help Hagrid with one of his "pets".

8. If you do ever help with his pets, stay away from the ones with cute or normal names, like "Fluffy" or "Norbert". Ones with names like "Fang" or "Buckbeak" are okay.

9. Take anything the Weasley twins say with a grain of salt. They could be trying to prank you. Be careful with any information gained from them.

10. Never accept food from a Weasley twin. Same may also apply to anything they try to hand you.

11. When Fred and George have their heads together and they seem to be plotting or scheming, run. Run fast, run far and find a good hiding place. Lee Jordan should also be given the same caution.

12. When a Gryffindor and a Slytherin meet (i.e. run into each other) in the hall way, run in the opposite direction. Even if it makes you late for class. Being late will be better for your health.

13. Stay away from the Forbidden Forest, its forbidden for a reason!

14. Never anger Harry Potter. That boy has a wicked temper.

15. Don't call Professor McGonagoll "Minnie".

16. Never talk about House Elves with Hermione. She will most likely lecture you for several hours then try to get you to join S.P.E.W.

17. DON'T follow the spiders. Ignore the spiders. Follow the butterflies instead.

18. Never tell Hagrid any life threatening secrets. He'll probably get drunk and blab to everyone in Hogsmeade.

19. Centaurs speak in riddles, getting a straight answer from them is near impossible. Learn how to speak in riddles. Learning how to solve riddles might be a good idea too.

20. Never whisper something to someone when in the presence of Moaning Myrtle. She will assume you are talking about her and are picking on her.

21. Never try to free the Hogwarts House Elves. They like working. Dobby is merely an oddball.

22. Beware the twinkle! Beware it!*

23. Don't look Professor Snape in the eyes, he may use Legillimency on you.

24. 2Stay away from the Whomping Willow, you will get hurt. Unless you know the way to subdue the tree.

25. Don't get a detention with the evil professors that will be teaching at Hogwarts through out the years. (Ex. Umbridge {more commonly known as Umbitch} and the Carrows {Alecto and Amycus}.

*Does anyone else hate that god forsaken twinkle or am I the only one?

A.N: Well there you go! Hope you liked it. I'm not sure whether or not I should add more to this. Review or PM me if I should. Please review! All reviews accepted, but flames may be ignored or used for bonfires. Thank you!