AUTHOR'S NOTE: My first attempt at writing Oswald, my first attempt at doing anything involving Lacie, why the hell not? I wanted to write this to show... A different side of Oswald. The side of him that would be overtaken by madness from longing for someone he loved. Of course, the name of the fanfiction implies the story. Athazagoraphobia, the fear of being forgotten. This is rated M for blood, violence, retrace 69 spoilers, mentions of suicide, etc etc. So enjoy?
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Pandora Hearts or its characters (it obviously belongs to Jun Mochizuki, and the lovely lyrics you will see in the beginning and end belong to the wonderful Lovers and Liars. ;w;
A –THA-ZA-GO-RA-PHO-BI-A: The fear of being forgotten, or the fear of forgetting.
"I turn my back on you but you're so hard to quit,
Was there anything real or did I imagine it?
Well if it's really over, then it's really over
Tell me what you think, yeah, do you feel the same
Was it everything to you or just a stupid game?"
-Lovers and Liars: "If It's Over"
Glen Baskerville. The soul obtained by the next head of the Baskervilles. Five chains, one namesake. Or rather, a new identity. Or perhaps even a whole new person is formed from all of it, emerging from the shadows. Oswald Baskerville however, was the one who was to obtain this so called, "Glen Baskerville" next. He was also to push the next child of misfortune into the abyss…. Who just happened to be Lacie, his own younger sister who he loved so dearly. The one with the beautiful voice which sang of such sad things. It might have been that the sadness passed right through the incredible melody she always used to sing, yet there was always a light of hope weaved into it.
Her "crime" of being the child of misfortune was always still displayed before her, shining in those blood red irises. This girl that Oswald loved so much was about to leave this world, and would be thrown into a place where escape is and will never be an option.
No. He was about to send her there personally.
And it was all because of, "Glen Baskerville".
Even though Lacie was to leave this world and would never be seen again, there was a certain lingering feeling that always weighed on Oswald's mind. The feeling of…. Being forgotten?
Yes, it was exactly that. Never in his life had people known that Oswald was the type that feared being forgotten, for he had never been told he had such a thing like athazagoraphobia.
The fear of being forgotten.
The fear of losing everything that was important to you.
Never could Oswald tell anyone that he feared being forgotten. Nobody would understand! Nobody would ever understand what Lacie was to him. The two were so close together that of course Oswald would fear such a thing, and they had been in each other's lives for so damn long. They loved each other… But Oswald could still never shake this feeling, despite if Lacie were to tell him she'd forget or not. This lingering feeling was clawing at Oswald's sanity as the days went by before he had to do what he had to do. For as the new identity of "Glen Baskerville" was sinking in, it was as if the old was being devoured by the very hours. As he was to obtain "Glen Baskerville, nobody would know him as Oswald Baskerville anymore. Nobody else would remember him either.
Nobody. He would become nothingness in this cruel world.
He had sacrificed himself so that he could even leave the person he loved most and be forgotten like this.
He couldn't do this anymore, it's too late…!
But he had to. There was no other option.
"Jack".
Jack Vessalius was out just where he usually was. Leaned against the very same old mahogany tree with his hands resting against his back, carefree as always.
Or at least he was until he heard the news and called upon by Oswald.
The blonde suddenly perked up and his eyes fluttered opened as soon as he heard the luring voice of the man in front of him. His best friend. "Ah, yes, Oswald?" the blonde smiled. He looked upon Oswald in a childish sense, twirling his long braid around his fingers, playing with it in idle.
"Jack, come with me," Oswald said, his response to the other man being as deep as usual. "Oswald, is everything….okay? You seem a bit worried," Jack began, getting up from where he sat.
A few steps.
Following Oswald to the other side of the wall before them…. Well, Jack trusted Oswald, for he was his best friend that had accompanied him and Lacie throughout all this time.
Four more steps.
However, something did seem off with Oswald today, and Oswald was acting so strange…
Farther.
Following the dark figure in front of him, glancing at the sword in his hand as he followed along.
Then he stopped right in front of Jack.
About to take another step forward, Jack paused too. Oswald, still with his back turned, took in a breath and said what he needed to say.
"She's gone, Jack."
The blonde's eyes widened as his mouth opened just a crack. His hands beginning to clench into fists, he then asked Oswald something, despite how much he dreaded the answer.
"Can you… repeat that….please, Oswald…?"
Jack had a deadly feeling starting to cross his mind about who, "She" was. NO. It couldn't have been Lacie! How would he of all people not even known this if she was really—
"Lacie is dead".
Not even a second after Oswald spoke of Lacie's death, Jack's mind went completely blank, with an expression plastered across his face that displayed all the same.
Pure shock and bewilderment.
Oswald then turned around, clutching something in the other hand. He then turned to face Jack, the red and gold object nestled in his fingers. He then dropped it in Jack's empty hand. A gem of red, flecked with the most iridescent gold that shone vibrantly, despite the snow white mourning that surrounded the two. It was Lacie's earring.
The last thing that was left of her was now clutched in between Jack's slender, gloved fingers. She was really gone, wasn't she?
"Jack. Do you even know what this means? Lacie is gone, and she's left this world. Nor am I… the same anymore".
The previous shock of Lacie's death was already so much, how could Jack possibly be able to decode what Oswald meant. What did he mean he's not the same...?
"I'm no longer Oswald Baskerville. I've already obtained Glen Baskerville's soul… therefore… I…!"
Oswald said this while still looking down, clenching harder onto his already tense grip of the sword he had always held to himself. It was as if sanity itself was beginning to slip away from Oswald, the pure madness just waiting to attack him from the inside out, to possess him.
The very insanity that cut him off from Jack Vessalius.
"Now that…. I'm not even myself, I can't just…"
"Oswald?"
In a single, swift movement, Oswald brought his sword up before him, blade first, just inches away from piercing through his chest, or at least until Jack stopped him. Touching the dark black cloak that covered the flesh hiding his heart.
"Oswald!" Jack yelled out.
Lunging forward and grabbing the sword in the other man's grip. The man who was just about to impale himself. Both pairs of hands touching the chrome blade began to tremble, especially Oswald's… or was it Jack's?
Who was more scared….the one who had tried to murder his very self…or the one who tried to stop him?
Looking Oswald in the eye, Jack could feel his voice starting to crack as he shouted, "Oswald, you can't do this!". Jack knew in that very moment that Oswald had become a suicidal madman, and "Glen Baskerville" had torn his soul to pieces. Never shall he forget that moment in time, for as long as he continued to live.
"Jack, when everyone forgets who I was, what will I have to live for?"
"Oswald, please…!"
"I'd rather die than be forgotten!"
Jack, still holding on to the sword with a trembling grip, then looked into the pain-shot eyes of the man in front of him. There was so much pain within him, it was like everything he loved was just… thrown away, and too far out of his grasp that Oswald wouldn't even try to get it back by now.
"If that's what you really want…"
"But, why would you—"
"If you want this so bad, then you kill me."
Jack started to back away, shaken by the very words that escaped his lips. "Do it. Don't be afraid."
"You won't…betray me, will you Jack…?"
It was only an hour later. Jack…actually did it. Not even he himself knew why he did what he did, but all he could do now is stare as he knelt down to the sight in front of him.
Alabaster skin. Dark shadows just touching the eyelids that buried the deep violet irises that once stared right into Jack's very own torn soul. A blood red staining pale, luring lips. The night black that had covered him from head to toe was stained with the reddest of blood and deterred the pure white snow that lay beneath them. The world was cold, but in a much more menacing way as death shook it. Glen Baskerville was the most beautiful calamity Jack had ever laid his eyes upon, but now he had just destroyed it under the chrome blade of betrayal.
"I tell myself I'm good to go, but one look and you know
That I could never let you go…
If it's over, then why do I feel this way,
On my shoulders I could barely take all this weight,
Why do I wake up wishing you were here each day,
If it's over then why do I feel, why do I feel this way?"
-Lovers and Liars: "If It's Over".