The first chapter of my Boosh fanfic :)

I do not own The Mighty Boosh, the gorgeous Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt do! :D

It's 6:05 am, and I've gotta get up. I only went to bed a few hours ago, I was at a party with Leeroy, but if I wanna look my best (which of course I do, I'm Vince Noir – best is the only look I have!) I need to get up now. Although, a few minutes more couldn't do any harm I guess...

"VINCE! GET UP! NOW! It's 8:30 and we've got to open up the shop at 9:00!"

Oh shit. I over slept. And now Howard's mad at me, and I only have half an hour to get ready. How the hell am I supposed to do my hair, make-up AND get dressed in half an hour? Looks like I better make a dash to the bathroom...

"What time do you call this Sir? It's over an hour past opening time!" Howard asked, whilst glaring at me with those tiny eyes of his.

"I over slept, ok? I was planning to get up around six, I promise, but then I was just so tired... And you know how long it takes me to get ready in the morning!" I always seem to ramble on when I'm in trouble, especially with Howard. It never seems to do any good though!

"Well that's all your own fault isn't it? If you hadn't gone out last night, then you wouldn't have been so tired this morning would you? And it only takes you so long to get ready in the morning because you're such a girl! Look at me – I am what you see, no make-up, poncy clothes or products on me my friend. I'm Howard Moon!"

"Yeah, well, I'm Vince Noir and this is my look. I need my make-up and my Rootbooster! And my clothes are amazing!"

"You don't need all that stuff Vince. You look wonderful no matter what you put on your face or hair!"

This made me stop and stare at Howard. Did he just say I look wonderful? This was definitely not a Howard Moon thing to say... He normally told me a looked like a girl or an electro-ponce or something! How do I react to this? Does this mean he fancies me? Cuz I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that... I mean – he's a VERY attractive man, especially when he has a beard, but I normally date girls, and Howard Moon is about as far away from a girl as you can get!

Eventually I managed to string together a reply.

"Wonderful? Have you SEEN me in the mornings? It's not a good look! Not everyone can pull of the "natural" look, plus I'd probably need to own considerably more brown shirts if I was gonna pull of your style."

I hoped this sounded jokey, as that was the only way I could deal with this until I found out Howard's true feelings. What am I on about? True feelings? He's Howard; of course he doesn't have feelings for me!

"Oh shut up Vince, you know you always look great. Why else would there be so many screaming girls outside the shop? And this shirt is not brown, it's aggressive nutmeg."

"I forgot about them! Hi girls!"

"Vince! Work? Or had you forgotten about that too?"

"Howard, we have no customers... What even is there for me to do round here?"

I gestured to the empty shop, reminding Howard of the fact that Nabootique was only ever popular when I set up my celebrity tagging system; something Howard had banned me from doing again... something about it ruining his jazz vibe or something.

"You could be cleaning little man. The cobwebs are verging on cobcastles!"

"Howaaaaard... You know cleaning's not my thing... If I got something in my hair, the world could end! I mean seriously, this hair takes a lot of time and it would not be improved by a spiders home. Ooo, unless I was going for the Miss Havisham look... I should try that one!"

Howard looked less than impressed.

"Stop worrying about what you look like and do some blooming work!"