Rights and Wrongs
Regulus Black was a writer. He hated to admit it – in fact, he'd never admitted it to anybody. He wrote in small notebook he'd found in the Hogwarts library, and he wrote about anything and everything he could think of. It relaxed him, and took things off of his mind. At this very moment, he had a lot on his mind, so instinctively, he reached into his robe pocket and pulled his notebook out.
He opened the notebook and flicked through the pages to an empty page. Walking to the very edge of the Astronomy Tower, he rested his elbows on the balcony and stared out at the half moon, which was shining bright in the night sky. The sky was dotted with hundreds of thousands of stars, and Regulus shivered a little in the night breeze.
He placed the notebook on the edge of the balcony and began writing.
'Sirius Orion Black is my brother. Falling in love with him has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. It might have been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but it is also the greatest thing I've ever experienced. The rightness of it outweighs the wrongness of it – at least that's what I tell myself when I think too long about what we're doing. He makes me smile more than I've ever smiled in my life, and that can only be a good thing.'
"Hey, Reg."
Regulus snapped his notebook shut and shoved it into his pocket, turning around to face Sirius, who had just stepped into the Astronomy Tower. The sight of Sirius made his face crack into a grin. It was the first day of school, so it had been six weeks since they had last seen each other since Sirius didn't live at home anymore. Regulus ran towards Sirius and wrapped his arms around his neck.
He felt Sirius's sigh, and pulled back to face him.
"What's up?" Regulus asked, searching for some sort of indication in Sirius's eyes. "Why did you want to meet up here?"
Sirius closed his eyes and shoved Regulus away from him with little force. Regulus toppled backwards but kept on his feet. He swallowed hard and tried not to let his fear show. This wasn't looking good for the future of their relationship.
Sirius opened his eyes and looked at Regulus in a pained way. "This can't happen anymore," he whispered.
Regulus could feel his heart hammering in his chest. It felt as though it would burst right out of his chest, leaving a huge hole where it should be.
"Why?" Regulus managed to choke out, gritting his teeth to stop himself from crying like a child.
Sirius let out a loud sigh and paced around, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. "It's wrong, Reg."
Regulus pursed his lips. "I thought we got over this?"
"Maybe you did," Sirius replied, still not looking at his brother. "I think about it every day and I feel sick."
"I make you feel sick?" Regulus mumbled, looking at his feet and focusing on stopping his bottom lip from wobbling like it was desperately trying to do.
"No," Sirius said quickly. "No, you don't. This thing we're doing does. You're my brother, Reg... I just can't."
"What made you change your mind?"
"Over the Summer, I – er, it doesn't matter Reg."
Regulus finally looked up and grabbed Sirius by the arm. "Kiss me," he said, stepping towards him.
"No."
Regulus blinked a tear out of his eyes and leaned in to kiss Sirius. Sirius kissed back for a moment before realising what he was doing and stepping back. He looked torn. He shook his head.
"I'm in love with someone else," Sirius muttered, now staring straight into Regulus's eyes.
Regulus felt like his head was spinning like crazy. He couldn't think. The love of his life was in love with someone else? How did Sirius expect him to cope with this? His throat had gone dry and now he felt like he was going to throw up.
"This isn't happening," Regulus said, quietly. "You're not doing this."
"I'm sorry."
"I know you love me."
Sirius shook his head and bit his lip. "I thought I did, but these past few weeks I've been doing a lot of thinking and I realised it's just a crush."
"Crush?" Regulus repeated in a whisper. "So all those times you told me you love me-"
"-I said I'm sorry," Sirius said. "I really am."
"Please don't leave me," Regulus cried in desperation, reaching out and grabbing Sirius's black shirt, and pulling him towards him. He noticed that the shirt Sirius was wearing was the exact same shirt he was wearing when they had first kissed. This made his heart break a little more.
"Just this once," Regulus sobbed. "Just this once, can't I have what I want? You were the best thing that ever h-happened to me."
Sirius pried Regulus's hands away from his shirt and took two steps back, pursing his lips sadly. "I'm going now," he said.
"Why am I such a moron?" Regulus asked, clutching at his own chest just as Sirius was about to leave the room.
He heard Sirius sigh and watched him turn back around to face him. "You're not a moron. I led you on, and I'm really sorry. Let's just forget this ever happened, yeah?"
Regulus shook his head, eyes glistening with tears. "You're not breaking up with me."
"I already did."
"It was right!" Regulus cried. "It was right what we were doing. It didn't feel even a tiny bit wrong!"
"It was completely wrong."
"You know it was right," Regulus said angrily. "You told me so a million times. What we had was real! Stop making up excuses."
"I love someone else, Regulus. It doesn't matter whether it was wrong or right, because being with the person I love now will always be more right than being with you could ever be.
It stung and hurt like a dagger to the heart. "If that's how you feel-"
"-It is," Sirius replied. "Goodbye."
With that, he was gone. Regulus stood still, staring at the spot where Sirius had just been standing, and put his hand over his face to muffle the violent sobs that were coming from his mouth. It was worse than everybody made it sound.
It felt like someone had taken something extremely sharp and pointy and had just plunged it right through the middle of his heart, breaking it into a million tiny pieces that were so scattered up that they would never go back together.
He pulled the notebook back out of his pocket and opened it to the page he had been writing on. He re-read what he had written:
''Sirius Orion Black is my brother. Falling in love with him has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. It might have been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but it is also the greatest thing I've ever experienced. The rightness of it outweighs the wrongness of it – at least that's what I tell myself when I think too long about what we're doing. He makes me smile more than I've ever smiled in my life, and that can only be a good thing.'
The tears rolled down his face. He began writing.
'Sirius Orion Black shattered my heart. I love him. But he no longer loves me. I feel like I'm going to die. Maybe I should.'
Regulus glanced at the balcony and then back at his notebook.
'He was the only good thing. Mother and Father will make me become a Death Eater in a year and then what will I have to live for? I have no friends. I'm not asking for your pity, you're just a notebook. I'm just being completely honest. Sirius was my everything and now I'm his nothing and he's still my everything. It's all so pointless'
He looked back the balcony and stepped towards it, staring down at the ground that was miles beneath him. He sighed.
'I love Sirius Black. He always wanted me to be the brave one, and I shall honour his wishes. If it wasn't for my love for Sirius, I would be lying crumpled on the ground right now – a distant memory for those who knew me. Oh, how I wish that was me right now. But I love him. I must be brave and step away.'
He stepped back again and turned away from the balcony. He closed his notebook and then closed his eyes, imagining Sirius standing right in front of him.
"We were right, Sirius," he whispered, and with that he walked out of the room without a glance back.
~The End~