Writer's block MAY be annoying, but I come up with little things like this when I can't focus on my initial projects! ^^
Side note: A bowl of rice with some soy sauce tastes very very good, though don't smother it in soy! Find a balance!
Sorry, I tend to share weird little facts about my life in my comments...
Oh, and just a warning...THIS FANFICTION MAY CAUSE YOUR EYES TO BLEED IN THE SHEER FLUFFINESS OF IT ALL.
Just another OOC story I wrote during writer's block. I actually put a good deal of effort into this one, so I hope you enjoy reading it SLIGHTLY. Oh, and if your eyes bleed, I'll have the Organization pay the bills...
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, or any of the characters mentioned. Square Enix owns them.
However, I DO own Cenchax, and he can NOt be used without my permission!
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Yes I Notice
A Cat's Eye Fanfiction Inc. Production
You know what? This is dedicated to writer's blocks, for being SO DAMN WEIRD.
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Was it truly selfish of him to want more?
Was it wrong of him to think that he deserved more?
Was it a horrible thing to believe that, after all Karma had done to him, he should get something in return, if only to repay a fraction of what it had taken?
There he was, right in front of him. Laughing at a joke. Smiling near him. Adorable facial expression. Perfect golden spikes, hidden beautiful blue eyes, adorable cheeks, slim form…Was it that wrong to think he should be able to call that his? Was it such a horrible thing to desire something? Even he, a monstrosity that shouldn't be allowed to exist in nonexistence, couldn't he have happiness? He could scream out loud at how unfair life was, and how, after having his mental being torn apart so many times, he had earned a small paradise.
But, how could he drag such a heavenly angel down to hell, where he belonged? How could he cause his angel pain? His savior didn't care to share his feelings. So, what was the point of offering them?
He knew why. He knew that, deep inside, even though he knew it was impossible, he wished Roxas would love him, too, even though he knew that Roxas only saw him as a friend. And, every day he thought about his feelings for the boy, and for the other before the boy. Tears would run down his face as he concluded that he simply wasn't worth the effort…
Sometimes, however, having it laugh in your face smarts more than it does when you're alone.
He didn't know why this sudden wave of depression had swept over him. All he knew that it had started, and was impossible to suppress. He could only watch in defeat as the tears welled up in his eyes, shoulders shaking in as silent sobs racked his side. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. Why was everyone happy, and had what they desired, and wanted nothing more…and he couldn't? His parents were dead. His heart was gone. His soul was terribly fractured, his physical being in pain until it was partially blind, and he could do nothing to stop himself. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to suffer while the others around him laughed?
He had never felt so wretched and self-centered in his life. But depression was unpredictable. Apparently, today, he was full of nothing but the horrible feelings of self pity and self loathing. He wished he could just end it all forever; stop the conflicting emotions from tearing apart his miserable soul. It was already feebly stitched together; he didn't know how much longer he could stand being stuck in a life he didn't want. He wanted to be done. He wanted to leave everything behind.
But, the angel in front of him was in the way. The angel's presence kept him alive. And it drove him insane. How could something that saved him from death be the same thing sending him there? It wasn't fair…It just wasn't fair…
Roxas eventually opened his eyes, and looked over at Cenchax, preparing for another joke. Instead, the joyous look was wiped clean off his face, his eyes augmenting, and a shocked frown stretching across his face. A gasp escaped his peachy lips as he observed Cenchax's miserable disposition; his body was shaking as though he were about to fall over, eyes flooding with tears, to the point where they began to spill over. Roxas could tell it was killing Cenchax inside to keep his sobs in.
"Cenchax? What's wrong?" he exclaimed, fearing a breakdown that would lead to suicide.
Cenchax bowed his head, letting out a broken sob in the process. "Cenchax, please, don't cry…!" Roxas exclaimed, eyes half-closing in sadness and care. "Just tell me, what's wrong so I can help—!"
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" a shout interrupted, startling Roxas. The boy in front of him collapsed, head landing on Roxas. He bawled into his love's leather coated lap, soaking it with salty tears. He shivered under his invisible rain of agony. Roxas could do little more than jump up, arms flailing away. His eyes grew as large as was physically possible.
"Cenchax?" he exclaimed.
"Roxas, I'm so sorry, but it just ISN'T FAIR! I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I can't help it! I care about you so much! You mean everything to me! I love you! Is it so wrong of me to want something more from you?" Cenchax screamed, clinging onto Roxas's pants, face scrunched up with grief. His body kept passing through each paroxysm so quickly, that Roxas feared he'd have a stroke soon.
"I feel so horrible for wanting more, but it's JUST NOT FAIR! I've gone through much! I've been hurt so much! And you don't notice me! I know it's so wrong of me to think this way, and I know, I'm such a terrible person, but IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!"
"Cenchax…" Roxas breathed, paralyzed with his own new pain. A tear ran down his face, and almost starting crying himself. But not yet. "Cenchax…How can you even SAY that…?"
"I KNOW…It's just…" Cenchax sniffed. He pulled his head up, expecting Roxas to be furious with him. "I don't know…I—!" He cut himself out, his one seeing eye widening. Roxas's pained expression was the last thing he'd think he'd see. It looked like his world had been shattered.
"No…How could you say I don't notice…?"
Confused, Cenchax began to sat up, staring at Roxas's face. Roxas lifted a hand and wiped away Cenchax's tears, his own wetting his face. Cenchax wouldn't remove his eyes from Roxas's hurt face.
"Cenchax…I notice you…I notice you more than you'd ever realize…" he managed, trying not to cry.
Cenchax froze, the information hitting him like a bucket of cold water. "W-What…? You…?" He tried to get the question out, but before he could process what he wanted to say, Roxas was already answering the unsaid question.
"Yes, I notice you. I notice every time your wrist bands bulge when you cut. Yes, I notice that little plod you have in your steps every time you walk down the hallways. Yes, I notice how you always spread butter on the toast closest to the edges, so you motivate yourself to eat them…" With each fact Roxas mentioned, more tears ran down his reddening face. His sobs became more uncontrollable as he continued on.
"I notice how you never fight near Axel because you fear fire. I notice how you always smell like soda, dirt, and Old Spice, and I'm intoxicated by it…Yes, I notice that you curve the 'x' lines in your name on a paper inwards every time you sign your name. Yes, I notice how you listen to Evanescence every day, and Linkin Park every night. Yes, I know you climb up the giant oak tree just outside of Transverse Town every time you want to be left alone to sulk…! Yes, I notice how you always wipe your hands on the inside of a towel…! Yes, I notice how your hands swing towards mine just a bit whenever we walk next to each other…! Yes, I notice every mission you've been on, every time you've said 'I love you' ever since we first met, every kiss, every time you stared at me…! Yes, I notice how easily your face gets red! Yes, I notice EVERYTHING about you, Cenchax…!" Roxas ended up sobbing himself, dragging himself to Cenchax and burying his head in the black-haired boy's large torso, wrapping his thin arms around it. He breathed deeply, almost choking on Cenchax's wonderful scent, letting out another sob. Cenchax watched the entire thing with a large eye and a pink face.
"R-Roxas…"
"Cenchax, you're not being selfish! You DESERVE someone! It's not wrong to want to be with me! You deserve to be loved, and you ARE!" Roxas shouted. Now, it was HIS turn to grip onto Cenchax's coat. He felt Cenchax's supposedly nonexistent heartbeat stop underneath him.
"…Wait, Roxas…What…You…Y-You love…But, how…?"
"How? You're a beautiful person, Cenchax! You're beautiful to me, if no one else! I love your beautiful eyes, BOTH of them! I love your gorgeous smile! I love your perfect body! I love your beautiful personality! I love your heart, your soul, your mind…I love anything about you that makes you believe that I love YOU…! If you could only understand that, I'd love ANYTHING you wanted to about you, because I already love it!"
Without warning, Roxas leapt off of Cenchax and threw him down, shoving his lips against Cenchax's. The boy beneath him gazed up, face bright red. Tears fell onto his face, trailing down his already-damp cheeks. Roxas wasn't a good kisser; it was probably his first kiss, and his sobs made his lips tremble too much. But Cenchax didn't care. This was heaven to him. Everything about this moment was like a miniature paradise. He felt his lungs constrict, his chest tighten, and tears—not of sadness, but of glee—well up in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Roxas, pulling the boy completely on top of him, kissing him back. Roxas ran his fingers through Cenchax's hair, while Cenchax just contented himself with holding Roxas in his arms, and tasting those sea-salt lips.
They pulled away, Roxas still crying. "Cenchax…I love you…I love you so much…Please…Don't say that again…Don't…cry…" Roxas breathed, trying to quiet his snivels. Cenchax took Roxas's face in his hands and gently wiped away Roxas's tears.
"Shhh…Shhh…Roxas…Roxas, it's okay…" Cenchax leaned up and gave Roxas a small kiss on the forehead. "You don't know…How much I've wanted to hear that…!" he managed, trying to loosen his chest. When he pulled away, Roxas lay himself on top of Cenchax, laying kisses all over the older Nobody's face.
"I love you…I love you, I love you…I don't care if no one else can know…I don't care what Xemnas says about it…I don't care what Vexen says about our hearts…I love you…" he murmured between each kiss.
"I love you too, Roxas…I don't know if I could love you any more…" Cenchax gasped, still feeling strangled. He caught Roxas's lips while they were moving in, tasting his second true kiss with the boy. They pulled away, resting their heads against each other, breathing deeply. They opened their eyes and gazed into one another's. Roxas pulled a hand up and brushed away Cenchax's hair, revealing his eye. Cenchax winced.
"Roxas, don't…" he protested, raising a hand. "It's ugly…"
"Cenchax, you're beautiful…Nothing about you is ugly…" Roxas murmured. Gently, he pressed his lips against Cenchax's blinding eye, careful not to cause Cenchax pain. He let his hand slide away, allowing the hair to fall back over his face. He looked down at Cenchax. He rolled off, lying next to the boy, staring. Cenchax turned himself so that he and Roxas were facing. Both lay quietly for a while, letting the wonder sink in.
"You really do…?" Cenchax breathed.
"Cenchax…I don't know for how long, but ever since that time, I've loved you."
Cenchax smiled, eye soft. "It's a really big responsibility, you know…"
Roxas scooted closer, cuddling up to Cenchax's chest. "I know. I don't know if I can save you…And I know it might break me…" Looking up at Cenchax, he murmured, "But I'd rather die trying than never have tried before…" He reached over and took Cenchax's hand into his own, moving side to side. He managed a small smile. "You're worth every second of trying, no matter what you think…"
Cenchax leaned forward and buried his head in Roxas's hair. "I'd fight all of the Heartless for you, Roxas…"
"I'd fight them with you…You don't deserve to be alone…"
"Roxas…!" Cenchax gasped, tearing up. He let out a choked laugh. "Stop it! You're making me cry…!" He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, trying to keep his tear in. Roxas laughed.
"It's okay, Cenchax…I'm here…"
"And you'll always be here…!" Cenchax moaned, breathing deeply into Roxas's hair. "It's too much…!"
The two lay in each other's arms, content to spend the rest of their days laying like this, with the one they loved more than anything…Cenchax drifted to sleep.
And when he woke, he found that he wasn't in his own room, like he had been before. He was in Demyx's room, lying, yes, next to Roxas, but without his arms wrapped around him, and with Zexion laying to his left, opposite of Roxas. He sat up, taking a deep breath. He couldn't taste the slightest tastes of sea salt. He let out a groan, lying back. Of course, it had to have been a dream. His reality was, once again, imperfect.
His first impulsion was to cut himself, but looking down at his friend's peaceful faces…Why bother them with his habits? I'll just go to the Black Oak…
Quietly, he rolled back his covers and crawled out of bed. He had almost reached the door when he heard a little moan of protest. He turned around and saw it was Roxas, leaning on hand, yawning. His other hand rubbed his eyes, switching from one to the other, then back to the previous, and finally, it held him up with his other hand. Cenchax put a finger to his lips, shushing Roxas.
"Cenchax…?" he whispered. "What are you doing?"
"I…Need some alone time…" With that, he opened the door, and proceeded to exit.
"Are you going to the Black Oak?"
Cenchax froze. He turned back slowly, eying Roxas curiously. "How did you know…?"
"That's what it's called isn't it?" Roxas asked, confused. "I noticed that, whenever you need alone time, you climb up to the…" He narrowed his eye as he tried to remember. "The seventh branch from the top, and stare out into the sky…"
"You…noticed…?"
"Yeah…Why wouldn't I notice?"
Cenchax paused, then let out a small smile. Closing the door, he said, "Nothing, Roxas…"
He notices that…Why shouldn't he notice everything else…?
As he walked, he noticed that he did, indeed, plod slightly as he walked, placing his feet in front of each other as though there were small weights on them, slouched over ever-so-slightly, as though he were tired, hands in his pockets. He blushed lightly. All the way to the Black Oak, he whistled while he walked, a small Evanesces tune. Because, after all, it wasn't night anymore; it was day time.
THE END
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I just wanted to see how horribly FLUFFY I could make this before I puked all ove the keyboard and ended it as a dream. And, I like to play around with Roxas and make him a stalker...So, you NOTICE, Roxas? :D
Though Roxas is right. Cenchax is on the heavy side, so he plods SLIGHTLY as he walks. (he's not over-weight, though) And he does spread his butter that far.
This fanfiction also shows how much Cenchax wants Roxas, and shows a slightly selfish side of him that I haven't really revealed. But, if you feel like you've been wronged, don't you think you deserve something in return for the good deeds you've done? Cenchax may be being selfish, but I can at least see where he's coming from.
Also, it shows how Cenchax would most likely react if Roxas told him if he truly had affections!
Oh, and a lot of fanservice has something to do with this...XD
Unfortunately, this story is OOC, meaning that we still don't know if Roxas likes Cenchax anymore than a friend or not...
WELL, I hope this dies in a horrible, fiery pit where no one has to deal with it ever again!
~Cat's Eye