I'm so scared that the way that I feel,
Is written all over my face.
When you walk into the room,
I wanna find a hiding place.
We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do.
But now, a smile and a touch of your hand,
Just makes me come unglued.
Such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth.
Is it fact or fiction,
Oh the way I feel for you.
I cast a glance at him. Everyone -including him- were asleep. I knew I should sleep too, more than likely we'd be off on another case as soon as the plane landed, but I couldn't give up this rare opportunity to stare. He was beautiful. He truly was. Everyone saw him as awkward, weird, even, but I didn't. None of us on the plane did. He was simply Spencer Reid. With long hair, long, soft, run-your-fingers-through-it gorgeous brown hair. His eyes were a deep brown, lose-yourself-in-them brown. His skin was pale, which only accented his beauty. Whenever he would look at you, you felt like he knew everything about you, like he could see your very soul. I hope he can't see what I was thinking though. I loved him, I knew I did. It was difficult not too. Every time he looked at me, I felt like I was melting, my heart would race, my breath would catch.
I worried over this night and day. I worked with profilers for crying out loud! You can't hide anything from them. No one ever said anything though. So either they didn't care or they were willing to leave me alone. At any rate, they would probably reject the idea that their media liaison was in love with one of their own. Especially with Spence, who couldn't even look a girl, whom he didn't know, in the eye. Spence and I were just friends. We laughed and joked the way we would around Emily or Morgan or Garcia. Just friends.
So complicated,
I'm so frustrated.
I wanna hold you close,
I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go,
I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it?
Should I tell you how I feel?
Oh, I want you to know.
But then again, I don't.
It's so complicated.
We all had a place in this strange little family of ours. Snoring Aaron Hotchner was the head of house. He was the bad parent, the one who grounded you, made you do chores and definitely made you eat the icky green vegetables. When we had Jason Gideon, we had the good parent, the comforting, I understand, you can get through this, you only have to eat half of the icky green vegetables, good parent. Now we had David Rossi. He was another Hotch. Except with Rossi after you ate the horrible vegetables, he was the parent who would give you more. Derek Morgan was the big, strong older brother. He watched and worried over his younger siblings, and was always there with a smile and inappropriate joke. He was the one everyone looked up too. Spencer Reid was the shy one. The one who was socially awkward, stuck close to home, the one everyone was allowed to fuss over. A prime candidate for teasing, and the one you always woke in the middle of the night when you were having problems.
Emily Prentiss was a cross between the best mother in the world and the snobby older sister who threw something at you anytime you dared to look at her. She was fun, and easy to be around, but sometimes she would get this look in her eye that made you want to run for cover. Penelope Garcia was like the girl next door who practically lived at your house, so you counted her as a sister. She had first started coming over because she was stalking your older brother -Morgan- and stayed because of the good food (she didn't have to eat the green vegetables). When Elle had been here, she was definitely the snobby older sister. The one who was better at everything, the one who got all of the guys, knew all about make-up and, if someone harmed her little sister, they would get their ass kicked.
In this strange little family, I couldn't be sure where I fit in. Was I another Penelope Garcia, who only comes over because she's obsessed with your brother? Was I something else entirely? While I was quite sure I wasn't stalking Spence like Garcia was stalking Morgan (I have seen her photo shopped pictures and that is something I will never get out of my mind), and while I was sure I was in love with him, I was also sure he didn't know.
Same old Spencer Reid. Completely oblivious.
Oh . . . just when I think I'm under control.
I think I finally got a grip.
Another friend tells me that,
My name is always on your lips.
They say I'm more than just a friend,
they say I must be blind.
Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye.
Oh, It's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess.
But think of what I'd be losing, if your answer wasn't yes.
"Please tell me that you've hooked up with Reid!" Emily complained, coming to sit next to me on the couch.
"What? And I thought you were asleep." I replied, startled.
"I was asleep. And you heard me. I've seen the way the boy looks at you. He'd follow you around like a lost puppy if he wasn't scared of rejection. And I've also been up long enough to see you staring at him with that dreamy expression on your face." Emily attempted a blank eyed stare.
I gently shoved her arm, not wanting her to scream and wake up the team. "I think the profiler is a little too tired." I told her.
Emily yawned. "Maybe, but I'm not wrong."
"Emily, Spence and I are just friends." Unfortunately, said a voice in my mind.
"Really?" Emily raised her eyebrows in her classic "I-know-something-you-don't-know" way. "Why don't you call him Reid? And don't say it's because his name is 'Spencer' because you don't call Morgan by his first name."
"Spence is different from Morgan." I argued, mentally cringing when Emily got that look in her eye.
"Different how?" Her tone reminded me a little of one of those psychiatrists who knew they had just caught onto something big.
"You know. He's Spencer Reid. The youngest one, the one who always seems to be a target. All of us know how to take care of ourselves, but when Spence picks up a gun you're always thinking, please, God, oh please, don't let him shoot himself, or any of us."
"So you see him as vulnerable? Is there a maternal instinct to take care of him?"
"If I say yes will this talk end any sooner? Normal mothers aren't in love with their sons the way you've deluded yourself into thinking I love Spence." I really hoped that no one was going to wake up, and that she was too tired to see through the lie.
"Just so you know, JJ," Emily said, as she stood to return to her chair to sleep, "Denial is just a river in Egypt. Reid's already accepted that. You should too."
What the hell did she mean by 'Reid has already accepted that'? Has she talked to him? Did he feel the same way? I grabbed at my hair in frustration, then noticed Emily peering at me from around the side of her seat. I waved at her and laid down on the couch.
So complicated I'm so frustrated,
I wanna hold you close,
I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go,
I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel.
Oh I want you to know, but then again I don't,
It's so complicated.
I woke up to the jet hitting the runway. I shot up, wide-eyed. It took me a moment to remember where I was. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulled out a mirror, made sure I looked acceptable and stood. As media liaison, I had to look presentable at all times, you never knew when the press would show up. Morgan was stumbling his way off the plane in a drunken way when I reached for my bag, the same moment Spence reached for his. Our fingers touched, and we both pulled back. I felt like I had just been hit with a bolt of lightning. The feeling that had run through me was nothing I had ever felt before.
I smiled, as though I hadn't felt anything, and said, "Good morning, Spence."
"H-h-hi, JJ." Spence squeaked, looking nervous.
I reached for my bag and passed him his. "Did you sleep well?"
"As well as one can on the jet." He replied.
"Let's hope we have time to sleep at home. Do you need a ride?" I offered. Sometimes I drove him, it was on my way, and it gave me an excuse to be near him without the team giving me strange looks. None of us wanted Spence unleashed on the unsuspecting road.
"Thanks, JJ, that would be great."
"Awesome." I grinned at him, and then something occurred to me. "Spence, can you put the bags in the backseat or the trunk? I need to catch up with Emily and ask her something before she leaves."
"Of course." He answered. I handed him my keys and bag.
"Thanks, this will only take a second." I ran off after Emily and managed to grab her arm before she got into her car.
She took one look at me, and said, "Have a hot date with Reid?"
I felt like growling at her. Have I ever mentioned how I hate profilers? "Emily, about last night, you were right about what you said."
"Of course I was. Honey, it's Reid. He's not going to push or anything. You can take this at your own pace." She yawned.
"Right, sorry about delaying you."
Emily yawned again. "No problem, but next time, call Garcia." Emily climbed in her car and drove away as I made my way back into my car, where Spence was sleeping in the passenger seat.
I grabbed my keys off the driver's seat before sitting down. I put them in the ignition, and headed toward Spence's apartment. The drive was quiet, and I spent most of my time glancing at Spence. His face was mashed against the side of the glass and his mouth was open. He looked adorable.
I stopped in front of his building. I reached over and gently shook him. "Spence, Spence, wake up. Time to go home." Spence opened his eyes and yawned, stretching. He looked out the window and noticed where we were.
"Thanks again, JJ." He said, and hesitated. "W-would you like to come in for coffee?"
I smiled. He was so sweet. My brain started yelling at me: SAY YES! GO INTO THE APARTMENT! GO NOWWWWW! "I would love to Spence, but, we just came off a long case, and I didn't sleep well on the jet . . ." He looked so disappointed, it broke my heart. I looked at the clock. It was almost six thirty A.M. "What about we go out for lunch instead? I'll pick you up around twelve-thirty?" I asked.
He brightened immediately. "Yeah, that would be great. I'll see you then, JJ." Spence smiled so much I thought his face would split in two.
"I'll see you then, Spence." My love, I thought as I watched him go inside. Just before he shut the door he turned around and waved.
Oh, I hate it.
'Cause I've waited.
So long for someone like you
Oh, what do I do. Oh should I say it.
Should I tell you how I feel.
I want you to know, but then again I don't.
It's so complicated . . .
It's so complicated . . .
It's so complicated.
Ohh . . .
I don't own Criminal Minds. The song is Complicated by Carolyn Dawn Johnson, and I don't own that either..
~DI4MGZ~