Rated: K+ or PG
Genre: Family/Comfort
Summary: Story 3 of Blast series. It's been months since Ellen last spoke to Lois and Clark, and after hearing about CJ she decided to tell her side of the story.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Lois and Clark, except Jordan, Lara, and CJ. They can be quite a handful.
A/N: As some of you can tell all these stories are linked to another, but still reader friendly if you have not read the whole series. You don't have to, to get the idea of this story, but if you want to get the whole scope and universe, then I would recommend reading them in order. Thank you to everyone for reading this series so far and don't forget to review! Enjoy!
Ellen Lane Speaks
By: Erik'sTrueAngel
It was hell.
Lois and Clark were fighting, more so than ever over their son CJ. Lois was worried about her baby and the lack of the "super" in him. He wasn't waking or reacting to the sun in the same way as Lara and Jordan. She wanted Dr. Klein to run some tests, but Clark was against it.
Lois understood his reservations, but it wasn't fair to CJ. True, he was too young to understand what was going on, but if they put it off now then it would always be put off until it was too late.
All because of the fear of the truth:
Would CJ be like his father?
She was positive Clark was afraid he wouldn't be. But… there were other things going on too.
Lois' father had come by the other night for dinner and to see the grandkids. Ellen was missing like usual.
Ever since her mother learned the truth about Clark, Ellen Lane pretty much severed all ties with her daughter. Of course, her father and husband would say Lois was exaggerating with the "severed ties." Ellen knew what was going on in their lives thanks to Sam Lane. He was the bridge that connected both women so they wouldn't be in the dark about the other.
It had to be for the kids, Lois surmised. Ellen loved them (she couldn't imagine her mother not), but she was afraid Ellen chose to stay away because of Lois lying to her about who their father was. Lois hated to think like this, but her children weren't all human. They were half, even Jordan despite being adopted. His biological father was one of the Kryptonian followers of Lord Nor when they invaded Metropolis and left the city in shambles. Fortunately, Superman helped put things right, but some people were still terrorized by the experience.
Especially Jordan's mother—a young girl who wasn't ready to be a mother. Let alone a mother to a Kryptonian child. Lois and Clark were grateful to her for leaving the baby with him, believing they would never be able to have kids, but Jordan's existence proved it could be possible for a human and a Kryptonian to mate. It gave them hope and hope led to the twins—Lara and CJ.
The happiest day of their lives with the birth… only led to complications and the hardest decision that the couple had to make about the future. This led to the reveal to their family and friends. Perry, Alice, and Jimmy handled it well, but Ellen…
Ellen stayed away.
No matter what anyone said, Lois knew it was her fault. They even kept Jordan's Kryptonian origins a secret, and with everything that happened—the premature birth, Lois' hysterectomy, Clark being Superman—the happiest day turned into the worst day in Lois' life. Somehow, all the brushes with death, Lex, Tempus, and their other enemies were a pale comparison to the disappointment and anger on her mother's face. That hurt more than Lois could bear.
She was grateful that her father stuck around. Lois was thrilled that Dr. Sam Lane was spending as much time as he could with her children. He was truly making the effort and amends for his past neglect. Lois couldn't ask for more, but when things between her and her father were working out, her mother was the one who became estranged. She lost one, gained one, and then lost another parent in her life. And the reasons were more heart-breaking.
Sam wanted to do his best to comfort his Princess, but he was at a loss in what to do. Not only with her mother, but also the snip-its he had heard about CJ. Something was wrong, he could tell, even sitting at the dinner table; he could feel the tension in the air between Lois and Clark. Something was definitely wrong.
Before he left, Sam pulled Lois off to the side. "I want to talk to you Lois."
She wondered what her father wanted as he led her to the porch outside. He slid the glass door closed as Lois turned around, her arms crossed. "What is it Daddy?"
He sighed. "Honey, I'm not blind. I know something is bothering you."
"That obvious, huh?"
Sam grinned. "Wanna talk about it?"
Lois sighed, looking down at the ground. "I appreciate your concern Dad, but I don't know—"
"Lois. I know things have been difficult for you. The hysterectomy, your mother…"
"How is Mom?" she whispered.
Sam knew the estrangement between Ellen and Lois was hurting them both. Every time he woke up next to his wife he could see the pain in her eyes as she would stare at the phone or pictures of Lois. He tried to get both of them to talk to one another, but the two women were too stubborn and afraid to make that leap. It killed him to see them like this, especially when he was at a loss on how to get them to reconnect. But it was going on six months and enough was enough.
"She's fine. Could be better," he replied. "She misses you, Clark, and the kids."
"Then why doesn't she come?" Lois asked, a pitiful whine coming out, which made her wince. "Why doesn't she call?"
"Why don't you?" Sam countered.
Lois bit her lower lip. "I did. When it started. You weren't there but I have called and I have stopped at your apartment. She wouldn't see me or talk to me."
"Perhaps you didn't try hard enough."
"I am trying!" Lois hissed. "What has Mother done? Nothing! She could at least meet me halfway but nooo. I'm tired of this Daddy. She can ignore me all she wants, but not the kids. That's what I want. I want her to be in the kids' lives."
"So does she."
"Ah!" Lois groaned. "I don't get her sometimes. She runs hot and cold."
"Just like someone else." Sam pulled his eldest daughter in a hug. "Lois. One of you has to be the bigger person and do whatever it takes to fix this. It's only going to hurt you more."
"I know," she said quietly. "Why can't we ever get this right?"
Sam chuckled. "We wouldn't be the Lanes if we were like other families."
That put a smile on her face. "True. Thanks Daddy."
"You're welcome Princess. Now, what's the other thing?"
"What other thing?"
"Lois." Sam frowned. "I'm your father and I know something is going on between you and Clark. Did you get into a fight?"
"Fight? No, no. We're not—" Looking at the look on his face, she sighed. "Yeah."
"What's going on with CJ?"
She looked at him in surprise. "How—?"
"I'm not blind and I am a doctor. CJ isn't super-developing like his sister."
Lois nodded, fighting back the tears that were glowing in her eyes. "Dr. Klein wants to do some tests and Clark… he doesn't want to believe something is wrong. I don't either but there aren't signs that CJ might be super. He just doesn't respond to the sunlight. I don't know what to do. I want to take CJ myself but I don't want to go behind Clark's back. But ignoring this isn't going to help CJ either."
"No. Ignoring whatever the problem is will not help CJ. What sort of tests does Dr. Klein want to do?"
"He wants to look at CJ's DNA. It'll be an evasive procedure. Just a blood sample."
"Well, no doubt Kryptonite will be involved to get the sample."
"I don't want him to have that exposure. We have no clue if it's harmful to the children like it is to Clark, but Dr. Klein assured me it would be swift and I have no reason not to trust him."
"That certainly is a big risk. Is that why Clark doesn't want to do it?"
Lois shrugged. "Probably. I don't know. He won't talk to me about it."
"Well… knowing Clark. He'll do what's right in the end."
"Somehow, on this, I highly doubt it," Lois muttered unhappily.
Sam gave her a reassuring smile. "You never know, Princess. And this is Clark."
Lois' lips tightened. "Clark can be hard-headed too. So we'll see. But I rather do it now when CJ is younger. What happens when he gets older? 'Gee, Mom, how come I'm not flying too?' I can only imagine how that will affect him."
Sam knew his daughter was right. Ignoring the situation would only make things worse once the kids were older and could speak on their own. He didn't want either of them to have the same regrets as he did.
It was getting cool out and Lois didn't want to be gone for too long so they went back inside the brownstone. Sam said his good-byes to the children, shook Clark's hand, and gave his daughter one last hug.
"Don't give up," he whispered, and then kissed the top of her head.
Lois hugged her father tighter, and whispered back, "I won't."
xxXXxx
The very next day Lois attempted to talk to Clark once more about the tests after another night with the same nightmare. It was always the same. Lois would be giving birth to CJ and every time she would see Clark cradling CJ's little body. It was disturbing her more and more. Yet, instead of talking rationally with her husband, it only led to another heated argument.
"You're overreacting Lois!" Clark exclaimed. "It was just a dream. Nothing is wrong with CJ."
"Just a dream? Clark, I would think by now, you should know that dreams tend to actually happen. Does John Doe ring any bells?"
"It didn't happen in exactly the same thing as the dream."
Lois snorted. "Okay so it was you that went through the window and not me. Doesn't matter. The fact is. You had a nightmare and it came true."
"You already had CJ and he survived. This is nothing but a nightmare."
"I know it is real! CJ may be alive and well, but to what extent? The signs are there Clark! He isn't following Jordan or Lara. We have to take into consideration that CJ might not be a super—"
"He's my son! Of course he is!"
"And he is mine too! Call it mother's intuition, but I want CJ to be checked out. I know it would help me sleep better. Why can't you see this is for the best?"
"Lois. I am not going to have my son tested like some kind of… like some…"
"Like what Clark?" The glint in her eyes was challenging him to say the one word she loathed to hear.
His body shook, and then, Clark lowered his head. "Forget it. I didn't mean—" He stopped as a familiar look appeared on his face.
Lois noticed, and at once started protesting. "Don't you dare Clark. Not when we're having this conversation—"
He gave her an apologetic look and was gone before she could finish. Lois could only stare at the empty space in front of her. Couldn't they for once finish an important conversation without him doing a Hero thing?
Sighing, Lois fell back on the couch and covered her face. She was grateful the children were over at the Whites', but this has to stop. Lois knew she couldn't keep having these arguments with Clark anymore. It would only be a matter of time for the children to sense something, and the last thing Lois wanted was a repeat of her childhood with her being in her mother's shoes.
It sent a chill down her spine.
No. God, I refuse to let that happen! If it's the last thing I do. I will not have us become my parents.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Wondering who could it be, Lois got up to answer it. Who she saw was the last person she ever expected to see.
"Mother?"
"Who else?" Ellen Lane said her hands up in the air and a ghost of a smile playing on her lips. "Hello Lois."
Lois stood there completely dumbfounded. It had been too long. Too long since she last saw her mother and she couldn't simply believe her eyes. Was this even real?
She must have said it allowed since Ellen replied, "This is real sweetheart." Followed by, "Now, could you please let me in? I'm freezing my pa-tootie off."
"Um, right. Right. C-come in." She held the door opened as Ellen walked in, taking off her leather gloves and her coat. When she noticed Lois was still staring at her with the door still opened, Ellen clicked her tongue.
"Close the door Lois. You're going to get yourself and the children sick… is it possible? For the children I mean."
"We don't—they're not here."
"Ah. Well, good. Clark?"
"Superman."
Ellen nodded knowingly. "Right. I think we should sit, don't you agree?"
The older woman moved over to the sofa and laid her winter cover over the armrest. She patted the spot next to her.
That broke the spell.
"You're here! My God, you're actually here!" Lois exclaimed. "How? No, scratch that. I know how, but why? And now?"
"I heard about CJ."
"Daddy told you?"
Ellen nodded. "That's when I realized this had to stop. I wanted to see my baby girl again and my beautiful grandchildren and there was no way I could do that sitting in my apartment."
Lois swayed. "I n-n-need to sit."
Ellen scooted over so Lois could sit down. Taking a couple of deep breaths, Lois turned to gaze at her mother. "I can't believe this is happening."
"I know but it is happening. I'm here and so are you."
"Last time. The last time I saw you was in the hospital. I thought… I thought I would never see you again when you walked out."
Looking in her lap, Ellen whispered, "I thought so too."
"I'm going to need an aspirin," Lois mumbled. There was a rustle and a shake, and one was resting on Ellen's palm.
She muttered a "thank you" and swallowed it dry. "Okay. What do we do now?"
"I think it will be best if I did all the talking. You're still in shock."
Lois didn't bother to argue. Between what transpired between her and Clark, and on top of that seeing her mother after six months… that was a lot to wrap her head around.
"All right. Well, first, I wanted to tell you that I am no longer mad at you or Clark. I've passed that hurdle some time back so don't think that I am angry or anything. Actually, to be honest, I was over it when I left the hospital."
Lois instantly sobered. "You're not mad? Why haven't you said anything beforehand? Why didn't you come to visit when Daddy did? Why didn't you call? Why—?"
"Always the reporter. I don't mean it in a bad way, but let me explain now that I have finally worked up the nerve to come here in the first place. I think after you might understand why.
"Back at the hospital… I was terrified out of my wits when I was told you had gone into labor at S.T.A.R. Labs. All I kept thinking was how it was too soon for those babies to come to this world and I was frightened for you, for Clark, for Jordan. I wished I was notified when it happened right away, because the last thing I expected was to show up and find out that everything was over. Grant it, everyone was healthy by the time your father and I did show up, but that didn't take away my worry or fear. You will learn that a mother's fear for her child will never go away, not even when your child is an adult and can take care of herself. It won't. So when I walked into that room I never had been so relieved to see you and the babies were all right. Yet, as relieved as I was, I knew something was up. I know I sometimes I may act like I'm oblivious, but truthfully, I was preparing myself.
"I wasn't ready to hear the bad news. Not yet. Not until I was truly satisfied that you and the babies were well. I needed that assurance. And the twins… so beautiful. I couldn't get over how they looked like you and Clark. I have no doubt that Lara will have that famous Lane stubbornness. I could sense it. But when I saw them… I knew they weren't preemies. My initial thought was that your incompetent doctor got the dates all wrong, but in my gut, deep down; I knew there was more to it. After all, you always had some excuse why I couldn't go to any of your appointments. I knew you were leaving something out. I knew but I didn't push you. Hard to believe, I know. Ellen Lane not pushing someone, but I wanted to be better. I didn't want to be pushy Ellen Lane. I kept telling myself that either you or Clark would say something if there was an issue. I trusted that.
"The hysterectomy was the last thing I expected to hear. I was devastated. You're too young for that. It wasn't fair. How could that happen to my baby? As upset as I was, I knew there could be worse things and I was thankful there wasn't any other complications…
"But it wasn't over. On top of knowing that my daughter will not be able to have kids anymore, I also find out that my son-in-law is Superman. Superman! I thought this had to be some kind of joke. Yet, there was you and Clark going on and on. I knew it couldn't be a joke after all.
"What happened after… I am ashamed and I regret nearly everything I said. I still do. But I can't take it back. When I left, I was over my anger. The only thing I wasn't over was the pain and the distrust from you. I was stung that you kept this from me. I'm not going to delude myself in thinking I was ever Mom of the Year and I never will. However, it literally felt like I was stabbed in the back. I know my past behavior had put a strained over us, but I thought that you would be able to tell me something of that magnitude. I didn't think we would keep secrets from each other anymore. I went through that once with my husband and I still have the wounds and some of those will never heal, but I never once imagined that it would happen between you and me. I didn't expect that from you.
"I suppose I was mad at myself too. No, not suppose. I still am. I'm mad that I let this happened. Maybe I deserve it. Who knows? But it did wake me up about my life. I was living partly in a fantasy world and I failed to notice how I pushed my daughters far apart from me. Lucy moving away to a different state would have been a big enough clue. No… And with you being so close to Martha. Again, Ellen, there's a sign! But in my world, it was not perfect, but I believed you and I became good friends. Things were going so great! I was babysitting Jordan and we've gone shopping and go out for lunch or dinner… and I knew at last this family was repairing itself. At last, you and I were having that mother-daughter bond.
"Until I realized that not everything was black and white. There were still all these shades of gray and I didn't bother to see them. It was my fault. I'll take that blame.
"Even staying away and not calling was also a bad idea. Yet, at the time, I thought I was making the best decision for everyone. It killed me not seeing you and the kids, but I was afraid that I would somehow unintentionally ruin whatever security they have. I certainly did a number on you and your sister, and I could never forgive myself if the same happened to my grandchildren. I'm not the best role model or influence and I felt it would be best for everyone's sake that I was not in the picture. Luckily, your father would always tell me how everyone was doing and what was going on so I felt I was a part of your lives, even though I wasn't around physically. Silly of me, I know, but I thought that was what you would have wanted. If I could do something right and make you happy, even if it meant removing myself from the picture, then I was going to do it.
"Your father tried convincing me on how absurd I was behaving and what I was doing. Of course, I didn't believe him. I didn't want to. I didn't want to hear him tell me that you were just as unhappy as I was. Then when he told me about CJ… something inside of me snapped. You were hurting and your pain was worse than mine. I had no reason to be moping when you were suffering. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let my fears, my worries, my insecurities control me. It had to stop. I had to let them go and step up. Even if I got rejected, at least I tried. In fact, I was planning on staying on that stoop until you let me in. I was done running away."
While Ellen spoke, she had become someone different. It took Lois awhile, but she recognized this person. This was her mother—the real Ellen Lane, raw and uncensored. Every single emotion that she kept concealed was finally revealed for her daughter to see as she was doing the most difficult thing in the world: telling the truth.
The truth was hard for the Lanes. No one could say something that was completely one-hundred percent true. There has to be some kind of fabrication somewhere. Lois was good for adding white lies or twisting the facts to suit her needs, but it wasn't until Clark that Lois had to own up to the truth. It wasn't easy and she struggled, which she knew it would be for the rest of her life. Some part of Lois will always tell a fib. Yet, there was Ellen Lane overcoming the Lane's natural instinct to lie. And the fact it was nothing but the truth hit the mark in Lois' heart. Her mother was being sincere, something that Lois hadn't seen in a long time.
Tears streamed down Lois' face, mirroring that of her mother's, and when Ellen stopped both women were in each other's arms. Words weren't necessary at the moment.
They remained like that when Clark returned. He couldn't believe what he saw—his mother-in-law and his wife sitting side-by-side, hands clasped together as they sobbed like long lost relatives. If anything, that was what they were. A long lost mother and daughter who finally reunited after years of separation. Seeing them together brought a sense of warmth to his heart. This was what his wife always wanted—a reconciliation with her mother.
Clark didn't want to disturb them, contemplating that he might do another patrol around the city, but that flew out the window when Jordan burst through the front door. The young boy took a good look at the guest on the couch with his mother and cried, "Grandma!"
He charged towards Ellen and leapt into her lap. "Grandma! I missed you!"
Jordan's speed took Ellen by surprised, but she laughed in delight. "I missed you too! So, so much! Where are your brother and sister?"
On cue, Alice and Perry walked in with a carrier in each hand. "Clark, I swear that boy gives me a run for my money," Perry laughed, handing Lara over to her father. "He—" The old news-dog paused as he caught sight of Ellen. "Well, well. I guess Alice and I will see you and Lois later then. Bye Jordan!"
"Bye bye Grandma Alice! Bye bye Grandpa Peary!" Jordan chirped.
Perry gave Clark a subtle wink and Alice beamed as they exited quietly. For a minute, the room was silent except for the twins' babbling and Jordan's exclamations of joy of seeing his grandparent. Then:
"Grandma, how come you didn't come anymore?" Jordan asked, his inquisitive blue eyes searching her face. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Good heavens no! And don't you think that! It was a mistake Grandma made and one that I will never ever happen again. I promise."
"Do you pinky promise?"
Ellen chuckled as she held out her pinky. "I pinky promise."
Jordan's smile practically lit up the room as did Lois'. Hugging Jordan to her chest, Ellen motioned Clark to come closer. "Now Clark, bring those babies over so I can see them!"
Clark did and Ellen couldn't help but coo at the youngest Kents. They were darling and she couldn't believe how much they have grown. She missed so much and she made a silent vow that she would never leave anyone in her family behind.
Ellen stayed for dinner. She also stayed for dessert. She stayed until it was time for bedtime.
"I'll get them ready," Lois volunteered. "You two can keep talking." Even though Lois didn't want to leave her mother, she knew that Ellen needed to talk to Clark as well.
"You sure?" Clark asked.
Lois smiled. "I'm positive. Jordan can be my helper."
"I love helping!" Jordan chimed. "I'm the bestest helper in the world!"
The adults grinned as Lois hoisted each twin to her hips and Jordan followed behind. When they were out of sight, Ellen turned to face Clark so she could look at him directly. It was somewhat comical to find Clark nervous, especially since he was Superman. Nervousness wasn't a something that Ellen would associate with the Man of Steel, but that showed how human… how Clark he really was. Ellen liked that.
"Relax Clark. I'm not going to chew your head off."
Clark bit back a laugh. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time that a Lane chewed my head off."
Both shared a secret grin since Lois was the one that came to mind. "It does take a strong man to be a part of this family, I'll tell you. And Lois is so lucky to have you in her life."
Touched, Clark couldn't help but nod. "I'm lucky that I'm with her."
"I know. And I know that you will treat her well. Better than what her father had treated all of us. You're a good man Clark."
"Ellen—"
"I've already talked to Lois, but I also wanted to talk to you as well. There's something I want you to understand about me. Something I'm not proud of, but it needs to be said."
She proceeded to tell Clark why she stayed away, but she also included how her husband's infidelity had a play in her decision.
"I wasn't the same person anymore when I lost Sam. I had become a stranger, even to myself, when I started drinking. I didn't like it, but it helped to dull my senses so I couldn't feel anything. It was unbearable. The pain was a gaping hole in my chest. I wasn't a strong person then. I wasn't strong for my daughters when they needed me. Instead, I gave into my weaknesses. I'm fortunate to say that I didn't touch a drop after the incident at the hospital. I thought about it, but I didn't drink."
Ellen took a deep breath. "It was hard. But I survived. That counts for something, huh? It's just… Clark I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. When Sam left, I turned to myself when I should have focused on my girls. I was so focused on my pain that I barely noticed theirs. And I would give anything to go back and do things differently."
Clark didn't respond. He didn't have to, and Ellen patted his knee softly. "I know you'll make the right decision Clark."
He didn't have to ask her what she meant by that statement. The whole family knew and he was the only one who wasn't willing to accept it. He looked at Ellen and he knew this wasn't the same woman he met several years back. And she was right.
With CJ, he was afraid. If CJ wasn't like him… It would certainly be a bitter irony. After all, Clark spent most of his life wanting to be normal and now there was a chance that his son will not have the same abilities as he does. He was fearful that CJ might come to resent him or even himself for not being like his siblings.
But what Ellen said… he kept thinking about it throughout the night. He knew what he had to do now. He gazed down at CJ's sleeping form and knew this was the right thing to do. In the morning, he will tell Lois. For now, he wanted to watch his son sleep blissfully unaware of what Fate had in store for him.
The End