Always Human: A Piece of You

"Here's hoping you won't feel a thing," the gentle voice lilted across the air, and Sunati, laying down in the Pod that would restore her modifications to their earlier parameters, pressed a hand gently to her own forehead, sighing. As her mother leaned over her and smiled, she offered a sheepish smile back, these procedures weren't the most pleasant until they were over, then she knew she'd feel great. She just wished she could have Austen's hand to hold, now, but as her short brown hair floated up passed her cheeks, her eyes grew dim, lids drifting ever slowly downward to show her own worry. She'd come all this way, after all this time, only to have to wait again. They had seen each other in the spaceport, but Austen had been ordered to make the trip down to Earth without her for the time being, because this procedure wasn't going to be a short one. To remove everything, and reinstall the mods she had before would take time, and Austen, with her condition, was ushered out by her parents to make sure her health wasn't effected by a prolonged stay on the station.

But that didn't mean that Sunati had to like it...

As her mother pressed her palm to the hand she'd placed on her own forehead, she brushed Sunati's fingers aside, placing her own cool digits to the girl's flesh. It calmed her, and her mother's smile... Her eyes fell shut, lashes brushing her tan cheeks, and again a soft sigh rolled from her lips as that hand moved away, and the Pod fell closed, and with it, the darkness surrounded her.

For a moment, she opened her eyes to stare into that black abyss, and for a moment, she felt as though the stars might shine through in the darkness.

But her parents, standing beside the Pod, looked to one another, uncertain they were making the correct choice. Their daughter was, of course, well in love with Austen, but yet...

They were fully aware of how much she often doubted herself. They had to do what was best for their child, and rekindling her memories of everything, why she felt the way she did, all they wanted was to make sure that nothing would happen to tear penultimate happiness apart. As her mother looked to the lab technician, and nodded, she bit her lip as the machine roared to life with the press of a button. It groaned, and whined, and inside the Pod Sunati lay as the effects of the anesthetic washed over her. As she grew tired, her eyes closed, she wasn't quite sure what was happening... Was this normal for this intense of a procedure...?

The darkness swallowed her until it reigned over her own mind, and she faded away from consciousness.

But as she awoke, an indeterminate amount of time later, to the horn of a train, she nearly jumped from her seat as her head leaned up from where it had rested on the window. She turned her neck, and outside, she could see the water, blue, deep, the light coming from above piercing through as a school of fish swam by the window. Next to her sat a familiar face, just as asleep as she had been, Rae's head leaned against her shoulder, and through the brushing gloom of the visible edge of thick water, she saw it; the terminal for the underwater entrance into Starclimber base, the one she had passed through fourteen months ago, gaping and awaiting their arrival.

But why was she back here, on Earth, going to Starclimber again, and why was Rae here with her? Reaching to her left, she shook the girl awake, and as the pink-headed thing rubbed at her eyes, and opened their beautiful depths, she blinked a few times, coming to.

"Sunati...?" she questioned, and then sat up, stretching, with a yawn.

"Are we there yet?" she questioned, and Sunati, in her surprise at the situation, tensed up, her hands balling into fists on her thighs as she struggled to comprehend what was happening. She had just been at the top of the space elevator, she had just seen the stars, Austen... Rae had been nowhere to be found, her modifications...

As she reached upward, her heart froze to feel a full length of hair at her shoulders, her own hair, and as she lifted it, brown as it was, before her own eyes, she gasped sharply.

"What, what is it?" Rae questioned, shifting to move out of her way as her friend began to breathe heavily, and reached over to grab onto both of Rae's shoulders, prompting the mischievous thing to widen her eyes in surprise, and puff out her cheeks. Sunati's hands ran all over her arms, patting her down.

"You're real. This is real. What is going on?!" The two of them sat, mutually confused, as the loud speaker crackled and filled the cabin.

"Now arriving, Starclimber Station. Please have your training waivers signed and dated. Have a nice day."

It was so calm and collected, that Sunati almost wanted to scream. But this... This wasn't how it had happened. She had been at the base before her modifications were changed, Rae had come later... As the train arrived at their stop, she was all too fast to leap from the cabin, and Rae, still confused as she was, followed her out.

"Sunati, wait!" she called after her as she bolted, running for who knew where, and she gave chase as best she could until Sunati's pace gradually slowed to a stop. There, at the top of the exit to the Station proper, a strip of glowing symbols rolled by on a marque that gave the current time... And date.

Sunati was in the past. The moment it careened into her, the truth of the matter hitting her like a brick wall, she fell to her knees, her hands falling palm up to the floor as she bent over and stared at them. She was wearing Austen's ring, still, and the glowing palm of her hand told her that she was still here as it pulsed slowly.

"No... No!" she cried, her tears finally springing to life, pouring from her eyes as wiped at her cheeks. Rae, with her concern written all about her face, stepped forward to place a hand on her shoulder.

"Sunati... I thought we talked about this? You wanted to go to Enceladus, I thought? You even asked me to come along for your trip to make sure you had company in case the training got too intense. Something about needing massages, maybe?"

But the girl, distraught as she was, clenched her hands into fists as she grit her teeth and let her heart fill with the dread of her situation.

"Y-You don't get it," she sobbed, and Rae pulled her hand back quickly.

"I already WENT to Enceladus! Austen..."

Starclimber Station... in actual reality, held one red headed girl standing alone on a path, she had paused, her heart throbbing with the ache of bearing being apart from her lover. Something told her she wasn't okay, a pulse, a feeling that shot through her mind... Sunati was up there, getting her modifications reset, and she had to be down here, back on Earth, despite the days and days and months of waiting...

She reached into her bag, and proffered the book from before, turning the tear-stained pages slowly. There was still one page she hadn't read, and right now, she felt just lovesick enough to take a peek at it... It would only be a couple of hours, maybe, until she could see Sunati again, but already her heart longed to feel those gentle lips, see that caring smile. Those beautiful, wondrous eyes reflecting the stars with their tender gaze. She was chewing at her lip as she pined for Sunati, and as she glanced over the pages, all of those thoughts and feelings that Sunati had imparted to her, had stirred within herself, too...

It was as if they rushed back, and she were reliving the time they had spent apart. She read a couple of her favorite passages, words of unimaginable sincerity, carefully written by hand into this tome, until she finally waited at the last page, and held her breath. This was the page that Sunati had told her not to read until she was finally home.

As she steeled herself, she slowly turned to reveal its secrets...

But Sunati beat her fist against the pavement, the pain shooting through her littlest digit and up into her hand with the force, and she finally stood, Rae trying desperately to comfort her.

"Sunati, I don't understand, you're right here. You haven't even gone up into space yet!" Rae cried, trying to get a hold of one of her friend's arms, steady her. But Sunati pulled it away, and again, and a third time until she finally gave a rough shove to keep her arm back.

"I can't believe this... I can't... Not another year, please, no..." By now, her frustration had faded into absolute anguish, and she buried her face unto her hands, the tears leaking through to wet the opposite side of her palms.

"C-Come on, Sunati, it's been a long trip... Let's get you to where you need to be..." She took Sunati by the shoulder and led her, unable to resist now as she was due to her emotional state, and guided her toward the administration building she needed to check in at. As the automatic door slid open with a his, and Sunati felt the gentle rush of cold air burst against her flesh from the conditioned interior, that knot that burned deep inside of her tightened, and wound up, and her body went rigid as she clutched her own face tightly.

The darkness... She could see it again, and once more it took her, and she slowly slid into unconsciousness once more...

"My dearest Austen," she read, "I know it has been ages. I know you've been waiting, and I know you want to see me again. But I want you to know that my time on Enceladus was unique. There has never been anything like it before, and probably never will since..." Her fingers brushed over the biggest tear stain she'd ever seen in the whole of the book, and her own fluids sprang to the corners of her eyes. Poor Sunati... She must have felt so lonely, out there, in the coldness...

"I know it has changed me, it's impossible that it hasn't. But it hasn't changed the way that I feel..." It was too much, the tears finally slipped from her eyes, falling with the gravity of it all, and one dripped from her soft, rosy cheek, removing itself from the comfort of her freckles as it found its way to the center of that larger stain, wetting the parchment.

"I love you more than you could possibly know. To the edge of the Kuiper Belt, and all the way back again."

Austen ignored the people about her, staring as they were, wondering why she was crying, as she whispered the words aloud to herself in the best impression of that uncertain, wonderful voice she just wanted to hear in her ears again.

"This book is a piece of me, given to you, and forever and always, will I be yours, too..." She pinched the bridge of her nose, sobbing once, hard, before it petered out into lighter, softer sounds. How could she finish this? All she wanted was her lover! Her frustration boiled up within her, and for a moment, she felt as if she wanted to throw the book across the courtyard, to discard it for making her heart ache so, but such a travesty could easily be avoided as she simply clutched the pages over her heart, and looked toward the stars. The darkened sky glittered with a thousand points of silver, the light pollution so very far away out here in the middle of the sea... Oh where were you now? Her eyes trailed along the constellations, falling once on Cassiopeia, and one fist fell down from the book to clench hard, digging her nails into her skin. The constellation of the Princess hovered neatly above, bifurcated by the massive, stretching fibrous rope of the space elevator.

Out there, in the stars... Her only will and want.

Out there, in the stars, Sunati awoke again, the pressurized chamber hissing as it slowly restored gravity, and she floated downward from her hammock on Enceladus, the picture she had stapled to a piece of cork board above her quarters greeting her as her eyes fluttered open from her sleep like they had so very many times before. Austen's smile, so far away... She reached out for it, and as she could see her hand moving away, instead, she understood what was happening, where she was.

It was hard for her not to start crying again, but she inhaled deeply, and exhaled again, as her back met the metal of the sleeping chamber.

She was out in the stars, on a whole 'nother world, a world away from Austen again. As her overseer came to the door, on schedule as usual, she greeted Sunati with pep in her step and ushered her from her room for the daily routines. Sunati spun the ring on her finger as her anxiety built, and her teeth began to grind, her chest ached in the most unpleasant way she'd ever experienced... This was horrible, this was a nightmare, there was no possible way she could ever describe in words the torment of her soul. She'd been... RIGHT THERE! In her arms, that brief moment, ripped away, lost to whatever terrifying dream she was trapped within now. She was lead, as the routine went, straight to the kitchens for breakfast.

Food could maybe do her some good, now.

She sat, her supervisor across from her, so cheerful as always as Sunati stared, unblinking, the bags under her eyes obvious as her reddened corneas belied the fact she'd been weeping rather roughly not so very long ago. The woman sitting across from her blinked, taking notice, frowning even as their instant coffee was placed in front of them, the dehydrated bread, and the solutions they needed to re-hydrate it for consumption. Butter, there was a toaster built into the table, they ate like this often as an open flame on board a space borne facility was one of the most dangerous things possible.

"Are you okay? You look like a zombie," the woman stated, and Sunati simply glared. What could she possibly say? This person wouldn't believe a word if she told her she had traveled through time itself. Twice.

"Are you two fighting again?"

Sunati froze when she realized she had seen this all before. That exact question had filtered through her ears just like that, the same tone...

This was right after the big fight. There had only been one, but there had only needed to be one for the significance to wash over her. Austen. They had gotten in an argument with a handful of their messages because of Sunati's opinion on Austen's Earthbound choices, always so stubborn and adamant, she couldn't even remember what it was she'd done, something about school... It had been ten months ago, after all, so far in the past. But the messages she had sent to the girl, those were what now troubled her mind.

She'd called her names. Bad ones. The guilt washed over her, Austen hadn't deserved that, but Sunati, at the time, had had problems adjusting to her new life. It was early in the VR project, and that meant that today, of all days, was the day she had made a big mistake. She still remembered the message she'd woken up to from Austen, so angry, and short...

"You sit out there on your stupid ball of ice without me, and you think about what you said."

And here she was, doing it all again. She tried to eat, but found she couldn't, her guts were twisted and full of the chemicals her brain decided to shove through her body, her eyes had begun to feel dry, too dry, she'd cried that hard. But again, this time, it seemed like everything was slightly... Off, different, she hadn't checked her messages, she hadn't actually been sleeping, judging by how tired she felt, it was all so very...

"Well, if you're not eating, then it's time to get to work. Virtual reality can't model itself, after all... Except for that one crazy super computer they built in California a couple years ago. Yeah, that thing is wicked..." Sunati's mind drowned out the woman's words as they both stood up and headed down the hallway to the VR chambers, and again her mind wandered back to her guilt, how horrible she'd been... If only Austen could know how much she didn't mean it, she wanted to shout it to the Universe, but she couldn't, she was trapped here, it was impossible to tell her. Hundreds of thousands of miles away, off in space, seven...

"Seven. Hundred. And ninety. MILLION," she stated, growling to herself. Her supervisor paused in her monologue about the supercomputer to lift an eyebrow, but didn't seem to take much care in her companion's grumpy mood.

"Point one!" Such an impossible number... She felt like weeping again, but she wasn't sure she could anymore.

"So anyway, I heard they networked that thing all throughout Earth's space borne stations and satellites, specifically to harness data and categorize it at quantum speeds," she continued, and Sunati, as emotionally drained now as she was, dragged a hand down her face. She felt like a pile of rubble, and looked like it, too.

As her boss pressed the button for the door to the chamber, and they stepped inside, there was one piece of information she caught that made her eyes widen as they both set up for the VR experience.

"...I even heard that that supercomputer can make people relive their memories if jacked into your brain like a mod through the massive network, but it's pretty dangerous, and doesn't really work right," she stated, and Sunati's heart skipped a beat.

When the glittering surface of Enceladus suddenly erupted around them, the frustration, no... The rage that built inside of her at seeing this place again, it finally snapped her will. The model of the colony, even if it was just virtual reality, still had many of the objects and equipment simulated about for the view of their customer, to see what work they were doing.

Nearby, lying on one of the outer mag-benches for the tool crews, there was a hand-based boring drill, for use to drill large holes through the ice. Her eye twitched, as her rationality slipped, and as her superior prattled on, it fell on deaf ears. All at once, Sunati's mind broke at the impossibility of this situation, she no longer wished to relive this memory.

She had messed this day up once before because of how upset she'd been with Austen, did some flawed work on their product... She could mess it up again. But a thousand times worse.

As she leapt into action, grasping the hand drill, she roared in defiance of her own memory, and turned on the drill, rushing to a nearby piece of sensory equipment that tracked the activity of ice fractures, and put the drill to it.

"Sunati, what's gotten into you...?!" her supervisor shouted, gasping loudly. The machine was punctured easily as the whirring drill cracked the metal, and it crumpled before her, the satisfaction of destroying something, anything, washing over the distraught woman. When it wasn't much more than a mass of slag and wire, she turned to anything else nearby, waging a war on her own creation to express the absolute anger inside.

It only took a minute or so of this before her supervisor had removed herself from the simulation, ran into the hall, and called for security. They arrived a few seconds later, just down the hall in the small, early colony, they rushed into the room to restrain the thrashing Sunati as the woman ended the simulation.

They pulled Sunati from that room, kicking and screaming, until they could throw her in the interrogation cell, reserved for anybody who would jeopardize such a dangerous facility. They had only two cells here... One, with a table and two chairs bolted to the floor, a super dense, transparent wall on one side... And the other, a full blown jail cell for the true criminals.

But Sunati, having not been placed in handcuffs, simply thrown into the cell, slid across the slick metal bulkhead a couple feet, the pain in her backside throbbing as she got to her feet while the three inch thick wall of transparent, strong thermoplastic slid into place. The security officer pressed a button on the outside for an intercom.

"You can stay in there until you calm down, Sunati," the man said, and her eyes seethed with her ire.

The moment they walked away, however, trapped here now as she was, it faded without a catalyst, caving and giving way to raw sadness once more. She slumped with her back against a wall, sliding down and curling into a ball as she began to sob once more.

"I just wanted Austen... I just want Austen..."

She rolled the ring on her finger, staring at it through her blurry eyes as the anger rolled into a backlash, shooting, coursing through her suddenly again, driving her to her feet. She breathed heavily as she stared at one of the chairs bolted to the floor, and took steps toward it, before she drove her foot against it, kicking it harshly.

"Rrragh...!" she snarled.

And then again.

"Rrgh! Rrr!" And again. And again, until there was an audible snap as one of the bolts loosened. The sound proof nature, and lack of supervision in the room allowed her to continue until she broke the thing completely from the floor, toppling it to clack and bounce once against solid metal.

Picking it up, she shouted her battle-cry as she swung it around, tossing it in an arc at the transparent wall. She would break out if she had to...! But Sunati, blinded in her berserk state, misjudged her angle, and the strength of the wall. As the chair shot forth with some speed, it bounced right off, and right back at her, colliding with her head with a heavy, hollow thunk... and once more... Yet again... The darkness grew around her.

A light sniff was all Austen could give as she'd taken a seat with her little book, one of the many planter boxes scattered over the open top of the base a place to rest her rump for a moment while she attempted to collect herself. This last passage, she wasn't sure it was helping... She had thought, maybe, that it would steel her nerves in her waiting, her longing for her lover, but it only reminded her of how badly she wished to simply hold her in her arms again. Did she have the courage to continue? Could she finish it? She took a deep breath, and lowered the book from her chest once more.

Brushing her palm over the page, smearing her tear from before across the words, the ink smudging ever so slightly... She read over it again, from the very beginning, silently to herself. It was a letter, after all, from Sunati, to her.

[My dearest Austen,

I know it has been ages. I know you've been waiting, and I know you want to see me again. But I want you to know that my time on Enceladus was unique. There has never been anything like it before, and probably never will since. I love you more than you could possibly know. To the edge of the Kuiper Belt, and all the way back again.

This book is a piece of me, given to you, and forever and always, will I be yours, too.

My time on Enceladus has changed me, for better or for worse. But if there is one thing I learned, out there, if anything at all... The most prominent note on my mind is this.

My time on Enceladus was unique, there has never been anything like it before, but it is just like you, and you are unique too. For better or for worse, you have changed me, and my heart longs for you to change me some more. So far away from home, I could do nothing but miss you, and I know for a fact... I never want to sit out there on a stupid ball of ice without you again!

I'm here to stay, this time, and I will never leave you anymore.

Yours so very truly, Sunati]

It was an understatement to say the tears had come back. They lightly brushed at her cheeks, refusing to fall, as she sucked it up and her heart beat like a drum, the hole inside of her, that Sunati shaped hole... It had to be filled. Standing up, determined, she bolted for the space elevator, back the way she'd come. She didn't care if she had to plague her body with a little bit of shielded radiation, she just couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't be apart. To be apart, was simply tearing her apart. Filled with her desire, her shoes clacked softly as she ran, skirt billowing, to the departure station where she knew that the gondola was still resting, being refueled. Nobody questioned her when she boarded, and after a few more minutes, they were off once more.

She had to believe that Sunati's procedure would be over by the time that elevator reached the top of this long, vast distance separating them.

She had to believe that.

When Sunati awoke for the third time, her eyes simply opened, and there she was, standing in the middle of the spaceport dock, the ship that had dropped her off behind her, the entrance to the rest of the facility before her. A sense of urgency finally filled her when she realized where she was, and she dashed through the doorway, hand reaching out to latch heavily onto the corner of the wall as she flung herself around it and sprinted, uncaring of anyone in her way. Her hair was short again, it didn't hamper her at all... She was back. Forced to push aside a few patrons, their spite coursing through her ears, she even ignored the blaring loudspeaker warning that she needed to stop running.

She was so very close... Austen... Austen... Austen...

When she reached the waiting areas, she slid to a halt, there, in the middle of the room, stood a redheaded girl, her lovely pink dress floating gently in the lack of gravity. Her heart racing, as the first sign of relief finally hit her, there was nothing that stopped her as she shot across the room, stumbling with her speed.

As she wrapped her arms about her woman, shaking with the excess momentum as her magsteps struggled to keep her upright, she hugged her so tightly that an audible wheeze came from the smaller girl, and she buried her nose into that lovely, flowing, now lengthened hair.

"Oh, Austen...!" she cried, and as she released her, turning the girl to face her, spinning her abruptly by the shoulder, she wanted to move for the kiss, but...

The look on Austen's face was all wrong. It was... one of disgust.

"Excuse you? Who the heck are you?" she asked, and all at once, Sunati felt her heart tear in two.

"Austen...?"

"How do you know my name?" she asked, batting her hands away, flattening her dress.

"Austen, it's me. It's Sunati," she pleaded, gesticulating toward her lover with despair, as the female scoffed at her in disdain.

"I don't know any Sunati," she said, "You know my name, but you must have me confused with someone else. I'm leaving." As she turned to walk away, the horror on Sunati's face dealt a crushing blow to her very being, all she could do was chase after her, grapple at her dress, her hand, anything. She pulled away, protesting, and when Sunati stumbled, trying to keep upright with one hand, her other reaching for her leg, anything... She received a swift kick to the shoulder, pushed away, as the security officers of the spaceport went for a repeat of Enceladus. Catching on, she leapt for Austen again, faster this time.

"Stop, Austen!"

"No, you stop. Get off me, Sunati! Sunati, let go...!"

As the guards grabbed her, dragged her back, she felt her head spinning, reeling with the pain of it all, desperation swelling over her.

"Get rid of this Sunati...!"

"Sunati, you're under arrest,"

"...coming with us, Sunati..."

"...go Sunati..."

Her mind was fading, as she reached out for that perfect pink idol, up there on it's pedestal, so close yet so impossibly far out of reach. And as the officers grabbed her back, pulled her into her own fear, everything seemed to melt away, her tears couldn't fall in the zero G, she was pulled across the floor, suddenly falling... Falling...

"...back Sunati..."

"...Sunati..."

"...Sunati? Sunati, wake up!"

Somebody was shaking her awake, from this nightmare, this horrible dream. It had to be a dream, it had to be a nightmare, it had to be a blatant lie that Austen knew nothing about her! As she awoke, opening her eyes, they filled with light, and she snapped to attention, suddenly writhing about on her resting place from where she lay, finding that hands immediately reached out to restrain her. Her body, feeling weak, lethargic, full of adrenaline, was powerless to break free. She felt nauseous, she wanted to vomit, anything to just get rid of this feeling! Her stomach wrenched, and she gagged at her own tongue, soft hands falling about her face trying to sooth her.

"Sunati, it's okay, calm down...!"

"Austen... Austen! AUSTEN!" She thrashed once more, or tried to, until her body literally lost all of its ability to fight, and her arms, too weak, slowed.

"A-Austen..." It was all she could say, anymore, all that possessed her mind.

And out there, at the top of the elevator, she could hear that shout, from across the whole facility, as the red headed girl's name rang across her ears.

"...Sunati?" she wondered, she had thought to maybe wait here, by the exit... But hearing her call her name, it brought fear to the girl's heart, and she fled toward the noise, pace quickened. As she approached the modification chambers, she could hear her name being called again, much more weakly this time, until she rounded into that room, pausing at the doorway, hand resting on the frame.

There, lying in an opened pod, was her Sunati, looking around in anguish. She looked so helpless, it was all she could do to run to her side. Sunati's parents parted for her, the lab technician was still pouring over the console, but Sunati, the moment she saw her lover approaching, let it all out. Her face wound up tight with her emotions, her nose scrunching up, leaking slightly as she sniffed, a single bit of mucus making it's way into the air, floating away. Austen chuckled softly at this, quick to comfort her lover by sitting at her side, and placing a hand on her head.

"...Gross," she said gently, and slowly, began to sob herself as she leaned over and hugged her lover tight. Embracing her weakened frame, setting the book she held aside to do so, Sunati's arms slowly wrapped about her too, and she buried her head into Austen's shoulder.

"Oh, Austen... Never, ever let me leave again," she poured, and as her tears soaked into Austen's dress, she shook her head slowly.

"It wouldn't matter if you had to, silly," she breathed sadly, sniffing again herself as she came to terms with her own feelings.

She moved back so she could brush her fingertips along Sunati's cheek, and the blue-eyed girl gave a light sniffle, her tears slowly fading, one hand finding the back of her lover's.

Austen slid her hand from underneath Sunati's, taking it, her fingers playing deftly along and against the digits of the other woman, so soft, so careful... she found the ring Sunati wore, playing along its glistening surface. Her other hand reached for her book, clutching it to her chest, she looked so cute like that, like a school girl...

"Because if you did... we'd always have a piece of each other."

As she leaned down, their faces nearing, Sunati breathed a sigh of relief, the gentle breath played along Austen's rosy lips, causing a shiver to run down her spine. She couldn't resist pressing those lips together in a loving kiss, and as Sunati's hand found the back of her head, her fingers slowly playing through her hair, she knew...

It was completely impossible for them to ever be apart again.