A/N: this is a letter-format James/Lily fanfic spanning all of their seven years at Hogwarts. No graphic things, rated T for swearing and suggested adult concepts etc. Set vaguely in the same universe as another of my Jily fics, The Bones of You, but it's not at all necessary to read that to understand this. Each chapter covers a single year.
Disclaimer: yeah i didn't write harry potter sorry to disappoint you.
CHAPTER ONE: FIRST YEAR
Dear Lily.
I don't think you'll ever read this but I think you're very pretty. But you're also kind of stupid, a lot of the time. You see, Sirius thinks you're daft for being mates with Snivellus- I mean, Snape- and I agree. My parents always told me that all the Dark Wizards and Witches end up in Slytherin and it's true. I mean, look at Avery and Mulciber for one thing. And even the ones who aren't Dark Witches and Wizards are really mean and especially to Muggleborns. I've heard lots of Slytherins use the "m" word. I just wanted you to know (even though you're never going to read this, because I don't think I want you to) that Snape is a git and you should not be mates with him. If you want to talk about it, or even if you want to talk about something else instead, you know where to find me.
Lots of Love,
James Potter
P.S. Your hair is a nice colour.
Dear Potter.
You're a prat! And I'm not stupid, you're the only stupid one here. If you didn't want me to read your stupid letter then you shouldn't've left it in the stupid common room where anyone could read it. If that isn't stupid then I don't know what is. Anyway, I was saying- you're a prat, and here's why: you've no right to tell me who my friends should be, and anyway Severus is a sight nicer than you are! It's not his fault that he was sorted into Slytherin, I'm certain he wanted to be in Gryffindor anyway. At least he doesn't go around hexing people for the fun of it like some stupid prats I could mention.
NO love,
Lily Evans.
P.S. Your hair is STUPID. And messy.
Dearest Lily. (except NOT dearest)
I didn't mean to leave the letter in the common room, stupid. I set it down when I was doing my Transfiguration essay (by the way, how did you do on that? I think I did okay, but it was kind of tricky...) and then I forgot about it, obviously. Anyway, I didn't mean all that rubbish about you being pretty, I was just trying to be nice but obviously you don't care much about that. And I'm not telling you who your friends should be, I'm just trying to give you advice. I was being nice and trying to do you a favour but again if you aren't nice to me I don't see why I should be nice to you. You're never nice back anyway. I don't think he wanted to be in Slytherin, I think you're lying, because Sirius said that he (sirius) wanted to be a Gryffindor so bad that the sorting hat put him in Gryffindor and not Slytherin. So OBVIOUSLY he didn't really want to be in Gryffindor at all. Good, because nobody wants Snivellus snivelling around the common room anyway.
lots of HATE,
James Potter
James,
Wow, I can't believe you're so unbelievably obnoxious. First of all, the sorting hat sorts based on traits, like how Gryffindors are brave, Hufflepuffs are loyal, Ravenclaws are smart, and Slytherins are... well they have their own traits too. Severus said that plenty of great wizards have been in Slytherin, like for example ALL of Sirius Black's family so maybe you should think about that next time you say mean things about Slytherins in general. I bet you didn't even know that about Sirius's family. Second, even if Sev DID want to be in Slytherin, that doesn't matter because I know him better than a stupid hat does anyway, and I KNOW he's not as awful as some of those other Slytherins you mentioned. He hates them too, he told me.
And I hope you don't really think that you're being nice and that I'm actually going to take your advice because last time I checked I don't take advice from people who are complete PRATS. Especially stupid ones who leave letters lying around while they do their Transfiguration essays (it was difficult, but I asked McGonagall and she explained it to me so now I understand it perfectly but I'm not going to help you so don't bother asking). You aren't nice to me, you're an arrogant stuck-up STUPID prat, and you're really mean to Severus and I'm not nice to anybody who is mean to my friends, so THERE. And don't call him Snivellus!
get STUFFED, Potter
-Lily
To her Majesty Lily Evans,
That's obviously what they want you to think, idiot. I have it on good authority that the sorting hat not only gives people their choices but also sometimes puts people in the wrong house so that the numbers of people are evened out a bit. Otherwise lots of people would be in the same house, and then it would be unfair for the House and Quidditch cups. Maybe you should think about THAT. And for your information, O Great and Terrible One, I DID know that stuff about Sirius's family, he told me first day of term. They're horrible- they hate Muggles and Muggleborns and behead their house elves when they get too old to work anymore. Sirius says there's a wall in his house decorated with the heads of house-elves his aunt had killed. So that's not exactly a great example of so-called "noble Slytherins". And I saw Snivelly being all chummy with Nott the other day and he's nearly as bad as Avery and Mulciber. I know, since my mum is his dad's third cousin.
Well, I said I WAS trying to be nice because contrary to your Royal Opinions I'm usually nice to people who aren't complete Muggle-hating Slythergits. (Ooh, and you're sucha smarty pants for ASKING THE TEACHER. I figured it out on my own, so I don't need your help so there) And by the way I'm NOT stuck-up and I'm NOT arrogant and I'm NOT A STUPID PRAT and I'm only mean to people who deserve it like your git friend Snivellus. I'll call him Snivellus if I want!
Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus .
Always your humble servant,
James Potter
Annoying stuck-up arrogant stupid prat,
Why are you calling me your Majesty? It's a stupid joke and it isn't funny. I don't get it, anyway. And I don't believe you about the sorting hat. Sirius's family sounds really horrible, and that stuff about the house elves is disgusting! I don't even know what a house elf is, but it doesn't matter. But if you believe that someone can have disgusting house-elf-murdering relatives and still turn out decent, can't you believe that someone in Slytherin can turn out decent? Sev is decent, I swear. He doesn't hate muggles, his dad is a Muggle, and he was the one who taught me everything about the wizarding world anyway, he was my first friend in the wizarding world. Would someone who hates Muggles and Muggleborns be that nice? Isn't it weird that your cousin goes to school with you? My cousins live in Suffolk, and they go to a secondary school in Ipswich, I think, which is really far away from where I live. But I guess there aren't as many Wizarding schools in Britain as there are regular Muggle schools.
Ha ha ha, I know you weren't trying to be nice so don't pretend. Sev is NOT A MUGGLE-HATING SLYTHERGIT. (you probably looked it up in the library, you prat) Snivellus is such a mean name, how would you like it if I started calling you... "James Potty" or something. Except I wouldn't, because that's nasty and immature. And you're so immature. Potty.
-Lily