I'm a really shitty writer. I know some people will disagree with me on that, but it's the truth. And what aggravates me the most is that it doesn't HAVE to be like that. I know I can write well, but it takes time and effort, and I'd like to push out more stuff than take forever. This isn't about the schedule affecting me; it was happening long before it.
My writing is way too tell and not enough show. My descriptions have gotten worse. Too much of my word count is over-description for things that are unnecessary, or worse too much pointless dialogue. I need to be more clever with my speaking, make it more poetic. I like all of my stories; they're fun for me to re-read, because they are character-driven, and I believe beyond a doubt that my greatest strength is characterization.
But, it's not enough. The overall writing needs to get better. That being said, I really worked my ass off on this, and I'd appreciate in any reviews whether or not it showed. I tried to use all the techniques I know, not be repetitive, make things work better… etc. The last time I felt I got this was in Chapter 1 of Lament of Venus, and I'm going to try to replicate it here.
Sorry if any of that doesn't make sense, or seems whiny… anyway, here's the story. It should be a four/five parter.
Chapter 1: Coming Home
It always cracked, when she walked over it: the ice, as if it were glass. A long time ago, Mia had thought the two very similar, identical even. The fragility, so easily shattered and splintered; the inherent beauty, a glossy sheen that seemed to hold magic incarnate within; and the reflection each held, rays of sunlight dancing across their smooth surfaces, releasing colors effortlessly.
How foolish she had been to not look past the surface and peer between the clear siblings. To try to bind the two in an unholy union, where neither belonged. And how could they? Both were hard, flat, shallow. As in all love, the two were bound to clash eventually, and no winner would be found, only cuts and breaking abound.
Much breaking had occurred without her even realizing it. Even to this day she still found scars, not the kind that marred the skin, but those that slunk within the aching heart and the uneven mind. How funny, that she had received them unwillingly, and that they had been given as such as well. She imagined the same had happened to him, as it was only logical that jagged lines and deep trenches had adjourned his ice as well.
Envy for his luck filled her when she thought of their breaking. He was ice: brittle, yes, but simply frozen water. Reformation was a simple process of melting and cooling; growing hot with passion and then cold with apathy. Much colder than the air that had painted frostbite across their cherubic cheeks as children. One burst of heat, and he could revert back.
Not her. She splintered, sometimes in small segments, others in laughable mockeries of spider-webs, so cracked and defiled that only the destruction was visible. And there was no growing back, only the slow trek for one piece to grow thinner, or lose its grip, and either whittle into nothingness or break off and fall into darkness.
Self-destruction pure and unstoppable, and for what? A quick fuck? Spread out along the bed, muttering "Alex" while his arms cradled her, and his cold lips seared her skin, their chill passing straight down to her bones? Sex meant nothing to her if it wasn't with him, and all it meant to him was warmth, the ability to heal the chinks and gaps in his ice so he could live another day. Glass she was, but while ice could hold little heat on its own, she could grasp the spark of sol in her form. "The warmest girl in Imil," he had called her. Such sweet words for such a sharp mouth.
Solace found her upon second and tertiary examinations. At least she could be warm, and at least she was of use to him. Words of praise never escaped his mouth, perhaps because it had come to view compliments as lies over the years, but his eyes betrayed how much her heat mattered.
Nothing could comfort the one sickening thought that stuck like wet flesh to cold iron, though. Forever was not how long she wanted to live; to begin with, aging was natural, and she wanted that life, to grow old as she watched her children build their own lives, to hold their children in her arms. Not to look like her own children's sibling and possibly be forced to bury them as she remained the same, basterdized from time itself. People were meant to break, she knew from her healing. Eventually, everyone died, and if they were lucky, their minds survived the trauma of life and they fell asleep still filled with memories and serenity.
Tiny erosion after tiny erosion was her fate, until her mind and heart were both diminutive shards of glass, too tiny to shrink any farther but still perfectly capable of tearing the hardest of metals. Those thoughts chilled her. A hard life and a nice sleep as a reward was comforting. Instead, she had to look forward to an infinity that would slowly slice her apart, piece, by piece, by piece.
Let Alex have his immortality, she wanted to live a natural life. Perhaps her curse to remain alive as his concubine was placed upon her for violating the sacred teachings. It would not be the first reason to cause her to doubt her decision to aid Felix's quest and help light the beacon of Mars. The Mourning Moon had given her plenty of reason to lament that choice already.
Maybe none of that would matter if he would stay. Hoping for that was such a waste of time, but she indulged herself with it now and again. Ice were his eyes, but when she whispered "stay" to him, in the depths of night as he gingerly creaked open her front door to be whisked away by the night wind and possibly never return, she could see them melt for a moment.
Bringing Alex to tears at least meant that he was still human, which made her heart warm. But those tears fell because he would never stay, and that cold truth threatened to freeze her until she was like him. Glass shattered when it froze, and he left as soon as she began to feel deep chills and creeping cracks. She wanted him to be the one to break her, in the end.
Mia knew not how her children would age, and if she outlived them she knew the glass in her heart would explode, sending bits of sharp sprinkles all through her body. Would Alex do it, she wondered? After he found another girl to be his muse, another girl to bring ounces of humanity into his cold pale interior, perhaps he would give her that release.
Granted, he probably would have no luck finding another immortal, but she imagined that if anyone on Weyard could find a way to make someone live forever, it was Alex. She was living proof of that.
Of course part of her grew bitter with him from time to time. Once she had gone as far as to let him wait outside in the cold for an hour. Any hope for injury had been doused when he had walked in, shook off all the snow in one motion, and whispered with a smirk, "You really thought I would take issue with standing in the cold?" His natural element, after all; how could she have forgotten?
Pride led her to believe that she could live without him, at times. Staring worriedly out the window for such stretches of time that her gloves would become soaked from wiping away condensation said otherwise. Why, why did she love him? No explanation came, and so she waited, and waited, and waited. Her life had become the day he returned.
Plenty of pleasantries existed between them, and not all were false. His questions were laced with concern, and she wondered if her cracks were becoming that evident. Guilt for breaking her was not his to feel. She did it to herself. His life was of the upmost interest to her, and getting half-truths and outright denials of information did not stop her from asking. She worried for him so much, when he left into the world. Cold protected him, but she wondered if it would be his downfall as well.
Mia sighed as she cracked the ice beneath her, slowly making her way home from the market. "Fresh" produce was a rarity in Imil, what with the recent militarization of Bilibin, and she appreciated it whenever she was able to acquire some. Of course, within an hour any kind of vegetable or fruit the travelling salesmen would bring would freeze, but she did not mind. Something about frozen eggplants amused her, those solid purple oddities. The taste was well worth it, and thawing was a simple task.
Greetings from passerby were common, and she would always tilt her head up and beam at her people. Their adoration was … a touch overdone, but it warmed her heart. Though the fountain provided them with their true health, they would still go to her for advice, and the elders hadn't forgotten the years before the fountain had been refilled. Still, it confounded her, why the townsfolk continued to go for her healing rather than sip from the spring of Mercury.
Posing this question to one of her most frequent visitors, a young man who had grown from a little rapscallion to a proud member of the town, she had received a blush, and a stuttered, "I-It's because when you heal, it's warm. It's so nice. And… a fountain doesn't talk to you and make you feel better. It helps with ailments, but you … it's just nice to be around you." The blush she had given him in return had been one of surprise but also heart-felt appreciation. She would always have Imil, at the least.
But never him. She sighed as she pushed the door open, dropping the eggplant and other items on the table. No harm would come from them sitting there for a while; if nothing else, Imil was a gigantic refrigerator. "Soon" was all Alex's last letter had said, and from prior experience she knew that could just as easily be in the next hour or the next month. Mercury, she hoped it was the prior.
Except that Rief was due back shortly, and the last thing that she needed was her son realizing that she still kept in touch with someone he considered a monster. Let alone that she slept with him. Let alone that HE was Rief's and his sister's father.
Alex's offerings to help raise them on the handful of days he showed up each season (as if Imil even had another season other than winter) had drawn quite the bitter laugh from her. Oh, yes, her children needed to be taught how to manipulate people, to stab their closest friends in the back, and to mean the exact opposite of what they said out-loud.
Surprisingly, Alex had actually seemed to take offense, and it was no mean feat to hurt his feelings. On the days she absolutely detested him, she was positive he didn't even have them. That had been the longest wait; a good four months. She had collapsed into his arms and frailly punched his chest, crying as she sputtered how much she hated him. That had been the first time in recent memory that Mia could remember Alex actually apologizing to her. Truly a beautiful moment.
The night had been… fun, too. Alex had proven that he had clearly missed the four months away just as much as she had. While Mia had little lust in her body, he completed her when they made love. She could not deny that the pleasure was enticing and rewarding, but the feeling of pouring out her soul into him was heavenly. Even if it destroyed her a little bit more each time.
Mia began to sort through the vegetables, and froze when she noticed a tomato missing. She bit her lip for a brief moment before realizing she must have dropped it while walking to the house; the idea was not so strange, as her mind had been more than preoccupied. As she pushed the door open, she whispered to herself, "Please, come home." Whether she spoke of her secret lover or their unknowing son, she knew not.
"Almost there!" Rief said with enthusiasm, dragging his legs through the deep snow as fast as he could. Amiti flashed a quiet smile at this friend's excitement even though his mood was slightly damper. And it was never a wise idea to be this damp so far north. He was cold enough without being frozen solid.
Shivers racked his body often enough, the frosty air piercing him with little regard to the heaps of clothing covering him, and yet he found the cold almost… pleasing. It held a certain familiarity to it. Why so was beyond him, as growing up in Ayuthay should have made the icy breath of Imil seem like death itself. Certainly it wasn't a feeling he would like to feel for eternity, but he could appreciate it in small doses.
"Wait until you see the Lighthouse, and meet Mom!" Rief exclaimed once more, now a good ten feet ahead of the prince. That was the reason he had elected to come to Imil, of course; to make sure he maintained his title of prince by saving his Uncle's life. He hoped beyond hope that the Hermes Water would be enough to save Paithos, but unlike Rief he had his doubts as to whether or not anything could keep his Uncle alive.
"I am excited to see Mercury, and meet Mia of course," Amiti replied kindly, even if he felt quite distant at the moment. Perhaps the reason Imil felt so familiar was the glowing light of Mercury's beacon. Spying it on the horizon had become a favorite pastime for him as they had trekked the last few hours, having been dropped off in a small town's port by Eoleo that morning.
Every step he took seemed to make him feel more at ease, and even without using it he could tell his Psynergy was at the moment as potent as it had ever been. Still… while that was a wondrous feeling, it felt like there was something else calling out to him. Why did the north feel so comfortable? If he did not know any better, he would swear that he had travelled these icy plains before.
"Are you alright Amiti?" Rief chimed in, turning back to see his friend. "Sorry about running up ahead… I'm just excited. I really liked traveling the world but, you know. No place like home."
"Yes indeed," Amiti replied, only sensing his voice's melancholy as Rief's expression fell into guilt. Amiti coughed, and shook his head. "Sorry, Rief… I'm just feeling a bit off. Something about this place. It almost feels like home for me as well."
"I know what you mean… probably the Lighthouse," Rief remarked, shifting his gaze towards the glowing blue beacon, a surge of electric blue in the all-swallowing white.
"Yes, I suppose," Amiti replied, though his tone of voice was not one of certainty. "Let's finish this last leg," Amiti said, shrugging off the feeling of intimacy that had grasped hold of him so firmly and beginning to trudge once more through Imil's main import: snow. Still, he found it difficult to detach himself from this foreign feeling of nostalgia.
Why did the snow seem to comfort him so? Yes, it was made of his element, and when he had first encountered the whimsical substance he had been quite intrigued and delighted. But the snow here was different, each tiny spec humming its own little tune of the greatest familiarity yet otherworldly bend. Some sang low like the rumbling of the earth they hovered over, and Amiti fancied these were the largest, the little globs that were easy to pack into a tight ball. Others gently trilled, their soft vibratos the tinkling of distant bells, or the touching of fine silver to itself.
Even as the Mercury Adept tried to keep his gaze steadfast and his mind clear, the harmonies and melodies that sung all around him hypnotized him effortlessly. "Rief?" Amiti asked after a few moments, his interest piqued. "Do you think the snow here is different? Because of the Lighthouse?"
"Haha, you can hear it too?" Rief replied, smiling widely. "Don't tell anyone in town, they'll just laugh at you, because only Adepts can hear it. It's pretty though, isn't it? Mom said she heard it the night the Lighthouse was lit, and while she didn't know what it was, it comforted her. She used to bring Nowell and I to the Lighthouse or to one of the few hills near town and we would simply sit and listen. I want to write a book on it, eventually."
"Hmmm…" Amiti murmured, noting to ask Mia about this phenomenon when he finally met her. "Speaking of which, what of your sister? You didn't speak much of her during the quest, and I've been hesitant to bring it up since… you know…" Amiti coughed, unwilling to mention Piers by name, and Rief burst into chuckles.
"Oh, gosh… it's not what you think, by the way," Rief replied, wiping tears from his eyes. "I didn't bring it up because… it's a very complicated situation. But I trust you Amiti, and while it's not like I didn't trust the rest of the party… you and I have an interesting connection, I think."
"I know what you mean," Amiti responded immediately, nodding. "When I met you, it was like meeting my long-lost little brother. Much like the feeling of seeing Imil for the first time, really: it's so odd to enter a new place, but feel like you've already worn your feet through its roads."
"Hmmm… that is strange," Rief said, his natural pensiveness drawing him inward for but a moment. Within the next, he was back to story-telling. "So, you know how I never mentioned my father?" Amiti nodded, and Rief coughed. "Well, that's because it's kind of a big secret with our family. The town doesn't know exactly who fathered Nowell or I, because Mia never told anyone. I figure most people just decided we were the result of a fling with one of the men she met in the Warriors of Vale's party… which has some truth to it."
Amiti raised an eyebrow, wondering where this was going. Rief had always been hesitant to discuss his home life, and Amiti had oft wondered why. "You see," Rief continued, slowly beginning his descent down a small icy hill. "My Mom fell in love with Captain Piers."
Amiti's reaction was a shocked one, and Rief chuckled. "Yeah, that's what Nowell and I looked like when we first found out. Mom and Piers fell in love, and she offered to let him live with her here in Imil, since at first he was banned from Lemuria after their quest for lighting the Lighthouses. So, they settled for a bit, with everyone in town just thinking that she was giving him a place to stay while he worked out his future plans, and she got pregnant. But, before she could tell him, Piers was found by a Lemurian Ship, telling them that he was allowed back into the city.
"My Mom, being the kind person she is, and knowing that she could not live in Lemuria, nor travel with Piers, as both would mean leaving Imil, and that Piers would undoubtedly have duties to accomplish, let him go without telling him the truth. So, she raised us without his knowledge, and—"
"And that's why Nowell was so excited to meet him! She was meeting her father for the first time!" Amiti exclaimed, and then rubbed his head in embarrassment. "Sorry for the interruption… you tell a very good story. That makes sense, and is very… interesting. I feel bad for your mother, and you and your sister. I… know what it's like to not have family." Amiti's gaze shifted toward the ground, unhappy that, once again, he had brought up his depressing past.
"It was hard… I'm excited to eventually meet him, though," Rief replied, doing a good job of making Amiti feel as if he hadn't derailed the story. "I mean… Mom didn't want us to tell him who we were if we ever ended up meeting him, but I have a bad feeling that Nowell may have by now. Mom said Piers would feel really guilt, but I can understand it I guess. She said that even though they had something nice, his true love was the sea."
"It's always hard, to leave someone you love," Amiti mused, his mind opaque. "And even harder when the person is pregnant, and… nevermind. Damn it, I'm sorry Rief." Rief turned his head in shock; Amiti never swore.
The older Mercury Adept dropped his head and squeezed his fists, his only solace the soft song of the snow. "I just… I can't get Paithos out of my head. Or my mother. Every step I take, it's like my past drones in my head, along with something I can't read… like a part of my story that's been doused… maybe my future?" Amiti finished weakly, and Rief shrugged.
"I don't know… we'll find out, I guess," Rief muttered, suddenly drawing inward once again.
"You seem to be very comfortable with it though, Rief," Amiti remarked, trying to change the subject. "The situation with your family and whatnot."
"It's never really bothered me, I guess…" Rief replied, shrugging as they finally drew close to the town of Imil. "It got to Nowell sometimes, and at first I thought it would do the same to me, but I knew that if my Mom didn't want to tell us, she had a good reason. And she's… you'll have to meet her to understand, she's just the best kind of person. I can't honestly complain about getting raised by only one parent, because she gave us everything she had, and… you'll just have to meet her."
Amiti smiled warmly, and even though some sorrow touched his heart, as his mother had often been described similarly by those who had known her, he halted it before it could spread to his face. "She sounds wonderful," Amiti replied, growing very glad their journey was near an end. Even if he did greatly like the snow, it was still cold, and he didn't need to die of frostbite trying to save his Uncle.
"I'm lucky too, now that I think about it," Amiti continued, his voice growing in emotion. "Even if I had no father, and my mother was dead… my Uncle has loved me so dearly. I'm blessed to have been raised by such a caring and wise man."
"…That's a really great way to look at it, Amiti," Rief said after a few moments, and Amiti could tell that the young Mercury Adept meant it. Through their journey to Imil, Rief had made multiple attempts to cheer him up, and Amiti appreciated it greatly. Especially now that it was starting to sink in, and he was actually feeling less stressed and wrought with worry. Paithos would be fine; Amiti would bring him the Water of Hermes, and the closest thing he had to a father would survive. He had to.
"Annnnd, welcome to Imil!" Rief suddenly shouted, and Amiti blinked to realize that they had indeed come to the town's gate. Thought they had approached close enough to get a good look at the town ten or fifteen minutes ago, Amiti had been much too lost in his thoughts, the song of the snow, and the light of the beacon. So now, for the first time he examined the quaint village. The first word that popped into his mind was "home".
I've always had a love for the cold. Even when I was young, I would stick my head out the window in winter, run around with shorts on regardless of the weather, and do whatever I could to get myself chilled. I always wondered why, and I feel that looking back I just learned to appreciate it from growing up in Michigan. And now, it holds a similar kind of feeling to me, but instead of this weird fascination with it I simply like it for its numbing effects, as weird as that sounds.
Anyway, this has always led to me feeling a sort of connection to Imil, and therefore Alex and Mia. Both of them are favorites of mine, and I feel like that connection to the cold is why… especially when it comes to Alex, but also Mia in a lot of ways as well. Beyond that, something about Imil always intrigued me. I don't know, I just felt like… it held some mysticism to it (like what I did with the snow).
Also, I'm a sucker for tragedies, and there's no other way to really describe Imil Shipping. Even if they do get back together at some point, it's only after he broke her heart and betrayed her (and that's not even touching the incest, which I explain later on). I still love the shipping though, both in the past and future, and I like exploring their past.
I've always wanted to explore Amiti (I've done it a bit in a few fics, but not really), because I think next to Sveta he has the most interesting backstory. I'm not quite as fond of him as Mia or Alex, but that might as well be because I've never wrote him as I said. I tried to make him seem very reserved, and I tried to give Rief a bit more of an upbeat attitude. As he settles into Imil, he'll get a bit more stoic than portrayed here; I wanted to show him excited at getting back to Imil :)
This fic will get a little dark, but not too bad… I'm worried about keeping it at T though, simply because when Mia and Alex eventually are shown together, they will be having sex. I'll have to find some way to dance around that. Next chapter has Mia and Amiti meeting, and some other interesting points of business. I've changed this to be a five or six parter… it might balloon out a bit, but I doubt more than eight chapters.
I thought that I accomplished the goals I set fairly well… I thought, in general, this was some of my best writing in a while, and I'm proud of that. I really had fun making a lot of the symbolism and imagery in the first part of the chapter, really getting to the core of what makes Alex and Mia (more Mia) tick. Alex will get introduced shortly, though.
Thanks for reading! The next chapter of this will be posted… sometime. I had this one nearly done for about a month, and it's not on my priority list to get out fast, because as I said I'm trying to aim for a higher quality, or see if the time leads to a higher quality.