Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

I was bored. 'Canon' pairings. Usual procedure for my first chapter. Don't read and don't review.

Harry Potter and the book to greatness.

There is weather at 4 privet road. Like everywhere else, but because it's 'Harry Potters residence' I'm sure you feel the need to here about it. Ok. It's sunny, with a chance of light drizzle later on. Happy? I fucking thought so.

Harry Potter was lying on his bed moping. He's very good at that. He as currently blaming himself for world famine or some such shit when he remembered he was supposed to be mourning Sirius's death. Sirius Black, his only link to his parents (Not counting half the staff, a certain damn dirty werewolf etc) had just died. He cursed himself mentally, which resulting in hitherto unseen magical prowess resulting in him turning slightly yellow. If only he'd listened to Ginny he'd never have fallen for such an obvious trap.

He sighed as he remembered his best female friend. You know the one who'd also been there for him, saved his life on numerous occasions and best of all, always seen him as more than just the 'Boy Who Lived'. Ginny sure was wonderful. It would have been really awkward if she'd developed a crush on him because of his 'popularity', fortunately she was above such pettiness. Smart, fiery and loyal you couldn't fool her for a second. Unlike that stupid brat who'd almost unleashed death on all muggle-born's in his second year. Fortunately she'd solved it before she'd been petrified. So he could stop whoever it was, because he was Harry Potter and that was what Harry Potter did.

Saved the fucking day! Yeah baby Yeah. Not however Sirius, from smug self satisfaction to depressed in 20 seconds. The bi-polar weirdo. Plus Ginny had got hurt. He remembered the animalistic panic before his friend , Nigel was it, had confirmed a broken ankle wasn't usually fatal. He seemed rather burdened carrying someone he couldn't recall now. Yet another whip to beat himself with.

Then he remembered the prophecy, 'neither can live while the other survives'. Idly he wondered what he'd been doing for the last 16 years. Then another called out for attention, Albus had lied to him! I'm old enough to look after myself he thought randomly. First he needed a eensy bit of knowledge, then he needed a girl. Then with Ginny waiting for him he could go off and defeat Voldemort. Since he was Voldemort's equal it was bound to be over by no later than the 7th book. Sorry his 7th year. Then he could get married to the family he already considered his family…mmm incest.

Suddenly the book. Defeating Voldemort for Dummies appeared in his lap. Cool. He leafed through the chapters.

Chapter 1: Cool sounding curses to make up for the fact you've slaked off for your first 5 years at Hogwarts.

Frankly a summoning charm, a water heating charm and the few hexes Ginny taught him for his third task didn't really cut it.

Chapter 2: Getting Horcuxes to land in your lap. Literally.

Chapter 3: Slightly nastier curses to help defeat wizards raised in the Dark Arts.

Chapter 4: Voldemort's key weakness that no other wizard on this planet knows.

Sweet. All he had to do was read one book and he would become the most well read most powerful wizard ever and be able to defeat Voldemort the now second most powerful wizard ever in time for graduation.

Vaguely he wondered why all of a sudden he'd gained a clue and decided not to mope and bitch and blame all his problems on everyone else. Maybe he was channelling the spirit of someone recently deceased. Nah, that would be silly. Author looks shifty.

Suddenly a tombstone fell on his face, which was fortunately protected by layers off self satisfaction. What the fuck? He read it. His finger tracing a line under the words.

Hermione Jane Granger

1979-1995.

Beloved daughter and selfless friend.

Who the fuck was she?

He looked through his family album, suddenly he stopped. Ginny was married? No wait that was his mother. His heart speed returned to normal. He had been slightly worried having known Molly Weasley by the phrase 'to know how a girl will turn out look at her mother' but if Ginny was going to turn out like his mother that was OK

A week of isolation later reading a 200 hundred page book Harry smiled. Now he was the most powerful wizard ever and he didn't have to do any work for it. Sweet.

However now he was tired. Smiling slightly thinking of Ginny he feel asleep.

"Ahhh my faithful slaves…er I mean followers." Hissed a cold voice. "How goes my plan?"

"You mean the plan that will take the entirety of your attention for an entire school year only for it too fail due to the efforts of Harry Potter?" Simpered Peter Pettigrew.

"Yes, that's the one."

"I have good news, sir. One of his closest friends suffered a curse whilst holding off our Death Eaters at the DOM, she recently died."

Dream Harry frowned having completely forgotten about this person.

"Why is this good news?" Voldemort was obviously just as confused as him.

"She was the smart one of his 'Golden Trio' without her he'd have probably died or failed his first year."

"Good, good."

Harry woke with a start. Wormtail must have gone completely mental. Everyone knew the smartest of their trio had started school a year after them. Being Ron's sister Ginny and not his twin. He vaguely felt some guilt for leading some unknown witch to her death. He vowed to avenge her by killing a suitably impressive death eater. Maybe Crabbe senior or Goyle senior.

After all he was Harry Potter the boy destined to kill Voldemort cos of what some batty fraud said 16 years ago.

Woo Hoo. Boredom, shitty music and a keyboard do not mix.