Parte Intera
She has Antonio's green eyes and Bella's rosy cheeks.
It hadn't bothered Lovino at first. He's been as enthusiastic as Antonio. He had been the first to hold the baby, look down, and see his world.
He thought, 'Finally, we're having a family.'
They had been together for so long, living with each other. They have never been married. but hey, who cares? They considered themselves married, anyway. They bought rings, committed themselves to each other, live under the same roof…shared a life.
But he could see it in Antonio; the longing.
Children.
It was something they had never talked about, since they couldn't have any of their own. But as their friends started to have their own families, adopted or not, he could feel Antonio's longing. As Lovino watched Antonio lift Elizaveta's child, he realized he wanted it, too.
They applied for adoption, places after places. Feliciano and the others helped them, all the while continuing their lives.
Finally, they had a young teeenage girl agree to let them adopt her baby.
He remembered thinking they were so damn lucky , holding Antonio's hand when they were outside the delivery room, endless possibilities racing through his mind, his eyes meeting Antonio's gleeful ones…
But she changed her mind. She kept the baby.
They were back to square one, and when they came home that day, Antonio tried to reassure him that it'll be fine, even when they both know that it's Antonio that needs the reassurance.
He just hugged him when they curled up in bed that night, Antonio silent and unmoving.
He felt his heart breaks over and over.
They started again, from the very top.
But when Bella came to visit them one time, an idea occurred to Lovino.
Surrogacy.
Bella remained to be single, until this time; All of them was worried about her since her brother died, offering to help her. But whenever it was brought up, she'll just snort at them, cross her arms, and say,
"I could live on my own. Thanks, though."
When Lovino suggested this to the both of them, he expected them to laugh awkwardly, hit him, or just leave altogether. The looks he recieved instead sent him a little over the edge.
"But…who would be the father?"
Lovino snorts.
"Tomato bastard, of course."
It's a flawless sense in his head. Antonio wanted this child, more than anything else. It's perfect.
And Lovino wanted to see that gentleness in Antonio's face when he finally holds his own child.
It'll be perfect.
"Are you really sure…?"
He nodded to Antonio, and he squeezed his hand.
"Of course."
Antonio brought the small hand to his lips, lightly kissing the tips of Lovino's fingers. A cheeky grin spread across his lips.
"So what do you say, Bella? Will you have our baby?"
She agreed.
They offered to compensate Bella, but she declined, saying that she wanted to do this for them.
But after a few more pestering, she finally agreed that they pay for her life expenses during the duration of the pregnancy.
They brought her to their house, where she stayed in the guest room, which later would be the nursery. They attended birthing classes and read infant books together. Antonio and Lovino made sure that Bella is comfortable.
Her appointments went off without any complications, and after a few weeks. it's finally confirmed; she was pregnant.
Months and months rolled by, and before he knew it, Lovino is in the delivery room, and he was holding that precious baby girl. Big green eyes stared up at him curiously, as he lightly brushed the little tuft of dark hair on her head.
She was the most beautiful thing.
"Do you want to hold her?"
Antonio carefully adjusted her on his arms, his face barely containing his excitement. He beamed, grinning widely, delicately caressing the baby.
"Lovi, we have a child!"
He smiled at him.
"We do."
He looked at Bella, who is still looking exhausted, but she smiled at him.
"She's beautiful."
"Thank you, Bella."
"Thank you too, both of you."
The first night they brought the baby home, she slept between them. They both tried to sleep, but they ended up staying up most of the night just watching her.
Lovino couldn't stop just watching them. His family.
His very own family.
The first months were hard. They have to frequently squeeze her into their schedule, and they were completely busy.
Bella came over any time she could to help; they wanted to make sure she was involved in the baby's life as much as possible. After all, she was her mother. Whenever she comes, Antonio and Lovino could at least rest. It made it easier, even a just a little.
Once, when Lovino was rocking the baby back and forth, he said,
"You're going to make me old."
But he was smiling, nonetheless.
But for all the stress, it was all more than worth it when she finally looked up at him and said, "Dada!"
Those weird little pangs Lovino felt in his chest came back as he saw all those things that reminded him of Antonio and Bella. He could see the way she was like the perfect combination of her parents (her real ones?) –
And how she'll never be anything like him.
It hurts when he first realized it, but he pushed it back. It was his own idea; He'd known this would be the outcome, from the start. He had been prepared for this, hadn't he? Even if she wasn't made from him, she was still his little girl. He raised her, he loved her (god he loved her so much ), so that meant she was his daughter, right?
Right?
As she continues to grow year after year, each time the differences becoming more and more glaringly obvious. His heart ached in tandem with the years, and finally when she was six years old, she asked the question Lovino never wanted to answer.
"Why do I have two daddies and one mommy?"
The four of them gathered together in the living room, their little girl between him and Antonio on the couch and Bella across from them on a chair. Lovino tried to explain it as best as he could.
"You see, Papa and I love each other very much, and one day we decided we wanted to have a baby. But only a girl and a boy can make a baby. Since both Papa and Daddy are boys, we didn't have all the parts to make you. So Mommy let Papa borrow her parts, and together they made you. That's why they're your mommy and papa. And I'm your daddy because…"
He swallowed thickly,
"… Because… I'm…" Both of them shot him a worried look. "… Because Daddy loves you very much. Do… Do you understand, sweetie?"
She looked up at him, her face scrunched up in obvious confusion, but after a moment it relaxed and she nodded.
"I think so…"
The years continued to roll by, and everyday he grew to love their little girl more, and the pain in his heart would come back harder and more painful.
She's ten now. Lovino sits behind her on Antonio's and his bed, slowly brushing her hair. Her hair is long and dark (like Antonio's), and Lovino has taken a liking to playing with it.
Setting the brush aside, he takes another moment to finger the soft strands.
"All right, sweetie, turn around."
She obediently turns to face him, green eyes strikingly clear, (like Antonio's, again) staring up at him. He grabs some clips (cute little bow ones, from Bella), and brushes her bangs to the side to pin them off. He sits back to admire his handy work, taking in the features of her face–
Antonio's eyes, Bella's nose, Antonio's lips, Bella's cheeks, Antonio's jaw, Bella's ears, and none of it was his, and it hurts, it hurts so much—
His hand isn't as steady as he would like as he tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"Y-You look so pretty, dear."
She smiles so brightly. "Thanks, Daddy— Daddy? Daddy, why are you crying?"
The tears slip down his cheeks, like he's sprung a leak somehow, and he can't stop. He can see them everywhere in her, but not him, he's not a part of her at all.
He reaches forward to cup her face between his hands, kissing atop her head. She's still looking up at him, confused and maybe a little scared.
She shouldn't be seeing him cry like this.
"I'm sorry, dear , I'm sorry, Daddy's fine. I just… I just…"
He rests his head on top of hers, his secret finally whispering past his lips.
"I wish you were mine."
Her arms wrap around his waist squeezing tightly, like a lifeline.
"But I am yours! R-Remember, you said so!"
He silently wraps his own arms around her, tears still streaming down his cheeks, pulling her close. She presses harder.
"E-even… even if Daddy didn't make me, I'm still yours! And Papa said…" Lovino pulls back slightly to look down at her, a look of surprise covering his face, "Papa said you did help make me because… you gave me half of your heart -"
She clutches above her own -
"…And all of your love. Right, Daddy?"
He stares down at her, this beautiful young girl, his daughter.
He cries even harder, but this time there's a smile on his face.
"You're right, you're right."
Lovino clutches her to his chest, burying his face in her hair.
"Thank you."
[A/N
This is based off of a Durarara! Fanfic. I sent the author a message for his/her permission already, so~
Sorry for the mistakes. It's late, I'm crying, I'm thinking of deactivating and I am tired. I'll get back to them sooon.
I own nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
]