How Far

Chapter 1

Three years.

She couldn't believe how much time had passed since leaving him, leaving everything behind that ever mattered to her. Nalani pressed her forehead to the glass window, looking outside with a cup of hot tea in her hand. She always had a cup after putting her beautiful children to bed, a soft smile gracing her lips at the thought of them.

Megan and Matthew.

Nalani remembered when she first found out she was pregnant, completely scared out of her mind. It wasn't the happy memory she always envisioned when finding out because, honestly, Nalani had no idea who the father was. She hadn't cheated on her boyfriend either, she was…Nalani immediately pushed that memory out of her mind, vowing to never think of it again. She didn't regret having her children, not even for a second, even though they were possibly conceived out of hate and rage instead of love and passion.

Tears slipped down her cheeks at the memory of leaving the love of her life, her soul mate, the only man who ever fully accepted her for who she was. Even after three years, it still hurt and Nalani didn't know how much more time it would take to heal and forget about him. Hell, she knew deep down she never would and her heart would always belong to the one man she singlehandedly destroyed.

Mark Calaway.

Every night she stayed up wondering about what he was doing, if he was happy and had moved on with his life…if he was safe. That was the most important thing to her was wanting him to be safe. She remembered the way he always smirked at her whenever he had something up his sleeve. How he'd take her for surprise rides in the middle of the night on one of his many motorcycles, only to stop in the middle of nowhere to make love on it. He definitely was a man of full of mystery and surprises, which intrigued Nalani, making her want to know more.

Everything about him set her heart on fire.

Now it was nothing more than an ice cold shell, the only love and feeling she gave was toward her children.

Megan and Matthew both had deep ocean blue eyes that matched their mother. Matthew had honey blonde hair while Megan's was long beautiful auburn red. They were fraternal twins, Megan born three minutes before her brother. Mark was nearly seven feet tall and had long raven black hair with the deepest green eyes she'd ever seen.

They reminded her of emerald stones, especially when they sparkled. Nalani honestly didn't know if Mark was the father, which is one of the many reasons she hadn't told him she was pregnant when she left him three years ago. The twins had just celebrated their third birthday a few days ago and it broke Nalani's heart that Mark wasn't there to see it.

What absolutely crushed her and made the tears fall at night was when the twins asked her about their father. She sent them to a daycare so she could work to support both of them at the local hospital as a receptionist. It wasn't the greatest job in the world, but Nalani had to do what she had to do to survive and support her children. They were her life, all she had left.

Her mother died during childbirth, delivering her younger sister, Nicole, and leaving her father, Michael, completely heartbroken. Olivia was his everything and he was never the same after her untimely death; Nalani knew deep down her father blamed Nicole on some wavelength. Both her sister and father were taken from her five years ago in a robbery that still haunted Nalani's thoughts and plagued her dreams with nightmares.

She met Mark shortly after their deaths and he slowly opened her up again because Nalani thought her spirit died along with her family. Mark showed her that she didn't have to be a shell of her true self. That she could go on living without feeling guilty every single day she was alive.

He taught her to keep moving forward.

Michael Kensington had been a very wealthy man and left Nalani everything, since she was the last heir to his throne so to speak. Instead of taking the money, Nalani donated most of it to every charity she could think of, which included St. Jude's Research Hospital, Give Kids the World, Make-A-Wish Foundation, animal charities, starving children in Africa…the list was endless. In her mind, Nalani didn't deserve the wealth her family left her and knew it would be put to good use.

Of course, her family still had stocks and bonds that she had to keep, but Nalani refused to touch any of it. Instead, she would save it until her children grew up so they could go to the best colleges of their choice. Their education was set in stone, nothing would touch that, Nalani wasn't a total fool. She had kept about five percent of the total inheritance that was left to her, along with the Kensington family mansion, not having the heart to sell it.

Nalani refused to live off of her family's wealth, wanting to make it in the world on her own by working hard, which is what she did at the hospital. She also had a part-time job as a local bartender in downtown Dallas every other weekend. Very grateful she'd found a young woman by the name of Keela to watch the twins while she worked, Nalani also knew she was missing pieces of her children's childhood whenever she left to work.

It was half past two in the morning and Nalani knew she wasn't getting any sleep, too many thoughts swirling around her mind. Mark lived in Houston, though now Nalani didn't know where he was. She shouldn't worry about it because she left for a good reason, a reason that nobody could ever know.

She only knew the truth and that's the way it had to stay, no matter the cost. Nalani knew she would never see him again and never fall in love, which was fine with her. She had the two loves in her life, all she ever needed, though Mark would always be in the forefront of her mind on nights when she slept in a cold bed alone.

Like tonight.

"I love you, Mark." She whispered to the silence, a few more tears falling.

Nalani made it a ritual to say that every night for the past three years and shed tears of guilt, sorrow and pain. She never showed her children the pain she felt, knowing they didn't deserve it. It was bad enough they didn't have a father in their lives and Nalani would never get rid of the guilt, wishing deep down she had stayed with Mark.

"I did the right thing." She clutched the glass in her hand and suddenly set it down, not wanting it to shatter in her grasp.

After going through nine months of her body changing and mood swings alone, Nalani could handle absolutely anything in her life. On top of the pregnancy and interesting cravings –Nalani would never look at pancakes and syrup the same way again-, she never had the comfort and encouragement, having to do it all on her own alone. She had to learn everything from books and her doctors, had to remember not to eat certain foods. To watch her body completely transform from being slender to a big fat beach ball that was ready to burst, Nalani chuckling at the memory.

Finding out she was having twins put a lot of things in perspective for Nalani, such as how much more she valued life. She thought about terminating the pregnancy after leaving Mark because there was a chance he wasn't the father. She didn't want to carry another man's children and thought about having an abortion. Suicide also came to mind, but Nalani was too terrified to go through with it.

It was nine months of hell Nalani wouldn't have traded for anything because, in the end, she got two beautiful angels out of it. They were the reason why she hadn't completely broke down and given up on living life. She had to be strong for her offspring, especially when she first felt them both kick her at the same time, the feeling incredible. It was a feeling and a moment that made Nalani realize she could do anything, that she could raise them on her own without any help.

She could survive.

Needing some air, Nalani pulled on her long sleeved black sweatshirt and walked out on the porch of her two story small house. It was on the outskirts of Dallas, not wanting to live directly in the city, the stars glistening in the sky breathtaking. She always loved Texas, born and raised, so she had a natural golden tan that made her even more beautiful to other eyes. Nalani had beautiful long honey blonde hair and blue eyes that mirrored her deceased mother's. Her father had black hair and green eyes, her younger sister taking after him.

Nalani often thought about her deceased family, hoping they were resting peacefully wherever they were. She wasn't very religious, though she did believe a god existed. Her father had tried shoving the bible down her throat, which is why Nalani refused to do that to her children, wanting them to make their own decisions and beliefs in life. Mark was the same way, an honorable man that worked hard to make a living.

He owned his own security company that specialized in training new cops of the Houston area with weapons. Other companies from all over also called him to install security in their facilities. That included hiring guards and anything else revolving around safety, one of the many reasons Nalani felt safe with Mark. She was terrified after the deaths of her family and didn't trust him at first, but slowly Mark edged his way inside her cold heart and warmed it up again.

The cool air flowed through her hair as Nalani sat on the swing, just enjoying the cool October night. Before she knew it, Christmas would be here and Nalani had all kinds of plans in mind for the twins, smiling at the thought. Again though, that little stab of sadness entered her heart because Mark wouldn't be there to witness their happiness as they opened gifts from Santa.

Nalani often thought about contacting Mark, but knew she couldn't do it…ever. She had to stay away from him, no matter how much her heart and mind screamed at her night after night to make the phone call. Somehow, she knew he wouldn't just pack up and leave Houston, his hometown. He had a very successful business there along with a beautiful house; there was no way he would ever leave his home. She still had his number in her memory and it would always be there, those seven digits burned in her mind.

So deep in thought she was, Nalani didn't realize how long she'd been outside until the buzzer on her phone went off, signaling it was time to get ready for work. Five o'clock in the morning, Nalani would be hurting later on, but knew when the twins went down for their afternoon nap, she could do the same. Heaving a weary sigh, Nalani stood up from the porch swing just as a car pulled up, knowing it was Keela. She immediately wiped at her eyes, not even realizing she'd been crying for the past three hours outside.

"Hey girl, yer up awful early." Keela commented while walking up the stairs, the smile fading from her face. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just didn't sleep well."

Keela knew Nalani for almost two and a half years and she knew the woman had demons that she couldn't quite contain. This wasn't surprising finding Nalani outside on the porch with dried tear streaks on her face. Keela never said anything though, simply giving the woman a comforting embrace.

"Why don't you go take a shower to wake up a little and I'll make some breakfast?" Keela suggested softly, opening the screen door so both of them could walk in. "The kids would love pancakes I'm sure."

Keela watched the twins during the week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday along with every other weekend whenever she worked in downtown Dallas. Nalani didn't want her children exposed to daycare for too long, so she only let them go on Tuesday and Thursday, knowing that would eventually change to also Wednesday. Keela was going to college and she would need Wednesday off, which Nalani could work around. Luckily, the daycare was understanding on her situation and said that Nalani could bring the twins whenever she needed.

After a much needed cool shower to wake up, Nalani stepped out and slipped on a black pencil skirt with a buttoned up baby blue blouse, her hair swept up in a clip that fanned over the top of her head. A few tendrils framed her face delicately as she sat down at the vanity mirror in her bedroom, doing her makeup. It consisted of thin black eyeliner with clear gloss and foundation to hide any blemishes, especially the awful black circles under her eyes.

Nalani could smell the food downstairs that Keela was whipping up, though she wasn't hungry, knowing the twins would eat most of it. They ate like they had tapeworms, definitely determined to eat their dear mother out of house and home. Nalani smiled at the thought of them possibly having Mark's appetite and stood up from the vanity, knowing she had to push him back in the box in her mind until that following night…like always.

Right now, she was a happy, joyful woman that loved everything about her life, especially her twins. She could hear little padding as both of them emerged from their bedrooms, the smell of food waking them no doubt. Nalani slipped her black pumps on and headed downstairs, immediately being bombarded with hugs from both Matthew and Megan. She bent down and kissed each of their foreheads, ruffling their hair, and set them up at the kitchen table.

"That smells incredible, Keela, thanks again."

"No problem, you look like you've woken up more." Keela grinned, her soft brown eyes warm and walked over with a plate full of blueberry pancakes with eggs and sausage. Her brunette locks was currently up in a messy bun away from her face, not wanting to get hair in the food.

"Foooood." Matthew groaned with delight, licking his lips, and immediately dug in as soon as the plate was set in front of him.

"You look pretty mommy." Megan smiled, her blue eyes sparkling with joy as soon as food was set in front of her. "Thankies Kee!"

Keela chuckled softly, winking. "Not a problem, sweetheart." She set down at the table as well, after giving Nalani a plate full of food as well. "You need to eat, Lani."

Nalani sighed and managed a weak smile, swallowing down a few bites. She kissed the twins goodbye and thanked Keela again for all of her hard work, promising to be home no later than three o'clock. Keela told her not to worry about it, knowing how the hospital could be depending on how busy it got.

As Nalani drove away from the house, all she could think about was how different her life would be if Mark was here.