Author's Notes:
I do not own Glee, I do not own Dalton, I do not own Unwell.
Julian sings in bold
Logan's POV and song in italics
If it at any point grows confusing, welcome to Julian's semi-unconscious brain :)
Reviews would be lovely!
Headed for A Breakdown
Julian heard a lot of noise as he lay, barely conscious, on the rapidly deflating launch pad. He wasn't sure if he was dead or alive and this noise wasn't helping. Nothing was exact, just buzzing and humming from all directions as everything spun and Julian tried to hang onto anything solid around him.
"Julian!" Logan took his friend up, carrying him off the pad, but the weight made his knees buckle and they both ended up on the ground. It didn't matter. He sat up, eyes wild, clutching his friend close in his arm and pushing the bloody locks from the face that had graced so many posters and magazine pages, and the smiling photographs in his room.
Julian couldn't believe the voice that broke out from everything else. It wrapped him up and held him close as he lay, waiting to slip into a coma that would ease the worry and pain.
"Julian…? Julian, please, open your eyes…" he clasped the cold form, begging it to show life, as though the mere touch of someone alive could revive him. "Julian, please, I'm begging, you, come on…" Logan's voice broke when his best friend simply lay there.
He started to worry. Logan sounded sincerely scared and that upset Julian. He lifted his head and called out to his friend, more intent on reassuring Logan than fulfilling his desire to sleep right now. "Logan? Logan, I'm right here…" Julian sighed as he tried to calm his friend.
Logan choked back a sob, keeping the body close to him.
"Lo? What's going on?" Julian realized that, as much as he had thought he was responding and reacting, he was still in darkness and unable to operate any part of his body. It was if he was in a terrible nightmare that wouldn't end.
"This isn't fair—this isn't fair, you can't do this—you can't! Please… Open your eyes…"
And so he did. Julian opened his eyes, but he didn't see the furnace of an art building or his injured friends.
Julian saw the Warbler's Hall.
"Damn you, Jules!" Logan beckoned to Julian from the piano, a good-natured smile on his handsome features. "You kept me waiting!"
"I-I did?" Julian was confused, but willing to move on with this reality, as it seemed to be a better place than the last.
Logan's willowy fingers dashed up and down the keys, playing a ghost of a familiar melody before he turned by to his best friend. "You know I wanted you to come up so I could practice this song…?"
"For Kurt?" Julian rolled his eyes. Even in this reality he had to be the tool that got to play test run for a few minutes, but never saw the real show.
"No? Jules, are you okay? I heard this song on my iTunes shuffle and I completely forgot about it until today! I just-" Logan licked his lips and swallowed nervously, seeming to be a little lost for words. "You know I do better through song than with words and I just needed your help and lately you've been kinda out of it and I figured you'd be okay with the song choice because, like I said, you've been out of it and you won't talk to me and I figured maybe singing might-"
"Lo?" Julian interrupted Logan's stream of words before he started to drown.
"-Help? Just- Just sing with me, Jules," He finished lamely.
All Day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my walls.
Julian looked up sharply. The song was perfect. Perfect for who Logan was and how Julian was lately. He reached up to jerk his sunglasses down onto his eyes, but they weren't there.
Definitely a nightmare.
Either way, Julian knew exactly where to join Logan in this.
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
and I don't know why
Julian and Logan usually sang well together, but this was something else. This was a type of singing that could only be found in Julian's dreams. It was reminiscent of how Logan sang with Kurt, and Julian only wanted to hear more.
He poured his heart into what he sang, creating something totally different that what he was known for at the recording studio. He created emotion. Emotion was something Julian tried his best to avoid, but suddenly he couldn't help himself.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
It was true! Julian was sure that he wasn't crazy! Being constantly without sleep and under a steady stream of pressure due to his loose cannon of a stalker, Julian had become someone he couldn't recognize. He hoped that those he saw lately would wait around and see his better side. His controlled side.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
And isn't that all Logan wanted? Was for everyone to stop thinking of him as the jerk with a temper and as the leader who brought them triumph? Wasn't that what the solo challenges were about? Logan has wanted to try and get to a past where he had everything under control and he was the guy everyone looked up to.
But, wasn't he also driven mad by the idea that nobody seemed to care? His father, Kurt, Blaine… Julian? Julian was displeased by the idea that he was partially behind Logan's turmoil. He knew that he set out to hurt when he covered up and armed his walls, he just didn't think that Logan felt the attacks behind his own armor. Apparently, the Knave had a chink in his armor.
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
There was something wrong with Julian, or so he thought. Why hadn't he left? He needed to leave. Why was he in the Warbler's Hall anyways? How did he get here? He knew he should remember something. Something about a fire, maybe? But suddenly singing with Logan was the only thing that mattered in his world anymore. The only thing keeping Julian going was that emotion in Logan's voice. He would do anything to keep Logan singing, even if he had to sing with him.
Especially if he got to sing with him.
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
Julian wanted to tell Logan that it was okay if he lost his mind, because Julian could stay lost in this world with him. But he didn't get the chance, he had to keep singing.
As they swung bank into the chorus, Julian sank onto the piano bench, no longer able to stand. There was a weight bearing down on him, though he was not sure what it was, nor where it was coming from.
Realizing what he had forgotten, Julian remembered that he couldn't stay. He had to leave! He had to leave or- Or something terrible-
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
They would come get him if he didn't leave! He had to leave!
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
Julian looked to Logan, the boy he wanted to sing forever, but he knew he had to leave. He wanted to apologize and cry and hold him tight, but Logan was fading away. Julian grasped at the wisps that were left of the man he loved and wept as his attempts proved fruitless.
"Logan!" Julian shouted into the darkness that was falling over him. "Logan! Wait! I'm not-! Logan, I'm not crazy!"
Like a blanket smoothing him, Julian began to become muffled, but he fought. He refused to be separated from Logan like this without some kind of fight. Just as he felt that mist began to burn away-
Logan bent down and pressed his lips to Julian's singed hair.
Julian forced open his eyes and shouted with all his might, "Logan! I'm sorry! I'm sorry and don't worry, we're not crazy!"
Despite his efforts, his voice came out hardly above a whisper, but it was enough for Logan's ears. Ears that were waiting to pick up even the slightest hitch of breath.
"Jules!" Logan tightened his grip on his best friend and sobbed shamelessly.
"Don't apologize! Don't you dare apologize for what- what that-!" Logan's words broke off as he clutched at Julian and began rocking back and forth.
"And- And you're wrong…" Logan's breath hitched as he pulled away from his best friend to look him in the eyes. "We're both crazy. Hell, we're all crazy, but that's what makes us perfect for each other."
As the paramedics arrived, this is how they found them: Senator's son and actor, clutching onto each other as if the rest of the world had disappeared, and they were back in Julian's music hall, safe.