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Kid Kit Obsession

I don't think Kristy ever thought this would happen when she came up with Kid Kits. They're such a simple idea... cardboard box, filled with a few games, markers. Dime store stuff. But it's new to the kids, so they get excited.

And when I started getting notes in mine, I was excited too. They were sweet. "I am always thinking of you." "You're way prettier than any of the other girls." I spent the whole job grinning, thinking of who it could be.

I have always loved babysitting but now I think it's chillier than ever. It seems like every time I go, I get another note in my Kid Kit. They're always things about my long blonde hair or my California Casual sense of style.

I've had to watch it though. One day Charlotte Johannsen tried to read one and I had to grab it out of her hand. I thought she was going to cry...Good thing I had some dumb book about a pig in there to distract her with.

I tried to think, who could my admirer be? I ran through the list of boys at school. Alan Gray would certainly do something like this, trying for attention. Maybe Pete Black, but he'd always liked Claude... who?

The notes started dropping hints. "I love what you said in English last week." "Seeing you at meetings brightens me day." That's when I knew it was a club member. Of course, I wasn't interested... but I was flattered.

It's always nice to know that you're admired and appreciated. And honestly, sometimes I felt that I didn't quite stand out as much among the club members. I mean, Claudia was so artistic, while Stacey could be a model! Not to mention Mary Anne's compassion or Kristy's leadership skills and Jessi's dancing. But then...oh, dear...It could be from Mallory as well.

It was only a month or two later that things started getting strange. The letters began to talk about things that I didn't think I'd told anyone about... "I love your pajamas with little trees on them." "I'm sorry you were crying yesterday after school."

Immediately I suspected Mary Anne, but I knew it couldn't be her. My stepsister?! Gross. I mean, she knew about my pajamas anyway and that I liked to listen to old Beetles songs before I went to sleep. But when she went out of town to visit some family friends with Richard for two days, there was a new note.

I still felt special. I mean, someone liked me so much that they wanted to know my secrets. But... why wouldn't they reveal themselves? I wouldn't love her, but I could be her best friend. We could share our secrets. And she seemed to want that closeness.

"I wish I had you all to myself," one note read.

I thought about it a lot, as I sat in club meetings. Who here loved me? And why? For a while that specialness continued. Until the notes started to get more possessive.

"Why were you talking to Austin yesterday? I can't believe that you would do that to me!"

Even then, I wished she would reveal herself so that I could explain that I was asking Austin about the math homework.

That made me think it was Stacey, because she'd always liked Austin and maybe she was worried her two loves would leave her for each other? What could be more awful than that? I started sitting really close to her at meetings, suggesting we hang out, but she always wanted to bring Claudia along, which made sense, since shopping is a drag without her. But if I were so special, wouldn't she only want me?

The real mistake I made was accepting an invitation to the dance. I wasn't even that into Doug Stokes, but he was nice and I didn't want to be the only girl not asked. And hey, he thought I was special too. So I said yes.

And my admirer said no.

"What were you even thinking?! Don't you care what people think at all? What about how I feel? Boys are only after one thing! You slut."

I cried so hard, shut in the bathroom at the Perkins' house while the girls were asleep. I couldn't believe that my friend, this person who'd been sending me special little notes and thoughts would think such a thing of me. All the girls knew I'd barely kissed...How could she think I was a slut? Little did I know that it would get worse...

I remember the first time I found a note in my bedroom! I was so scared! But there it was, pinned to my pillow. "I'm sorry I got angry. I just can't stand the thought of someone else loving you." I shouted and when Mom came in, I told her it was a mouse. Thank goodness, living in a colonial house is useful sometimes.

I wished this girl would reveal herself so I could assure her I did love her. I loved all the girls. And then we could work this out and I could explain everything, and I don't know, we'd go to Pizza Express together sometimes and it'd be okay. I wanted a best friend too, what with Mary Anne being torn between me, Logan, and Kristy all the time.

But she still didn't reveal herself. And things just got worse. When spring came and I started wearing shorts, I started getting letters alternating between how nice I looked in them and how much I must be loving the attention from the boys. I just didn't understand what to make my secret friend happy again. When I wore jeans, she didn't like it; when I wore shorts, she didn't like it and when I wore skirts, she hated it.

I just wanted things to be like they were in the beginning again. Sweet notes and my dreams of a true best friend at last, one I didn't have to share or beg my parents to let me call long distance. But instead I got someone who wanted to control me. But I convinced myself that I could still find a way to figure things out, I just needed to wear the right things and smile at the right people and frown at the others and everything would be all right again.

It wasn't possible though. When I joined the peer math tutoring program, I got paired up with Alan Gray and my admirer went ballistic. I tried to drop out and Mom and Richard made me stay in. When I threw a fuss, Mom even called my real dad in California. He said they were worried, that Mom said I'd been withdrawing. When I tried to tell him about the letters, he blew me off, saying girls said silly things sometimes.

My admirer did everything she could to convince me how important I was. When I stayed in math tutoring, she threatened suicide. When the program ended, she said maybe she'd reveal herself. When I mentioned at a club meeting my month long visit that summer to California, there was a note on my bed that night saying she'd never let me go. Even grosser there was a dead rat underneath it. That made me think it was Kristy. What other girl could kill a rat?

I started a calendar marking off the days to California. I couldn't wait to go. I thought maybe I'd be able to stay there this time, forever and never have to deal with my admirer again. Of course, she found the calendar, even though I was keeping under my bed. That's when I realized she must be coming in through the passageway.

"I love to watch you sleep...But I can't stand the thought of you leaving me..."

I just couldn't concentrate on anything but my fear. I jumped at every little noise and tried to push my dresser in front of the passage. Of course, that made her even angrier. I didn't even know some of the names she called me in the letter but I do remember this:

"I will kill you before I let you wall yourself off from me."

I asked Mom if I could go to California early and she said no. I tried to tell her about the noises and the passageway and the letters and she just laughed, telling me some of the jokes she and her friends played at my age. No one was taking me seriously, except my admirer-- my stalker.

In school one day, she left me an animal heart and a note. "In medieval times, people ate the heart of their one true love. Gross, huh? But I'd do it for you. I would sooner eat your flesh than see you fly away from me." I shuddered and went home sick.

Then one day it happened. I was babysitting the Arnold twins and hadn't read the Kid Kit note yet. I just slipped it in my pocket. I didn't want to be upset in front of Carolyn and Marilyn and fortunately, they misbehaved just enough to keep my mind occupied.

I let out a gasp when I opened it. "I want to reveal myself to you. Meet me at Old Hickory's grave at midnight tomorrow night. Only in the place of eternity can our endless love be revealed."

I was so excited. I mean, I knew I should be scared but this was it! We were finally going to get a chance to talk about our feelings in person so that we could really understand where we were coming from. I kept looking through the notes for any clue at all. I thought that maybe some of it looked like it had been written in colored pencil. Maybe it was Claudia! She was so pretty and artistic and wild. I hoped it was Claudia.

I would have been fine if it was Abby too. She was still mysterious to me and so strong and athletic! She could protect me from anyone. Who could it be?

I was so excited as I picked out what I would wear. My admirer liked my California flair, but if it was Claude, I needed to be a little wild. I picked out a jean jacket covered in patches. Worried that I'd need to be sophisticated if it was Stacey, I managed to put a little make-up on neatly.

My stomach in knots, ready to find out who I meant so much too, I boarded a bus towards the cemetery. Was it Jessi? She could teach me to dance. Even Kristy would be cool. She was really smart. Anyone but Creepy Mal, really.

My California cool was lost to my nerves as I stepped towards Old Hickory's headstones. It was dark and even though it was almost summer, it was still chilly at night. I pulled my jacket tighter around me. My admirer was late. I glanced at my watch. I jumped nervously at every twig snapping. I waited and waited...

... and that is the last thing I remember.

I woke up in the hospital. Apparently I'd been found alone in the graveyard, barely breathing. Someone had hit me on the head with a rock and left me there. To die alone. And this is after she's told me she loves me. Who could do such a thing? Who? And why would she think she had to?

But you know what the worst thing is? I don't know who it is. I don't know which of my friends who visited me is really my friend and which one picked up that rock. When they left the hospital room I found a note on the nightstand. All it said was:

"We'll never be over."