Title: The Darkest Side Of Me
Author: Kyra
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it! If I did, I probably wouldn't be writing fanfiction. The song used is 'Animal I Have Become' by Three Days Grace.
Summary: Dean needs someone to help him tame the animal that he's become after his stay in Hell. Connor/Dean Slash.
Pairing: Connor/Dean
Spoilers: Spn – Through the end of Season 3. AtS – Up through Season 5's 'Origins'.
Warnings: SLASH!!!!!! If you don't like it, don't read it.
A/N: This is the second story in the One-X Series. It can be read as a sequel to 'Rather Feel Pain' or as a stand-alone fic.
A/N2: Another that I wrote a while back and posted on TtH cos its explicit and finally decided to go ahead an post here.
ConnorDeanConnorDeanConnorDeanConnorDean
Dean slowly and quietly closed the door to the motel room behind him so that he wouldn't wake Sam. He had left a note on Sam's bedside table letting his brother know that he was going out and would be back later, that he just needed some air.
He knew Sam was worried about him but there wasn't much he could do about it. He knew he was different, darker than he had been before his stint in Hell. But then again, six months of torture would do that to a person. More often than not, he had to forcibly remind himself that he wasn't there anymore; that Sammy had gotten him out. A lot of the time, he felt like he was still in Hell, like he couldn't escape. He hardly slept anymore, and when he did he was plagued with nightmares, reliving his time in Hell.
I can't escape this Hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Sam had saved him nearly three months ago now and Dean was still struggling to readjust to being alive once more. He could feel the darkness that had tainted him in Hell, could feel it inside of himself just begging to be released. He could hear it whispering to him, all of the ways that he could hurt someone, how good it would feel to just give in. He felt like an animal. There were times, when the whispers were loudest, nearly yelling in his head, when he would rush to a mirror just to be sure that his eyes were still green and not a demonic inky black.
He tried to hide this darker side of himself from Sam as much as possible, but knew that his brother had caught glimpses of it more than once. Dean knew that he'd never be able to change the fact that the darkness was there, just hope to control it, tame it. He had nightmares where he gave into the whispers, to the darkness, and would normally wake up screaming and spend at least half the day trying to convince himself that that wasn't the real him; that he'd never do anything like that.
So what if you can see
The darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe
It's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
This animal, this animal!
Dean walked into the bar across town from the motel and glanced around for a second before heading to the bar and ordering a shot of whiskey. He slammed the whiskey back and motioned for another then paused and just motioned for the bartender to leave the bottle.
"Bad day?"
Dean looked to the side and saw a man sitting next to him; he was almost six foot with shaggy brown hair and blue eyes, probably around twenty years old, maybe twenty-one. Dean took another shot of the whiskey before answering.
"Yup. Bad day, bad week, bad month, bad year," He replied with a nod.
The man nodded and took a drink of the beer in front of him. After a moment he turned back to Dean, "Wanna play a game of pool?" He asked gesturing toward the pool table at the back of the bar.
Dean took another shot of whiskey and nodded as he stood up, the two of them heading to the back; Dean taking his bottle of whiskey with him, not bothering with the shot glass. He racked the balls as the other man grabbed a couple cues for them. He watched the other man move and heard the whispers starting up in his head once more.
I can't escape myself
So many times I've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Dean watched as the man lined up his shot, taking in his graceful movements and trying to ignore the whispers in his head. They were soft at the moment, whispering of how the other man moved almost like a predator, of how he seemed to have his own darkness swirling beneath the surface. Dean shook his head trying to get rid of the whispers. "I'm Dean," He said trying to distract himself from the darkness whispering inside of him, "I don't think we actually introduced ourselves yet."
"Connor," The other man replied, lining up another shot only to swear softly as he missed. "So what made this year suck so badly for you?" He asked.
Dean moved up to the table and lined up for a shot. He watched as two of the solids rolled into the pockets before glancing up at his companion as he made his way around the table to line up another shot. "Things just…well, they kinda went to Hell," He answered, thinking that the other man had no idea just how true that was.
Connor stared at Dean for a moment as the other man lined up his shot. Something in the way he had answered made Connor pause and really look at the older man. His green eyes, focused intently on his shot, were haunted and tortured and he looked like he hadn't slept in a while. Connor got the feeling that his answer wasn't meant figuratively, but since he had no way of knowing for sure without coming right out and asking, he simply ignored it. "I know how that is," He said instead, "My whole world got flipped upside down and inside out about seven months ago; found out my whole life was lie." He moved up to the table as Dean missed his shot.
"Well, at least I know my life's not a lie, I guess," Dean said, taking a swig from the bottle of whiskey he had brought over. He watched as Connor set up his shot directly in front of him, leaning over the table and giving him a wonderful view of the smaller man's ass. As Dean took notice of Connor's ass, the darkness in him made itself know once more, the whispers even louder this time. Mutters about how the other man was probably incredibly tight and would feel wonderful around Dean's cock; how he'd probably make the most delicious sounds as Dean slammed into his body over and over again. Dean shook his head and took another large swig of whiskey, trying to drown the whispers with the alcohol.
So what if you can see
The darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe
It's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Connor could feel Dean's eyes on him as he leaned over the pool table, could smell hints of the other man's arousal. He swallowed as he felt himself harden in his jeans. The lust that he felt starting to course through his body was enough of a distraction that he missed his shot, "Damn it!" He exclaimed as he straightened up and turned around to face Dean. At the look of obvious desire on the other man's face Connor hardened even more, becoming fully aroused. He gratefully accepted the bottle of whiskey when Dean offered it to him and took a huge gulp, reveling in the burn as the alcohol made its way down his throat. He watched as Dean lined up his shot, the man's perfect ass on display for him and set down the bottle of whiskey. He moved up behind Dean and leaned over him, molding his body to the older man's and whispered in his ear, "What do you say we forget the game and get out of here?" He suggested as he pressed his erection against Dean's ass.
Dean moaned and nodded, tossing the pool cue down onto the table and straightened back up, Connor still pressed flush against him. "Let's go," He replied and headed for the door, Connor right behind him. The darkness inside was nearly screaming at this point; suggestions of how he could use the younger man, how he could hurt him, how he could make him submit all running loudly through his mind. He quickly made his way over to the Impala and reached out to unlock the door only to feel himself being spun around, his back slamming into the car.
The next thing Dean knew, Connor was plundering his mouth. The smaller man's tongue pushing its way into Dean's mouth and tangling with his own as he pressed Dean firmly against the car, firmly pressing their erections against each other. Dean moaned into the kiss even as the darkness inside was screaming that this was supposed to be the other way around, that he was supposed to be the one in control, the one that had the other pressed against the car. Dean moaned again and pulled Connor more firmly against his body as he realized just how much it was pissing off his inner darkness to have the other man in control. If it meant exerting control over the animal inside of him, he'd happily give up control to the smaller man.
Connor broke the kiss a few minutes later and pulled back, heading around to the passenger side of the car as Dean unlocked the driver's side and slid in, reaching over to unlock Connor's door. Moments later they were pulling out of the bar's parking lot; Connor giving Dean the directions to his hotel.
Help me believe
It's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this Hell
They pulled up outside Connor's hotel and quickly made their way up to his room. As soon as the door closed, Dean found himself slammed against the wall next to the door and Connor's tongue once more invading his mouth. He moaned into the kiss, then moaned again, louder this time as the darkness started screaming in protest once more. Dean quickly started tugging Connor's shirt up his body and then over his head as Connor broke the kiss. Not wasting any time, he swiftly pulled his own shirt off as well; the fabric was barely over his head before Connor's lips were pressed against his once more. He wrapped his arms around Connor's neck and moaned again as he felt Connor's hands making quick work of his belt, then the button on his jeans, then the zipper. As soon as his pants were undone, Connor was pushing them down over his hips. As Connor worked his jeans down, Dean slid his hands around to Connor's chest then down over his abs to the smaller man's jeans and popped the button and lowered the zipper.
Connor broke the kiss, the two of them gasping for air, and stepped back from the taller man shoving his own jeans down and kicking them off along with his shoes and socks and watching as Dean kicked his own jeans, shoes and socks off as well. Connor reached out and grabbed Dean's wrist, pulling their bodies flush once more as he turned them so that Dean's back was to the bed. He walked Dean backwards until the other man hit the bed and toppled backwards onto it then followed him down.
Dean moaned as Connor's weight settled on top of him and thrust his hips up against Connor's rubbing the hard erections together, making Connor moan as well. God, he needed this! He'd been back three months and this was the first time he'd been with anyone and it felt amazing. He reached down and grabbed hold of Connor's wrist, pulling the other man's hand up and wrapping his lips around two of his fingers, sucking on them and swirling his tongue around the digits.
Connor moaned as Dean sucked his fingers into his mouth and leaned down to suck on Dean's neck, leaving a nice sized hickey behind. After a few minutes, Dean released his fingers and Connor moved up to kiss him again as he slid his hand down between them and back to probe at the older man's hole. As much as he'd like to make this last as long as possible, he could tell that that's not what Dean needed at the moment. And he was happy to move as fast as Dean needed.
Dean moaned as Connor's fingers slid into him, first one and then a few moments later a second. He moaned and pressed back against Connor's fingers, begging the other man for more. A few seconds later and he felt a third finger join the first two pumping in and out of his body, stretching him in preparation for Connor's cock.
This animal, this animal
This animal, this animal
This animal, this animal
This animal, this animal
Dean moaned loudly as he thrust back against Connor's hand. The moan turned to a whimper of protest as the fingers disappeared and Connor leaned over the side of the bed and pulled his wallet out of his pants pocket, removing a condom from inside. Moments later and Connor had the condom on and his fingers were back in Dean's body, making sure that he was well-stretched.
Connor worked Dean's body open a little more, wanting to make sure he wouldn't hurt the other man when he entered him; he didn't have nay lube so he'd have to settle for making sure Dean was as stretched as possible. His fingers easily slipped passed the ring of stretched muscle and he moaned as Dean thrust back against him urgently, soft pleas tumbling from his lips, begging for more. Connor removed his fingers once more, again drawing a whimper from the man beneath him, and moved up a bit to settle himself between Dean's legs and line his cock up with Dean's entrance, gently nudging his way inside.
Help me believe
It's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this Hell
Dean moaned as he felt the blunt head of Connor's cock pressing into his body. He moaned even louder as the darkness screamed louder than ever before, protesting at being the one getting fucked instead of doing the fucking. With those protests ringing in his head, Dean wrapped his legs around Connor's waist and pulled the other man as close as possible, impaling himself on Connor's hard shaft, ripping a moan from deep inside both of them.
Connor froze as Dean pulled him forcefully into his body, his eyes crossing slightly at the feel of Dean's tightness surrounding him, his breath coming in ragged pants as he fought for control. After a moment, he finally brought himself under control and started moving, drawing nearly all the way out of Dean's body before pushing back in.
Dean met Connor thrust for thrust and it didn't take long for the men to set up a fast rhythm, Connor slamming into Dean's all-too-willing body. Dean was moaning and writhing on the bed as he pressed back into Connor. He gasped loudly as Connor reached down and wrapped a hand firmly around his aching cock and started stroking him in time with his thrusts.
Connor could feel that he was close and tilted his hips a bit, finding just the right angle so that he hit Dean's sweet spot on every thrust making the older man scream in pleasure. After only a few more thrusts his body stiffened for a moment before he came hard. He continued thrusting as best he could and tightened his hold on Dean's cock, working him ever closer to the edge.
It was all too much for Dean; the feel of Connor slamming into his body, hitting his sweet spot every time, Connor's hand wrapped securely around his hard cock and the feeling of Connor stiffening and coming, buried deep inside Dean; the sensations all combined together and pushed Dean over the edge into ecstasy and he felt his orgasm slam into him. He came hard, cum covering his and Connor's chests and stomachs, a scream of pleasure forcing its way out of his throat.
Connor collapsed on top of Dean, waves of pleasure still rolling through his body as he felt Dean's body clenching around him. After a few minutes, once they had both managed to catch their breath, Connor rolled over and removed the condom and threw it away before collapsing on the bed next to Dean, both men still breathing harshly.
Dean could hear the darkness in the back of his head, muttering angrily over having been the one to submit, to have been dominated, to have been so thoroughly fucked instead of doing the fucking. It was much quieter now and Dean wasn't sure if it was because of how spent he was or if by giving up control to Connor he had temporarily managed to tame the animal inside of him. Either way, he wasn't going to complain. And he figured he might just be exhausted enough to actually get a few hours sleep before the nightmares started. Dean shifted slightly and winced at the pain in his ass; he turned to face Connor and just stared at the other man for a moment. "I should probably go," He said after a few seconds.
Connor turned his head to look at Dean, taking in just how tired the other man looked. "You don't have to go just yet, you know," He replied, "You can stay for a bit and rest before you go."
Dean studied Connor for a moment, very tempted to stay but finally shook his head as he slowly sat up, wincing once more. "Nah, I should go," He said, "My brother's gonna be worried if I'm not back soon." Silently, he added that he also didn't want to risk having a nightmare and waking Connor up with his screams, that could lead to questions he didn't want to answer.
Connor just nodded and watched as Dean gingerly climbed out of the bed and got dressed.
Dean looked back over his shoulder and smiled as he left the room, gently shutting the door behind him. He made his way to the Impala and headed back toward the motel room he was sharing with Sammy, reveling in the silence inside his head that had been only too rare since he got back from Hell.
Help me believe
It's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
This animal I have become
ConnorDeanConnorDeanConnorDeanConnorDean
Well, there's my second in this series done! I hope you all liked it! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!
~ Kyra