Written for comment_fic on livejournal
The prompt was AU where Zoe is the Captain
Jayne stabbed his knife into the table and looked like he was about to lunge at Mal. "And why the hell are you First Mate anyway, Mal? What the hell makes you so much better?"
The Captain grabbed a nearby gun and knocked Jayne in the chest with the butt of a rifle, sending him falling backwards. She said, "For one thing, he knows his asshole from a hole in the wall. And for another, he acts civilized when I tell him to."
"But never unless so ordered," Mal said, smiling at Inara who rolled her eyes.
Zoe finished, "Go finish your piloting lessons Jayne. Now." Jayne went, grumbling about the injustice of having to learn to fly so the Captain's husband could get more time off. Simon did his best not to smirk as Jayne rubbed the developing bruise on his torso.
Zoe sat at the table then and got herself a bowl of stew, able to relax now that her crew had stopped their nonsense. As she enjoyed her dinner, Kaylee brought her a cup of tea, kissed her on the cheek, and said, "That's my Captain. Always has an answer to everything, and usually the answer is a gun."