Oblivion

(Kira's POV)

I feel so tired. Why do I feel so weak? Maybe that's because I AM weak, and worthless, and hopeless, and stupid, and slutty, and not to mention completely useless. At least, that's what everyone else says.

My father told me that I was completely hopeless when I failed yet another class. "An F in Speech and Drama?!" he shouted at me. "How do you get an F in Speech and Drama?!" Well, that was easy. The teacher failed my persuasive speech because he had a different view than me, and he failed me on my solo skit because he wasn't "emotionally moved" like everyone else in the class was. "Kira sometimes, I swear, you are completely hopeless!" With that, he left me standing in the living room looking down at my midterm. F, F, F…I'm basically nothing but a complete failure.

My friends said I was completely useless when I missed out on another hanging out moment to futilely study for my classes. "Come on! You're probably failing classes because you haven't been relaxing enough!" No, I'm failing because I'm a complete idiot. "Why can't you just give yourself a break? Gosh, you're so useless!"

My boyfriend said that I looked like a complete slut when I tried making him notice me after having been neglected for so long. "What the hell are you wearing?!" Shadow shouted at me after having seen my wardrobe change. I was wearing a miniskirt, heels and a tube top, and as if it wasn't hard enough to dress like this, he made me feel worse. "You look like a slut! What the hell was wrong with your other outfit?!" What was wrong with the other outfit is that it wasn't good enough for him. Apparently, my jeans and tee didn't get his attention, so this was the only thing I could think of that would. It seemed like nothing I did was good enough for anyone.

The "popular girls" said I was worthless as they hit me over and over again. "Why don't you just kill yourself?!" Sally shouted at me as Rouge punched me in the gut. "You'd do everyone a favor!"

…Now that I think about it, why am I still alive? I'm nothing but a good-for-nothing bitch! Sally's right! I would be doing everyone a favor!

…And yet, I can't do it…I'm too scared of what happens after I'm dead. I'm sure I'll face complete oblivion…but wouldn't everyone want that? For me to just disappear forever?

It's late afternoon. I'm lying on the bed reeling from the beating Sally and her crew gave me. Eventually I sit up and search for the one thing I need right now. My own personal moment of oblivion. Where the hell is it?! Oh, there it is, my Hello-Kitty doll. I flip it over and find the zipper I've installed in the back. I unzip the back and open the doll up, reaching inside to find what I need. I pull out the knife the doll's been hiding, and cradle it in my hands as if it were a child.

"Hello, friend." I think as I stare at my reflection in the gleaming blade. "I know I promised myself, but it's just too hard right now." I roll up my sleeve and reveal the scars from the last time I cut myself. They can never stay healed up, can they? The knife glides across my skin smoothly, and soon, I'm bleeding. Ow, ow, ow! Damn, hit a nerve.

I reopen every scar on my left arm, and create some new scars on my right. When I've bled enough so that I'm starting to get dizzy, I put the knife down and wrap my arms with the bandages I've kept in stock. I've found that they stop the bleeding a lot better than letting the blood clot. When the bandages are on, I put on my fingerless gloves, the ones that go up to the elbow. It's not as if anyone would care about it, but it's just to be sure I don't get beaten up for it. I'm sure that's one of the many things that would happen if someone found out.

I sit still and let the dizzy spell pass, and then put the knife back in its plush sheath. Quickly checking that I haven't bled everywhere and made my predicament obvious, I stand up and go to the window. I can see my friends coming to get me to go somewhere. Maybe for once, I should just go…no, I'd be seen as an even bigger failure in the eyes of my father if I shirk my chores again.

They call up to me and try to get me to go with them, I tell them no and they call me a useless bitch and leave. It's the same cycle every Friday. Never really changes no matter how I'm feeling that day.

After that, I head downstairs to do my chores. My basic chores consist of doing the laundry, dishes, and taking out the garbage, all of which I'm never good enough to do. My father always tells me I put the garbage in the wrong spot, and my mother thinks that I can't fold clothes correctly, nor can I put the dishes in the correct spot, and today is no exception.

Then I stumble out of the house in exhaustion. I've snuck the knife out of Hello-Kitty again and put it in my guitar case in case I need it, along with some blank pieces of paper, a pen and the bandages. Trapping a blanket between the case and my back, I head to the local garden. Cutting myself may be one form of emotional suppression, but one of my greatest loves is another form of release for me. I'm not good at it, but I can sing and play guitar a little.

When I reach the garden, I find my favorite cherry tree and stop, taking a deep breath to catch a hint of the sweet scent of cherry blossoms and put my mind into a relaxed state. I set my guitar down, unroll the blanket and sit down on it. Pulling out my guitar and some of the sheets of paper and the pen, I begin to pluck the strings and sing the song that's been my head all day, all month really.

Sinking to the bottom of my sea of despair

It's a bother to even open up my eyes

Will I ever find the one who will comfort me?

Or has the promise been nothing but a lie?

Why am I here and what am I to do?

Suddenly I am touched by a warm glowing light

I reach out my hand to touch it but as soon as I did

It disappeared from my ever-wandering sight

Just what was that bright light I wondered to myself

Such a warm and glowing fire

A marvelous counter-illusion conjured by fate

But just who is the liar?

After having written all of this down, I feel that this is enough for now. I move on to other songs that I had learned to play by heart, singing all that I'm feeling, everything that is making my heart heavy, every ounce of sadness is poured into my voice as I sing. Finally, I'm done. At least I think I'm done. I'm too busy crying to continue.

I find that with all the crying, I need my original release, and I grab the knife to cut myself with. I go to swipe the knife across my wrist when I stop. Why do I continue with this endless cycle? Cut, heal, cut, heal…why do I bother to heal if I just cut it open again? Why do I even bother with letting myself heal if I'm just going to hurt again?

If only I could just stop the hurt…

…And then I realize that I can.

Almost subconsciously, I turn the knife toward my heart. Yes, this is the only way. All of the pain, the suffering, the feeling of uselessness…I can end it all right now.

"Why don't you just kill yourself?!" Sally's voice echoes in my head. "You would do EVERYONE a favor! No one's going to miss you! Not even your darling Shadow!"

"No! He loves me!" I hear my own voice echo in naïve hopefulness. "He would give his life for me!"

"He says that to every worthless bitch that he dates!" Sally shouted back. "You're just another burden to him! If you REALLY loved him, you'd do him a favor and get rid of that burden!"

Feelings of worthlessness flood my body as I take one of the blank pieces of paper and the pen, and begin to write a suicide note for my family and friends. "This is for the best for everyone." I rationalize with myself as I sob. My heart is aching as I finish the note and stick it between the strings of my guitar.

I grab the knife again, taking one last glimpse of the world around me, the world I've failed to grant any useful service to. I take in a deep breath and lift the knife over my head, screaming as I prepare to strike my heart.

Then, I hear someone scream my name.

(Shadow's POV)

*Sigh*. What have I done? I didn't mean it to come out like that. I just couldn't believe she would do something like that! It was sickening enough when my ex Rouge dressed like that, but now that Kira was doing it…just the thought of my pure angel being tainted like that causes me to become physically ill. But then again, I have no right to make excuses for my actions. It was completely uncalled for.

Honestly, I had never called anyone a "slut" in my lifetime, and now that I have, I feel like beating myself up, because I said it to someone I loved who didn't deserve it. I actually made her cry. And it wasn't the kind of crying someone does when someone's just called them ugly, it was the kind of crying that says "I give up". So, I've probably made a bad day worse for her.

It's late afternoon and I'm sitting in the local garden, trying to find a way to beg for Kira's forgiveness after what I've done. Saying that I didn't mean it wouldn't work because I'm sure she's heard it more than enough times to count it as completely meaningless. I'm sure getting down on my knees and begging for forgiveness is a good start, but it doesn't seem like I could do enough in this way to show how sorry I am. What could I do to make her believe me and accept my apology?

As I'm thinking about what to do, I hear a melodic voice from nearby. My ears twitch and turn towards the music, and instantly, I'm drawn in. I stand up, walking toward the origin point of the sound. When I've found it, I see Kira sitting under a cherry tree with a guitar, singing with her beautiful voice.

I smiled and decided to listen in secret. Whenever I caught Kira singing, she'd instantly stop and refuse to let me hear more of her voice. I decided to stay a ways away and listen from a perch in an adjacent tree so that I could listen without spooking her.

It was such a treat to hear her and all that she had to sing, and yet, it disturbed me. Most of the songs that she had sung were sad songs, and her voice was filled with signs of emotional strain. I knew that she wasn't always a happy person, even more so before I started dating her, but I had no idea that it had gotten to the point where all she sang about was death and sadness.

When she was done, I was about to approach her, when I stopped and took a closer look down at her. She took off her gloves and unwrapped some bandages that were around her arms, revealing some ugly scars. Then she took out a knife from her guitar case.

I had to stop myself from yelping in shock. I honestly didn't believe she was so depressed that she would cut herself. She always seemed to be so happy. Ok, so she may be sad after I called her a slut, but it takes a long time to get to the point of needing to cut yourself, either that or a lot of depressing situations coming down on you all at once. The reason I know this is because I was in that situation a while ago.

My father died before I got into High School and my stepfather tended to get drunk and violent, and I, being the only male in the family, always got the majority of the beating. On top of that, my little sister Maria got leukemia and couldn't get the bone marrow transfer she needed in time, and eventually died too. I felt so low that not only did I cut myself; I actually tried to kill myself once too. It wasn't until after I almost hung myself that my mother divorced my stepfather and got me help.

So this settled it. I had to help Kira out of this, but how, was the question. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed that Kira had started crying again and was writing something on one of her blank sheets of paper. By the time I had snapped out of my revelry Kira had stuck the note in between the strings of her guitar. I realized what was happening. Kira was going to try and kill herself.

I couldn't run fast enough as I jumped from my perch and sprinted as fast as I could toward her. She lifted the knife over her head and screamed, tears streaming down her face.

"KIRA, NO!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Kira turned her head toward me, giving me enough time to reach her and yank the knife out of her hands. Kira and I wrestled on the ground for a while, until I was able to throw the knife away from Kira and pin her down to the ground.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Kira screamed, struggling under my weight.

"Are you going to calm down?!" I shouted.

"I will when I'm dead!" Kira shouted in between sobs.

"Then it looks like we're going to be here for a while." I said, trying to catch my breath.

Kira kicked and struggled against me, tears streaming down her face as she screamed for death. After a while, she got tired of struggling and calmed down a little, letting out a sob here and there. I sat her up and held her in my arms, cupping her head in my hand. She hit my chest over and over again, trying to break free of my hold.

"Damn you! Damn you!" she screamed. "I hate you!" I just held her tighter and tighter with every curse that was thrown at me. I felt a few tears fall from my eyes as she continued to fight me.

It was night time by the time she finally exhausted herself and stopped hitting me. I loosened my grip on her and took a hold of her chin. There were still tears in her eyes and in mine as I gently caressed her cheek.

"Your life can't possibly be THAT bad." I said, trying to control my quivering voice. She didn't answer me, rather shifted her eyes away from me. I pulled her head back to look at me. "Listen to me." I said, softly yet sternly. "Hey! Pay attention!"

"I have NOTHING to say to you!" Kira growled.

"I'm only trying to help you." I said, rubbing her shoulders.

She turned her head away from me and sniffled. "You have no idea what's happening to me! You can't understand!"

I was so hurt by this comment that I slapped her across the face. She yelped and I grabbed her chin and turned her to face me again.

"Look at me!" I shouted. She shied away from me as I pulled up my sleeve and showed her my scars. She looked down at them.

"W-wha?" she stammered.

"You obviously don't know me very well." I said. She looked down at them and gently ran her hands over the scars. "I've stopped for the most part." I explained. "But sometimes I can't help but cut again." I tilted her head up so that her eyes met mine. "I completely understand why you feel like this." I continued. "You probably feel worthless, like you can't do anything right, or that maybe you are a waste of breath, or a complete failure, or-"

"I get it, Shadow!" Kira snapped. Ok, so I went a little overboard there.

"The point I'm trying to make is that I've been there before, and that you're not alone." I said, hugging her.

"Have you ever been to the point of wanting to die?" Kira said skeptically.

"Are you kidding?" I said. "You're talking to a man who tried to hang himself and almost succeeded."

This got her to be quiet and allowed her to listen to me. "Let me help you." I said. "I'll take you to a doctor, or a counselor, let me be something that you can live for."

Kira shook her head. "I don't want to be a burden to you." She whimpered.

"Who ever said that you're a burden?" I asked her. "I love being around you! Your smile warms my heart, you're kind, smart, and your singing voice is beautiful, and before you say anything, yes I was just listening to every single song that you sang, and your voice is wonderfully sweet to listen to."

Kira turned her head away from me. "Who told you that you were a burden to me?" I repeated. She wouldn't answer me, tears threatening to leave her eyes again. "Was it Sally and Rouge?" I asked. Kira sobbed and nodded, refusing to look at me.

I felt a growl rising in my throat. I knew that Rouge and Sally were tormenting Kira, but I hadn't known that they had told her that she was worthless. I hugged her tightly and caressed her face as she sobbed into my fur.

"Listen to me carefully." I said. "You are NOT worthless, you are NOT a burden to me, and you are NOT a waste of breath, ok? I love you, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. You are my precious angel, scarred or otherwise. Listen to me, I'll help you, I will, but you have to let me."

"How can I expect you to help me if you can't even help yourself?" she growled at me as she pulled my sleeves up. I thought for a minute, and realized that she was right. There was no way that I could help her if I kept cutting myself, but what could I do in order to get her to trust me?

Then an idea came to my head.

"What if we set up an accountability system?" I said. She cocked her head over to the side as if she was confused. "I mean we encourage each other not to cut ourselves." I explained. "And if we go a certain amount of days without cutting, we get some sort of reward. How's that sound?"

She remained silent for a moment, as if considering this option. I wrapped my arms around her and gently kissed her forehead, and after a little while, she sighed and looked into my eyes, her sapphire orbs shimmering in the moonlight wet from tears.

"You…really want to help me…don't you?" she said, forcing back sobs. I nodded and she lowered her head. "Suppose that I do agree to this." She said. "What happens if I need some sort of release?"

"You talk to me." I said. "Go blow off some steam or play your guitar. Heck, keep a punching bag in your room if you have to, it works for me."

"And yet you still did it." Kira said.

"I didn't have anyone to talk to about it." Shadow said. "No one understood. But now, I've got you, and you've got me. I will never abandon you or leave you alone, ever."

Kira looked up at me. "I didn't think anyone would want to help me." she said. "That no one cared about me." she sniffled and I wiped her tears away with my thumb. Kira laid her head on my chest and I gently rubbed her back. "Thank you for proving me wrong." She whispered. I smiled, and lifted her chin so that her eyes met mine.

"You're welcome." I said, going to kiss her.

(Normal POV)

They sat for a while and talked until the curfew siren rang. "We should go." Shadow said. Kira nodded, and when she had packed everything in her guitar case, Shadow held his hand out to her and she gladly took it. suddenly, she remembered something.

"Wait! I'll be right back!" she said, running a little ways away. She returned in a few minutes with the knife.

"Kira." Shadow said a warning in his tone of voice.

"I'm just making sure that some kid isn't going to find it and get hurt." Kira said, handing the knife to Shadow. "You keep it so that I'm not tempted." Shadow nodded and took the knife from her. After having put the knife in Kira's guitar case, Shadow took Kira's hand, and the two started walking home.

"Are you sure you're going to be alright?" Shadow asked when they reached Kira's house.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." She said, secretly worried for what her dad will say. Shadow noticed that she felt uneasy, and took her chin in his hand, turning her around to face him.

"Are you sure?" he repeated. Kira nodded. "Ok." Shadow said. "Don't worry about it, ok? We'll get through this together. I promise." He pressed his lips against hers in a sweet goodnight kiss. Neither of them wanted the kiss to end, but it did, and Shadow's eyes fixed themselves on hers when the kiss was over.

"What?" Kira asked, noticing that Shadow was distracted. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just that…" Shadow started, his eyes glued to hers. "I…I wasn't even going to go anywhere near the park today." He shuddered as he said these words, both thinking about what would have happened if he hadn't been there.

"Are you glad you went, though?" Kira asked.

Shadow smiled and kissed her again. "Very glad." He said.

Kira smiled as Shadow started to leave. "Sleep well, my princess." He said, bowing to his love.

"And a good night to you, sir." Kira said, curtsying to Shadow. Shadow started to leave, and then turned around.

"If you need anything, anything at all, I don't care what time it is, you call me, got it?!" he said. Kira nodded, and Shadow smiled at her, then left. Kira stood at the door and looked after him, her heart being lifted by this new hope given to her by her knight in ebony armor.

"He saved me." Kira thought. "I'd be dead if he weren't there, and he cares about me enough to want to help me. I…I'm not alone." She smiled, wiping a tear from her eye. She opened the door and stepped inside, her heart swelling with happiness.

"Shadow, thank you." She thought, heading up to her room. "You've saved me from total oblivion."

THIS IS NOT THE END! There will be a chapter 2, and possibly a chapter 3. STAY TUNED!

I do not own Shadow, Rouge, Sally or any other related characters, SEGA does. Deep Sea Girl belongs to its original author and was originally performed by Hatsune Miku